EPTAnd that's just how life goes, I guess - Page 2
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blabber
United States4448 Posts
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King Geedorah
190 Posts
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alia
United States294 Posts
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HoboWithAGlock
United States18 Posts
The worst part is thinking about all of the people that helped you to get where you are right now. The people from half a year ago. What would they think of you? Their generosity. Their kindness. What would it become if they found out you were in the same position again? They all believed you would be okay, that you would be able to work out your problems with just a little bit of a helping hand. That is why I am ashamed of myself. That is why I hate myself. That is why during all of this, I never contacted Blitz once. I respect him greatly. And losing his respect. To imagine his scornful eyes, it scares me. It scares me a lot. Maybe it doesn't make sense. Maybe my priorities aren't straight. It's probably stupid. But I don't even know what to think anymore. But when you think like I do and you don't really see a way out, you lose your will. You lose your will because you realize that you have become exactly what you were trying to avoid all along. You want to be useful and you want to validate your existence. That's why I streamed. I wanted to make someone else in the world happy. It made me forget my uselessness. That's what made me happy. Or maybe that's what I thought made me happy. I know this all too well, man. As someone who struggles with depression and anxiety, it's hard to put to words how one feels in situations like this. You hate yourself and you worry about what everyone else thinks about you. And it spirals downward into a whirlpool of self-hatred and loathing. I watch a LOT of Dota, which includes streaming. I never got around to watching you much, I'll be honest, but seeing you there all the time and hearing about your skill from friends made me respect what you did along with the other non-professional streamers who kept going at it. Not much else to say, dude, but know that I understand. | ||
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inphinity_
United States28 Posts
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alia
United States294 Posts
On January 16 2013 14:19 inphinity_ wrote: Keep your head up Alia. Always loved watching you stream. Best of luck to you Thanks, Frankie. I expect to see you playing at TI3 when Mirana gets buffed. | ||
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Xinder
United States2269 Posts
 Best of luck Alia and I'm sure everything will work out fine in the end! <3 | ||
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Ack1027
United States7873 Posts
I figured you had a crew or maybe some friends at least to play together since you were decent at dota and had a pretty regular streaming audience no matter how small it was. I had no idea it was this bad. I guess you don't need anyone to tell you but your dream was pretty farfetched and this is def a wakeup call for you. Just learn from your mistakes and don't give up. In the grand scheme of things your life will be ok, there just no light at the end of the tunnel for you atm since you devoted everything to streaming and such. Personally I think your a likeable guy but you had no direction with your stream other than being an available stream. Advertising that you were top 20 nadl/c9 or whatever doesn't mean anything to most people. And even then, those 2 specific inhouses are below average. Not skillwise of course, lots of skilled people play there but the environment is flamey and weird unless you were able to play with the pro regulars at busy night time. Just weigh your options, pick one, and go for it man. DotA and your stream doesn't have to be given up completely, I mean you can return to it once your life is more normal. Don't think about the shame you feel from people who helped you out when you were in a similar position. Just use it as motivation to improve your life situation. I'm sure everyone who helped you isn't judgemental that you're in a similar position again. Just accept that streaming nonstop aint for you at this moment and go for other things in life! | ||
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MautDotA2
United States31 Posts
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Blitz
United States706 Posts
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oakshalis
United States2 Posts
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r1sk
Australia1 Post
good luck to you, the dota community is behind you. | ||
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alia
United States294 Posts
On January 16 2013 15:35 Blitz wrote: I'm really lucky to be able to follow my dream and passion and I'm glad that it gave you a source of inspiration. I wish you all the best Rodney and if theres anything else I can do let me know. Thanks, Will. It means a lot to me. On January 16 2013 16:29 r1sk wrote: hi alia, r1sk/envelop here, we played alot with or against each other in MM. you're a good player and i watched ur stream. everyone goes thru tough moments in life, im sure in due time with help from the right people things will pick up and you'll find the light at the end of the tunnel. good luck to you, the dota community is behind you. I always thought I was scorned by the Australian DotA community. Maybe it was all imagined. I suppose I thought I rubbed you and your group of friends the wrong way or something. You guys were a tough crowd and I was on the receiving end of some well coordinated DotA. I may have had a huge ping advantage over you guys, but I was always got my butt whooped. It's good to hear from you and even though I lost pretty much every game against you guys (it was a fearful stack to go against, really!!), it only made me try to be at least a little bit better. It's a lot of praise coming from a respected member of another DotA community. Maut: I really like your casts and I hope to see you getting bigger casting gigs in the future. Maybe we'll see you in the casting table at TI3? : ) On January 16 2013 16:22 oakshalis wrote: hey alia, i watched your stream from time to time and even queued MM against you two times, just wanted to say thanks for streaming for such a long time, your stream was very peaceful and i enjoyed it, best of luck in life I'm glad it made at least some people happy. Even though it wasn't the right decision at the time, I won't regret some of the positive influences I might have made. | ||
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Rainmaker5
United States1027 Posts
Best of luck. | ||
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wutupz
United States1 Post
I can't help to notice that you didn't mention your parents. I don't know much about your family stuff, however tell us about it, maybe we can give out more advice. | ||
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RLTY
United States965 Posts
That being said, I'm sure with the passion and enthusiasm that you put into DotA is also the fuel to overcome your obstacles. Good luck alia and feel free to message me if I can be of assistance. | ||
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eNTedota
1 Post
Keep your head up. Everytime we got queued together/against each other, you were a great dude with a positive attitude. Try to keep that positive attitude. Best of luck for the future! | ||
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MBV
United States83 Posts
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Kotoko
Korea (South)43 Posts
And how come you are not considering school? Go get a degree in nursing. You seem like a person who feels good from making others happy. Nursing is one of them. I'm a nurse myself and make $40/hr. And that doesn't even include the night, weekend, and holiday differentials. | ||
shostakovich
Brazil1429 Posts
Life is harsh, I feel you. I was also under some shit (jobless for a while, grandmother died and the family didn't take it so well, etc) and I get how scary the future can look. But keep calm and look ahead of you. Make plans. Don't wait the world to make plans for you. Keep fighting the good fight. And take the "Maybe it's just a cry for help" very seriously. If you really think you need help, then go for it. Surround youself with people you trust. If they're your friends, they'll not judge you, they'll only listen. The worst conversations are the one we never had the chance to have, so don't waste your opportunities. You're still very young. I wish you luck and success. | ||
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