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Well i dont actually like to do girl blogs but i guess im really in need to advise now.
I've known this girl for around a year and i decided to make my move on her. We did hang out twice together and she did text me after the date saying she enjoyed herself and all that.
So fast forward till last night where i told her my feelings and she basically friendzoned me. She said that she just needed time to find herself and all and that she only likes me as a friend.
So ok. I take it in my stride and i decided that i should keep my distance from now and just get busy with my own life to make myself happy. But somehow she keeps texting me. Its like she spoke to me as if nothing had happened and she started to tell me that she would want to keep our friendship.
For me that's fine but i find it hard to stay as close as we were only to be her friend. I still like her but i would just want to get away for a bit, let the feelings go away before qe actually start talking again.
So thing is right now.. im quite clueless still.. sigh.
 
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Just write back that you need a bit of distance, not because you don't like her, just for keeping your emotional health intact 
As you already pointed out, you were friendzoned. Shit happens, just move on. Some girls like to be acknowledged, that's eventually why she keeps texting you, for the attention and acknowledgement. Just write back once and then move on until you are fine with your emotions again. At that point it is up to you to stay in contact if you want to.
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You know, I'd like to offer something profound but there's really not much to it--my train of thought i mean.
One thing i've learned is to remain quite indifferent to what's being said to you. There's quite a bit more to the reasoning for that, but one example is.. if you're reading too deeply into what people say, you end up taking it personally and often in a way that was not intended.
I would like to think that the girl does not realize quite a few things about you, including what has happened to you for most of your life, how much you were emotionally invested in her, or how great a guy you actually can be if you're given the chance. One thing she does apparently realize well though, is that she wants to remain friends with you.. i'm sorry if that comes off a little harsh or sad, and i know that it's not a very positive thing to say from any angle.
I was in a relationship (a connection) with somebody where after our break-up, i was in very bad condition over my lingering attachment to her. Sometimes we would talk where she confided in me about the things around her, and I was allowed to be honest with anything i said. In other periods of time I would have a very difficult time staying afloat over things like my feelings, or even some raw jealousy.
I was happy to be a friend (and striving to be a better one), but unhappy to witness how she was fulfilling herself [seemingly] entirely either without me, or with another person. It would be difficult to be around her sometimes, even if it was nobody's fault at large.
I do believe you need to believe in yourself or there are consequences to how you feel about another person.
I would ask myself, "Am I glad to have chosen her?"
I also believe that it is worth it to be clear about what you feel and about how your time passes by (whether you feel hurt, indifferent, etcetera). Maybe that's like having some effeminate (or in other words, extra-ordinary sensitivity) personality, but I believe you should know how her side of the story is if your feelings are going to be riding on it--because, while there are things that she doesn't see about you, it reciprocates on your end also.
In the end, I did have faith in her and in how she left me or treated me during an entire year and a half... or found hope in how i did not have a grasp or understanding of why or how these things happened in the exact way they did.
It became clear that the feelings were always there even if they were expressed awkwardly or not expressed at all.
Patience does pay off, but the process can hurt and change you dramatically as well.
..Just stay happy as best you can and i'm sure you'll find your answers soon enough.
I believe that someone should forget their relationship and pack the good things on the trip to the next relationship they plan on having. It's not easy, but it's something that allows you to talk face to face and in earnest, rather than relying on text, mail, or just the sound the voice.
I'm also not a person that talks about their relationship(s), but i understand that it's nice to have something to go by~
In my case it was Starcraft and the TeamLiquid community
and the lessons i had to teach myself along the way.
A very-side note is that it often makes people happy to be treated as an equal, as and adult, and not just as a course of affection.
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Bearded Elder29905 Posts
On March 27 2013 20:32 AngryMag wrote:Just write back that you need a bit of distance, not because you don't like her, just for keeping your emotional health intact
As you already pointed out, you were friendzoned. Shit happens, just move on. Some girls like to be acknowledged, that's eventually why she keeps texting you, for the attention and acknowledgement. Just write back once and then move on until you are fine with your emotions again. At that point it is up to you to stay in contact if you want to.
DO NOT DO THAT. Don't even try texting her and telling You need a distance. If You really want anything more from her, yeah You should keep the distance or make it even bigger than before but You are not allowed to tell her that You need it.
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if she does not realize that your nickname is giganthor, bringer of orgasms, and she does not want to be pleasured by your mighty fallus, then yeah, I guess its fair to say to her all or nothing.
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Just text her your new GF doesn't like you texting other girls and then only respond to very 10th text afterwards!
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I think the big problem is, that you might scare girls when you start going out with all your feelings etc, and tell her how you have these feelings etc.
You are interresting in her eyes, else she wouldn't keep contacting you and go on dates.
However, instead of trying to come out with all your feelings to her by texts / talk etc, you should just keep things as normal, talk to her, joke with her etc. -- BUT -- you should make your move at the right moment, when you are together. You know, these moments where it's obvious to go kiss her, or you can feel the spark between you.
Flat out telling her how you feel, before any moves are made, is not just working most of the time.
When you are out on a date with her, take the temperature, and see if theres any opportunity for going for the "kill".
GL HF!
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Last time a girl "friendzoned" me (awesome word btw) i gave her what she wanted (i.e : seeing her ofen, going to movies together,etc.. as a friend ). This went on for 6 months.
It was 13 years ago and we are now married and have 2 kids.
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sounds like you were the only one who thought it was a date
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This use of the word 'friendzone' as a verb is kinda weird to me. I figured the 'friendzoning' in the language of the PUA community or whatever referred to the categorization the gal already made about you due to your actions, not to the conversation when she said she wasn't interested in being more than friends.
But whatever, language evolves how it wants. Just another funny case of what happens when people take PUA seriously.
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United States3230 Posts
If you value your friendship with her, you need to not talk about your process of getting over her. Girls tend to be a bit ruthless at this point and if you make any attempt to be honest with them abut your feelings for them after they friendzone you, they will flat out ignore you. It's the sad reality, that you need to lie in order to keep a friendship.
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On March 27 2013 23:53 QuanticHawk wrote:
sounds like you were the only one who thought it was a date
Sounds like he needs to pursue it more  .
I'm going to wait till he says they almost had sex to tell him, "put the penor in."
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On March 28 2013 00:43 cDgCorazon wrote:
If you value your friendship with her, you need to not talk about your process of getting over her. Girls tend to be a bit ruthless at this point and if you make any attempt to be honest with them abut your feelings for them after they friendzone you, they will flat out ignore you. It's the sad reality, that you need to lie in order to keep a friendship.
From my experience this is true and well said. I had a girl tell me, "yeah i want to be friends but just shut up with the weird messages" I thought oh, "ok no problem she wants to be friends, it won't hurt to mention my attraction here and there" but i failed to control myself. BOOM she told me to fuck right off and deleted me on facebook...ruthless..
I'm tempted to agree with the advice that says "don't tell her you like her explicitly" because for me that has caused more pain than success lately. It did work a bit when i was younger.If you try it though, don't be surprised if things don't go well because its really forward. A romantic relationship has natural rates of growth i think.. If you do not act congruently with those you will suffer the consequences (maybe?)
I think generally its better to imply it by flirting. If she is not interested in the flirting and you get your feelings hurt easily you can be like. "what?? flirting?? me!? get over yourself!" haha
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On March 28 2013 00:43 cDgCorazon wrote:
If you value your friendship with her, you need to not talk about your process of getting over her. Girls tend to be a bit ruthless at this point and if you make any attempt to be honest with them abut your feelings for them after they friendzone you, they will flat out ignore you. It's the sad reality, that you need to lie in order to keep a friendship.
It depends on the girl. Once, one girl friendzoned me. It took me maybe about a month and a half until I got over her, not a lot at all. Yes, it wasn't so long ago so I still think about her often, but I no longer have any feelings and I can talk about it with her no problem. She even gives me advice on girls and relationships in general, as she is one of my closer, if not closest friends right now, that is after we talked it out together, completely and thoroughly. Case closed.
Yeah, at first, I was a bit crushed and too thought it maybe would be better to cut contact, but after some time I realized its not necessary for me. I soon came to realize that she wasn't right girl for me anyways and she is much better friend than she ever would be girlfriend, so a win-win situation for me. Good female friends are very rare, so I am quite glad I didn't cut her off.
I don't know OP's girl, but he (probably) does so he has to make his decision based on his knowledge about her personality etc. I was pretty confident that I know this girl so I was pretty sure I can be completely open with her. And still, if I was somehow wrong and she ignored me and/or started acting weird, well, then she wasn't a friend worth keeping in the first place and I would be glad I knew that and wouldn't lose more time with her.
I may have different view on friendship, but I think real friends are people who you know you can rely on when you have problems, just as they can rely on you when they do. Other people who don't fall in this category are more like acquaintances for me and I don't value them nearly as much. That is my opinion. OP has to recognize in which category does this girl fall in - if she is true friend, you can be honest with her. If she is not, well, then cDgCorazon is right - don't be honest with her and just straight up tell her you need some time at distance from her, BAM and that's it. If you don't feel like it, you don't even have to tell her that and cut contact with her right away, I would probably tell her why you distance from her though, I feel like she has right to know. Your call.
Anyways, good luck, OP. Either way you should keep distance from her for a while and then give yourself time to do something different like hobbies, studies, gym, whatever, and soon the feelings should die off.
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On March 28 2013 01:52 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On March 27 2013 23:53 QuanticHawk wrote:
sounds like you were the only one who thought it was a date Sounds like he needs to pursue it more . I'm going to wait till he says they almost had sex to tell him, "put the penor in."
Did you specifically ask her out on a "date"? Or did you just go up to her and say, hey you want to hang out on Saturday? I think it might be the latter...
Also I would just keep your distance and not tell her, that seems like a bad idea. If you do end up telling her then you best increase the distance 100 fold and not jump on every little signal that she is supposedly giving you.
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On March 27 2013 20:32 AngryMag wrote:Just write back that you need a bit of distance, not because you don't like her, just for keeping your emotional health intact As you already pointed out, you were friendzoned. Shit happens, just move on. Some girls like to be acknowledged, that's eventually why she keeps texting you, for the attention and acknowledgement. Just write back once and then move on until you are fine with your emotions again. At that point it is up to you to stay in contact if you want to.
Yes.
OP received a clear-rejection.
Receiving texts like nothing happened is a mixed message, but don't let that cover up the rejection. She's doing what SHE wants, which is not what you need.
Distance is good.
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Okay thanks guys. velocity x time x 100 it is!
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EPT
