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I know many people here hate Reddit and how self-aggrandizing the entire community there is, but I'd like to talk about how I'm one of those pompous little shits that spends too much time there anyway.
I spent some time on /r/suicidewatch a couple of weeks ago. It's a place where depressed people that want to kill themselves ago. I read a suicide note of someone who thought that he was an under-appreciated writer. I can't remember his username, but I remember checking out his account for a few days after he posted the note. He didn't make any new posts. It wasn't a throwaway account either. I know it's stupid to make the assumption that he's gone now, but I still feel bad for not posting a reply.
The "what-ifs" keep bothering me whenever I browse that sub-reddit.
I stopped after awhile because I couldn't handle the what-ifs.
The first person I gave advice to was some 23 year-old dude that thinks he's useless and won't accept the help that he needs from his parents. Here's the post : http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/1ekdx5/feeling_suicidal_need_advice/
I didn't plan to give any advice when I first stumbled upon /r/suicidewatch because I was a 16 year old with no real life experiences. I still did anyway. I'm still unsure whether I should regret posting at all since I'm still questioning the validity of my advice. This was what I said:
I'd like you to take back your apologies. Don't apologize for the long read because I feel that you don't have anything to apologize for. You haven't made me feel as if I've wasted my time, and you aren't a drain of anybody's time.
I may not have any real advice to offer you, but please hang on and if possible, clear up all your problems with your father. I am confident that once you reconcile with your family, your struggle will become a much more pleasant one. Surround yourself with the people the love you unconditionally.
I just wanted to help, and he hasn't replied to my PMs and has deleted his account. I hope that means he's moved on.
The second time I posted on that sub was to reply to some dude who felt that he had nothing to live for. It's hard to say anything to someone that feels living has no purpose and holds no value, but I tried anyway.
http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/1ek515/i_just_feel_finished/
Here's what you should do: try to find something that you are passionate about. It doesn't matter if it's a game, reading, drawing, long walks in nature parks, anything. Find something you love and be tremendously interested in it. I know how it feels to toil endlessly in mediocrity, and the trick is to stop caring too much about what mediocrity is and is not, and find what makes you happy.
It was posted with a throwaway (I hope) since that the only post that account had. His last sentence really bothered me, " I just want that final push over the edge, the final push to finally decide to kill myself." I spent quite awhile thinking about how what I said could be interpreted, and since he hasn't replied to my PMs either, I feel nothing but regret for posting what I did. What if I was the one that gave him the final push?
I don't know why I did, but I continued reading and posting. The third one was a 16 year old orphaned girl. Her father was an abusive alcoholic and killed himself and her mother while driving drunk.
http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/1ek3ui/f_16_gonna_end_it/
This was what I told her:
I know you've probably heard something like this before and you're probably sick of it. But it's a truth that is worth repeating over and over again - many teenagers don't realize how much better it gets and how much better the world is once you finish with high school. Life becomes significantly better when you aren't surrounded by insecure or ignorant hormonal teenagers that have to put down others to feel better about themselves.
For now, try to find it within yourself to forgive your father. Sure, it sounds crazy. It seems impossible at this moment, but I want you to let the idea stew in your head. You must realize that people are ultimately products of their environments, and you must understand that your father was like that because of how he was molded by the people and the things around him.
Lastly, I want you to be a lotus. A lotus grows in muddy waters and develops from the negatives. A lotus, despite it's perceived environment, blooms into a beautiful and magnificent flower. You can be a lotus. A lotus is enriched by it's environment.
I'm happy about this one since she did reply to my PM checking up on how she was doing. She said, "Still here, gonna live. Love you!(not like that(unless you want it like that))". Heh.
The fourth one wasn't someone who was contemplating suicide himself (from what he wrote), but it was a 14 year old guy whose 2 friends committed suicide.
http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/1ek7x5/m14_i_need_help/
I said this:
Hey!
You're correct. Life is fragile and it's shocking how easily it can disappear. Some are discontent with their slice of their Universe, and some aren't. Hopefully you're of the latter. If you want someone to talk to, you can send me a PM, I'll be more than happy to talk to you.
Also, it's not your fault. Don't ever burden yourself with the lie that they committed suicide because it was your fault. It's never like that. As such, there's a lesson to be learned here for someone as young as you - the world is a magnificent and beautiful place and the saddest fact is that some people can't see why. You should start learning how to appreciate the world, both the big things and the small things. The smell of freshly baked bread, music, and the joy of learning (just because it is so relevant to you).
Never succumb to the illusion that there has to be a grand and glorious reason for you to be happy and content. If you spend your life buying into the idea that you must live a Disney movie for you to be happy, you'll never be happy. Live for the small things and pursue your passions.
He hasn't replied to my PMs, and I honestly hope that he's doing okay and hasn't gone down the path that his friends did.
What do you guys think? I can't bring myself to go there anymore and I'm haunted by what I think has happened. I get upset when I think about it. I can't stop thinking about how stupid I was to think that I could help.
 
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Well i posted this a while ago http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=409161
And someone refered me to that sub reddit, albeit i didn´t post, reading some of the replies when you're at your worst does brighten you up a little bit since you read about others who have similar experiences or worse, and they still get encouragement that sorta makes sense at times. And even if people don´t reply you cannot think that you are in any way responsible for them. Maybe they are dead, maybe they are not. You should take pride in knowing that maybe, just maybe you gave them a slight feeling of joy in a life otherwise full of depression.
Since even if they are dead, atleast they heard from somebody atleast once that they are not useless. That they do matter. Take comfort in that instead of wondering what happens to the people who post there.
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On June 03 2013 20:48 unkkz wrote:Well i posted this a while ago http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=409161And someone refered me to that sub reddit, albeit i didn´t post, reading some of the replies when you're at your worst does brighten you up a little bit since you read about others who have similar experiences or worse, and they still get encouragement that sorta makes sense at times. And even if people don´t reply you cannot think that you are in any way responsible for them. Maybe they are dead, maybe they are not. You should take pride in knowing that maybe, just maybe you gave them a slight feeling of joy in a life otherwise full of depression. Since even if they are dead, atleast they heard from somebody atleast once that they are not useless. That they do matter. Take comfort in that instead of wondering what happens to the people who post there.
Well, that would be a nice way to think about things. Thanks!
How are you?
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good stuff helping people out. Sometimes your replies looked a bit impersonal but whoever can be completely personal is a master.
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I think the often times someone cant be helped. It's someone or something that has to click in their minds. If someone posts there I think that they wouldn't really do it. Maybe they make a throwaway to post there then forget about the throwaway because they stopped thinking of said thoughts. Few years ago I had suicidal thoughts all the time. Was really depressed no one knew. I basically was someone with no interests and no goals. Didn't really care how people might feel about myself doing that. It took something else for me to have those thoughts go away. I don't think it would have mattered if someone told me something like im not useless etc.
I think that people who go to that subreddit are just looking to vent so at least they do it instead of taking their own life. If I were you i'd probably just stay out of there and stop depressing yourself
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On June 03 2013 20:41 Azera wrote:+ Show Spoiler +I know many people here hate Reddit and how self-aggrandizing the entire community there is, but I'd like to talk about how I'm one of those pompous little shits that spends too much time there anyway. I spent some time on /r/suicidewatch a couple of weeks ago. It's a place where depressed people that want to kill themselves ago. I read a suicide note of someone who thought that he was an under-appreciated writer. I can't remember his username, but I remember checking out his account for a few days after he posted the note. He didn't make any new posts. It wasn't a throwaway account either. I know it's stupid to make the assumption that he's gone now, but I still feel bad for not posting a reply. The "what-ifs" keep bothering me whenever I browse that sub-reddit. I stopped after awhile because I couldn't handle the what-ifs. The first person I gave advice to was some 23 year-old dude that thinks he's useless and won't accept the help that he needs from his parents. Here's the post : http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/1ekdx5/feeling_suicidal_need_advice/I didn't plan to give any advice when I first stumbled upon /r/suicidewatch because I was a 16 year old with no real life experiences. I still did anyway. I'm still unsure whether I should regret posting at all since I'm still questioning the validity of my advice. This was what I said:
I'd like you to take back your apologies. Don't apologize for the long read because I feel that you don't have anything to apologize for. You haven't made me feel as if I've wasted my time, and you aren't a drain of anybody's time.
I may not have any real advice to offer you, but please hang on and if possible, clear up all your problems with your father. I am confident that once you reconcile with your family, your struggle will become a much more pleasant one. Surround yourself with the people the love you unconditionally.
I just wanted to help, and he hasn't replied to my PMs and has deleted his account. I hope that means he's moved on. The second time I posted on that sub was to reply to some dude who felt that he had nothing to live for. It's hard to say anything to someone that feels living has no purpose and holds no value, but I tried anyway. http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/1ek515/i_just_feel_finished/
Here's what you should do: try to find something that you are passionate about. It doesn't matter if it's a game, reading, drawing, long walks in nature parks, anything. Find something you love and be tremendously interested in it. I know how it feels to toil endlessly in mediocrity, and the trick is to stop caring too much about what mediocrity is and is not, and find what makes you happy.
It was posted with a throwaway (I hope) since that the only post that account had. His last sentence really bothered me, " I just want that final push over the edge, the final push to finally decide to kill myself." I spent quite awhile thinking about how what I said could be interpreted, and since he hasn't replied to my PMs either, I feel nothing but regret for posting what I did. What if I was the one that gave him the final push? I don't know why I did, but I continued reading and posting. The third one was a 16 year old orphaned girl. Her father was an abusive alcoholic and killed himself and her mother while driving drunk. http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/1ek3ui/f_16_gonna_end_it/This was what I told her:
I know you've probably heard something like this before and you're probably sick of it. But it's a truth that is worth repeating over and over again - many teenagers don't realize how much better it gets and how much better the world is once you finish with high school. Life becomes significantly better when you aren't surrounded by insecure or ignorant hormonal teenagers that have to put down others to feel better about themselves.
For now, try to find it within yourself to forgive your father. Sure, it sounds crazy. It seems impossible at this moment, but I want you to let the idea stew in your head. You must realize that people are ultimately products of their environments, and you must understand that your father was like that because of how he was molded by the people and the things around him.
Lastly, I want you to be a lotus. A lotus grows in muddy waters and develops from the negatives. A lotus, despite it's perceived environment, blooms into a beautiful and magnificent flower. You can be a lotus. A lotus is enriched by it's environment.
I'm happy about this one since she did reply to my PM checking up on how she was doing. She said, "Still here, gonna live. Love you!(not like that(unless you want it like that))". Heh. The fourth one wasn't someone who was contemplating suicide himself (from what he wrote), but it was a 14 year old guy whose 2 friends committed suicide. http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/1ek7x5/m14_i_need_help/I said this:
Hey!
You're correct. Life is fragile and it's shocking how easily it can disappear. Some are discontent with their slice of their Universe, and some aren't. Hopefully you're of the latter. If you want someone to talk to, you can send me a PM, I'll be more than happy to talk to you.
Also, it's not your fault. Don't ever burden yourself with the lie that they committed suicide because it was your fault. It's never like that. As such, there's a lesson to be learned here for someone as young as you - the world is a magnificent and beautiful place and the saddest fact is that some people can't see why. You should start learning how to appreciate the world, both the big things and the small things. The smell of freshly baked bread, music, and the joy of learning (just because it is so relevant to you).
Never succumb to the illusion that there has to be a grand and glorious reason for you to be happy and content. If you spend your life buying into the idea that you must live a Disney movie for you to be happy, you'll never be happy. Live for the small things and pursue your passions.
He hasn't replied to my PMs, and I honestly hope that he's doing okay and hasn't gone down the path that his friends did.
What do you guys think? I can't bring myself to go there anymore and I'm haunted by what I think has happened. I get upset when I think about it. I can't stop thinking about how stupid I was to think that I could help.
Trying to help people who are reaching out and trying to get help via reddit blog etc isn't ever a bad thing I think. But if the possible outcomes are upsetting you then I'd steer clear. I've had a number of people like this in my life over the years; these situations aren't the easiest to cope with or give advice about.
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I agree with Poo...but I don't understand the name. Why would you call yourself POO?! Of all things, feces from the human body?? lol 
Its not a bad thing, I don't think you could possibly interpret your messages as making it more likely for them to commit suicide. So you certainly can't blame yourself; so it seems like what you're doing is basically witnessing the pain and misery of others, feeling bad as a result, and then compounding that by worrying about their lives.
I don't think its really logical though - its not your life, and there really isn't anything you can do about it beyond sending a positive message.
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I think you're doing a great thing 
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I don't think it's ever a waste of time to try to help people. Reading about other people's experiences can really help you understand your own. I personally don't use reddit, but there are lots of other places like that for people to let go and ask for advice.
I've had a somewhat difficult life at times, and i've had anonymous strangers give me a really uplifting 'advice' at times. I've also helped numerous people with their struggles. It's always good to get an outside perspective, even if they aren't super experienced. We get so hung up on our own perspectives that we don't consider things rationally most of the time.
See blog below. And keep up the good work of trying to help people. I find that when I get the most satisfaction out of life, it is when i'm helping someone else with their struggles.
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=411583
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It can be a big relief to confess suicidal feelings and be heard without being blamed, guilt tripped, and accused of attention whoring. Who knows, your replies may have really helped someone even if they didn't respond. You might want to try learn about and from the people there instead of only giving advice. There's so many different reasons why people wind up suicidal. But yeah, I wouldn't spend tons of time there or get too involved emotionally. In general even, you may end up regretting all those hours spent on reddit later on.
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On June 04 2013 00:44 radscorpion9 wrote:I agree with Poo...but I don't understand the name. Why would you call yourself POO?! Of all things, feces from the human body?? lol Its not a bad thing, I don't think you could possibly interpret your messages as making it more likely for them to commit suicide. So you certainly can't blame yourself; so it seems like what you're doing is basically witnessing the pain and misery of others, feeling bad as a result, and then compounding that by worrying about their lives. I don't think its really logical though - its not your life, and there really isn't anything you can do about it beyond sending a positive message.
I can't speak for the poster, but this is the Poo I know.
+ Show Spoiler +
As to Azera's OP, I'm not sure about available resources in Singapore, but here in the States, there are better ways to get involved with helping those contemplating suicide than using Reddit. Here's a good one.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
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It's seriously a tough subject; everyone is different... But I've always felt like they are posting something about their feelings because subconsciously, they are crying for help... they haven't actually fully decided yet what they are going to do.
What ever you choose to do with that sub forum is up to you... I wouldn't blame you if you stopped going there, especially if the emotional impact is feeding on your energy... That could lead to you developing emotional disorders as well.
I'm a volunteer at a forum called 'www.suicideforum.com' and it can be tough to talk people out of bad situations... Honestly, a lot of the time, I invite them to talk about their situation because I don't feel like i could offer advice that would really help. I'm not them. I'm in a different situation. How could I possibly empathize with someone who has an abusive father... the best I could do is refer them to a professional... But never under estimate the power to listen. When people post like that, a lot of the time they just want to be heard... In the 'real' world, they may not have the power to tell people how they feel, and they feel lonely and lost... so being able to post like that can be a release. ... anyways, im talking too much. I should stop.
In any case, I think the fact you feel scared and hurt for these people shows a really amazing quality about you, something most people dont have... You really seem like a super cool person
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On June 04 2013 02:34 farvacola wrote:Show nested quote +On June 04 2013 00:44 radscorpion9 wrote:I agree with Poo...but I don't understand the name. Why would you call yourself POO?! Of all things, feces from the human body?? lol Its not a bad thing, I don't think you could possibly interpret your messages as making it more likely for them to commit suicide. So you certainly can't blame yourself; so it seems like what you're doing is basically witnessing the pain and misery of others, feeling bad as a result, and then compounding that by worrying about their lives. I don't think its really logical though - its not your life, and there really isn't anything you can do about it beyond sending a positive message. I can't speak for the poster, but this is the Poo I know. + Show Spoiler +As to Azera's OP, I'm not sure about available resources in Singapore, but here in the States, there are better ways to get involved with helping those contemplating suicide than using Reddit. Here's a good one. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
I'm always afraid that a lot of people on there, like the people that send messages to popular youtubers when they have mail-bag days, are lying. I'm less afraid that they get some kind of sick happiness out of it, but more because they drown out the voices of those that truly need help. I really feel like anyone who is on the brink of suicide should call the suicide hotline (american), even if they are out of the country. The suicide hotline is incredible. By the same token, if one comment there can make a difference, it's worth it. I just feel it's hard to tell the trolls from the reals when the messages are interchangeable.
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Thanks for the input everyone.
I'd hate to think that I've been responding to trolls, but at the same time that would be a relief.
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who would troll a suicide hotline? I can't even fathom a person that evil that would stoop to those levels
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On June 05 2013 00:20 Race is Terran wrote:
who would troll a suicide hotline? I can't even fathom a person that evil that would stoop to those levels
I think you would be suprised at how incompetant and selfish some people are.
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i think your replies were pretty good given how you probably didnt have similar terrible experiences to the people venting there. Its always difficult to judge what is the best consolation you can give, when you cant see someones face/emotions clearly and can only guess it by plain text. Giving correct advice and consolation to somebody you cant really understand well enough if you know him just by what he wrote on the internet and have no external knowledge of such cases requires a lot of intelligence and imagination. That said, since you expressed your interest in these people lives and them best advice you could think of, you shouldnt regret anything. Its the thought that matters the most to them. Speaking from what i observed by other people, when you are feeling terribly and got complex issues, you often wont know what words do you even want to receive, but will be gratefull that you received attention from some nice guy(which means, that this guy judged you OK despite all the shit around you)
The one problem i see in this subreddit tho is, that many of the smarter potential self killers will understand, that you are probably nice to everybody that vents in there (by that i mean, since everybody is nice to everybody there, a more intelligent person will instantly realize that its all,in some sense, fake kindness. That they arent really treated specially.) Venting on the internet, anonymously, in form of text leaves out a lot of potential information that could help you fix somebodys life[you cant see their emotions and state of mind as easily as while talking in person], and gives the venting person a sense of detachment that isnt necesarrily good, because detaching yourself from your life is what leads them to suicide (by slowly giving up on thinking in real terms, and waving goodbye to what you once care about).I think a way better tool for suicide prevention is a suicide hotline (although i see why somebody wouldnt want to get heard crying over the phone and giving away too much about themselves) or things like organising meetings with people in need of help.
If you still have the spirit to help people out in there, it never hurts to educate yourself and read on the subject a bit.
Id like to recommend to you http://www.naccho.org/topics/emergency/MRC/resources/upload/MRC-PFA-Field-Operations-Guide.pdf/PFA_2ndEditionwithappendices.pdf
Its not exactly about preventing suicide, but it could be a very enlightening read if you werent researching psychology before. A lot of info from here could help you out tremendously in dealing with people in suicidal conditions. Its written for helping victims of disasters, but you can easily relate a chunk of it to suicidal people.
Another possibly interesting read would be to read(or possibly watch it; it was orginally a light novel, but it also got a manga and anime version.) "Welcome to the N.H.K" (N.H.K. ni Yōkoso!). This book was written by a hikikomori (in short a person that doesnt leave his home at all or for very long periods of time, also often a NEET[not in education/employment or training]) While its stated that its a work of fiction, author stated himself that the problems he described in this novel were very real to him. Its a great read/watch and it gives some perspective on various shitty life situations that one can experience(and that can lead to suicide). It hit home quite closely for me, despite me knowing many of the situations firsthand. Researching into possible causes of problems, and getting a perspective like the one from NHK ni Youkoso could prove invaluable for you. If you dont care about spoilers, check one of the better known scenes from its anime version. I remember i almost cried while watching it because all the context leading up to there.
+ Show Spoiler +yamazaki is a hardcore otaku and a lolicon, he lives right next to the MC(although they didnt know about it for like 3 years, because of MC hikimori condition) MC is a drug addict, and because of recent events where another hikikomori recommended him to do real money trading in some mmorpg, in which the MC gets hooked. The MC was going out quite a lot and was way better in his "hikikomorism", but he took a total relapse because of gaming. This scene ensues after a few months of playing with some mysterious girl[^^^^^^^]
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Try not to feel so haunted by what strangers write on the internet. Lots of people have suicidal thoughts at some time or another, and the perceived anonymity of the internet gives them a place to vent. Sometimes it will be played up / dramatized because it is the internet, and even if its not a troll, it's a long tradition of the internet for people to bend the truth, especially people who are very young and get a rush out of the power of not being able to be caught in a lie.
In any case, it is not even remotely your responsibility. In my experience bleeding hearts are playing a role they think is ideal rather than experiencing genuine feelings and reactions. That probably sounds weird, because you are experiencing SOMETHING, and I don't deny that, but I think that you're trying hard to experience what you think is the appropriate emotion. The part of your post that gives me this impression is that you try to speak from a position of experience when you don't have any. IE you are playing the role of that experienced person. I think you're genuinely trying to help, but you're taking liberties to that end.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20080425001611/nintendo/en/images/1/14/EBPoo.jpg)
