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The Fog - Part I

Blogs > Archas
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Archas
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
United States6531 Posts
January 16 2013 23:04 GMT
#1
The Fog

Part I

Co-written by Martin August (marttorn) and Alex Dellinger (Archas)


There lay a thin, wispy mass of fog on the ground, barely noticeable. The clouds lay thick above, only a few distant mountaintops penetrating the cotton sheet, like a spear through a man’s chest. Restauld sat inside his lonesome cottage, downing what was left of his wine at a fearsome pace. Yet he was calm, waiting for the Lords to arrive. He’d been looking forward to, and dreading, this day, when Lords William Mortimer, Eustace Grant and Hugh Stafford, were to visit and inspect Knyfe Island, where Restauld was the sole inhabitant. "Tenant" they called him; they had made it out as if tending to an island alone was a noble task. They had even offered him a knighthood, though he’d refused it. A knighthood hardly meant a thing nowadays, Restauld thought, not for the first time. He had seen far too many green and craven boys knighted by political standing and wealth, rather than virtue, honor, or merit. All you had to do these days was wait until your first chin-stubble grew, so you could spout a few empty words and let some highborn fool or other hold a blade to your shoulder… and then you too could prance around, demanding to be addressed as Sir all the bloody time. As if the whole thing meant something.

No, Restauld had no mind to lump himself in with their kind. To be a knight meant far more than knowing a longsword from a hole in the ground, and most of those children couldn't even do that.

And so it was that he acted as the sole "Tenant" of Knyfe, fifth largest island in the greater Bayeux archipelagos, and by far the least pleasant to tend to. The conditions on Knyfe were far from ideal; the air was thick and humid in the summer, thin and piercing in the winter, and generally intolerable regardless of season. The weather gods were none too shy about snow either, Restauld reflected bitterly while staring into his empty flagon of wine. He’d no longer bothered with goblets; who would be around to witness and take offense at his lack of manners? He had tried to maintain his manners for the first year or so; after all, what if he forgot how to be decent by the time he returned to mainland? He chuckled, now, just thinking about the naivety he possessed back in the first year. He had still believed all the nonsense about nobility and the honor of tending to an island, and he had struggled slightly just refusing the knighthood. Green as grass, Restauld chided himself with a wry smile.

The wine depleted, Restauld glanced about the kitchen area of his cottage for another means of occupying himself. Calling the little brick structure a "cottage" was overly generous, but it was his place of residence, and the only thing that could be called a "house" on all of Knyfe. Nevertheless, his shelter had been one of the greatest disappointments upon his arrival at the island. The walls were cracking, and several bricks were missing, leading to a damned lethal chill in the winter. The straw and earth roof was easily soaked through, and during the heaviest rain it might as well not have existed, for all the good it did. The cottage was slightly larger than mainland peasant houses, Restauld admitted, but he was no damned peasant, and were he to live here for however long the fat, rich lords wished him to, he would do so in better conditions than this. He had learned quickly the futility of asking for better living quarters; almost every pigeon he had sent had been ignored, without fail. Only two of them had ever received response, both of them polite refusals to send more supplies or send masons to brush up the cottage.

But today, when the three lords arrived… yes, that would be different. He had not seen another living soul, aside from rats and other wildlife, for four years. In fact, he had developed a habit of talking and singing to himself, just to hear the voice of someone. More than once, Restauld had mused about the possibility of becoming a bard; after all he would have to earn coin one way or another once he was back on mainland… whenever that happened to be. His pay for tending to Knyfe was adequate, but it couldn't possibly last him the rest of his life, or so he assumed.

Presently, Restauld snapped out of his reverie; the lords and their company would arrive in a few short hours, and he couldn't afford to stand around twiddling his thumbs. The swordsman rose from his chair by the little wooden table, to make himself look as knightly as possible for when they came. The irony of such a venture was not lost on him, but one did not present oneself as anything less when addressing Houses of such stature.

Restauld had never been an impressively handsome man, but his age did him no favors, either. His forty-eighth birthday had been just weeks earlier, and it showed; he had long, thin, greasy black hair that hung mostly to one side of his face, the other side left sparsely populated. He was large, two meters and eleven centimeters tall, and broad-shouldered, with a semi-permanent scowl, always lingering just below the surface. His beard had grown for a while, and he did not intend on ridding himself of it anytime soon. Winter was drawing near, and shaving off what amounted to protection against the biting winds was not something Restauld had a mind to do. He dressed in the most formal clothes he could find, though they were still fairly old and smelt strongly of must. He had to gather firewood, too, he remembered. It would hardly do to have three great lords freezing in his old cottage, and though Restauld thought they all could use a taste of what his life was like, he usually found that people were more easily persuaded when they were not shivering with cold. And he certainly would have to be persuasive, were they to give him a pennyworth’s more supply than what he regularly received. After dressing, he grabbed hold of his bastard blade, which rested in a dusty old corner of the dressing room, and sharpened it for a while, mentally sorting through the appeals and requests he would make to Lords William, Eustace and not least of all Hugh, formal owner of all the Bayeux islands, lest he forget. Eventually his mind drifted off to memories of war and combat; Restauld was again on the battlefield, if only in his mind, cutting swathes through the enemy ranks with the bastard sword he received as a gift from his father as a lad of seventeen.

At the prime of his youth, the then-twenty-something Restauld had fought in the Bloody Land wars, which had started as a petty dispute over land between the Hatchet and Nelon families, eventually developing into the bloodiest conflict of the century. At some point the dispute had escalated beyond imagination, and both houses called upon their allied houses for aid. The house of Hatchet marshaled the Painels, Mortimers, Ygous and Ferrers, while the house of Nelon rallied the Herberts, Sidneys, Talbots and Stanleys. After three months of cold war and negotiations (save for the occasional skirmish), the two armies clashed in Morty Fields, the piece of land that the whole damned war had been about from the beginning. House Nelon and their allies swept the field with stronger men, better positioning and superior strategy, and it was said that the Morty Fields were so soaked with blood that it stains the ground to this day, making the lands infertile. Restauld, being of house Stanley, was on the winning side from the start, though he still suffered two blows to his legs and back that left him crippled for several months. Even back then, Restauld was apt with a blade, and had been improving by the day. Since the Bloody Land wars, he had fought in half a dozen other battles and slaughtered more than his fair share of men.

And this is my reward, he reflected while he ground the whetstone. Restauld looked out his shabby window. The fog was rising, thickening.

****
The room is ripe with the stench of bitches!
Jaaaaasper
Profile Blog Joined April 2012
United States10225 Posts
January 16 2013 23:05 GMT
#2
Glad to see you guys finally posted this, happy to read it again.
Hey do you want to hear a joke? Chinese production value. | I thought he had a aegis- Ayesee | When did 7ing mad last have a good game, 2012?
marttorn
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
Norway5211 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-01-16 23:09:45
January 16 2013 23:07 GMT
#3
Just shed a lil tear and pooped a little too, out of happiness. Great to see this finally done. Hope you people enjoy it

hey pal i said it was out of happiness, just take the... compliment? no wait never mind
memes are a dish best served dank
Archas
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
United States6531 Posts
January 16 2013 23:08 GMT
#4
ew
The room is ripe with the stench of bitches!
Aerisky
Profile Blog Joined May 2012
United States12129 Posts
January 16 2013 23:13 GMT
#5
Good stuff. You guys are gentlemen and scholars~

It's abundantly clear that you guys are both well-read and whatnot :D
Jim while Johnny had had had had had had had; had had had had the better effect on the teacher.
sths
Profile Blog Joined October 2012
Australia192 Posts
January 16 2013 23:47 GMT
#6
great writing. Can you give us an idea on how two people write together? What process do you guys use to gel both your ideas and prose together/
marttorn
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
Norway5211 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-01-17 00:49:09
January 16 2013 23:53 GMT
#7
On January 17 2013 08:47 sths wrote:
great writing. Can you give us an idea on how two people write together? What process do you guys use to gel both your ideas and prose together/


Basically it's not so much a blending of our ideas and styles of writing, as it is a blend of my story/ideas with Archas' professional-grade writing abilities. I wrote the story and he improved it beyond measure, to the point where the credit should be 50/50.

I don't actually have the original anymore, sorry But I assure you, it makes for a stark contrast to this finished work, in terms of ease and pleasure of reading.
memes are a dish best served dank
sths
Profile Blog Joined October 2012
Australia192 Posts
January 17 2013 00:04 GMT
#8
Thank you for the reply. That sounds like a very interesting method of co-operation. Would you mind posting your original version? I think the comparison would be interesting to see
SecondHand
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
United States329 Posts
January 17 2013 03:11 GMT
#9
Great read
Ladder more, win less
Shady Sands
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States4021 Posts
January 17 2013 04:30 GMT
#10
Well written
Что?
SamsungStar
Profile Blog Joined January 2013
United States912 Posts
January 17 2013 07:24 GMT
#11
Is this piece looking for criticism or is it just a piece for fun? I don't want to step on any toes, but if you're actually trying to achieve a publishable level of quality, I would have a few things to say.
Archas
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
United States6531 Posts
January 17 2013 08:00 GMT
#12
On January 17 2013 16:24 SamsungStar wrote:
Is this piece looking for criticism or is it just a piece for fun? I don't want to step on any toes, but if you're actually trying to achieve a publishable level of quality, I would have a few things to say.

It's really just for fun, at least for me.
The room is ripe with the stench of bitches!
Dirkzor
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
Denmark1944 Posts
January 17 2013 10:06 GMT
#13
Very well written. I would like to read the rest of a book if it started that way. =)
"HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU ON TOP AGAIN???? HOW DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS????" -Julmust (also, thats what she said)
Azera
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
3800 Posts
January 17 2013 10:40 GMT
#14
I believe marttorn sent me a beta copy of this story. Here it is - + Show Spoiler +
There lay a thin, wispy mass of fog on the ground, barely noticeable. The clouds lay thick above, only a few distant mountaintops penetrating the cotton sheet, like a spear through a man’s chest. Restauld sat inside his lonesome cottage, downing what was left of his wine at a fearsome pace. Yet he was calm, waiting for the Lords to arrive. He’d been looking forward to, and dreading, this day, when Lord William Mortimer, Lord Eustace Grant and Lord Hugh Stafford, formal owner of the Bayeux archipelagos, were to visit and inspect Knyfe Island, where Restauld was the sole inhabitant. ‘Tenant’ they called him; they had made it out as if tending to an island alone was a noble task. They had even offered him a knighthood, though he’d refused it. A knighthood hardly meant a thing nowadays, Restauld thought. He had seen boys, craven and green, knighted: boys who wouldn’t know a good sword lest it spike their gut. You say a few empty words, some highborn fool or other holds a sword to your shoulder and you demand being called Sir all the bloody time, as if it meant something. No, Restauld had no mind to lump himself in with their kind.


And so it was that he acted as the sole "tenant" of Knyfe, fifth largest island in the greater Bayeux archipelagos, and by far the least pleasant one to tend to. The conditions on Knyfe were far from ideal; the air was thick and humid in the summer, and thin and piercing in the winter. The weather gods were none too shy about snow, either, Restauld reflected bitterly while staring into his empty flagon of wine. He’d no longer bothered with cups; who would be around to witness and take offense at his lack of manners? He had tried to maintain his manners for the first year or so; after all, what if he forgot how to be decent by the time he returned to mainland? He chuckled, now, just thinking about the naivety he possessed back in the first year. He had still believed all the nonsense about nobility and the honour of tending to an island, and he had struggled slightly just refusing the knighthood. Green as grass, Restauld thought, granting himself a wry smile. He looked about the kitchen area of his cottage. The little brick cottage, his place of residence, and the only thing that could be called a ‘house’ on all of Knyfe, had been one of the greatest disappointments upon his arrival at the island. The walls were cracking, and several bricks were missing, leading to a damned lethal chill in the winter. The straw and earth roof was easily soaked through, and during the heaviest rain it might as well not have existed, for all the good it did. The cottage was slightly larger than mainland peasant houses, Restauld admitted, but he was no damned peasant, and were he to live here for however long the fat, rich lords wished him to, he would do so in better conditions than this. He had learned quickly the futility of asking for better living quarters; almost every pigeon he had sent had been ignored, without fail. Only two of them had ever received response, both of them polite refusals to send more supplies or send masons to brush up the cottage.

But today, when the three lords arrived… yes, that would be different. He had not seen another living soul, aside from rats and other wildlife, for four years. In fact, he had developed a habit of talking and singing to himself. I could earn my living on song, when I get back, Restauld mused. He had to earn some coin one way or another once he was back on mainland, whenever that happened to be. His pay for tending to Knyfe was good, but it couldn't possibly last him the rest of his life, or so he assumed. Presently, Restauld realized the lords and their company would arrive in a few short hours, and scrambled from his chair by the little wooden table, to make himself look as knightly as possible for when they came. The irony of such a venture was not lost on him, but one did not present oneself as anything less when addressing Houses of such stature.

Restauld had never been an impressively handsome man, but his age did him no favours, either. His forty-eighth birthday had been just weeks earlier, and it showed; he had long, thin, greasy black hair that hung mostly to one side of his face, the other side left sparsely populated. He was large, two meters and eleven centimetres tall, and broad-shouldered, with a semi-permanent scowl, always lingering just below the surface. His beard had grown for a while, and he did not intend on ridding himself of it anytime soon. Winter was drawing near, and shaving off what amounted to protection against the biting winds was not something Restauld had a mind to do. He dressed in the most formal clothes he could find, though they were still fairly old and smelt strongly of must. He had to gather firewood, too, he remembered. It would hardly do to have three great lords freezing in his old cottage, and though Restauld thought they all could use a taste of what his life was like, he usually found that people were more easily persuaded when they were not shivering with cold. And he certainly would have to be persuasive, were they to give him a pennyworth’s more supply than what he regularly received. After dressing, he grabbed hold of his bastard blade, which rested in a dusty old corner of the dressing room, and sharpened it for a while, mentally sorting through the appeals and requests he would make to Lord William, Eustace and not least of all Hugh, formal owner of all the Bayeux islands, lest he forget. Eventually his mind drifted off to memories of war and combat, to a time when he had got to use his bastard sword, a gift from his father that he received at the age of seventeen, for its intended purpose.

When he was twenty-four, he fought in the Bloody Land wars, which had started as a petty dispute over land between the Hatchet and Nelon families, and which turned into the bloodiest conflict of the century. At some point the dispute had escalated beyond imagination, and both houses called upon their allied houses for aid. The house of Hatchet marshaled the Painels, Mortimers, Ygous and Ferrers, while the house of Nelon rallied the Herberts, Sidneys, Talbots and Stanleys. After three months of cold war and negotiations (save for the occasional skirmish), the two armies clashed in Morty Fields, the piece of land that the whole damned war had been about from the beginning. House Nelon and their allies swept the field with stronger men, better positioning and superior strategy, and it was said that the Morty Fields were so soaked with blood that it stains the ground to this day, making the lands infertile. Restauld, being of house Stanley, was on the winning side from the start, though he still suffered two blows to his legs and back that left him crippled for several months. Even then, Restauld was apt with a blade, and was improving by the day. Since the Bloody Land wars, he had fought in half a dozen other battles and slaughtered more than his fair share of men.


And this is my reward, he reflected while he ground the whetstone. Restauld looked out his shabby window. The fog was rising, thickening.


Also, I happen to have Parts 2 and 3 as well. This is cool. I feel like I'm in some exclusive club.
Check out some great music made by TLers - http://bit.ly/QXYhdb , by intrigue. http://bit.ly/RTjpOR , by ohsea.toc.
marttorn
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
Norway5211 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-01-17 11:12:36
January 17 2013 11:05 GMT
#15
On January 17 2013 19:40 Azera wrote:
I believe marttorn sent me a beta copy of this story. Here it is - + Show Spoiler +
There lay a thin, wispy mass of fog on the ground, barely noticeable. The clouds lay thick above, only a few distant mountaintops penetrating the cotton sheet, like a spear through a man’s chest. Restauld sat inside his lonesome cottage, downing what was left of his wine at a fearsome pace. Yet he was calm, waiting for the Lords to arrive. He’d been looking forward to, and dreading, this day, when Lord William Mortimer, Lord Eustace Grant and Lord Hugh Stafford, formal owner of the Bayeux archipelagos, were to visit and inspect Knyfe Island, where Restauld was the sole inhabitant. ‘Tenant’ they called him; they had made it out as if tending to an island alone was a noble task. They had even offered him a knighthood, though he’d refused it. A knighthood hardly meant a thing nowadays, Restauld thought. He had seen boys, craven and green, knighted: boys who wouldn’t know a good sword lest it spike their gut. You say a few empty words, some highborn fool or other holds a sword to your shoulder and you demand being called Sir all the bloody time, as if it meant something. No, Restauld had no mind to lump himself in with their kind.


And so it was that he acted as the sole "tenant" of Knyfe, fifth largest island in the greater Bayeux archipelagos, and by far the least pleasant one to tend to. The conditions on Knyfe were far from ideal; the air was thick and humid in the summer, and thin and piercing in the winter. The weather gods were none too shy about snow, either, Restauld reflected bitterly while staring into his empty flagon of wine. He’d no longer bothered with cups; who would be around to witness and take offense at his lack of manners? He had tried to maintain his manners for the first year or so; after all, what if he forgot how to be decent by the time he returned to mainland? He chuckled, now, just thinking about the naivety he possessed back in the first year. He had still believed all the nonsense about nobility and the honour of tending to an island, and he had struggled slightly just refusing the knighthood. Green as grass, Restauld thought, granting himself a wry smile. He looked about the kitchen area of his cottage. The little brick cottage, his place of residence, and the only thing that could be called a ‘house’ on all of Knyfe, had been one of the greatest disappointments upon his arrival at the island. The walls were cracking, and several bricks were missing, leading to a damned lethal chill in the winter. The straw and earth roof was easily soaked through, and during the heaviest rain it might as well not have existed, for all the good it did. The cottage was slightly larger than mainland peasant houses, Restauld admitted, but he was no damned peasant, and were he to live here for however long the fat, rich lords wished him to, he would do so in better conditions than this. He had learned quickly the futility of asking for better living quarters; almost every pigeon he had sent had been ignored, without fail. Only two of them had ever received response, both of them polite refusals to send more supplies or send masons to brush up the cottage.

But today, when the three lords arrived… yes, that would be different. He had not seen another living soul, aside from rats and other wildlife, for four years. In fact, he had developed a habit of talking and singing to himself. I could earn my living on song, when I get back, Restauld mused. He had to earn some coin one way or another once he was back on mainland, whenever that happened to be. His pay for tending to Knyfe was good, but it couldn't possibly last him the rest of his life, or so he assumed. Presently, Restauld realized the lords and their company would arrive in a few short hours, and scrambled from his chair by the little wooden table, to make himself look as knightly as possible for when they came. The irony of such a venture was not lost on him, but one did not present oneself as anything less when addressing Houses of such stature.

Restauld had never been an impressively handsome man, but his age did him no favours, either. His forty-eighth birthday had been just weeks earlier, and it showed; he had long, thin, greasy black hair that hung mostly to one side of his face, the other side left sparsely populated. He was large, two meters and eleven centimetres tall, and broad-shouldered, with a semi-permanent scowl, always lingering just below the surface. His beard had grown for a while, and he did not intend on ridding himself of it anytime soon. Winter was drawing near, and shaving off what amounted to protection against the biting winds was not something Restauld had a mind to do. He dressed in the most formal clothes he could find, though they were still fairly old and smelt strongly of must. He had to gather firewood, too, he remembered. It would hardly do to have three great lords freezing in his old cottage, and though Restauld thought they all could use a taste of what his life was like, he usually found that people were more easily persuaded when they were not shivering with cold. And he certainly would have to be persuasive, were they to give him a pennyworth’s more supply than what he regularly received. After dressing, he grabbed hold of his bastard blade, which rested in a dusty old corner of the dressing room, and sharpened it for a while, mentally sorting through the appeals and requests he would make to Lord William, Eustace and not least of all Hugh, formal owner of all the Bayeux islands, lest he forget. Eventually his mind drifted off to memories of war and combat, to a time when he had got to use his bastard sword, a gift from his father that he received at the age of seventeen, for its intended purpose.

When he was twenty-four, he fought in the Bloody Land wars, which had started as a petty dispute over land between the Hatchet and Nelon families, and which turned into the bloodiest conflict of the century. At some point the dispute had escalated beyond imagination, and both houses called upon their allied houses for aid. The house of Hatchet marshaled the Painels, Mortimers, Ygous and Ferrers, while the house of Nelon rallied the Herberts, Sidneys, Talbots and Stanleys. After three months of cold war and negotiations (save for the occasional skirmish), the two armies clashed in Morty Fields, the piece of land that the whole damned war had been about from the beginning. House Nelon and their allies swept the field with stronger men, better positioning and superior strategy, and it was said that the Morty Fields were so soaked with blood that it stains the ground to this day, making the lands infertile. Restauld, being of house Stanley, was on the winning side from the start, though he still suffered two blows to his legs and back that left him crippled for several months. Even then, Restauld was apt with a blade, and was improving by the day. Since the Bloody Land wars, he had fought in half a dozen other battles and slaughtered more than his fair share of men.


And this is my reward, he reflected while he ground the whetstone. Restauld looked out his shabby window. The fog was rising, thickening.


Also, I happen to have Parts 2 and 3 as well. This is cool. I feel like I'm in some exclusive club.


ouch, now everyone gets to see how lacking my story is without archas ;_; By the way, that beta version did have correct italics when he's thinking, but I copy/pasted from Word to send to Azera, and forgot to add the [i] tags. So yeah.

Also SamsungStar, I'm open to criticism, though like archas said it's just for fun.
memes are a dish best served dank
Azera
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
3800 Posts
January 17 2013 11:13 GMT
#16
Seems like a GoT mini series or something.
Check out some great music made by TLers - http://bit.ly/QXYhdb , by intrigue. http://bit.ly/RTjpOR , by ohsea.toc.
vGl-CoW
Profile Blog Joined December 2002
Belgium8305 Posts
January 17 2013 12:29 GMT
#17
Cool, eagerly awaiting future installments.
On January 17 2013 20:13 Azera wrote:
Seems like a GoT mini series or something.

Yeah, I got that same vibe, even though I've only seen the TV series. I'm imagining Restauld as the Hound for some reason, though given his size, the Mountain would probably be more apt.
Moderatorfollow me on twitter if u think ur so tough @BooyaCow
SamsungStar
Profile Blog Joined January 2013
United States912 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-01-17 15:51:43
January 17 2013 15:48 GMT
#18
On January 17 2013 20:05 marttorn wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 17 2013 19:40 Azera wrote:
I believe marttorn sent me a beta copy of this story. Here it is - + Show Spoiler +
There lay a thin, wispy mass of fog on the ground, barely noticeable. The clouds lay thick above, only a few distant mountaintops penetrating the cotton sheet, like a spear through a man’s chest. Restauld sat inside his lonesome cottage, downing what was left of his wine at a fearsome pace. Yet he was calm, waiting for the Lords to arrive. He’d been looking forward to, and dreading, this day, when Lord William Mortimer, Lord Eustace Grant and Lord Hugh Stafford, formal owner of the Bayeux archipelagos, were to visit and inspect Knyfe Island, where Restauld was the sole inhabitant. ‘Tenant’ they called him; they had made it out as if tending to an island alone was a noble task. They had even offered him a knighthood, though he’d refused it. A knighthood hardly meant a thing nowadays, Restauld thought. He had seen boys, craven and green, knighted: boys who wouldn’t know a good sword lest it spike their gut. You say a few empty words, some highborn fool or other holds a sword to your shoulder and you demand being called Sir all the bloody time, as if it meant something. No, Restauld had no mind to lump himself in with their kind.


And so it was that he acted as the sole "tenant" of Knyfe, fifth largest island in the greater Bayeux archipelagos, and by far the least pleasant one to tend to. The conditions on Knyfe were far from ideal; the air was thick and humid in the summer, and thin and piercing in the winter. The weather gods were none too shy about snow, either, Restauld reflected bitterly while staring into his empty flagon of wine. He’d no longer bothered with cups; who would be around to witness and take offense at his lack of manners? He had tried to maintain his manners for the first year or so; after all, what if he forgot how to be decent by the time he returned to mainland? He chuckled, now, just thinking about the naivety he possessed back in the first year. He had still believed all the nonsense about nobility and the honour of tending to an island, and he had struggled slightly just refusing the knighthood. Green as grass, Restauld thought, granting himself a wry smile. He looked about the kitchen area of his cottage. The little brick cottage, his place of residence, and the only thing that could be called a ‘house’ on all of Knyfe, had been one of the greatest disappointments upon his arrival at the island. The walls were cracking, and several bricks were missing, leading to a damned lethal chill in the winter. The straw and earth roof was easily soaked through, and during the heaviest rain it might as well not have existed, for all the good it did. The cottage was slightly larger than mainland peasant houses, Restauld admitted, but he was no damned peasant, and were he to live here for however long the fat, rich lords wished him to, he would do so in better conditions than this. He had learned quickly the futility of asking for better living quarters; almost every pigeon he had sent had been ignored, without fail. Only two of them had ever received response, both of them polite refusals to send more supplies or send masons to brush up the cottage.

But today, when the three lords arrived… yes, that would be different. He had not seen another living soul, aside from rats and other wildlife, for four years. In fact, he had developed a habit of talking and singing to himself. I could earn my living on song, when I get back, Restauld mused. He had to earn some coin one way or another once he was back on mainland, whenever that happened to be. His pay for tending to Knyfe was good, but it couldn't possibly last him the rest of his life, or so he assumed. Presently, Restauld realized the lords and their company would arrive in a few short hours, and scrambled from his chair by the little wooden table, to make himself look as knightly as possible for when they came. The irony of such a venture was not lost on him, but one did not present oneself as anything less when addressing Houses of such stature.

Restauld had never been an impressively handsome man, but his age did him no favours, either. His forty-eighth birthday had been just weeks earlier, and it showed; he had long, thin, greasy black hair that hung mostly to one side of his face, the other side left sparsely populated. He was large, two meters and eleven centimetres tall, and broad-shouldered, with a semi-permanent scowl, always lingering just below the surface. His beard had grown for a while, and he did not intend on ridding himself of it anytime soon. Winter was drawing near, and shaving off what amounted to protection against the biting winds was not something Restauld had a mind to do. He dressed in the most formal clothes he could find, though they were still fairly old and smelt strongly of must. He had to gather firewood, too, he remembered. It would hardly do to have three great lords freezing in his old cottage, and though Restauld thought they all could use a taste of what his life was like, he usually found that people were more easily persuaded when they were not shivering with cold. And he certainly would have to be persuasive, were they to give him a pennyworth’s more supply than what he regularly received. After dressing, he grabbed hold of his bastard blade, which rested in a dusty old corner of the dressing room, and sharpened it for a while, mentally sorting through the appeals and requests he would make to Lord William, Eustace and not least of all Hugh, formal owner of all the Bayeux islands, lest he forget. Eventually his mind drifted off to memories of war and combat, to a time when he had got to use his bastard sword, a gift from his father that he received at the age of seventeen, for its intended purpose.

When he was twenty-four, he fought in the Bloody Land wars, which had started as a petty dispute over land between the Hatchet and Nelon families, and which turned into the bloodiest conflict of the century. At some point the dispute had escalated beyond imagination, and both houses called upon their allied houses for aid. The house of Hatchet marshaled the Painels, Mortimers, Ygous and Ferrers, while the house of Nelon rallied the Herberts, Sidneys, Talbots and Stanleys. After three months of cold war and negotiations (save for the occasional skirmish), the two armies clashed in Morty Fields, the piece of land that the whole damned war had been about from the beginning. House Nelon and their allies swept the field with stronger men, better positioning and superior strategy, and it was said that the Morty Fields were so soaked with blood that it stains the ground to this day, making the lands infertile. Restauld, being of house Stanley, was on the winning side from the start, though he still suffered two blows to his legs and back that left him crippled for several months. Even then, Restauld was apt with a blade, and was improving by the day. Since the Bloody Land wars, he had fought in half a dozen other battles and slaughtered more than his fair share of men.


And this is my reward, he reflected while he ground the whetstone. Restauld looked out his shabby window. The fog was rising, thickening.


Also, I happen to have Parts 2 and 3 as well. This is cool. I feel like I'm in some exclusive club.


ouch, now everyone gets to see how lacking my story is without archas ;_; By the way, that beta version did have correct italics when he's thinking, but I copy/pasted from Word to send to Azera, and forgot to add the [i] tags. So yeah.

Also SamsungStar, I'm open to criticism, though like archas said it's just for fun.


OK. It's got a lot of purple prose, which made it difficult for me to maintain interest, and it's over 5 and a half pages, yet no action or dialogue at all. Usually, you want the exposition to come after or at least mixed in with some kind of intriguing action to serve as a narrative hook. As it is now, it's kind of just a guy floating around in a room, doing rather ordinary things that conveniently segue into infodumping history/setting info. And so far neither of those things are very interesting/unusual. Maybe try to think of the first exciting thing that's going to happen in your story and start there? That way, you can plop the reader in, hook them with that moment, and then slowly fill in the backstory as the plot rattles along. And because that initial scene is interesting, I'll be much more willing to learn about the various details of the world after. Perhaps start the scene when the three lords arrive? Have something interesting happen, then you can explain who the lords are afterwards. In fiction, you rarely need to explain all the details first. It's fine if the reader doesn't know everything. In fact, it's usually better, because then they're mentally engaged with the material and actively wondering about things.
Dirkzor
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
Denmark1944 Posts
January 17 2013 20:21 GMT
#19
I disagree with SamsungStar. I like that nothing have happened yet while at the same time the story is hinting things that have happened and thing that will happens.

For now as a reader I know that the protagonist have a history beyond just living. He have done and seen things. He knows the world. We also know that something will happen when the three lords arrive, but not yet what.

Btw I have no professionel background. I just read a lot of, mostly fantasy, books. =)
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