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my girlfriend of almost 5 years broke up with me. this was 5 months ago. we lived together basically all but 3-4 of the months that we were together. i helped her move out into her grandparents house a couple weeks before she broke up with me.
she came into my room and said, "im not happy anymore. i dont want to be in a relationship right now" and she left. she'd been hanging out with new friends lately. a couple days ago i was at her grandparents house with her and we ate dinner but she barely ate because she said she wasn't feeling well, then she drove me home because she said she was really tired. on the way driving me home she got a text from her new friends to come eat with them, so she said that she was coming, dropped me off and went. i dont think she knew i saw the text. she'd never texted while driving in the car before.
she came into my room with the books that she asked to borrow to read while she was at work. they were my favorite books. she left because she said she had to go to work. i felt like in the 5 minutes that it took her to do this that the last 5 years just disappeared.
i called her a couple days later because i hadnt seen or talked to her. everything was a struggle for me, and i had been feeling like i wanted to kill myself. i was getting deep in these thoughts but my mom had called and boosted me. i asked her if we could talk. she said that she could in a couple of days after she got off of work. this wasn't very important for her.
i felt like i was falling apart. last year, my mom had her house foreclosed and moved across the country. in march, i got laid off from my job. then later in march, i got rejected from all the grad school programs that i had applied for. now in june the thing that i cherished most in life was leaving me.
we sat in her car to talk. she already knew what she was going to say. she told me. she told me that if we had stayed together then she would resent me for the rest of my life. she told me that she stopped loving me when i got laid off and didn't get into grad school and it didn't seem like i cared. i had been depressed. she told me she needed time alone.
my birthday was in a couple days. she took me to california to see a show. we were going to drive back afterwards because she had work in the morning, but we got a little mixed up and she had an anxiety attack so we decided to find a hotel & go back in the morning. the whole trip was a bad idea. all i felt was sad, because we werent together. this was all very new to me. we took some pictures but the only pictures that she put on her facebook were the ones of her alone.
i only told my mom that we had broken up. nobody else in my family knew, until my brother knew because my mom told him. i didn't think i could. maybe i thought it was only temporary.
it was only a couple months before she started seeing someone new. i dont know why we're friends on facebook but we are, and the little update that she was in a relationship so soon after with all these people saying "finally" and "its about time u made it official" put me in a really dark place.
this feeling makes me write more. i do more writing than i have before. one of her friends txts me and we have a rly long conversation about my stupid life. suddenly her friend switches the conversation towards my ex (it feels strange referring to her in this way). she tells me that she said she thought that i had moved on so she was moveing on too. this is bullshit.
in the time we were broken up i would talk to her sometimes online. she had some computer problems that i helped her fix, we talked about music. the last time i talked to her she told me that she had lost her scholarship, her student loans, that the irs was getting after her about her back-taxes, that collection agencies were calling her about her credit card bill, that she had gotten a kidney infection and was recovering from it.
i didn't know how i was supposed to feel. i felt sick because i wasnt there for her, but how could i be there for her. i said "that sucks". i told her that exercising made me feel really good since we had broken up and maybe she should try exercising more if she gets down. this conversation plays back in my head because it is gnawing away at me and it feels even worse when her friend says these things.
her friend tells me i should tell her how i feel. i know that this is a bad idea. i do it anyway.
she ignores me.
one day i go to one of the stores we used to shop together and as im about to walk in the door i see her and her new boyfriend thru the window. i quickly duck out of the way and have a panic attack. i am so pathetic, i tell myself. i regather myself and i go in. i hope that they dont see me, but i hope that they see me. we end up leaving at the same time, and her car passes me by as im getting into mine. i dont know if they saw me. i sit in my car for 5 minutes before i start it and go home.
the dreams are the worst. every night, she's in my dreams. i don't want to sleep because of it. getting ignored feels like getting punched in the gut. i remember that she always used to hang out with her ex boyfriend and talk about him when we were first dating. i remember that this continued until a couple years in when she confessed to me that she had been cheating on me with him but she decided to stop when he told her that they should get back together. he was a bastard and i had to listen to all the abuses that she suffered while she was with him. but she wont talk to me.
my brother didn't talk to me about it at all even though he knew. then the day after she got a new boyfriend he took me out to lunch and made me talk to him about it. he told me that i should keep in contact with her and all of that because one day we might get back together (she owed me money and i asked if i should ask for it back). i told him that it wouldn't happen because she was a different person now. i'd seen her and she was a different person now.
he told me i was an idiot. she's the same person, he told me. the change in her, he said, the change you see is that she's happy. goddam. what an idea.
she was the first girl that i loved. she was my best friend. i feel like there will always be a spot in my heart occupied by her. i still get into dark places whenever i see something that will remind me of her, or of things we used to do, or things we used to like. how do you move on? is that even a thing?
 
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Whoa, man... These feels I'm getting... Holy shit.
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Hopefully writing about it helps even the tiniest bit, because not much is going to help ease pain like that. I honestly don't know what I would do if my girlfriend and I broke up after our current seven year relationship.
It's supposed to hurt this bad. It means you did something right during the time you were together. It means you cared about her. It means you still care. And that's not a bad thing. It means you're human. You can't just switch off after a relationship ends. That's too easy. Relationships have risks, but they have far more benefits, which is why we keep trying and keep looking, despite bad break-ups and not having luck after x amount of time.
It's not so easy to say "Suck it up, life isn't fair, move on", but hopefully time (a lot of time) will make things easier for you. Everything you do will remind you of her, and that's natural. It's going to be tough to get through that, but you're going to need to. Eventually. It's practically masochistic, but you need to go out and live your life. It's okay to cry. It's okay to curl up into the fetal position from time to time. It's not okay to give up though.
Eventually you'll get back on your feet.
Eventually you'll get another job, or get into a higher education program, or move on to the next step in your life.
Eventually you'll meet another girl.
Eventually.
Don't ask when. Just let it happen naturally. Don't rush it; just focus on moving forwards. One day at a time.
Good luck in the future  I'm sorry you had to go through all this.
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Wow... im so sorry man. If this is all real I feel really sorry for you. I don't know what I could say because self pity won't help you at all but all I can say is fuck.
Im sorry man... we're all scared of this kind of shit, there's so many words I could say but I'm sure they'd all mean nothing to you when you feel like the part of your heart that could care is missing.
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After you got laid off and didn't get into grad school (and understandably got depressed), did she try to support you as much as possible (like any human being should do...)?
Perhaps this girl isn't as perfect as your emotions might cause you to believe she is.
Don't waste time trying to get her back - girls usually "leave" well before they actually ask for a breakup.
This is repeated ad infinitum, but the best post-breakup thing to do is to get into the best shape of your life. Be the fucking man.
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It's hard. Things that I think can help:
Structure. Keep a calendar, use it. Write down each day and almost each thing you have to do. Follow it.
Keep busy. If you have empty spaces in the calendar, fill them with something meaningful. Think about things you feel you should do, or things that are fun to do. It is a plus if it is activities that let you meet people or make social interactions.
For myself when my ex and I broke up, after a couple of months I went on a 1 week hike alone. That put things in perspective.
The important is not to "get over her" or something like that, the important is YOU and keeping yourself in a good physical and psychical shape.
You have to feel good about yourself.
Also, this is easier to do without seeing her/being reminded all the time of her. So step number one: remove her from facebook.
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Oh God, man, I read the whole thing. I relate so it is a little uncomfortable to revisit.
I am unemployed and have been for a while. My career path frankly, looks pretty bad. The person I was once seeing told me she finds this unattractive. At first I thought "blasted!" That is not how it works. You're supposed to help me work through this... a year later,i still believe if she had cared about me enough it would have not been an issue, meaning i find it was a good thing it ended.
Luckily, thankfully, the person i was seeing, after some pleading and begging, agreed to give me a piece of her mind so i could get some closure and some answers. When the bottom of the issue was reached, i realized that yes, she is a person with preferences; preferences that i do not fit. I knew it was wrong to ask her to settle for less than she wanted. (or different than what she wanted) I had to concede that her lifestyle preference is a valid reason to want to find another partner.
people want to do different things during their time. She wanted trips to europe and dining at restaurants for fun... I wanted a doobie and some colt 45 at the park with a book of verse.. well sure she's a cutie to be around, sure we learned a lot from eachother, sure it was nice to have her for companionship but none of that is worth keeping her away from what she wants in her life.
Now, Aiurz your ex had some needs that you don't seem the ideal candidate to meet. Some females want a cozy lifestyle very badly. This might mean someone who is driven for money. If you don't want to be out there job hunting your ass off everyday to make sure her bills are paid while she is sick, why not give her the freedom to find someone who can?
The "ex" (it was a bit too short to call her my girlfriend but it was deep enough to mean something to us both) who i learned my opinion on the matter from is now a non-entity in my every day life. it was a good decision. Now after almost a year, part of me can forgive her and see she meant well and did what she needs to do for herself. I think it is only decent of me to respect that. I miss some things about her and i think it is unfortunate that we don't even talk now. It had to be done considering where i was at though. If i tried to stay around, I would be attached to someone who is dating an old friend of mine.. I'd be love sick and stuck.
When i took her out of my everyday life.. it was like i not longer had my cane for a while.. but then.. i forgot i ever had a cane and now i walk without one :D. Hope you feel better AiurZ. write us some nice verse while you're hurt
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You'll never get over her 100%. If you loved her once, you will love her for life. And some small fragment of her subconscious still loves you for life. That is how you know love exists.
Small bit of family wisdom that my mom and brother say has been passed down for generations.
I can't empathize with you completely; I've never gone through anything this bad or lasted with anyone for five freaking years. Think I barely knew where to stick it back then. That being said, you tried. You really did. She tried too. But in spite of all things it didn't work out.
Maybe get a rebound girl. It might be you just need to fill that void in your heart until you can truly rebuild yourself from the ground up. It'll take time of course, but you're moving forward. And personally I believe that's the most important thing to achieve. You're moving forward with your life.
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yayayayayya ty for such kind words boost
i love all this advice. i have tried to keep as busy as i can. i started working out. im in better shape than ive ever been.
ive searched really hard for jobs. i found one at a bank, and im supposed to start in a couple of weeks once they do the background checks. i'd be making 3-4x more than i was at my old job.
ive been working on my writing. i posted some on here before, and i continue to try and change the way i write and get better. this is the most recent thing that i have written: + Show Spoiler +
even tho my job makes it so i probably cant go to school i am still applying to mfa programs while i save money and work on my writing.
truely it means so much to me that you guys would say such nice things. wow.
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I can only give you clichés that won't help.
Time heals all wounds. One day, not that far in the future, it is going to be alright. You will be able to look at her without feeling the things you felt in the past or now, hopefully you'll be able to even talk to her and be genuinely happy for her successes whatever they may be, because of course you'll keep some level of affection for her. She will even look different to you. You'll be glad you had the good times you did but also see where your relationship wasn't working.
In the meantime, as Arevail said, remove her from facebook. Do it. Don't call or message her. Don't even tell yourself that you should check how she is these days or anything like that, it's bullshit, you're just looking for a fix. When me and my ex broke up a little while ago, we worked in the same place, but at different times in the day. Sometimes I'd make excuses to myself to stay later in the day, I had paperwork to do, I was waiting for the faster train home, I was waiting for a friend to finish, just so I could be in the staff room when she arrived. I knew it was pathetic and more importantly I knew it was a fucking terrible idea, all that would happen is she'd be really overly nice to me and I'd resent her for it and be unnecessarily harsh towards her. Basically, I hung around my workplace so I could be a dick to my ex. It was lunacy, and once I forced myself to stop trying to see her, deleted her from social networking sites, deleted texts and things I'd got from her, I actually felt much better much faster.
It's really hard, and hard to hear this and understand it but very nearly everyone goes through this same thing at least once in their lives. At the time it's unbearable but once again, it will get better, suddenly or gradually I don't know, but you'll look back at this period in your life dispassionately one day and think"wow did it really hurt that much?"
The thing I always tell myself whenever I'm going through a bad time is that one day it'll be just a memory, one day I'll look back on this bullshit and think, yep, got through that, like a boss.
It's great that you're working out. Oh and also keep your friends close and spend some time with people you maybe wouldn't see that often usually; when my and my ex split up I got some great support from some very surprising places; a girl I'd slept with a couple years ago but never really hung out with after that and a friend of a friend that I used to see at a bar sometimes both took the time to talk with me and helped more than anyone else.
So anyway my sympathies. Best of luck man.
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Pretty much agree that your first love will always and forever be your first love. You will never forget it. you will never lose those feelings that you get when you see or look at her. It just wont happen if she really was your first love.
My first love was over 8 years ago and I could still describe her in detail, and think about her occasionally. Its just something that stays with you forever.
But move on, you have to. Plus I wouldnt bank on getting back together. If her feelings are strong enough to dump you after so long, it will never again be what it was like when you first got together.
Only advice i got, is advice my brother gave me when I was in the same position. Focus on yourself, and let life come to you. Get all of your shit lined up, get to a place where you love yourself. If you cant love yourself how can you expect anyone else to? Also you have to have something that makes other people want to be with you. (like success).
Good luck. Cheers. Head up and all that jazz.
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This whole story reeks of cheating like BIG TIME ! Aside from that everything I'll say will come off as too aggressive so I'll refrain from advising you.
Keep the faith.
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On November 15 2012 06:50 MaestroSC wrote:
Pretty much agree that your first love will always and forever be your first love. You will never forget it. you will never lose those feelings that you get when you see or look at her. It just wont happen if she really was your first love.
My first love was over 8 years ago and I could still describe her in detail, and think about her occasionally. Its just something that stays with you forever.
But move on, you have to. Plus I wouldnt bank on getting back together. If her feelings are strong enough to dump you after so long, it will never again be what it was like when you first got together.
Only advice i got, is advice my brother gave me when I was in the same position. Focus on yourself, and let life come to you. Get all of your shit lined up, get to a place where you love yourself. If you cant love yourself how can you expect anyone else to? Also you have to have something that makes other people want to be with you. (like success).
Good luck. Cheers. Head up and all that jazz.
Well, I was about to post a reply, but then I read this one and figured what I wanted to say had been said.
On November 15 2012 06:41 The KY wrote:I can only give you clichés that won't help. Time heals all wounds. One day, not that far in the future, it is going to be alright. You will be able to look at her without feeling the things you felt in the past or now, hopefully you'll be able to even talk to her and be genuinely happy for her successes whatever they may be, because of course you'll keep some level of affection for her. She will even look different to you. You'll be glad you had the good times you did but also see where your relationship wasn't working. In the meantime, as Arevail said, remove her from facebook. Do it. Don't call or message her. Don't even tell yourself that you should check how she is these days or anything like that, it's bullshit, you're just looking for a fix. When me and my ex broke up a little while ago, we worked in the same place, but at different times in the day. Sometimes I'd make excuses to myself to stay later in the day, I had paperwork to do, I was waiting for the faster train home, I was waiting for a friend to finish, just so I could be in the staff room when she arrived. I knew it was pathetic and more importantly I knew it was a fucking terrible idea, all that would happen is she'd be really overly nice to me and I'd resent her for it and be unnecessarily harsh towards her. Basically, I hung around my workplace so I could be a dick to my ex. It was lunacy, and once I forced myself to stop trying to see her, deleted her from social networking sites, deleted texts and things I'd got from her, I actually felt much better much faster. It's really hard, and hard to hear this and understand it but very nearly everyone goes through this same thing at least once in their lives. At the time it's unbearable but once again, it will get better, suddenly or gradually I don't know, but you'll look back at this period in your life dispassionately one day and think "wow did it really hurt that much?"The thing I always tell myself whenever I'm going through a bad time is that one day it'll be just a memory, one day I'll look back on this bullshit and think, yep, got through that, like a boss. It's great that you're working out. Oh and also keep your friends close and spend some time with people you maybe wouldn't see that often usually; when my and my ex split up I got some great support from some very surprising places; a girl I'd slept with a couple years ago but never really hung out with after that and a friend of a friend that I used to see at a bar sometimes both took the time to talk with me and helped more than anyone else. So anyway my sympathies. Best of luck man.
This guy too. God damn there is a lot of good advice in this blog. Cliches or not cliches, what this dude said was pretty much spot on.
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always sucks to get your heart broken. You probable don't see it now, but you'll get back on your feet. Time usually does the trick.
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girl blog of the year.
This made me really sad, you sound really sad in your writing.
I hope you figure things out. I felt bad for you losing your relationship until I read you started the relationship with her cheating on you. Maybe this is a good thing, and the best for you. You shoulda broke it off there. I can't say it any better than the people above.
Work on being happy alone before you go to fill the void. Someone better will come, you deserve better bro.
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Thanks for this. I've never been in your situation that badly so I can't really give you advise but I wish you the best of luck. Try to stay strong
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Honestly, she might haunt you for the rest of your life. Even when you think you've moved on, there might be moments randomly when you think back to her, but I hope you can move on soon. From what I read, you were a very loyal boyfriend to her while she's been stabbing you in the back. You deserve better, really. And the fact that she didn't love you anymore because of your situation of getting laid off and not getting into grad school just shows how little she cared for you. Instead of her being there and supporting you, she left. That's messed up. By the way, get your money back.
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On November 15 2012 08:06 Mementoss wrote:
girl blog of the year.
This made me really sad, you sound really sad in your writing.
I hope you figure things out. I felt bad for you losing your relationship until I read you started the relationship with her cheating on you. Maybe this is a good thing, and the best for you. You shoulda broke it off there. I can't say it any better than the people above.
Work on being happy alone before you go to fill the void. Someone better will come, you deserve better bro.
Can I just say those might be the best fucking words I've ever read in a girl blog about relationships? Seriously bro, those are some deep words.
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On November 15 2012 08:19 il0seonpurpose wrote:
the fact that she didn't love you anymore because of your situation of getting laid off and not getting into grad school just shows how little she cared for you. Instead of her being there and supporting you, she left. That's messed up.
Basically my thoughts on it. If she isn't willing to go through thick and think, then she isn't someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
That said, my deepest condolences. I can't imagine the pain you're going through. Stay strong man, you are NOT pathetic. You're human.
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she'll dump her new boytoy as soon as he has any tough times ahead of him. Sadly people like this only show their true self when you are on the ground allready but you'll get through it.
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it scary
ive been miserable my whole life, which comes with a range of social ineptitude and anxiety issues
im working on building myself up now so that i can be attractive to a decent girl
but its scary to think that if i get caught in depression again at some point in my life that the girl will just leave me
girls seem to treat you very differently if you dont exhibit attractive behaviour
working with girls is like a rollercoaster for me, one day i might go to work feeling okay about myself, and in response the girl/s treat me nice and with respect; another day i feel miserable and cant smile and be entertaining & energetic, and seemingly girls become mildly disgusted and start talking to you like you're a dog or dirt (which makes you feel even worse and more disabled)
the truth is, girls are just animals, nomatter how much you love them or think they are trustworthy, if you cant push their buttons then they will leave you for someone who can. its not their fault, it just works a little differently compared to how it works for men. a man can be loyal to his girl when she is miserable because she still looks the same, sexually attractive. infact a lot of guys will fall over themselves to try to help out a miserable-looking pretty girl. but in my experience, if you are a depressed, tired man surrounded by females then you might aswell cut your own neck to save them the trouble of doing it.
girls want men to exhibit certain qualities, if you fail at this then you can forget about keeping a girlfriend. she will feel totally justified in leaving you, because what girl wants to be with a miserable, unsuccessful guy? that isnt boyfriend material. hell, most people wouldnt wanna be friends with a depressed person, wheres the fun in that? same with my coworkers, if they're used to guys being entertaining, energetic, happy people who smile and make them giggle, and i come along just trying to get by with my ugly mug, of course they're gonna be a bit ticked off.
with respect to boyfriends - sexual partners - girls dont care about your inner suffering, your kind heart, your powerful imagination. they care about 1 thing only: are you sexually attractive? if the answer to that is no then sorry but you are no longer boyfriend material, please make your way to the back of the line and try again when you are
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Oh man have I ever been there, I know what you mean bro
You need to unfacebookify her pronto, stat, immediately, and so forth. Seriously, that is a crucial move.
It'll be okay. If she wasn't gonna stick with you through those hard times well, you know what, fuck her. you're better off without her
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On November 15 2012 09:40 FFGenerations wrote:
it scary
ive been miserable my whole life, which comes with a range of social ineptitude and anxiety issues
im working on building myself up now so that i can be attractive to a decent girl
but its scary to think that if i get caught in depression again at some point in my life that the girl will just leave me
girls seem to treat you very differently if you dont exhibit attractive behaviour
working with girls is like a rollercoaster for me, one day i might go to work feeling okay about myself, and in response the girl/s treat me nice and with respect; another day i feel miserable and cant smile and be entertaining & energetic, and seemingly girls become mildly disgusted and start talking to you like you're a dog or dirt (which makes you feel even worse and more disabled)
the truth is, girls are just animals, nomatter how much you love them or think they are trustworthy, if you cant push their buttons then they will leave you for someone who can. its not their fault, it just works a little differently compared to how it works for men. a man can be loyal to his girl when she is miserable because she still looks the same, sexually attractive. infact a lot of guys will fall over themselves to try to help out a miserable-looking pretty girl. but in my experience, if you are a depressed, tired man surrounded by females then you might aswell cut your own neck to save them the trouble of doing it.
girls want men to exhibit certain qualities, if you fail at this then you can forget about keeping a girlfriend. she will feel totally justified in leaving you, because what girl wants to be with a miserable, unsuccessful guy? that isnt boyfriend material. hell, most people wouldnt wanna be friends with a depressed person, wheres the fun in that? same with my coworkers, if they're used to guys being entertaining, energetic, happy people who smile and make them giggle, and i come along just trying to get by with my ugly mug, of course they're gonna be a bit ticked off.
with respect to boyfriends - sexual partners - girls dont care about your inner suffering, your kind heart, your powerful imagination. they care about 1 thing only: are you sexually attractive? if the answer to that is no then sorry but you are no longer boyfriend material, please make your way to the back of the line and try again when you are
well maybe, most girls don't care about your precious heart and your imagination. One girl might. you will feel very happy. Don't blow it worrying she does not like you man! LIghten up!!!
Also, you need a bit of confidence!!! you're intelligent. If they're being bitches tell them to fuck the fuck off! reassure yourself! once you have the confidence the ladies actually do dig a bit of eccentric and a bit of colour and a bit of whimsy... In my experience, she just might.. express her appreciation -after- she likes you
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On November 15 2012 09:40 FFGenerations wrote:
it scary
ive been miserable my whole life, which comes with a range of social ineptitude and anxiety issues
im working on building myself up now so that i can be attractive to a decent girl
but its scary to think that if i get caught in depression again at some point in my life that the girl will just leave me
girls seem to treat you very differently if you dont exhibit attractive behaviour
working with girls is like a rollercoaster for me, one day i might go to work feeling okay about myself, and in response the girl/s treat me nice and with respect; another day i feel miserable and cant smile and be entertaining & energetic, and seemingly girls become mildly disgusted and start talking to you like you're a dog or dirt (which makes you feel even worse and more disabled)
the truth is, girls are just animals, nomatter how much you love them or think they are trustworthy, if you cant push their buttons then they will leave you for someone who can. its not their fault, it just works a little differently compared to how it works for men. a man can be loyal to his girl when she is miserable because she still looks the same, sexually attractive. infact a lot of guys will fall over themselves to try to help out a miserable-looking pretty girl. but in my experience, if you are a depressed, tired man surrounded by females then you might aswell cut your own neck to save them the trouble of doing it.
girls want men to exhibit certain qualities, if you fail at this then you can forget about keeping a girlfriend. she will feel totally justified in leaving you, because what girl wants to be with a miserable, unsuccessful guy? that isnt boyfriend material. hell, most people wouldnt wanna be friends with a depressed person, wheres the fun in that? same with my coworkers, if they're used to guys being entertaining, energetic, happy people who smile and make them giggle, and i come along just trying to get by with my ugly mug, of course they're gonna be a bit ticked off.
with respect to boyfriends - sexual partners - girls dont care about your inner suffering, your kind heart, your powerful imagination. they care about 1 thing only: are you sexually attractive? if the answer to that is no then sorry but you are no longer boyfriend material, please make your way to the back of the line and try again when you are
Far overgeneralized. I've been through a long depression in a relationship before. I'm bipolar, and all of my friends will agree that I'm some degree of insane. Doesn't stop my love life at all. Playing it off right I'll even be more interesting.
I think if anything, these kinds of thoughts you posted will stop you from going after girls that are at least somewhat attracted to you. If it's as you say "in my experience, if you are a depressed, tired man surrounded by females" maybe it's not them - it's you that isn't initiating anything and expecting them to key in to the fact that you want a relationship.
That paragrahp seems kinda vitriolic to me and I don't mean to sound like an asshole, I just can't phrase it any differently.
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You'll be fine. I know this because our situations are similar. 5 year relationship. She was my best friend. I had those dreams. I felt completely hopeless. It was the worst time in my life.
THEN, my desperation led me to start a project that basically turned into a 4-year self-improvement program, attracting thousands of fans and making me a more confident speaker, which helped me land the perfect job. So, really, the worst time in my life was the best thing that ever happened to me. And I bet it could be the same for you.
My advice would be to sever ties completely with the girl (block her facebook, too, so you won't ever see it). Then, go out there and do something creative. It's all you, man. There's no one else running your life, even though it might feel like she is sometimes. You're the captain of this crazy ship we call life! Don't let the mofo hit an iceberg!
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I just got home from work and started reading this(I don't visit many threads on TeamLiquid anymore) and I thought to myself "man this is some really fantastic writing, I sure am feeling some emotion for this guy."
Apparently I wasn't the only one; one day you'll be past it, that day probably isn't soon but everyone has problems and horrible things they have to go through. You'll either be better person once you get there or you'll be dead, I have no doubt you'll be one of the former. Respect yourself and learn everything you can about everything, rejection from a woman or a grad school is not the worst thing that can happen. Embrace knowledge and develop your personality and everything will feel like it's falling into place.
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Sucks man. Shit happens though, you'll be okay :D
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5/5
Most horrible story ever 
And yeah, I'd bet $50 that she was cheating. Ditching you to hang out with new friends? Nono, ditching you to hang out with new man. Been there.
It's actually worse when they drag out your misery like this. It's 1000 times better if they just rip out your heart instead of pushing you to your slow death with indifference, frustration, dishonesty, and passive-aggressiveness. I'm certain every waking moment was hell during this fiasco, and obviously even after it hurts like hell.
Some people really don't care at all how they are hurting you or how much. As long as they get theirs. *sigh*
PS I think your brother is useless
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Man that sucks. You gave her your heart.
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Shit I just read that too
Collective Internet brohug, man. Hope you get through this alright and stay strong.
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I know a similar feel. I went into a major depression/stress that resulted in my physical health failing, now I've got chronic pain every day. Hope you do better. I had the dreams too. The first 6-12 months are the worst, but it gets better. Don't start talking to her again and it will get better, just extremely and hopelessly slowly. But it will get better, even if it feels like it won't.
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Your brother gives horrible advice for break ups, listen to TL not him. Cut off all contact with her until you completely get over her. Do other things, pick up hobbies, job searching, hanging out with friends or if you've lost them over the past few years, start reconnecting and rebuilding your social circle. Start diversifying your identity. So that when you find the next girl (and you will), you won't be completely down in the dumps because you have other things to do and which you are good at.
Also get your money back from her. Bitch doesn't deserve a free pass.
EDIT: Man re-reading that bit about your brother's advice makes me want to grab and shake him for giving such piss poor advice. Really irks the shit out of me. Meet new women, don't even hope for one second she'll get back with you. If she seemingly comes crawling back, be in a position of strength, not the current state you are now so you can evaluate your prospects as objectively as possible. Look back on the good times fondly but remember that all good things come to an end and that its time to make new ones.
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I really know what you are going through, because my past relationship broke off just like yours, and I've been single for three years ever since. I know people always say you shouldn't generalize everything based on one bad experience, which I agree, but it's sometimes so hard to pick yourself up again. I mean....it was a 5-year relationship for you, and that's a good chunk of your life you have to put past. I sincerely wish you the very best.
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Hmm, did you get depressed after losing your job/grad studies? Or was she the one getting more anxious than you? The fact that you seemed to not care about yourself while she got consumed by your problems may have been an issue. If so, yeah, it's a stupid way to work but it's how some people are built.
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On November 15 2012 23:48 FractalsOnFire wrote:Your brother gives horrible advice for break ups, listen to TL not him. Cut off all contact with her until you completely get over her. Do other things, pick up hobbies, job searching, hanging out with friends or if you've lost them over the past few years, start reconnecting and rebuilding your social circle. Start diversifying your identity. So that when you find the next girl (and you will), you won't be completely down in the dumps because you have other things to do and which you are good at. Also get your money back from her. Bitch doesn't deserve a free pass. EDIT: Man re-reading that bit about your brother's advice makes me want to grab and shake him for giving such piss poor advice. Really irks the shit out of me. Meet new women, don't even hope for one second she'll get back with you. If she seemingly comes crawling back, be in a position of strength, not the current state you are now so you can evaluate your prospects as objectively as possible. Look back on the good times fondly but remember that all good things come to an end and that its time to make new ones.
THIS, THIS and THIS.
On May I broke up with my girlfriend. It was a 5 year relationship as well, although the broke up didn't hurt as much as it seems it did to you (she was the one that broke up). Things weren't working out between the two of us anymore, so the best thing we could do was to stop it, and we both knew it. This problably helped me to get over it faster, just because I knew I wanted to move on.
First and most important, you have to realize that you want to get over that girl. I know, you love her and you have shared so many things with her, but she is not the only one that will make you feel special, there are a lot of girls out there that are awesome and interesting, but you have to have the will to meet them and get to know them. The best thing you can do to move on is to stop seeing her, stop calling/texting/speaking to her and stop checking her facebook (unfriend her, block her.. whatever). And don't hope on you two coming back. Please, please, please... DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR BROTHER. That was the shittiest advice I've ever seen.
Running, working out helps a lot and you are doing it, so that's great! Pick up hobbies, meeting friends etc.. Keeping yourself occuped will help you. Sometimes you will feel alone with nothing to do... and you will feel helpless and empty, because she isn't there to fill that gap. But coping with it it's part of moving on. You need to remember that being alone is not bad, and that you are awesome by yourself!
One thing helped me was to think about the things I didn't completely like about my exgirlfriend, and that now, as a single I could try to find on a new person (and I'm sure you can find things you didn't exactly like about your gf, but you just got over them because you loved her). So try to meet new people, njoy the thrill discovering girls different from your ex. Of course they will have something you don't like, nobody is perfect! And your ex isn't perfect neither!
Once you feel better and think you have moved on, speak with her if you feel confident enough. She has been an important person of your life, so it would be a shame loosing all contact with her. But only do this when you are happy about how you are (be it single or with another girl...). Who knows if you will ever get back together (must probably not), but if it happens, be sure that you do it because you want to, not because you feel dragged by some old forgotten feelings.
I hope this can help you a little bit. With some time you will get over it, I know you will 
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On November 15 2012 05:39 123Viril69 wrote:
5/5, this is fantastic
I disagree, it was pretty mundane and whiny. Where can I read a more manly blog ?
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![[image loading]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m24ysl1rzr1qgkt7co1_500.jpg)
and
Relevant to your situation
At the end of the day, its ultimately up to you to make yourself happy. So stop moping and pick yourself up.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/M8vlX.png)
