For the last few years I've been having this weird mental habit: Whenever my mind is not busy with thinking, I tend to create scenarios in my head where I talk to ppl and/or myself. The scenarios can be in any time frame, from way back in the past or in the far future. But they have one thing in common: they never happened/haven't happened yet. Most of them are just me doing/saying cool stuffs then getting attention from people because of it. It makes me feel like an attention whore.
Recently it's been getting worse. I can't seem to do anything without creating imaginary scenarios every once in a while. I tried to focus on the outside, on other people but it doesn't last long.
I think this started back in high school, where I go to a class with 40 girls and only 7 guys. The girls would give me massive amounts of attention that I pretty much didn't deserve and couldn't handle.
I've read many self-help articles, mostly about being myself and developing positive traits. I think my main problems are low self-esteem (probably inherited from parents) and having no one by my side to help me (the ppl around me are very boring, if not negative. Whenever I met a person with a positive attitude I always felt like falling in love with them, even if they're old men (I'm not gay!).
Life's short, I think the last 10 years of nothingness is enough. I actually made a blog entry like every year to motivate myself, but the motivation only last a few days, then I would be back to being lonely and a people pleaser. Damn.
Seriously, how do one stay positive and motivated everyday, while being surrounded by negative ppl?.