EPTAs dinner approached, I grabbed the keys and got in my mom’s minivan. We were riding in style today! Upon arriving at Jenny’s, she emerged from the front door, wearing a magnificent scarlet dress that glistened in the sun. Thankfully I had on my limited edition Power Rangers t-shirt to match that. Jenny never mentioned it when she got in though, so I could only assume she was unfamiliar with the show.
“Where are we going?” She inquired. Luckily due to a previous experience, I knew never to take a date to McDonald's.
“You like Burger King?” I asked. I could see her face light up with approval.
“How about Chez François instead?”
“An excellent choice, my dear,” I said. “Let me just make a quick stop at the bank in that case.”
Jenny sighed. “Very well…”
I pulled up to Henry’s house and got out. “Don’t go anywhere,” I told her as I went inside. Not half an hour later I returned with $5 and an old sock puppet named Gary.
“Today’s our lucky day.” I said to Jenny as I got back in the minivan. “Looks like you’ll have enough money to order something too!”
Jenny rolled her eyes in obvious praise of my money-conjuring abilities. “Can we just go already?”
“Of course, of course!”
As we made our way to Cheese Francis, I pointed out various local landmarks to Jenny as we drove past them. She must have been astounded by my knowledge of the area as she kept telling me to “please stop.” A gentleman such as myself could detect the flirtatious sarcasm in her voice though. She wanted to know more, and I was her teacher. She was absolutely mystified by my knowledge of the famous “faulty traffic-light” which was damaged in the great rainstorm of ‘97. We passed by Old Faithful, a stop-sign who’s seen more than its fair share of rolling-stoppers. Uncle Benny’s Farm was on the left, which was when I brought it up that Uncle Benny wasn’t actually an uncle. You can imagine the chaos that ensued when I mentioned this tidbit!
After a long journey, we arrived at the restaurant and went inside. The maître d' greeted us and asked for our reservations.
“I’ll handle this.” I said to Jenny as I pushed her aside. I stepped next to the maître d' and started a private conversation with him.
“Your finest table!” I said to him as I stuffed Gary the sock puppet down his front pocket, which he subsequently removed and handed back to me. “Such kindness!” I thought. He wanted no compensation for his duties!
“Follow me.” He said.
“Free table!” I whispered to Jenny as we were led to our booth. The maître d' placed us next to the bathrooms. “And quick bathroom access too! What luck!”
Our waiter came and handed us our menus a few minutes later. I noticed that Jenny wasn’t looking over her menu at all.
“So what are you going to eat?” I asked.
“I’ll just get a salad.” She replied. “I became a vegan to protest slaughterhouse conditions.”
“That’s so interesting!” I told her. I was glad that we were getting to know each other. After some time our waiter appeared and took our orders.
“I’ll have the veal.” I said. Jenny gave me a nasty look. She ordered her salad and started lecturing me on the awful treatment that slaughterhouse animals underwent. I apologized and called our waiter back.
“Can I get some ribs as well?”
Jenny blew a fuse and started yelling at me. I suppose that was pretty inconsiderate of me. I planned my elaborate apology during the ensuing silence that lasted until our meals came. I knew it couldn’t fail. When our meals were laid out before us, I asked Jenny that question that every girl dreams about.
“Want some ribs?”
Jenny adamantly refused to touch my ribs. She didn’t find it at all funny either when I was pretending to lob ribs at her and accidentally spilled her wine. She ate her salad in silence and motioned for the waiter to bring the check. I had just finished my veal by the time the check came and the waiter asked me about boxing my untouched ribs.
“Well, you know what they say about day-old ribs!” I laughed and had them throw the ribs away. Jenny sat there as I did this, speechless. I could tell she was sad that our date was coming to an end. I put on Gary the sock puppet to cheer her up but to no avail. I waited for Jenny to pick up the check only to notice she had made no movements toward it in the slightest.
“Maybe she forgot about it.” I thought, and I slid the checkbook toward her side of the table. Upon further inspection, I saw that she was in-fact looking right at the checkbook. I could tell she wanted me to handle it first so I took the checkbook and placed my $5 in it.
“I think that should about cover it!” I said as I got up to leave.
“That hardly covers the meal at all!” She complained. Indeed, perhaps I was being a bit selfish. I should help pay for her meal too. It is the gentlemanly thing to do after all. I pulled my wallet back out and gave her a few dollars.
“That should be enough to cover it.” I said. Jenny stormed out of the restaurant in a hurry. “She must want to beat the night traffic.” I thought.
As we got back in the minivan and I drove Jenny home, I couldn’t help but think about the lovely time we both had. I had a blast! Eventually I pulled up to Jenny’s house whereupon she got out of the minivan and ran for the front door. She turned around when she got there and gave me the finger. “What a sense of humor she has!” I thought as I pulled out of the driveway. “I think she’s the one.”
