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So a kid from my junior high died today from an overdose on Xanax, and there are just tons of people on my news feed on Facebook talking about how great he was as a person...
Now, this isn't some college student or an adult, I'm in high school, and the kid that died was younger than I was, he was a junior in high school.
Personally, despite everyone crying and wishing he'd be alive, I have no sympathy. I feel like no matter how "lost" you are or how you thought taking that amount of drugs wouldn't harm you, what's done is done, and the person had done something so stupid and idiotic, that the individual paid the ultimate price. I've never been a big fan of drugs myself and I really don't plan on smoking or drinking alcohol, but I don't consider myself to be a better person or just flat-out better than those that do use drugs.
Now, question... How do you guys feel about those that die from overdose? Do you possibly have any family/friends/acquaintances that died from an overdose and what was your reaction? Sad and sympathetic?
  
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Firstly, I definitely do feel sympathy for the guy; people who are in a good place in life just don't take that kind of amount of drugs. Also, why do you feel that feeling sympathy for the guy and also accepting that what happened was a consequence of his actions are so irreconcilable?
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I used to when I was younger, I understand your thoughts a lot...but I have since come to realize (in my old age...haha) that they were still people with loved ones and friends, and why were they on drugs in the first place? Everyone is fighting the hard battle, and some make mistakes, it does not mean that we need to treat them as less or dehumanize them...
It is sad and fucked up, and I remember thinking "Fuck 'em, stupid asses." I just can't hold onto that thought anymore...anytime anyone dies young it is a tragedy. We were all kids, we all made mistakes, some worse than others obviously...I think back now and know how easy it could have been for me to have been one of those kids, ones of those homeless people, one of those addicts...just a few wrong turns, the wrong friends, the wrong place at the wrong time and it could have been me or it could be my son eventually...
I am not saying we need to weep, but I believe that all humans deserve a certain amount of general respect and reflection as to why and how these things happened, not just that they were a dumb fuck that did a dumb fuck thing...if that makes sense.
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Kids know what they're doing is stupid but they do it anyway, it's impossible to explain but it's just part of life. I know plenty of intelligent people who have tempted fate in all sorts of idiotic ways, but they got lucky where this kid didn't. While you don't have to fake your feelings (if you didn't know him, I mean, what can you say), you should respect the humanity of the incident and not pass it off as a darwin award or all whatever terrible things people say these days.
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On April 19 2013 11:12 Meadowlark wrote:
Firstly, I definitely do feel sympathy for the guy; people who are in a good place in life just don't take that kind of amount of drugs. Also, why do you feel that feeling sympathy for the guy and also accepting that what happened was a consequence of his actions are so irreconcilable?
I dunno, honestly, I feel like, those that do things stupid should be criticized, even me, even if I don't take the criticism well. Plus, this might be incredibly wrong, but I feel like I shouldn't be entitled to respecting those that died, I should just respect the fact that others respect those that died.
TheAmazombie and holdthephone, maybe it is true that this is just me being young and inexperienced with life, and taking humanity for granted. I dunno, I just think it's stupid of him to have done such a thing, and it's stupid of those to feel pity for him doing something so stupid.
If I offend anyone, I'm sorry, I don't mean to, I'm just a bit conflicted on what my thought process should be regarding the situation...
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On April 19 2013 11:19 SynC[gm] wrote:Show nested quote +On April 19 2013 11:12 Meadowlark wrote:
Firstly, I definitely do feel sympathy for the guy; people who are in a good place in life just don't take that kind of amount of drugs. Also, why do you feel that feeling sympathy for the guy and also accepting that what happened was a consequence of his actions are so irreconcilable? I dunno, honestly, I feel like, those that do things stupid should be criticized, even me, even if I don't take the criticism well. Plus, this might be incredibly wrong, but I feel like I shouldn't be entitled to respecting those that died, I should just respect the fact that others respect those that died. TheAmazombie and holdthephone, maybe it is true that this is just me being young and inexperienced with life, and taking humanity for granted. I dunno, I just think it's stupid of him to have done such a thing, and it's stupid of those to feel pity for him doing something so stupid. If I offend anyone, I'm sorry, I don't mean to, I'm just a bit conflicted on what my thought process should be regarding the situation...
Nope, no offense at all, and I agree that it was a stupid thing, but from my point of view we have all done stupid things...and without the love and kindness of others, I would not be where I am today after some of the dumb ass things that I have done. Maybe he did not feel that kindness and that was when led him to drugs in the first place...who knows? I just feel that all people deserve some regard of some type, even when they fuck up horribly, but in the end, oh well...feel what you feel is right to feel, if that make sense, as long as you try to do no harm to victims or their families, try to remain kind about the situation.
The fact that you are taking the time to think, question, and reflect about this is a good thing that is to be appreciated as well. Just never lock yourself into this...I mean, anytime something like this happens, take the few moments to rethink and question, understand if you still feel the same way and why, the is the best advice I can give. =)
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On April 19 2013 11:32 Emzeeshady wrote:
Just cause the person took drugs it doesn't mean they deserve to die. Kids are often misguided and he probably didn't know the full consequences of what he was getting into. Unless he was a bad person then I see no reason not to feel sympathy for him.
Well, the kid, who I'll call Bob, was definitely never short on confidence. He was a football player and had a tendency to bully the kids that were physically smaller than him, until he supposedly got beat up by another football player after he picked a fight with him in the locker room.
I don't think I'm judging his death on how he was as a person, I'm judging more on what he did that lead him to his death and what others think/make of his death.
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Op shares my exact same feelings. I find it hard to find sympathy for people who died from an overdose on something they probably shouldn't have been doing in the first place. Basically this goes for most people who die from acting stupid on their part. The most people I do have sympathy for though, are those people who are related to the person that died. They deserve sympathy, not the victim itself.
Now that only applies when the death is caused by the victim itself through reckless or stupid actions. When someone dies in a freak accident or from being killed by someone else, then by all means I do feel bad for them. They had no way to prevent their death through their direct actions. I feel sorry that they get their life cut short because of either someone else's stupidity or just freak accident.
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You should probably feel bad that they couldn't find the help they needed before overdosing.
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United States24799 Posts
There's nothing wrong with how you feel about yourself and your future, but you really shouldn't be so judgmental about others... especially with circumstances such as these. Have a heart.
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On April 19 2013 11:46 SnipedSoul wrote:
You should probably feel bad that they couldn't find the help they needed before overdosing.
Maybe, but then again, maybe it was him overdosing the same way people overdose on things like cocaine/heroin. They do it just to do it.
And like I said, I feel no sympathy for those that die the way he did.
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There are a lot of really great people who go through a lot of hurt that they continuously run from. Life can stomp you into the mud, and it's not always as easy as it seems to confront the past, present or future, but it IS easy to escape through addictions and dysfunctional behaviors. Nobody is strong enough to handle anything, and nobody can honestly say they don't make mistakes. I would miss them for sure.
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On April 19 2013 11:57 ninazerg wrote:
There are a lot of really great people who go through a lot of hurt that they continuously run from. Life can stomp you into the mud, and it's not always as easy as it seems to confront the past, present or future, but it IS easy to escape through addictions and dysfunctional behaviors. Nobody is strong enough to handle anything, and nobody can honestly say they don't make mistakes. I would miss them for sure.
Yes, but as a high school student, where do you get Xanax from, and enough to overdose on something like that? One can only imagine he got it through a means of a dealer, and considering how the parts where we live is pretty sketchy, I don't think it was a prescription dealer.
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On April 19 2013 12:08 SynC[gm] wrote:Show nested quote +On April 19 2013 11:57 ninazerg wrote:
There are a lot of really great people who go through a lot of hurt that they continuously run from. Life can stomp you into the mud, and it's not always as easy as it seems to confront the past, present or future, but it IS easy to escape through addictions and dysfunctional behaviors. Nobody is strong enough to handle anything, and nobody can honestly say they don't make mistakes. I would miss them for sure. Yes, but as a high school student, where do you get Xanax from, and enough to overdose on something like that? One can only imagine he got it through a means of a dealer, and considering how the parts where we live is pretty sketchy, I don't think it was a prescription dealer.
It is not actually that hard...many people are prescribed things like Xanax...could be a friend, a friend's parent, their parents, could have stolen them...could also have been a friend lying about what they were and what they would do, trying to get someone to loosen up a bit or something...circumstances are not as cut and dry, especially when we are talking about prescription drugs...
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When I was younger, I used to think similar things about overdoses, as well as people who committed suicide. Having gone through many experiences in my life, I can definitely say that I can understand at least somewhat of what they could be experiencing, if not the full amount that they may be under.
It's easy to sit back and cast doubt and criticism, but for one having such feelings, it really is something unique that a lot of people may not understand. Especially those that have had a somewhat easy and sheltered life happens to be up to that point. Youth begets naivety.
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1. It is very easy to get Xanax. It is a prescription drug that is heavily abused, as are most ssri drugs. They make people feel good, and when you pair them with alcohol, a lot of people go crazy for that.
2. You should feel bad. You shouldn't feel bad because the guy was a great guy, but because he could have been redeemed later in life, and he cut that short. Had he known what would have happened, I doubt he would have gone through with it. If he was a bully then he probably felt insecure in himself, which led to his xanax abuse I'm guessing. Don't judge him because of that. I knew a guy, whether it was suicide or not, I guess we'll never know, who died in a Hammock accident; he choked to death. He wasn't a bad guy, but he was a bully at one point, and at another ultimately unhappy with his life. You have to think though, given ten more years, do you think this guy would be the same? I know the kid I knew wouldn't be, he would have been mature, different, and hell, maybe he would have been a new man. His life is like the guy you knew.
I'll put it like this. A ";" is a pause, a point where an author could end his sentence, but did not. The end of a sentence brings on another, but the period at the end of a book, especially one unfinished, makes us sad.
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I feel sympathy. Assuming he was doing it to "get fucked up" or "get drunk" or whatever you want to call it, being in junior high, his brain wasn't fully developed so of course he could make a mistake doing something like that. I had an almost-uncle-in-law who died of a heroin overdose, and I definitely felt sympathy at the time, but that's a completely different case. He was old enough to know better. I guess it just shows you that some things are no joke and should not be fucked with.
Edit: I blacked out once from drinking too much alcohol. I hear people talk about blacking out all the time, so it seems to be an almost culturally acceptable thing to do, but that really scared me. I'm not sure that it's like being asleep. It might be like being dead, or being under an anesthetic. Since then I haven't really enjoyed alcohol of any kind, but I will have a beer on rare occasion, maybe once every 3 months. And then I hardly care to finish the bottle.
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Northern Ireland27365 Posts
It's sad, to be honest I've felt like you before, but more as a reaction to what I perceive as false sympathy, or people wanting to be thought of as thoughtful or whatever. I've moderated over time, but I used to be very, very angry at what I perceived as fakery.
As an aside, the sadness I take from this is that American prescription drug culture seems to be really ingrained. Anybody else got any thoughts on this Stateside?
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On April 19 2013 11:19 SynC[gm] wrote:Show nested quote +On April 19 2013 11:12 Meadowlark wrote:
Firstly, I definitely do feel sympathy for the guy; people who are in a good place in life just don't take that kind of amount of drugs. Also, why do you feel that feeling sympathy for the guy and also accepting that what happened was a consequence of his actions are so irreconcilable? I dunno, honestly, I feel like, those that do things stupid should be criticized, even me, even if I don't take the criticism well. Plus, this might be incredibly wrong, but I feel like I shouldn't be entitled to respecting those that died, I should just respect the fact that others respect those that died. TheAmazombie and holdthephone, maybe it is true that this is just me being young and inexperienced with life, and taking humanity for granted. I dunno, I just think it's stupid of him to have done such a thing, and it's stupid of those to feel pity for him doing something so stupid. If I offend anyone, I'm sorry, I don't mean to, I'm just a bit conflicted on what my thought process should be regarding the situation...
I understand and agree that people who do dumb things should be criticized, but criticism can, and often should, go hand in hand with sympathy. You seem to think that it's an either-or situation, and it really doesn't have to be. Not to sound patronizing or dickish in any way, but I definitely would have agreed with you a few years ago, so I do understand where you're coming from, but a little bit of goodwill never hurt anyone.
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On April 19 2013 12:41 Wombat_NI wrote:
It's sad, to be honest I've felt like you before, but more as a reaction to what I perceive as false sympathy, or people wanting to be thought of as thoughtful or whatever. I've moderated over time, but I used to be very, very angry at what I perceived as fakery.
As an aside, the sadness I take from this is that American prescription drug culture seems to be really ingrained. Anybody else got any thoughts on this Stateside?
Yeah. When I smoked weed, I could get hydrocodone from my dealer easily if I wanted it. Pills weren't my thing, but it was definitely offered every 4-5 times I was there. It's probably easier to get pills than it is to get weed.
Edit: Also, when I was in college I was kinda depressed for a while, so I took advantage of the school's psychotherapy department and got free 40-60 minute talks with a therapist once a week. Eventually I decided I might want to try an antidepressant to sort of "catapult" me out of depression. So I got an appointment with the psychiatrist, and his eyes were pretty glazed over when I talked with him. He gave me a prescription but I didn't fill it. I'm too scared of pills. But it definitely seems like pill abuse is part of the culture here, almost as much as alcoholism.
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On April 19 2013 12:37 docvoc wrote:
1. It is very easy to get Xanax. It is a prescription drug that is heavily abused, as are most ssri drugs. They make people feel good, and when you pair them with alcohol, a lot of people go crazy for that.
2. You should feel bad. You shouldn't feel bad because the guy was a great guy, but because he could have been redeemed later in life, and he cut that short. Had he known what would have happened, I doubt he would have gone through with it. If he was a bully then he probably felt insecure in himself, which led to his xanax abuse I'm guessing. Don't judge him because of that. I knew a guy, whether it was suicide or not, I guess we'll never know, who died in a Hammock accident; he choked to death. He wasn't a bad guy, but he was a bully at one point, and at another ultimately unhappy with his life. You have to think though, given ten more years, do you think this guy would be the same? I know the kid I knew wouldn't be, he would have been mature, different, and hell, maybe he would have been a new man. His life is like the guy you knew.
I'll put it like this. A ";" is a pause, a point where an author could end his sentence, but did not. The end of a sentence brings on another, but the period at the end of a book, especially one unfinished, makes us sad.
I dunno if I should "feel bad"... More of a question of should I respect his death as others are making it out to be?
Don't mean to put things in extremely crude terms, but he CHOSE to get happy on Xanax. Whether it was from depression, whether it was from wanting to "get fucked up", he chose that way.
If I "feel bad" about anyone, it's his family, for having to go through something like this.
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On April 19 2013 12:57 SynC[gm] wrote:Show nested quote +On April 19 2013 12:37 docvoc wrote:
1. It is very easy to get Xanax. It is a prescription drug that is heavily abused, as are most ssri drugs. They make people feel good, and when you pair them with alcohol, a lot of people go crazy for that.
2. You should feel bad. You shouldn't feel bad because the guy was a great guy, but because he could have been redeemed later in life, and he cut that short. Had he known what would have happened, I doubt he would have gone through with it. If he was a bully then he probably felt insecure in himself, which led to his xanax abuse I'm guessing. Don't judge him because of that. I knew a guy, whether it was suicide or not, I guess we'll never know, who died in a Hammock accident; he choked to death. He wasn't a bad guy, but he was a bully at one point, and at another ultimately unhappy with his life. You have to think though, given ten more years, do you think this guy would be the same? I know the kid I knew wouldn't be, he would have been mature, different, and hell, maybe he would have been a new man. His life is like the guy you knew.
I'll put it like this. A ";" is a pause, a point where an author could end his sentence, but did not. The end of a sentence brings on another, but the period at the end of a book, especially one unfinished, makes us sad. I dunno if I should "feel bad"... More of a question of should I respect his death as others are making it out to be? Don't mean to put things in extremely crude terms, but he CHOSE to get happy on Xanax. Whether it was from depression, whether it was from wanting to "get fucked up", he chose that way. If I "feel bad" about anyone, it's his family, for having to go through something like this.
Yes, he did choose, but we have all made bad decisions in our life...sometimes in terrible or shitty situations, your mind tells you things that are not true, causes you to make bad choices, or sometimes with all the factors and information available, we still make a choice that seems reasonable at the time, but hindsight is 20/20...we choose poorly occasionally. I don't know if you should feel bad or whatnot...but I just think it is unfair to write someone's death, for whatever reason, off because of how it happened...especially if you were not terribly close to the person and really didn't know what they were really going through in life and what tools they were given to cope or deal with shit.
Maybe he really did have a good life, nothing wrong, and just plain fucked up. Yeah, that sucks balls...but I just feel it still demands a certain amount of regard. But who knows...we all feel and see things differently.
I do feel bad for his family and loved ones...I have lost people close to me and all I can do is sit and think what more could I have done? How could I have prevented this? Think of his parents, the way they must feel, not only losing their child, but having the guilt that I imagine any parent would...what could they have done better or different? As a father, I live in constant fear of having to go through something like that someday.
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On April 19 2013 12:57 SynC[gm] wrote:Show nested quote +On April 19 2013 12:37 docvoc wrote:
1. It is very easy to get Xanax. It is a prescription drug that is heavily abused, as are most ssri drugs. They make people feel good, and when you pair them with alcohol, a lot of people go crazy for that.
2. You should feel bad. You shouldn't feel bad because the guy was a great guy, but because he could have been redeemed later in life, and he cut that short. Had he known what would have happened, I doubt he would have gone through with it. If he was a bully then he probably felt insecure in himself, which led to his xanax abuse I'm guessing. Don't judge him because of that. I knew a guy, whether it was suicide or not, I guess we'll never know, who died in a Hammock accident; he choked to death. He wasn't a bad guy, but he was a bully at one point, and at another ultimately unhappy with his life. You have to think though, given ten more years, do you think this guy would be the same? I know the kid I knew wouldn't be, he would have been mature, different, and hell, maybe he would have been a new man. His life is like the guy you knew.
I'll put it like this. A ";" is a pause, a point where an author could end his sentence, but did not. The end of a sentence brings on another, but the period at the end of a book, especially one unfinished, makes us sad. I dunno if I should "feel bad"... More of a question of should I respect his death as others are making it out to be? Don't mean to put things in extremely crude terms, but he CHOSE to get happy on Xanax. Whether it was from depression, whether it was from wanting to "get fucked up", he chose that way. If I "feel bad" about anyone, it's his family, for having to go through something like this.
You are asking an impossible question with the information given.
Should you feel bad about this dude dying? I don't know, did you know him or his situation? Maybe he was an amazing guy and had bouts of severe depression, that would be pretty sad. Maybe he was a druggie idiot who didn't pay attention to dosage, that wouldn't be very sad. When you say he CHOSE to take the drugs as if that mitgates everything, you are viewing the situation in a very simplistic way. I could put you in a situation where you would CHOOSE to kill yourself (torture etc), and it would be a sad fucked up situation, even if you CHOSE that option. His free will is great and all, but you can't ignore everything else in life.
I don't know the guy or the situation, so I can't make any judgement.
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Kids are stupid and make stupid decisions.
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I think what you're examining is the wrong angle to take. You seem to think that if a person does something wrong or makes some poor choices, they should be punished. I have no issue with that - nor do I think most people have an issue with bad things happening to people who know that the things they do can have bad consequences.
Death, however, is another matter.
People don't understand death. Many fear it. Many others pretend for most of their lives that it doesn't exist. And most of all, when you read about death on the news... that never really hits home. It's like watching a character die in a video game. Sure, you understand the concept. He's gone and he won't be back now. But how significant that is to everyone involved is something you won't understand until you have to - at which point in your life you'll look back at this blog, read others saying "kids make stupid choices" and thoroughly agree. Come back when you have parents or children who are dead, and you'll read your own blog a bit differently.
While you're still a kid, though, I'll ask you a question that you may be more immediately applicable. What punishment is too severe for poor choices? If it's not too severe to die in your teenage years for your silly choices, is it too severe for everyone around you to die? Is it too severe to die painfully? What level of "poor choices" are required for death? Poor diet? Lack of exercise? Or just drug use? And what about over-the-counter drug use?
You'll likely notice (unsurprisingly) that the bad habits you have are the things which you feel aren't poor enough to die from. You'll likely also notice that you don't really have a gauge for what punishments are too severe. That's because your viewpoint sounds like you're reacting from your gut (i.e. experiential knowledge) - not from your head (i.e. intellectual knowledge). You're going to need to use your head until your gut has a bit more experience to go on. That, or take other people's word on it that teenagers dying for any reason is really, really bad. Cuz it is.
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Pretty straight forward for me. If the person in question already died and I have no personal ties to him then what's the use of feeling sympathy for the guy if he is already dead, it's not like it will be of any use, wouldn't it be better if he had gotten that sympathy and help while he was still alive? Isn't it rather fake and just bullshit going around feeling sorry about someone who you don't really know, I know allot of people who strongly dislikes people who goes around pretending to feel sorry about people who died who they never ever knew or even took the effort to spend time with him/her the first place.
With that said you, of course, have to be respectful and think about those who knew him, like his family and so forth and actually feel sympathy towards them, after all they are the ones who lost a family member and probably are in great pain from the loss. They are ones that actually suffers, the guy who died doesn't suffer anymore, he is just dead.
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It's not a problem if he's been in faith.
Otherwise, any death is a terrible thing.
Simple.
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You haven't told us how you felt, what was your initial reaction?
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