At the beginning of the year, I went through a terrible break up, which shattered my world and caused me to sink into depression. The underlying cause of this though, was a lot of deep seated insecurities I had developed since I was young, compounded with a woman telling me I wasn't good enough, I was X, I was Y, and she was leaving me for a guy that was better than me in every aspect.
Exam pressure, this, plus a lot of family pressure just caused me to break down, and I took some time off school and did a lot of soul searching and self reflecting. Who am I? I didn't even know back then. I had a violent and abusive upbringing; my whole life up till 13 was literally, do this, do that, get hit with a stick, slapped, beaten, do this, do that. I had no curfew, because I never went out, everyday I stayed at home studying, getting yelled at, sworn at, beaten. At 13 my parents divorced and I lived with my dad. Having never actually done anything by myself, and having to live with a ticking time bomb who was going crazy because of the divorce, you could say everything went downhill from there. From being an A student to barely passing and failing everything, passing off the days, passing off the years, lying in bed, trying to sleep the day away, playing video games.
I was living life with no purpose, and when my previous girlfriend came into my life, I guess I kind of had a purpose. She filled up my life for the most part, because she was needy and kinda crazy, so for the past 2 years, my routine was, school, hang out with her. My only goal in life was to hang out with her. She dumped me after 2 years because she was bored and she had some belief that she needed to fuck the whole of Singapore before she could be happily in a relationship. I had no purpose again and I broke down. I did a lot of self-improvement stuff, got back to my feet, I won't go too much into that in this blog, and one technique I used, that I learned from a guy called David Tian, I will link the video later, was internal reflection and research to crush my self-limiting beliefs.
Identify the self limiting belief
Simple enough. Examples can be, I am too short to attract women, I am not important, I am fat etc.
Research (Is it true)
Do research. It's pretty easy now a days with the internet and such.
If it's not true
Kill the belief and replace it with an empowering belief. For example maybe you have the belief that you are not important, and you learn that's not true, because you only have one life, and you're the most important person in your own world. Replace the belief, I am not important, with I am the most important person in my world. And recite that a few times everyday. Live as if you're important. Imagine yourself as an important person, what would that guy do? Maybe you'd take a bus to work everyday, and you imagine the important version of yourself driving a car. Start working towards becoming that man.
If it's true
Ask yourself if it's something you can change. If it is, then do it. Maybe you're unhappy with your body because you're overweight. Change the belief I am too fat, to I am working towards my desired outcomes. What would a person with your ideal body type do. Live as if.
If it's something you can't change
If it's something about you that you can't change, like I am short too short to attract women, transform the belief. Look up and do research on successful guys that are your height and emulate them. An empowering belief that the guy who I learned this from personally used, is 'It takes a bigger man to date a taller woman'.
This technique helped me a lot, and I though I'd share it with you guys so it might help you guys as well. Here's the link to the video, I learned a lot personally from David.
Video link
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United States4883 Posts
Hmm, this is interesting. I'm watching video right now, and I find it interesting.
My general philosophy is to stay busy and continually set realistic goals for myself. For a long time I sat around wishing and hoping that things would turn around and that I could be successful in things, etc., etc. But I realized I was the only person who could change that. So I started to focus on improving and improving myself. I think it's really important to be honest with yourself and have a good idea of where you actually stand (without being brutal or dishonest with myself), and then start to set goals for change. One of the biggest motivations for me these days is the idea that "I can do better". Thus, I'm continually working toward set goals and forcing myself to go beyond what I normally do in order to achieve those goals.
Sidenote: Post-IT notes are AWESOME. Seriously, putting post-it notes everywhere helps so much. You can post reminders, motivational notes, work notes, etc., not to mention that they actually represent work and progress. They're awesome.
Hope things work out for you! Just keep your head above water and focus on improvement in life. There's plenty of things to grab onto and love in life; the end goal should be to live for life itself, not just singular things  . Stay positive!
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On July 29 2013 23:20 SC2John wrote:Hmm, this is interesting. I'm watching video right now, and I find it interesting. My general philosophy is to stay busy and continually set realistic goals for myself. For a long time I sat around wishing and hoping that things would turn around and that I could be successful in things, etc., etc. But I realized I was the only person who could change that. So I started to focus on improving and improving myself. I think it's really important to be honest with yourself and have a good idea of where you actually stand (without being brutal or dishonest with myself), and then start to set goals for change. One of the biggest motivations for me these days is the idea that "I can do better". Thus, I'm continually working toward set goals and forcing myself to go beyond what I normally do in order to achieve those goals. Sidenote: Post-IT notes are AWESOME. Seriously, putting post-it notes everywhere helps so much. You can post reminders, motivational notes, work notes, etc., not to mention that they actually represent work and progress. They're awesome. Hope things work out for you! Just keep your head above water and focus on improvement in life. There's plenty of things to grab onto and love in life; the end goal should be to live for life itself, not just singular things . Stay positive!
Thanks for the advice! Actually I've been doing exactly what you're doing right now. I actually take classes from the guy who gave the speech, and he's a big believer of writing down your goals and looking at them everyday; I believe that's called affirmations. Writing down very specific goals, like by x date, I am going to have x, and to achieve my goals I am going to do x, and looking at them everyday. A good example of someone who's done that, which inspired me a lot, was Jim Carrey ( ha ha), the story goes, that when he was a struggling comic in LA worried of his future, he drove his car up a hill, and while sitting in it, looking over the city, he wrote a check, titled 'To Jim Carrey, For Acting Services Rendered, 10 Millions dollars', dated it for Thanksgiving 1995, and stuck it in his wallet, taking it out whenever had doubts.
On July 30 2013 01:09 FractalsOnFire wrote:I feel invested in your story now lisward. I think I have read all of your blogs and its good to see you're on the up. Would like to see an update blog on what you've been doing. My favourites for self improvement/psychology: http://markmanson.net/http://therawness.com/
Thanks a lot, I'm pretty sure David actually asked us to read some Mark Mason books before, and looking at his book, I'm pretty sure he may have pulled some concepts from it, after all another topic in the talk was 'honesty as a cornerstone of attraction', haha. Will definitely do an update blog very soon, have a lot to write too!
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EPT
