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Waking up from surgery
It was a dream like many others, one of those, where the dreamer knows of its existence and all the details feel like they are just around the corner. "One more step towards it and it surely will all come back! Think, focus, concentrate!", I keep telling myself. But all efforts are in vain. This is not the first time a dream has disappeared right in front of me and for sure it will not be the last. "I will dream again, I need not waste time trying to catch this particular one", I keep telling myself.
The story of this particular dream will forever remain under a thick veil of black smoke. I am aware of it, but I still cannot admit defeat .... yet.
"Why does this seem important? It was just another ordinary dream?", one might think, but for me, it felt different. It was the dream I had, while I was under narcosis undergoing surgery just barely a week ago. The first full narcosis I've had in my life.
The reason for surgery was minor and far away from an emergency, yet it still had to be done, before it might have become an issue. I'm old enough, not to fear surgery, old enough to know, that medical science is not something to be afraid of, but to be rather thankful for. Science is beautiful.
Tell that to the little boy I was many, many years ago.The last time I was in hospital and had to prepare for surgery it was different. I was a small boy and I was scared. So scared, I though the alps come crashing down on me. It brings a smile on my face today, as back then, there was not even the need for a full anaesthetic. They just numbed my foot with a local anaesthetic and went for it.
Jumping back to right before the surgery. Nothing unusual on the horizon. I was brought to the general surgery area and given instructions. All is well. The doctor in the recovery room told me how the next few hours will progress and what I have to expect. Again, nothing monumental. The staff would carry me to the specific operating room, where I'd receive a thick needle in my left arm, so the anaesthetist can do her business. She apologized beforehand, telling me it would hurt. It didn't.
Then, I would be given an oxygen mask and spend the next hour in fantasyland.
We never can remember falling asleep, right? At least I have never been able to pinpoint exactly, when I fall asleep. Not this time. Right as you pass out, it feels like goosebumps inside your mind. You feel it for about 2-3 seconds and then you are gone.
The Struggle
"BREATHE!", was the next thing I can remember. I remember it clearly, even though I was told I would not remember anything, until I wake up the second time in the recovery room. "BREATHE!", I was told again. That didn't work out as expected. I could not. I have never felt the inability to just breathe, when I wanted to. It just did not work. The feeling is easily described however. It feels exactly like trying to inhale, with all your power, while pressing an empty plastic bag without air inside on your mouth.
"You won't remember anything", yeah right. That was not the case. I remember raising my right hand, signaling a cut-off with my hand around my throat.
I tried, I failed. It took me about seven or eight tries of inhaling like the mighty Poseidon himself, inhaling all that was inside the imaginary little empty plastic bag, until it burst and it really felt like a burst.
Despite anything, I couldn't panic, I wasn't shocked or afraid. I was in a hospital, in an operating room with four to six people, doctors, anaesthetists, and another legion of them lurking around in the operation area and the recovery room nearby. There was no way they'd not know what they were doing. I would die the most sarcastic death, were it to happen right now in that moment.
What did shock me for a bit, was what happened in the recovery room, when I really gained full consciousness. I looked into the eyes of the lovely bald doctor, in charge of the recovery room, who gave me instructions before the surgery. He was about 35 years old, born somewhere in the Middle East (I didn't ask any further, because I didn't care). He was nice and friendly, even threw around some jokes here and there. But something was not in order, he had .... two heads, four eyes, two mouths, two noses!? What was going on?
I could not focus my eyes, no matter how hard I tried. I was a bit worried. Despite him telling me, that this was not unusual and my eyes would re-adjust in a few minutes, I was nervous. Nervous because it really took quite some time, half an hour, if I were to guess. During that time, I tried as hard as possible to focus my eyes on something, but failed.
The Aftermath
My belly hurt a bit. Of course, somebody just cut a hole in it and patched it back together, but that did not concern me. "That dream, what was I dreaming?", I thought. I know there was at least one person in it, but that is all I will ever be able to find out. I just cannot leave it be. Even telling myself, that maybe I didn't dream anything doesn't work and what I imagine to be a dream, was just a conversation when waking up in the surgery room for the first time, when I was told to breathe.
I will eventually put it to rest, but not today. My stay at the hospital was a good experience however. For the first time, I was able grasp the moment of falling asleep exactly as it happened. Oddly, this is something of value to me.
No matter how much I liked my stay, or at least did not not like it, I sure hope I'll never have to face a difficult and highly risky surgery, with an unknown outcome. The only positive thing I can think of would be the fact, that after you receive the needle and fall asleep, you are gone anyway, no pain, no discomfort, as if you were never born ..... until you wake up in the recovery room.
 
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Maybe not remembering is for the better...
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well written, nice read. Thanks for writing it.
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Interesting read. Thankfully I've never had to undergo surgery except for the flaying of my penis at a couple days old. I bet even when they knock you out, the nervous system must be reacting in some way to being cut open. When under anesthesia, do the nerves keep firing and stress chemicals get released etc? I remember some story of a person who couldn't move or speak from improperly administered anesthesia and was still conscious as they were being cut open. That would be true nightmare.
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On April 13 2013 08:46 Mothra wrote:
I remember some story of a person who couldn't move or speak from improperly administered anesthesia and was still conscious as they were being cut open. That would be true nightmare.
Anesthesia awareness isn't unheard of. There was a good article on it in the atlantic a while back. It's scary stuff...
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/01/awakening/309188/
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On April 13 2013 09:58 wizardidit wrote:Show nested quote +On April 13 2013 08:46 Mothra wrote:
I remember some story of a person who couldn't move or speak from improperly administered anesthesia and was still conscious as they were being cut open. That would be true nightmare. Anesthesia awareness isn't unheard of. There was a good article on it in the atlantic a while back. It's scary stuff... http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/01/awakening/309188/
Wow that article was fascinating. I love how it gave the philosophy, history, science, and technology of anesthesia in addition to anecdotes. Scary stuff indeed. How weird that the mutation that gives people red hair makes them more sensitive to pain. I felt bad for those animals that had parts of their brain removed in order to deduce where consciousness lies. It's too bad that reductionist philosophy has to dominate science and the decisions informed by it. Especially when dealing with the mind, it seems vital to have a balance of viewpoints.
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On April 13 2013 09:58 wizardidit wrote:Show nested quote +On April 13 2013 08:46 Mothra wrote:
I remember some story of a person who couldn't move or speak from improperly administered anesthesia and was still conscious as they were being cut open. That would be true nightmare. Anesthesia awareness isn't unheard of. There was a good article on it in the atlantic a while back. It's scary stuff... http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/01/awakening/309188/
This is indeed something that must be worse as any nightmare can get. The article mentions a few cases, which were pretty old. They don't pump you full of ether anymore, do they? I only received a needle and was intubated for oxygen so I wouldn't stop breathing halfway through.
I don't know whether or not there is a universal way of doing an anaesthetic, but where I live, it was a pain in the ass to be cleared for surgery. I had to do quite a lot of tests and examinations. In fact, the most time I had to invest, was for the anaesthetic clearance and they just wouldn not skip anything.
My blood was tested for everything. I needed an electrocardiogram recording of myself. My lungs were checked. I had to have an x-ray of my chest area done. A week before surgery, I had an appointment with the internist at the hospital, who not only gave me a long form to fill out, but also had a decently long talk with me about anything you can think of, from my past medicinal history up to the point, where he told me specifically about the test results and took notes throughout the whole interview. They re-checked my blood the day before surgery a second time, along with a few other examinations.
I was told, that this process is extremely important, because each patient would only receive an anaesthetic, that is tailored to the patient perfectly.
And thank you for the replies. Maybe not remembering the dream is a good thing, as Passion suggested.
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I have been under once, and it took I don't know, an hour? All I remember is the anesthesiologist telling me to count backwards from five. "Five..." I was gone. But I continued counting in my head. When I said "one" in my head, I woke up. Isn't that crazy? To think that I believed they hadn't started yet, and to wake up with it finished?
It's like that hour of my life never existed.
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I've only been under once. Unlike falling asleep, I actually conciously felt myself going under. Can't describe the feeling, but still know what it feels like. I didn't dream though. Just a black hole between falling asleep and waking up. The waking up felt weird. You want to get up as quickly as possible, but you just can't. You're mentally slow, and physically even slower.
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On April 14 2013 06:57 maartendq wrote:
I've only been under once. Unlike falling asleep, I actually conciously felt myself going under. Can't describe the feeling, but still know what it feels like. I didn't dream though. Just a black hole between falling asleep and waking up. The waking up felt weird. You want to get up as quickly as possible, but you just can't. You're mentally slow, and physically even slower.
Maybe there is a difference between the various ways of making a narcosis happen. I mean pumping your lungs full of ether, like they did years ago and receiving a needle with a serum produces different results.
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On April 15 2013 00:10 Kuni wrote:Show nested quote +On April 14 2013 06:57 maartendq wrote:
I've only been under once. Unlike falling asleep, I actually conciously felt myself going under. Can't describe the feeling, but still know what it feels like. I didn't dream though. Just a black hole between falling asleep and waking up. The waking up felt weird. You want to get up as quickly as possible, but you just can't. You're mentally slow, and physically even slower. Maybe there is a difference between the various ways of making a narcosis happen. I mean pumping your lungs full of ether, like they did years ago and receiving a needle with a serum produces different results.
It was a needle. The punctured me, put a mask over my head, said it's not gonna be 10 seconds and I felt myself going. Woke up two hours later.
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On April 15 2013 00:10 Kuni wrote:Show nested quote +On April 14 2013 06:57 maartendq wrote:
I've only been under once. Unlike falling asleep, I actually conciously felt myself going under. Can't describe the feeling, but still know what it feels like. I didn't dream though. Just a black hole between falling asleep and waking up. The waking up felt weird. You want to get up as quickly as possible, but you just can't. You're mentally slow, and physically even slower. Maybe there is a difference between the various ways of making a narcosis happen. I mean pumping your lungs full of ether, like they did years ago and receiving a needle with a serum produces different results.
There are a number of different ways of inducing general anesthesia (narcosis refers specifically to a state of slumber brought on by narcotics, so it isn't exactly the right word here). Typically, hypnotics, sedatives, paralytics, and analgesics are the most commonly used, and even then, there are literally hundreds of different combinations, with some being far more effective and specific than others.
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EPT
