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Hey TL, I can't sleep. I'll be writing this blog throughout the day, but mostly a lot of this is written at like 4 am. This comes after cold-sweats, nightmares, and a lot of bad "gnome-sayin" jokes. I'm publishing the day after it was written as a blog because I had no time. On Sunday I will write the concluding blog about where I'm going and then on May 1st I'll write my "welcome to college" blog I guess.
Restless in Miami
Yesterday I flew down here. I was pleasantly suprised by the not-crying 1 year old behind me, but I wouldn't have noticed if he cried anyways. I was too engrossed by the decision I'm making today, and looking apprehensively at it then. I got in, spent an hour on the road. We payed a dollar to go in a circle, sounds kind of symbolic of my life right now, going circles and paying a small fine for it. I guess it's some pay-as-you-go-anaphora of sorts, I just repeat a line right after I said it before, and I get charged for it.
I met one of my Father's friends yesterday, his name is Alberto. To me, after prodding me some, he's Uncle Alberto. I didn't know my Father had friends across the country, but I guess medical school will do that. Alberto took us to Cafè Pastis, the second Cafè Pastis I've ever been to, both are my favorite restaurants of all time now. As I ordered a Bouillabaisse, I noticed four girls sitting at an opposite table; they were much older than me of course, probably by 4 or 5 years. As I was talking to Alberto, he, in true Basque form, basically dominated the conversation and spoke Spanish to people that talked to him in Spanish. I talked to him, and I glanced around me to see what everyone was wearing, and who was coming around to eat at a local joint like this one; sidenote, everyone in Miami wears really tight clothing, especially the Latinas and Brazilians, even the dudes too, which was new to me coming from a more conservative-dressed mid-South. I was just taking it all in.
My dad told me about Alberto, about how he had gone to medical school in Spain and then returned to the U.S. which was ridiculously hard to do, how his father had fled Castro, how his Grandfather had fled Franco. How the man makes ~800k a year being a Cath specialist and Cardiologist. How he had this 22 year old Jeep that he takes mudding. How his first wife had died young of breast cancer, but I don't think, after seeing Alberto's eyes, and the sadness I saw under them, hidden in the bags he accumulated from Medical School, he needed to tell me.
Alberto told me about how my Father was, is, and has always been a total square; he was much more interested in me as a person after I told him I was dating a cheerleader, and the previous Cheer captain, lol. He kept nudging me, telling me how I could club like hell in Miami, how I could have some pretty wild times, how I would love it so much. This... well this hit me. As he told me to look at one of the 4 girls, the group I less than affectionately called the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants several times by this point, because one of them was, in his words, "marketting." Frankly, the girl was looking for the D; she was out with her friends, getting drunk, was wearing a loose-fitting, low cut, pink tang top, and along with her skin suffocating pants and matching pink bra that anyone with 10/20 vision could see through her semi-see-through top, it was pretty obvious. I joked with him that, even if I didn't have a girlfriend, I wouldn't go out with any girl that shopped at Hot Topic - I heard them talking about that because one of them obnoxiously started laugh-screaming about the store, which is reserved for wannabe 13 year old stoners and wannabe 13 year old hipsters - because of how that store reflects on them. Stupid, I know, but it sem-worked to get the awkward out.
It hit me then. I'm at a crossroads TL. I'm at a point where my highschool life either ends and I break up with the girl that has been my world for 1 and almost 1 half years, or I continue living it at a school giving me a free-ride at home. I can't do both feasibly. If I live in Miami, the impetus to cheat, the impetus to live wildly, the drive to panty chase is too strong. I'm a faithful guy, and I have never cheated, nor will I ever cheat on my love, but even I have my limits where temptation grows too strong. Now I know why long-distance relationships don't work in big city colleges/unis; it isn't the mistrust, it isn't the nagging, "who were you out with?" and the pleading to not go out with that friend, or the, "You know I hate that friend, she/he is a slut." It's the fact that there is too much for long distance to overcome, the human-factor is too strong. Lust is everywhere, and no college kid I know is going to turn down a little bit of lust with the girl that can barely speak anything but heavily accented Spanish in Miami.
I'm at the point where I hope to god I hate U of Miami, and yet I want to love it. I want to have my girl, the girl I've loved for as long as I can fucking remember at this point, and I don't want to break her heart. I want to have my dream college experience, to boot. Not all of that runs in harmony. I can't be a good boyfriend, calling my girlfriend every night and whispering sweet nothings over the phone 14 hours away, every day, while panty-chasing, partying, and living indulgently. Those two collide fundamentally. I want to grow, but it seems that growth in both directions doesn't work.
Now I don't know TL. I've promised this girl my love, I've stolen her heart, and I've promised to give her a promise ring. Now I know that unless I pick my home-town college, all of that doesn't mean shit. I love this girl, but how can I choose between love and life? I'm not choosing between colleges now, I'm choosing between Love and Miami. I'm not picking which college suits me better, I'm picking which one I won't say, 30 years after, "I fucked up." As I joked with Alberto, I realized that one thing has to give, either I go after all the lovely ladies "marketing" or I stay with my love in my home town, there is no in between on this one. The Middle Path is far from me now.
+ Show Spoiler [personal message to the reader] +I love my girlfriend, and it is time to be realistic. If I stay home and go to school, I have 2 extra years with her in town, but then she leaves to go to college. I won't have the same college experience if she goes to college with me and I know she will spend a lot of her time with me, time I love spending with her, but time I over-commit to. Time and time again, this question of schools has come up, and I've denied her assertions that I'm choosing between her and college, but now, that I've been to Miami, I know she's been right all along; she's always right it seems. I can't stress enough how much I love this girl, I want to marry this girl. The question stands though. Should I marry without getting any experience with any other girls? Should I give up 4 years of life that I absolutely never get back, even if I'm going to get All A's and go to Law School, that could be the craziest, most fun of my life? Should I let one girl dominate all of my love life for my entire life? I would answer yes to all of those if I had the choice, but that doesn't work. I'm a crossroads, and if I had my druthers, I'd pick college now, only to ask my girl out again in 8 years when we are both done with professional school and our lives are burgeoning; I'm not that naive though, by then there will be other guys and girls in the picture, and I'm not playing the waiting game with my life. It's the girl or the college TL, straight up
 
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Think about what you're doing. You're turning her down for knowledge. Do you believe to be inadequate or are you too good for her? What you want now, will probably not be what you want in the future, unless you're a douche. Good luck finding some one better, because it's not easy.
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On April 21 2013 08:07 Nymphaceae wrote:
Think about what you're doing. You're turning her down for knowledge. Do you believe to be inadequate or are you too good for her? What you want now, will probably not be what you want in the future, unless you're a douche. Good luck finding some one better, because it's not easy.
I'm not turning her down. I don't want to at least. It's not easy on me either, I want to be successful, but I'm not going to be that unless I try my ass off and get into the best places possible.
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I loved my girlfriend when i came to college too man, ended up ruining my first couple years of college as the relationship fell apart. Its not worth it if you don't plan on marrying the girl. and by this i mean, if you don't plan to marry her now, not "I could marry her yeah" but i WILL marry her. then end it, she'll understand.
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On April 21 2013 09:18 PrinceXizor wrote:
I loved my girlfriend when i came to college too man, ended up ruining my first couple years of college as the relationship fell apart. Its not worth it if you don't plan on marrying the girl. and by this i mean, if you don't plan to marry her now, not "I could marry her yeah" but i WILL marry her. then end it, she'll understand.
The things is that I do plan on marrying her, but there's no way I could marry her before I finish grad school, I couldn't deal with a divorce and grad school if that happened. I wish I could just marry her and stay with her, but I can't sacrifice my future for a girl, any girl that loves me wouldn't want me to do that.
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I would tell u to leave her and enjoy new experience, u only live once.
But that is ME and not YOU, no one here knows u personnaly or what are ur ambitions, goals, dreams in life. None of us can say that route a is better than route b.
U have to make a conscious decision, from the way u write this, it seems u want to leave but are scared of doing so and loosing everything.
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Given that I'm your age, I'm probably not really qualified to give my two cents, but here they are anyways: I'm sure that at this moment you and your girlfriend actually are truly in love, but so are most people who have been dating for a year, and most of them will end up breaking up in the future. Even for those who do get married, many of them will get divorced (about 50 percent of fist marriages in the U.S. end in divorce). The point is that feelings change, and whether or not they will change in the future has nothing to do with how deeply and authentically you feel them now; you just cannot predict how you will feel two years down the line.
Also, while you and your girlfriend may be perfect for one another, there are billions of people in the world; there are plenty of girls who are just as perfect as for you as she is, and there are plenty of guys who are just as perfect as you are for her.
That being said, as a sappy romantic myself, I can totally understand why this is a tough decision, and I don't know if I could take my advice if I were in your situation.
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On April 21 2013 10:48 Meadowlark wrote:
Also, while you and your girlfriend may be perfect for one another, there are billions of people in the world; there are plenty of girls who are just as perfect as for you as she is, and there are plenty of guys who are just as perfect as you are for her.
There are certainly plenty of these people, but what's the chance you will meet them, what's the chance that you will meet them when they are at a point in their lives that makes a long-term relationship possible, what's the chance that you will realize they are perfect for you so that you don't let them go, and what's the chance they will realize that you are perfect for them as well? The chance is pretty darn miniscule, and that's why you get a lot of people simply settling for each other out of convenience.
I would normally advocate being completely selfish in this situation ... make whatever decision is best for you. Of course, the problem comes when what is best for you is in some way intrinsically tied up with your significant other as well ...
EDIT: docvoc, what's your gf's take on this entire thing?
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On April 21 2013 11:00 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On April 21 2013 10:48 Meadowlark wrote:
Also, while you and your girlfriend may be perfect for one another, there are billions of people in the world; there are plenty of girls who are just as perfect as for you as she is, and there are plenty of guys who are just as perfect as you are for her. There are certainly plenty of these people, but what's the chance you will meet them, what's the chance that you will meet them when they are at a point in their lives that makes a long-term relationship possible, what's the chance that you will realize they are perfect for you so that you don't let them go, and what's the chance they will realize that you are perfect for them as well? The chance is pretty darn miniscule, and that's why you get a lot of people simply settling for each other out of convenience. I would normally advocate being completely selfish in this situation ... make whatever decision is best for you. Of course, the problem comes when what is best for you is in some way intrinsically tied up with your significant other as well ... EDIT: docvoc, what's your gf's take on this entire thing?
Basically, she went from telling me in a rage that I picked a college over her, and that I picked the weather over her, and that I picked the weather over my home town and her to telling me that she was sorry for saying all that. She's in a mode where she wants to keep me - of course I want to keep her too - but she is afraid of the future. She's calmed down a lot though, though I have to admit she took it worse than I expected at first, but better than I expected later.
EDIT: Darken, #YOLO is the motto after all  .
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There is no reason that you guys couldn't get back together later in life. but from everything i've seen in college you are better off single, or in a relationship in the same town (that both parties want to be in).
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Fuck! Your blogs make me stressed out!
I can see it from both ways and I can't give you any advice. However I will say one thing. When you have two choices that you can't decide between, and when both have huge impacts on how the rest of your life, the only thing you will regret is not committing to your choice 100%. i can't stress this enough, because both paths can make WILL have ups and downs and unless you commit then the downs will seem like hell and the ups will only seem ok.
Good luck with your choice.
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Every HS relationship that was 'super-hard-core-romantic' that I have witnessed thru have not ended well. Even the ones where they stayed together thru college at different schools and married afterwards (divorced) There are just too many people out there that can/could/may be perfect/good/as-good/better/richer than your current one. Just make the clean break and if things change in the future you can always be backups.
Of course, if you had been mature beyond your years, you'd have planned out college, grad school, wedding, honeymoon, babies, housing investment with this girl, but I'm guessing in Highschool, that probably was never talked about.
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On April 21 2013 20:06 Burrfoot wrote:
Every HS relationship that was 'super-hard-core-romantic' that I have witnessed thru have not ended well. Even the ones where they stayed together thru college at different schools and married afterwards (divorced) There are just too many people out there that can/could/may be perfect/good/as-good/better/richer than your current one. Just make the clean break and if things change in the future you can always be backups.
Of course, if you had been mature beyond your years, you'd have planned out college, grad school, wedding, honeymoon, babies, housing investment with this girl, but I'm guessing in Highschool, that probably was never talked about.
Nah, that's been talked about a lot actually. The issue is that we can't plan out grad school because that is (maybe less now because apparently all colleges care about are SAT scores because of the U.S. News and World report SAT average meter that colleges can't live with declining and the fact that people apply to 18 different schools only to turn down 17 of them, making college even more random then it ever has been) impossible to control. I literally can't know where I'm going for there because I have to first find out what I want to do. I don't have my entire life planned out, and if I break up with this girl I want it to be clean. She means a lot to me, I want to give her a shot, but I also want to marry her. If I had my way, I'd either stay with her through college and do that or break up and come back to her if necessary. I sound sappy, and I am I guess, but I'm making an impossible choice.
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On April 21 2013 08:26 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On April 21 2013 08:07 Nymphaceae wrote:
Think about what you're doing. You're turning her down for knowledge. Do you believe to be inadequate or are you too good for her? What you want now, will probably not be what you want in the future, unless you're a douche. Good luck finding some one better, because it's not easy. I'm not turning her down. I don't want to at least. It's not easy on me either, I want to be successful, but I'm not going to be that unless I try my ass off and get into the best places possible.
That's not true...What if you tried so hard, but you ended up not successful at all? Do you think she loves you for your success? Why don't you just take her with you. You ever thought that she'd really help you out? You're going to end up constantly turning people down, thinking that they're going to stop you from being successful, or doing something great. I promise you, if you leave her behind, she will probably become more successful than you, and you will achieve nothing. It almost always happens that way.
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EPT
