EPThttp://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=406920
So I did the initial summary for Tomb of the Princess, and it felt a little empty to me. Even though there were enough gears clanking through the story to get the plot points all done decently, it still felt like a very pedestrian script that used an overdone concept as a crutch.
I voiced my concerns to GMarshal...
[2013/4/4 21:10:44] Shady Sands: the real problem is
[2013/4/4 21:10:49] Shady Sands: I have no fucking idea what tickles their fancy
[2013/4/4 21:10:54] Shady Sands: thats why i have one thriller
[2013/4/4 21:10:55] Shady Sands: one romcom
[2013/4/4 21:10:58] Shady Sands: one family drama
[2013/4/4 21:11:08] Shady Sands: one 'high concept' scifi/romcom
[2013/4/4 21:11:21] Shady Sands: and one horror
[2013/4/4 21:11:32] GMarshal: yeah, with their standards you'd almost be best off making a thrilling documentatry
[2013/4/4 21:12:03] Shady Sands: hah
[2013/4/4 21:12:08] Shady Sands: so like... how about
[2013/4/4 21:12:23] Shady Sands: 'the tests from hell
[2013/4/4 21:12:28] Shady Sands: 'the tests from hell
[2013/4/4 21:12:30] Shady Sands: and its about
[2013/4/4 21:12:34] Shady Sands: Beijing high school students
[2013/4/4 21:12:42] Shady Sands: prepping for the Chinese version of the SATs
[2013/4/4 21:12:47] Shady Sands: which are like the American SATs
[2013/4/4 21:12:55] Shady Sands: except they're so hard
[2013/4/4 21:13:00] Shady Sands: that in teh 9 million test takers each year
[2013/4/4 21:13:06] Shady Sands: nobody gets a perfect score
[2013/4/4 21:13:39] Shady Sands: but thats not vry beijing centric
[2013/4/4 21:13:40] GMarshal: I have no idea how you would frame it
[2013/4/4 21:13:45] Shady Sands: that too
[2013/4/4 21:13:48] GMarshal: or if it shows off the city at all
[2013/4/4 21:13:53] Shady Sands: hrmmm
[2013/4/4 21:13:54] Shady Sands: how about
[2013/4/4 21:13:57] Shady Sands: the collector
[2013/4/4 21:13:58] GMarshal: honestly I would pick one and run with it
[2013/4/4 21:14:07] Shady Sands: an aging art collector returns to beijing
[2013/4/4 21:14:22] Shady Sands: to find what appears to be a worthless antique
[2013/4/4 21:14:26] Shady Sands: that has great sentimental value to him
[2013/4/4 21:14:46] GMarshal: idea
[2013/4/4 21:14:48] GMarshal: wait a sec
[2013/4/4 21:16:03] GMarshal: "a citizen of beijing, who left for the us years ago, returns to his home city, dying of acute cancer, as he visits the sites of the city he has touching memories of things he did, as he walks around the city, you get the peices of a love story, which eventually ends with him leaving the country to marry the love of his life"
[2013/4/4 21:10:49] Shady Sands: I have no fucking idea what tickles their fancy
[2013/4/4 21:10:54] Shady Sands: thats why i have one thriller
[2013/4/4 21:10:55] Shady Sands: one romcom
[2013/4/4 21:10:58] Shady Sands: one family drama
[2013/4/4 21:11:08] Shady Sands: one 'high concept' scifi/romcom
[2013/4/4 21:11:21] Shady Sands: and one horror
[2013/4/4 21:11:32] GMarshal: yeah, with their standards you'd almost be best off making a thrilling documentatry
[2013/4/4 21:12:03] Shady Sands: hah
[2013/4/4 21:12:08] Shady Sands: so like... how about
[2013/4/4 21:12:23] Shady Sands: 'the tests from hell
[2013/4/4 21:12:28] Shady Sands: 'the tests from hell
[2013/4/4 21:12:30] Shady Sands: and its about
[2013/4/4 21:12:34] Shady Sands: Beijing high school students
[2013/4/4 21:12:42] Shady Sands: prepping for the Chinese version of the SATs
[2013/4/4 21:12:47] Shady Sands: which are like the American SATs
[2013/4/4 21:12:55] Shady Sands: except they're so hard
[2013/4/4 21:13:00] Shady Sands: that in teh 9 million test takers each year
[2013/4/4 21:13:06] Shady Sands: nobody gets a perfect score
[2013/4/4 21:13:39] Shady Sands: but thats not vry beijing centric
[2013/4/4 21:13:40] GMarshal: I have no idea how you would frame it
[2013/4/4 21:13:45] Shady Sands: that too
[2013/4/4 21:13:48] GMarshal: or if it shows off the city at all
[2013/4/4 21:13:53] Shady Sands: hrmmm
[2013/4/4 21:13:54] Shady Sands: how about
[2013/4/4 21:13:57] Shady Sands: the collector
[2013/4/4 21:13:58] GMarshal: honestly I would pick one and run with it
[2013/4/4 21:14:07] Shady Sands: an aging art collector returns to beijing
[2013/4/4 21:14:22] Shady Sands: to find what appears to be a worthless antique
[2013/4/4 21:14:26] Shady Sands: that has great sentimental value to him
[2013/4/4 21:14:46] GMarshal: idea
[2013/4/4 21:14:48] GMarshal: wait a sec
[2013/4/4 21:16:03] GMarshal: "a citizen of beijing, who left for the us years ago, returns to his home city, dying of acute cancer, as he visits the sites of the city he has touching memories of things he did, as he walks around the city, you get the peices of a love story, which eventually ends with him leaving the country to marry the love of his life"
Ding fucking ding. Great concept because, unlike nearly every other story there, it emotionally vests the viewer in Beijing.
I offered GM the chance to do it himself, but being a class act, he refused. Well, no rest for the wicked, so I went to work polishing this concept.
COMPETITION: Feature Film
TITLE: The Terminal Case (终点案)
BRIEF SYNOPSIS: An American businesswoman accidentally swaps her suitcase with that of a stranger at Beijing Capital International Airport. She tries finding him through a trail of clues in his luggage, which leads her on a quest through Beijing and the stranger’s personal history; she eventually falls in love with both him and the city.
SYNOPSIS:
Gwen MacAllister, a recently divorced consultant, is in Beijing for a case. At the baggage claim, she accidentally grabs the lookalike suitcase of a thin, reedy man around her age and who shared her flight. She does not catch his name.
She discovers her mistake when she opens the suitcase back in her hotel and finds men’s clothing, three photographs, an assortment of prescription drugs, and a map of Beijing marked with three locations – but no phone or contact information for the suitcase owner. Assuming that the stranger who has her luggage will call her instead, she goes to a full day of meetings, but her phone remains silent.
Without her luggage, she lacks the materials to complete her project, so she begins flipping through the stranger’s suitcase for clues; she learns each photo lines up with a location on the marked map.
The first photo - a smiling young man and pregnant woman standing under a tiled hutong roof – matches an address near the Temple of Heaven. Gwen visits and finds out it has become a restaurant; the owner, a kindly old gentleman named Lao Lan, recalls the young couple, telling her that the woman, Ma Yilin, grew up in the hutong, but left with the young man, who Lan only knows as Xiao Wang. Lan goes on to say that most residents of the hutong were suspicious of Xiao Wang, since he didn’t come from a good family, but that in his own opinion, Xiao Wang treated Yilin very well.
The second photo is that of Xiehe Hospital. Gwen asks the hospital staff to look for Ma Yilin in their records, and finds out the girl died giving birth to a daughter fifteen years ago – and, moreover, the father was not present, nor did the hospital know who he was. The staff also tells her that the prescription drugs are a daily chemotherapy regimen, and whoever is missing those drugs does not have long to live.
With a sense of urgency, Gwen sees the third photo, which is of an old-fashioned, minibus-style taxi bearing the number “045173” in blue lettering, with Xiao Wang at the wheel. The location on the map, however, is right in the middle of the Fuxingmen intersection. Gwen, puzzled, decides to call the cab company about cab #045173; she is told that the cab in question was totaled at Fuxingmen fifteen years ago, and the driver, Xu Tieshan, escaped on foot.
Gwen realizes, somewhat belatedly given her limited Mandarin skills, that Xiao Wang could not be a nickname for anyone named Xu Tieshan – and goes back to double-check with Lao Lan. When she does, she finds the stranger kneeling in front of Lao Lan’s restaurant, head bowed in shame, coughing up blood onto Gwen’s opened suitcase, now filled with money. He sees her as well and immediately lets her know that he sent the contents of her suitcase to her office.
Gwen thanks him; hands him the three photos; Tieshan explains that fifteen years ago, he was in love with Ma Yilin, and he knocked her up; unfortunately, her father, Ma Lan, refused to let them marry and pressured Yilin to give up her unborn daughter. Yilin wound up running away from home; on the night she was due, Tieshan was hurrying back from his taxi route to meet her at the hospital when he ran a red light and caused an accident.
Knowing he would be arrested, he decided to run away, hoping to return later, but by then, Yilin had already died giving birth, and their daughter was nowhere to be found. Tieshan eventually made it big speculating in Shenzhen real estate – and was then diagnosed with lung cancer. When he decided to try and find his daughter before he passed away, he found out Ma Lan – aka Lao Lan – had hid her from Tieshan out of spite.
At this point, Lao Lan appears, and hurls obscenities and rotten food at Tieshan, accusing him of killing his daughter. Tieshan does not resist, but Gwen does, eventually restraining the old man and calming him down. After a long apology, Lao Lan finally relents and brings out his granddaughter, Tieshan’s daughter. Tieshan collapses from the shock, and Gwen tries to feed him his medicine, but Tieshan refuses, saying that he only came to Beijing to see his daughter and die, and that was why he didn’t miss the drugs. Gwen persuades him otherwise, noting that his daughter now needs him more than ever. Tieshan agrees.
The film ends in a brief coda taking place six months later. Tieshan is busy running Lan’s restaurant, while Lao Lan helps Tieshan’s daughter with homework. Gwen sits down and looks at Tieshan; they embrace and kiss.
THOUGHTS:
The big balancing act in any emotionally charged script is how to deliver the emotional content without seeming overindulgent.
GM's idea was certainly good, but the execution would be tricky in light of that trap, so I decided to flip the POV to a 3rd person with a 'deus ex baggage claim', and let her do the discovering.
Then I had a legitimate plot excuse to go wallow in random details about Beijing and the mystery man's life without seeming maudlin.
Now, with both scripts done, I decided to do the final piece: sample scenes.
The Terminal Case -
SAMPLE SCRIPT EXCERPT:
A WINDOWED REFLECTION FILLS THE SCREEN
We see the kneeling, reflected figure of an ill, wiry, MAN, a suitcase laid out in front of him, covering a neat patch of sidewalk. In spite of the obvious heat and his all-black suited outfit, his expression is cool, placid, even. Shadows from a row of lush pagoda trees dance across his face.
There are o.s. shouts from some of the older neighborhood ladies and an indistinct reply from Lao Lan, interrupted by the whine of an approaching taxicab.
Behind the man, a yellow-and-green Passat pulls up to the curb, replacing the reflected background, and we turn from the window to see Gwen emerge and stride purposefully towards the gray brick of Lan’s restaurant, her heels click-clacking on the pavement. She almost stumbles over the kneeling figure.
The kneeling man looks up and smiles at her – then spasms forward, coughing, his blood splashing on the opened suitcase in front of him as well as Gwen’s stiletto heels.
Gwen’s eyes widen. She sees the redness soak into tight-bound stacks of pink hundred-RMB bills, and then brings a hand to her mouth as she recognizes the suitcase as her own. Then she squats down on the sidewalk beside him, biting her lip as she realizes this man is none other than XU TIESHAN.
TIESHAN
It seems we got mixed up. Gwen, right?
Gwen nods.
TIESHAN
I sent your project materials to your office. Had to empty out your suitcase. You know how small these things are.
Tieshan attempts to laugh, which quickly disintegrates into another volley of coughs.
Gwen leans closer, patting him hard on the back. Then she reaches into her purse and produces a trio of photographs.
GWEN
I think these are yours. And we need to get you to a hospital.
Tieshan leans away, shakes his head.
TIESHAN
Thanks. Keep them. And I’m not moving.
Gwen insists, her hands pushing forward, her expression betraying a hint of confusion.
GWEN
Why?
Tieshan allows himself a weak smile, then takes the photos and puts them into a suit pocket.
TIESHAN
I was trying to remember—no—find something with these pictures. I found it. And I’m not budging until I see it.
Gwen smiles back. Then she stands up, dusts off her knees, and peers into the restaurant.
GWEN
She’s here?
Tieshan coughs violently into a handkerchief – another splotch of red. Then he looks up at Gwen, his eyes suddenly even wider than hers.
TIESHAN
How did—how did you—
Gwen stares back, her expression balanced between curiosity and empathy.
GWEN
It’s a long story. What I want to know is—
TIESHAN
—why did I walk away?
Gwen nods, then sits down beside him, cross-legged. Behind her, a few of the neighborhood ladies can be seen gathering, eagerly enjoying this spectacle.
TIESHAN
That night… that night that Yilin was giving birth… there was a red light… I couldn’t stop…
GWEN
And you didn’t want to get caught.
Tieshan nods.
GWEN
You were going to go back for her?
Tieshan nods, again, then coughs so hard he nearly falls over. Gwen catches him, smearing blood on her sleeves.
TIESHAN
(wheezing)
Thanks.
Gwen waits for Tieshan to catch his breath.
GWEN
Then what kept you from meeting your daughter?
Tieshan throws a glance into the restaurant window, a potent cocktail of hurt, fear, and sadness on his face.
TIESHAN
Who. Who kept me.
(a beat)
Her grandfather.
Gwen blinks twice in rapid succession.
GWEN
Her what?
Tieshan smiles a little, then stares straight ahead, unblinking. Gwen’s eyes follow his. We back away from the two, and see Lao Lan’s hunched figure filling half the restaurant’s entryway and his smoldering anger filling the remainder.
LAO LAN
The bastard’s right.
Tomb of the Princess
SAMPLE SCRIPT EXCERPT:
EVENING BLUES FILL THE SCREEN
There are o.s. shouts of ‘taxi!’, and loud cell phone chatter– all of it buoyed over residual ENGINES and HORNS of cars and busses unseen. A bright white egg mushrooms from the bottom of the screen, becoming the titanium and glass latticework of the NATIONAL GRAND THEATRE.
JUSTIN TAI (V.O.)
When I turned twenty-one, my dad gave me two pieces of advice.
We drift through the latticework, into a milieu of residual symphonic noises and polite, excited, banter, and focus on a well-dressed, mutually attractive, early-twenties MAN and WOMAN threading their way through the strings and voices, leaving a trail of ‘excuse mes’ and ‘pardon mes’. They finally push their way to the front door, and the man instinctively holds the door open for the woman. She strides through with a quiet sense of grace, as if expecting someone to take a picture of her high, scarlet cheekbones simply for walking through a door.
JUSTIN (V.O.)
The first was an old saying about Beijing.
We follow the couple as they glide across a walkway flanked by pools of water and covered with similarly well-dressed people. In the background, the Great Hall of the People and Monument to the People’s Heroes shine with a soft glow.
JUSTIN (V.O.)
The East Side is rich, and the West Side has class.
We follow the couple to Chang’An avenue, and the man tries and fails to hail a taxi.
JUSTIN (V.O.)
My parents grew up on the East Side, but they didn’t fit the mold.
We see the man point at his wristwatch, and then lead the woman down a set of stairs. We back away from the stairs to see a red tile sign reading ‘Tian’anmen West Station’.
JUSTIN (V.O.)
But Huilan came from the West Side, and her family fit in all the way.
Smash cut to:
INT. LINE ONE SUBWAY CAR
The subway car rolls and shakes, and even at this late time of night, is filled with Beijingers of all shapes and sizes. A tired overhead vent fan struggles to keep everybody cool.
In spite of the heat, though, the woman still retains her sense of grace. She then looks at the man with affectionate eyes and draws him in even closer, then sneaks a quick kiss.
JUSTIN (V.O.)
Thankfully, Huilan was only classy when it mattered.
The car comes to a stop and the man and woman exit; we follow them onto a cavernous platform bedecked in marble pillars. The man and woman stride briskly for the exit and we lose them in the crowd; we then rise and focus in on one of the subway station signs that reads ‘Tomb of the Princess’.
Fade in to:
TITLE CARD: ‘Tomb of the Princess’
Smash cut to:
INT. APARTMENT BUILDING HALLWAY
We see the man and woman, panting slightly, arrive in front of a plain-looking apartment door bedecked in leftover Chinese New Year decorations.
JUSTIN (V.O.)
His other piece of advice: it’s usually pretty hard to date your boss.
We see the woman smile wickedly, then lean in for a kiss, which the man passionately returns.
JUSTIN (V.O.)
But dating his daughter? That’s even worse.
We see the two back away from the kiss. The man leans forward to knock on the door, but before he can, the door opens of its own accord, revealing WENG YIKUN, a thin, short, salt-and-pepper man in his late forties wearing a crooked half-smile and a plain black polo shirt.
YIKUN
Justin! So glad to see you. And you brought Huilan home safe and right on time.
Yikun steps aside, leaving the door open. Justin stands there with a sort of standoffish air. Huilan gives her date a quick peck on the cheek, and then disappears into the living room.
YIKUN
(with gentle exasperation)
Well? What are you waiting for? Do come in.
Justin tilts his head in a quick bow.
JUSTIN
Thank you, boss, but I’ve got some comps to do tonight.
YIKUN
On who?
JUSTIN
American Bromide.
Yikun nods, pats him on the shoulder.
YIKUN
Well, can’t argue with that.
(a beat)
Feel free to copy me in on your work – better yet, just come up to my office at ten tomorrow morning.
JUSTIN
Will do. Thanks, and good night.
Justin turns to leave. Yikun stands there, a full smile growing on his face.
YIKUN
Oh, and one more thing.
Justin turns back.
YIKUN
Next time you kids are out this late, just call Xiao Fan. He’ll pick you up. Huilan has his number.
Yikun closes the door with a casual shove. After a quick three-second count, Justin lets out a deep breath, and pries loose his top collar button.
Smash cut to:
INT. YIKUN’S OFFICE
We see bookshelves spanning twenty languages along two adjoining walls. Along the far side from the doors are plate-glass windows overlooking the steel and glass of Financial Street, along with a coffee table and pair of rattan chairs. Facing south is a large mahogany desk and leather chair. The desk is remarkably free of clutter, supporting only a laptop, a flag, and a placard reading ‘CEO’. Above the bookshelves, a clock reads twelve past ten. The big leather chair is empty.
Justin stands in the doorway, unsure of what to do. Before he can react, the doors close behind him, and a lean, tanned hand claps him on the shoulder. Justin finally turns around, but is then turned another hundred eighty degrees towards his original direction by the hand on his shoulder and pointed towards the coffee table near the plate glass windows.
YIKUN
(chuckling)
You better work on that, kiddo. If you were in the army, you’d probably be dead by now.
Justin begins walking to one of the small woven seats.
JUSTIN
Will- will do.
Yikun follows Justin to the table, sets out two cups of tea and a pack of Zhonghua filters. He offers Justin a cup and a smoke.
YIKUN
Need a light?
Justin shakes his head.
JUSTIN
I’m sorry, I don’t smoke. But thank you for the tea.
Yikun lets out a deep belly laugh.
YIKUN
Good, very good. No need to apologize – that was the right thing to say.
(turning serious)
Now let’s get down to business.
Writing these screenplays felt a lot like doing a flutter kick drill in the pool - you're essentially writing fiction with a heavy focus on description, pacing, and dialogue, but with minimal ability to use internal monologues or direct exposition; you're doing the front crawl, but with no ability to use your arms. But it's still a really good drill because you get really good at pushing yourself through the water with just your legs - or pushing the themes and plot forward with just description, pacing, and dialogue.
Overall, a fun two weeks.
And thanks GM!
