Okay, so I drank a lot of alcohol, but I'm doing my best to correctly punctuate this post. So, very recently, like three seconds ago, I watched this WEIRD video on youtube and I am totally lost.
Now, keep in mind, Youtube is really, really weird. So is abstract art. So are octopi, but that's a whole 'nother ball of yard. By the way, is it weird to mix champagne with tea? Don't answer that, I don't care what you think. It was rhetorical. You don't answer rhetorical questions. I answer rhetorical questions. Anyway, this video was like abstract art and I was like, "Yo, I need teamliquid to help me with this because I just... what?" I don't understand life anymore. God, I had such a bad day. It's about 5:02 in the morning and I don't want to sleep.
Think about this: okay, if I killed myself (don't worry, I won't) right now, my family would miss me and it would hurt them. I know cuz if one of them killed themselves, it would hurt me. I know cuz it's happened before, and I'm scared it will happen again. But really, okay, if you take my family out of the equation, a few people would miss me for a little while, then they'd rationalize life and death and get past it. Meanwhile, my body will become the grass, and antelopes eat the grass, so you see, we are all connected by the great circle of life. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing. That's the point. What is the point of me? Do I have a point? For the love of Darwin, I should be married and have two kids or something by now like all my friends in high school, who all have these perfect little lives, where they can take pictures of their cute little families, while I have nothing. I'm going to turn 40 and live with like fifty cats and be the crazy cat lady whose house smells like cat shit because cats are pooping all of the place.
I'm not gonna be like "Life has no meaning" and shit because that's fucked up and anyone who says that is just wasting everyone's time. You have to find a meaning, but I haven't found mine. I'm the first to say I'm just a fuck-up. I'm drinking alone in the middle of the night with nothing to do. That's not right. Don't do this. When I find something I like, I put my heart into it, but I don't know what I like, so I just stick to what I know, which is video games and being on the internet. All my fucking high school friends are gone, even though they said they were bffs and would help me if I was ever down on my luck. A girlfriend or boyfriend of mine breaks up? I cheer them up. Someone bullies my friends? I bully the bullies back. That's all high school is besides being a prison that teaches you absolutely nothing about the real world, these sordid weird-ass joke romances and people bullying each other just to claw their way to the top of this house of cards that's going to come crashing down once they realize high school is over. We got through that together, but after it all, when I'm down on the ground bleeding, who comes over to help me? Nobody. Not that I'm being a little emo bitch and going "Wah wah wah everyone hatez me time to slash my wrists while listening to hawthorne heights and sobbing" but I guess I was just stupid to believe that a high schooler could keep a promise.
I'm still stupid. I'm stupid on top of stupid. I wish I could clone myself so that I could transfer my soul to the clone and then slap my original self across the face. I know that seems harsh, but maybe it's better than being a pretentious douchebag and going "I'm the shit, look at me." I love helping people. I love teaching people. I just love that "Aha moment" when they get something and learn something new because I helped them. I love learning, I don't love being educated and following a bunch of bullshit rules that dictate how I'm going to learn. I don't want to be a teacher because I think school is bullshit. The whole thing. Like, someone needs to just take school and just start over from scratch, because look at the US compared to any other developed nation in the world and it's like we're not even trying anymore. Everyone's like "AMERICA, FUCK YEAH. WE'RE NUMBER ONE, WE'RE THE GREATEST MOST FREEST NATION ON EARTH." but it's just not the case. We're not number one in anything except for maybe the amount of people we kill or could potentially kill, and that's not something to be proud of. It's like we're coasting along on the accomplishments of a dead generation and hoping that no other country in the world will ever catch up to us. Well, bad news, bears. Nothing lasts forever. If we just brag about being the best when we are dying, it's just arrogance, and who is going to mourn for us when we're gone? Nobody.
Who's going to mourn for me when I die? Maybe a few people. I don't want to break peoples' hearts or see anyone sad. I just want people to be happy. I've spent so much time trying to make other people being happy though that I've neglected myself. Also, as a test to see if you're actually reading this whole thing, the secret password is: giraffes. Remember that. Anyhoo, I just need to be happy, or I can't make anyone else happy. I turn into a recluse that growls at anyone who gets close to me. I can't get close to anyone anymore. I don't trust anyone. I think everyone either is going to leave me or doesn't really care for me. Maybe it's because I'm a weirdo. Maybe it's because I don't fit peoples' fucking stereotypes about the way I should be. I'll never be what people think I should be. I'm sorry. I'm not a fucking dumb blonde ditzy airhead who loves shopping, trendy clothes, cellphones, stunner shades(although I own a pair, sup), being a whore, avoiding anything with any intellectual depth, or being one of those stupid nerd-girls who go "fml -_-;;" or "yayyyyyyyyy :33333 ^_^" and have seen all the anime movies that have ever been made. Not that it's bad to act all cute about everything, it's just not me. But that whole airhead "amagad, wat?" attitude is like, the biggest reason men don't take us seriously, it's just all "Look at me, I'm pretty" and not thinking about anything or reading any books or thinking about shit.
Some days, I wake up, and I feel like I've got things figured out, and other days, I'm like "What the fuck." and it's like this video. Maybe it's because I didn't get enough sleep, maybe it's because I drank so much, or maybe I'm just not that in tune with art. Maybe I'm just being too pragmatic and self-analytical right now, so I'm just missing the point, but I don't understand that goddamn youtube video, or anything. So, what else is new?
Well, now I'm tired so I'm going to try and sleep but I still feel weird.
Don't go ridin' on that Long Black Train. You're one of the brightest, most awesome people I've met.
Wish I could be where you are, so we can be narcissists and crack facetious jokes all day. You are what made me happy when I was bored wasting my life on the internet, because you are one of the rare few that gets my humor and throws it back at me.
I'm your friend, if you ever feel down let me know, I will support you, I don't want you to die even figuratively. Say whatever is on your mind, and I will be there to listen.
Its a quarter past one in the morning. As I'm speaking I'm opening my favorite bottle of scotch so I can get drunk with you. I sucks to be depressed, I know what its like, so I will be depressed with you, so you won't be alone.
I've been some years out of high school now, i think I'm slowly getting the grasp of it - of life... here my thoughts...
I like to think life in several degrees (or planes, dimensions.. idk). So, in a higher degree, a most objective degree by the way i see it, life has no sense, for all that matters life is a dice roll, and here i say life as the world, the universe... everything.
But, at our scale, at my scale that answer doesn't suit me. Living by "life has no sense" it's (as i experienced by a very short lapse of time) kinda depressing. So was faced with the question, what is the sense, the meaning of (my) life. I always had some tendency towards science, so my answer came rather quickly, I had to search for answers. First, sense of life = finding a sense of life; i found that for my self the path is more important than the destination. My life right now, I started studying something that I've come to love (after 2-3 years completely wasted on Uni); I'm doing sports that i really like (rock climbing, some ice; being outdoors, with a group of friends, that turn into close friends rather fast, is really amazing, and it kinda relates to my career - geology); finishing my degree and starting a post-degree; starting to get enough money to be really independent. Summarizing: just be happy, do things that makes you happy, dont feel pressured to do thing that other might think you have to do.
As advices, dont drink alone, i mean to get wasted, i usually get a beer (love "handcrafted" beers). I've found that for me is better to just put some music and lay on the carpet, lights off, relaxing and reflecting, when something is not going well. One, usually, have 1-2 real friends who you can call, to go out walking, to talk to, to get hammered if need it be. And of course all of TL .
Looks like having a couple is not one of my priorities.... my ex told me that, guess she was right.
tldr: life has no sense/meaning -> look for a sense/meaning -> be happy
as wrote this:
finally, the video, all i can see is how society pushes us to do things we don't want to, religion most notably in the video. Tbh, im very biased.
I have sort of a similar feeling at the moment. Although, I do suppose that the long-term impact of my life and the impact of my death has not actually "hit me" yet. I do consciously recognize that once I die, no one will know me in a matter of decades, and no one will have the slightest reason to care in a couple more. That realization has not made an emotional impact on me yet, though. You see, I have the thinnest skin in the history of thin skins. And, historically speaking, I'm a social fuckup who's had tons of bad experiences being at the bottom of the barrel. So, every time I fuck up in a social situation (which I'm a natural at) I flip the fuck out for like hours and go full emo. It's actually kinda funny. And horrible. But funny, too.
Also I have no friends and am nothing like almost everyone else I meet irl.
Well...at least I feel slightly better about my situation. For some reason, even though I can't understand it rationally, if everyone is depressed it doesn't feel so bad to be down yourself, like its kind of normal. I'm kind of amazed everyone on Team Liquid is so open in these blogs, I would be afraid to go into so much detail, but its all so fascinating so I'm glad you all share. I think the best thing you can do, is not compare yourself to anyone, and try to take some small step somewhere that you can be happy about, I find I can latch on to small things that buoy me for a long time. For example I made one new friend!! Maybe it'll be okay, somehow in the future if I can stick to the happiness of that.
My best guess to the film was that I think its trying to show what happens when you don't accept yourself. He was carving eyes onto his body because he wanted to make up for the feeling of being able to openly view and accept his human form (and ultimately his desires), and when he was forced to wear clothes he no longer was who he truly wanted to be, so it led to all sorts of pent up anger that came out later when he was playing pool, landing him in jail, and ultimately costing him his life. Its most likely an allegory for not being able to accept yourself in many ways, by being told that you should do X or be like others even if you don't want to.
In the end I guess he became free, just like the angel, in some kind of afterlife where he was able to uncover himself and be free from his own self-induced suffering (his own "wings" were covering him up all the time in reality). Also giraffes are pretty cool animals
I'm not very good at giving advice but I don't think people should think about who is going to mourn them after they die, etc etc. Every single person inherently has self worth. Every person or giraffe or whatever has value. It's not a contest to see who is going to be "mourned" the most, it's that life is something special and everyone can appreciate it.
Anybody can go outside and find beauty and wonder in even the smallest things of the world around you. It doesn't matter who you are, whether you have a "perfect little life" or are alone and spend all day by yourself, you can look up in the night sky and see a vast universe of possibilities and imagination or even just look at a fucking bird in a tree and wonder about the millions and millions of years it took for the ecosystems of the world to have that tree and that bird end up there. People should marvel at how beautiful the physical universe is more often and not just worry about who is dating who or who is a bully or whatever.
Went through your post, thought I had some good points when I started but I'm not sure now. I'm far from an expert. You mightn't want to read it. But if you're still depressed maybe you should, but not sure if it will hurt or hurt, or maybe you should look at some inspirational/motivational quotes and videos sad as it sounds, but they're people who have been through it and risen to become successful and happy people. You might also want to consider medical help if you're very seriously suicide.
As for that video, it didn't have any effect on me at all, some kid is fucked up and cuts himself because of something his dad told him about god and dies meaninglessly. (saving some dude in prison who might not have survived anyway, could be anything else that saves lives and saved 100's).
Depression is something that will spiral downwards without external factors changing the state that has no energy to do things will make you do less which makes you more depressed. You have to fight it, and simple things like exercise and socializing (unless your self esteem is too low for thatat this point xD) can help a lot.
Think about this: okay, if I killed myself (don't worry, I won't) right now, my family would miss me and it would hurt them. I know cuz if one of them killed themselves, it would hurt me. I know cuz it's happened before, and I'm scared it will happen again. But really, okay, if you take my family out of the equation, a few people would miss me for a little while, then they'd rationalize life and death and get past it. Meanwhile, my body will become the grass, and antelopes eat the grass, so you see, we are all connected by the great circle of life. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing.
You're depressed so your self esteem is extremely low. You're thinking about the only bad effects of suicide being that you hurt other people. That's not right, you shouldn't live just for other people.
That's the point. What is the point of me? Do I have a point? For the love of Darwin, I should be married and have two kids or something by now like all my friends in high school, who all have these perfect little lives, where they can take pictures of their cute little families, while I have nothing. I'm going to turn 40 and live with like fifty cats and be the crazy cat lady whose house smells like cat shit because cats are pooping all of the place.
Life has no meaning intrinsically. When you mow a lawn, grass gets cut, grass continues to grow. It does not question it just is. Same with all life. A seed doesn't have a point, when it blows in the wind, it doesn't have a destiny at that time. But once it lands in fertile soil, it grows, and expands, and grows toward the light and the roots occupy as much space as possible to secure as much water as it can. 50 years later maybe a treehouse is there. Who knows.
I'm not gonna be like "Life has no meaning" and shit because that's fucked up and anyone who says that is just wasting everyone's time. You have to find a meaning, but I haven't found mine. I'm the first to say I'm just a fuck-up. I'm drinking alone in the middle of the night with nothing to do. That's not right. Don't do this. When I find something I like, I put my heart into it, but I don't know what I like, so I just stick to what I know, which is video games and being on the internet.
Life has no meaning but what you make it mean. You could say you "find" a meaning, like a seed finds fertile soil, but it's a passive word. You have to go out and get these things yourself, though. You can develop any skill you want. You could be a teacher, doctor, scientist, fireman, policeman, vet, soldier, writer, journalist, programmer, engineer. Whatever. Everything can be developed. You like video games and internet because it's easy and passive and you don't need to participate that heavily. Nobody ever made a living off of reading books. But being an editor. You need to read a LOT of books but you need to actively search for errors after you developed the skills needed. Sticking to what you know most people mean as developing a skill you already have. That's different from just staying in your comfort zone and being too depressed and unmotivated to do anything else.
All my fucking high school friends are gone, even though they said they were bffs and would help me if I was ever down on my luck. A girlfriend or boyfriend of mine breaks up? I cheer them up. Someone bullies my friends? I bully the bullies back. That's all high school is besides being a prison that teaches you absolutely nothing about the real world, these sordid weird-ass joke romances and people bullying each other just to claw their way to the top of this house of cards that's going to come crashing down once they realize high school is over. We got through that together, but after it all, when I'm down on the ground bleeding, who comes over to help me? Nobody. Not that I'm being a little emo bitch and going "Wah wah wah everyone hatez me time to slash my wrists while listening to hawthorne heights and sobbing" but I guess I was just stupid to believ
You shouldn't assume everyone else has a perfect life. Who knows lots of em probably went through depression as well and how would you know? Did you ever call any of these people you used to know? They have to deal with their own life, and might have just as many problems as you. You shouldn't blame other people for some fucked up chemical imbalance in your brain, you can deal with that yourself if you fight it but nobody else can. Or will.
So what you're lonely now? Theres tons of lonely nerds around everywhere. Nothings going to change if we all sit in our rooms being lonely we're not going to meet anyone with common interests. (unless you meet ppl online and then go to meet ups etcetc)
I'm still stupid. I'm stupid on top of stupid. I wish I could clone myself so that I could transfer my soul to the clone and then slap my original self across the face. I know that seems harsh, but maybe it's better than being a pretentious douchebag and going "I'm the shit, look at me." I love helping people. I love teaching people. I just love that "Aha moment" when they get something and learn something new because I helped them. I love learning, I don't love being educated and following a bunch of bullshit rules that dictate how I'm going to learn. I don't want to be a teacher because I think school is bullshit. The whole thing. Like, someone needs to just take school and just start over from scratch, because look at the US compared to any other developed nation in the world and it's like we're not even trying anymore. Everyone's like "AMERICA, FUCK YEAH. WE'RE NUMBER ONE, WE'RE THE GREATEST MOST FREEST NATION ON EARTH." but it's just not the case. We're not number one in anything except for maybe the amount of people we kill or could potentially kill, and that's not something to be proud of. It's like we're coasting along on the accomplishments of a dead generation and hoping that no other country in the world will ever catch up to us. Well, bad news, bears. Nothing lasts forever. If we just brag about being the best when we are dying, it's just arrogance, and who is going to mourn for us when we're gone? Nobody.
Everyones stupid. The thing about the pretentious douchebags saying "i'm the shit, look at me" at least it gives them the self confidence and energy to keep going, and keep trying. It's not ideal but it's better than self-pity and self-doubt and total lack of motivation. You like teaching, but you don't like the school system and the way teachers taught you. You don't have to be like them. At worst you're confined by the school system but get to teach people the way you want to.
Who's going to mourn for me when I die? Maybe a few people. I don't want to break peoples' hearts or see anyone sad. I just want people to be happy. I've spent so much time trying to make other people being happy though that I've neglected myself. Also, as a test to see if you're actually reading this whole thing, the secret password is: giraffes. Remember that. Anyhoo, I just need to be happy, or I can't make anyone else happy. I turn into a recluse that growls at anyone who gets close to me. I can't get close to anyone anymore. I don't trust anyone. I think everyone either is going to leave me or doesn't really care for me. Maybe it's because I'm a weirdo. Maybe it's because I don't fit peoples' fucking stereotypes about the way I should be. I'll never be what people think I should be. I'm sorry. I'm not a fucking dumb blonde ditzy airhead who loves shopping, trendy clothes, cellphones, stunner shades(although I own a pair, sup), being a whore, avoiding anything with any intellectual depth, or being one of those stupid nerd-girls who go "fml -_-;;" or "yayyyyyyyyy :33333 ^_^" and have seen all the anime movies that have ever been made. Not that it's bad to act all cute about everything, it's just not me. But that whole airhead "amagad, wat?" attitude is like, the biggest reason men don't take us seriously, it's just all "Look at me, I'm pretty" and not thinking about anything or reading any books or thinking about shit.
There's no such thing a person who isn't weird. A "normal person" is just a view you get from averaging the behaviour of 100's or 1000's of people. Everyone is unique and has their own querks. If someone feels alienated for one reason or another and nobody else they know has that problem and they feel isolated. Well guess what, everyone else is alienated for a different reason. If you want to help people you can help people, if you don't have the skills to help people you can acquire them, with time. Motivation and energy. That's all you need. You don't need to be anyone else, nobody is asking you to, except for some reason you're mad you're not like everyone else, why. You don't want to be like these people so why should you be angry that you're not?
The only difference between being really happy and super motivated is making a decision about doing something and getting out of depression so you have the motivation to do it. Nobody cares if you're a fuck up or you think you failed at this or that or anything. It doesn't matter. Look at the stories of any sucessful person you know of, you look deep enough they have failed at lots of things, some of them homeless (stallone briefly) nearly starving (morgan freeman before he made it). Some of them abused by parents. It's the constant getting back up again and trying again when made them who they are. It doesn't matter if you're drinking at 5 am one day, one day is a tiny % of your life. The only issue is if you keep doing it and doing it because you're so depressed you don't do anything else. 2 years and a plan and you could be a completely different person.
Standard cliche video/quote but it's cliche for a good reason
edit: I know this is bad time but I just read your previous blogs, and for all your not wanting to be the stupid nerd girl you have a blog entry called Giggly girl eSports. really.. REALLLY? edit 2: quotes from your 2nd blog, over 3 years ago: "From all the popular lore I half-listen to, the act of setting goals only helps you reach happiness, nirvana and fulfills all your dreams." "I want to know for sure that I can still set a goal, and apply the kind of critical thinking and discipline to get that goal." It seems you have the right mindset, but didn't have the drive, the energy, and the planning and discipline to follow through with it, maybe having that happen to you a few times really hit you hard, but it hits everyone. Everyone who couldn't stick to a diet, couldn't keep their exercise up, couldn't keep their new years resolution. You can fail these things as much as you want and it's still better than not trying, because eventually you'll make ground and succeed.
I'm not trying to be some kind of "prophet of a healthy ways of life", but, hey, drinking is definitely not the best way of escaping. If you're looking for something to clean your thoughts - there are plenty ways to do it, which could actually lead you somewhere, while helping you to sort the stuff in your head. Read some good book, watch some great thoughtful movie - at least, that are the kinds of things that help me usually. Who knows, maybe you'll even be able to find your actual "meaning of life" while doing this.
And don't pay that much attention to the "friends" that leave you during hard times. Just keep doing the good things you do. People come and go, but the main thing is that you would feel right about helping them, even if they don't really appreciate that. Don't let them turn you into some kind of senseless stone, by ignoring your kindness to them.
Also, you said that you need some happiness for yourself in order to make other people happy - but that don't actually mean, that you have to find this happiness in others peoples' deeds. Find it in things you do - in some activities, that you really enjoy. And if you enjoy teaching people, as you said above - just do it. Don't pay attention to other people doing it - do it your way and enjoy it (yeah, that's actually, what was just said by the poster above, but it's worth repeating, as he has the right point). That's the whole point of life - try to enjoy the things you do. Question yourself every time you do something - "Am i enjoying this? Am I feeling right with that?", and if you do - just go with it.
My English must be pretty terrible, but I hope, you still can get the point. Yeah, giraffes.
Okay so, I don't know you at all, just wanted to preface what I'm about to say with that and + Show Spoiler +
giraffes
Based on this post, you seem to be a ton smarter than you give yourself credit for (this is not so good, but still...i feel you needed to hear that). You've definitely hit all the insights of life that I myself have troubles with. I can tell that you're extremely loyal (which is amazing to me), kind-hearted (which is something that's not popular in this world), you seem to have a very strong sense of empathy (which is where the whole, I'm gonna help everybody i can b/c that's me[even if it hurts me sometimes]) comes from (which is actually an amazing gift to have. there are so many ppl that say they are empathetic, but they don't truly understand, making them sympathetic). I too have felt that I'm going to wind up old and alone, but I keep telling myself "There's gonna be somebody out there for me, If I just keep working hard for it, I'll find love and family and happiness with them" and while I feel that I'm just lying to myself, sometimes you just gotta believe the lie!
Ok so there's that, maybe I do know you a little better than I thought
On the whole topic of death, EVERYBODY is afraid of death. Everybody wants to be immortal, and by leaving some mark on the world we become immortal (it might be our children, or some person who's life we once touched, or something we do in our career [whatever the hell that may be....yes im having trouble finding one too], or anything that seems so miniscule and impossible to us, and yet it happens). What I want to say is yes, some people will mourn for you, and yes some people won't care at all...the point is, the people who truly care about you, or are truly close to you, will realize what your life has meant to them, and WILL be happy with the times you've touched their lives (you may not see it, they might never ever tell you, it might even be somebody that you would never expect, but it WILL happen, there's no doubt).
I'm not sure what else to say here, It's hard for me to express thoughts and emotions (i AM male after all and introverted on top), but I just wanted to tell you, reading this, MY heart broke for you. So maybe people you know don't care, just remember...some Random person, actually cares, and is thinking of you.
Edit: Hmm, i've read through some of these peoples responses, and almost all of them seem to be trying to give you some advice or other...PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY POST AS ADVICE!! I was just trying to tell you, who I think you are (based on this post!) and give comfort (which is something we empathetic people do). I just wanted to tell you things, that you might have trouble seeing, b/c your looking out, and you needed a view of somebody looking in.
OH and btw, Art is fucked up. Don't take it seriously, b/c the artists do, but they're crazy. It's about what meaning you yourself take from it, not what anybody else says (including the artist(s) who are really just trying to have a pretentious feeling of being better than anybody/everybody, no matter what they tell you [it's gonna be a lie])
Edit 2: ok so i actually watched the video, and yes, it's messed up (but in a weird way) so that you give sympathy for this kid, over and over and over again, about how he's one way(which is perfectly normal/natural), then his dad changes him, for what his dad feels the better (which is also normal/natural), then the world/society changes him for the worse (which is also normal, but maybe not natural...and definitely not good), then a complete stranger changes him for the better, and then he dies for this stranger (b/c he realized the good that he has become), and then he dies (which is not bad, b/c he finally gets to see the "truth"). I think what's got you so stuck on this is your sense of empathy, b/c you put yourself in that kids shows, over and over and over, and feel the changes, and the harshness of the changes (even the good ones are hard), and it hurts, and it feels good, and it makes you smile and cry and laugh and scream. (this is life!)
But i'd bet any money, that none of that's what the artist had in mind.
Ho boy. Now I have to explain this monstrosity. It crossed my mind to just delete all the text in the blog, but I decided to leave it 'as is' just for shits and giggles. Also, I don't think it's good to always try to be so secretive about everything all the time. I tend to be really guarded, and in some rare cases, all my pent-up emotion comes exploding out.
I was really upset at myself for being a procrastinator, because it led to me screwing up my college venture, and I'm just petrified of telling my parents about the situation. Suffice to say, yesterday was just really bad for me emotionally. At the end of it all, though, I realized being upset about the situation wasn't going to change anything, so I just wanted to have fun before bed, and I drank an entire bottle of champagne in one sitting. I don't usually drink, but when I do, I prefer Dos Santos, it makes me all giddy and happy. So I ended up staying up most of the night. Oddly enough, I didn't get sick, but I felt dizzy and really hot. Like, my face was burning, so I opened up the window and breathed in some of the ridiculously cold air. I was scared that I would suddenly wake up and throw up on myself, so I didn't want to go to sleep until I stopped feeling dizzy. In the meantime, I was just talking on Skype, but eventually, everyone went to bed. It was just a weird, lonely feeling after that, so I decided I needed to blow off some steam.
The Youtube video was completely random. I don't remember how I got to watching it because I was watching Jon Lajoie videos, and somehow I saw some preview for some random video and it had cartoon naked people, so I was like "This is weird." and watched it with a very nice and handsome friend of mine, and I was laughing my ass off. Afterward, though, I kept thinking about the video and I was just completely perplexed by what I just watched. It kind of made me sad, so I went back to being depressed because the skype call was over and I was just sitting there by myself.
I actually got an amazing experience out of it. Not because of the alcohol or anything, but because of reading things like this:
On January 26 2013 22:54 sluggaslamoo wrote: Don't go ridin' on that Long Black Train. You're one of the brightest, most awesome people I've met.
Wish I could be where you are, so we can be narcissists and crack facetious jokes all day. You are what made me happy when I was bored wasting my life on the internet, because you are one of the rare few that gets my humor and throws it back at me.
I'm your friend, if you ever feel down let me know, I will support you, I don't want you to die even figuratively. Say whatever is on your mind, and I will be there to listen.
Its a quarter past one in the morning. As I'm speaking I'm opening my favorite bottle of scotch so I can get drunk with you. I sucks to be depressed, I know what its like, so I will be depressed with you, so you won't be alone.
giraffes
And I was just so overwhelmed by the kindness. I still am. I didn't know how many people were going through something similar to what I'm going through, and I want to change this. I just want to say to everyone, "Come on, we're getting out of this mess together."
shit was that what this is about? lol just for reference, last semester, i stopped going about halfway through, and got f's in all my classes, then put off telling my parents (thinking they'd be pissed [which they were]) but i got it over with quick and they're still supportive of me. Oh and btw, i thought i'd not get a chance to go back to that school after having a 0 GPA, but i got an email from them, asking me why i hadn't registered for classes yet....so Im back in classes, and currently have straight A's(i know like a month and 1/2 in, but I'm really trying this time lol)
"Come on, we're getting out of this mess together."
EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/s5hppmI.png)
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