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A small psychological insight

Blogs > targ
Post a Reply
targ
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Malaysia445 Posts
November 12 2012 11:08 GMT
#1
There was a woman who lived next door to a family with a noisy baby. Originally she never particularly liked the baby; in fact she felt the baby was rather annoying when it kept crying in the afternoon while she was trying to take a nap. Then one day, the house the baby was in caught fire, and the family was all out. The woman rushed in and managed to save the baby. From that day on, she liked the baby very much and did not dislike its afternoon crying any more. Someone asked her:"How come you like this baby so much more now?" The woman replied:"Oh, because I risked my life for it!"

So we can see that people like something more when they contribute towards it. This is because of two reasons. The first reason is because they feel that they have made "an investment" in it, whether the investment be of money, of time or of effort. This is why you see guys chasing after girls for years and spending tons of money to buy expensive gifts for them, they feel "it would be a great pity" to stop chasing, because of the sunken costs involved.

The second reason is because of the feeling of superiority. This is why you see older people feeling very happy when a younger person asks for their advice on anything; they feel that it shows respect, and it proves the greatness of their intellect and character to be asked for advice. If you don't believe me, go back and ask your boss for advice on your work (when he is in a good mood), and I bet he will like you more after that.

Looking at this, we can tell that if you want someone to like you, the idea is to make them invest in you. Girls often do this inadvertently by telling a guy about their sad moments or how their boyfriend doesn't treat them well, and the poor idiot immediately falls: "She must be confiding in me because I'm a manly man!" Idiot. The idea is to:

1. Make the party you are interested in care for you. Maybe tell a sad story or something, but don't reveal all in one go.
2. Make the other party help you in some way. If you can't achieve this straight out, maybe do an exchange, eg: you treat the other party to eat in exchange for him/her to do an assignment for you. At least both sides have a sunken cost then.

This works for both genders!

****
http://billyfoong.blogspot.com/ my other opinions are here
Callynn
Profile Joined December 2010
Netherlands917 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-11-12 11:37:15
November 12 2012 11:36 GMT
#2
Basic biology right here, behaviorism that can be seen even in most animals. I was aware of this, though I probably implement it too directly. Using this is particularly difficult when teaching a class of kids between 12- 16 years old, but not impossible. You make them care by forcing them into participation by using individual attention (those studying pedagogy know about this), which is a group mechanic. The immediate result is that their labor, which is continued upon the following lesson, is their investment and makes them care - even if they did not previously care about grades they could get as a result later on.

But I suppose you are mainly trying to make the mechanic interesting for hopeless people who can't find a partner X)

Very nicely summarized blog and carefully carried by the example. 4 stars
Comparing BW with SCII is like comparing a beautiful three-master sailing ship with a modern battlecruiser. Both are beautiful in their own way, both perform the same task, but they are worlds apart in how they are built and how they are steered.
Pangpootata
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
1838 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-11-12 13:07:24
November 12 2012 13:07 GMT
#3
There's something called the Ben Franklin effect, derived from one of his sayings. Making other people do stuff for you and thanking them a lot for it is better than doing stuff for them.
puppykiller
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States3126 Posts
November 12 2012 14:00 GMT
#4
Welcome to PUA?
Why would I play sctoo when I can play BW?
meteorskunk
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada546 Posts
November 12 2012 14:35 GMT
#5
well thank you for sharing! this is a fun use of the blog section!

I agree it is true that when i put effort into helping another i enjoy watching them do well. It is just me enjoying power over my environment.

You can't justuse this knowledge to your benefit though. another has to choose to invest in you, so you have to have earned it!

"gotta work hard
no room to cheat" - uffie
Girl Blog Credentials: Comfortable talking to some women. Tried the sex once
JieXian
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Malaysia4677 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-11-12 19:19:00
November 12 2012 19:15 GMT
#6
On November 12 2012 22:07 Pangpootata wrote:
There's something called the Ben Franklin effect, derived from one of his sayings. Making other people do stuff for you and thanking them a lot for it is better than doing stuff for them.


that story of ben frankin's and your advice sounded really counterintuitive.... If a person I don't know and keeps asking me for help I might just call him to fuck off especially if he's really bugging me as a freeloader. We have tons of people like that in Uni
Please send me a PM of any song you like that I most probably never heard of! I am looking for people to chat about writing and producing music | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noD-bsOcxuU |
CosmicSpiral
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States15275 Posts
November 12 2012 19:43 GMT
#7
On November 13 2012 04:15 JieXian wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 12 2012 22:07 Pangpootata wrote:
There's something called the Ben Franklin effect, derived from one of his sayings. Making other people do stuff for you and thanking them a lot for it is better than doing stuff for them.


that story of ben frankin's and your advice sounded really counterintuitive.... If a person I don't know and keeps asking me for help I might just call him to fuck off especially if he's really bugging me as a freeloader. We have tons of people like that in Uni


It's the reciprocation aspect that makes the Ben Franklin effect true: the person who does the favor gains a feeling of satisfaction from exerting his power and being reminded of that exertion. Of course the feeling of satisfaction has to outweigh the possible inconvenience.
WriterWovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen.
Pangpootata
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
1838 Posts
November 13 2012 00:16 GMT
#8
On November 13 2012 04:15 JieXian wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 12 2012 22:07 Pangpootata wrote:
There's something called the Ben Franklin effect, derived from one of his sayings. Making other people do stuff for you and thanking them a lot for it is better than doing stuff for them.


that story of ben frankin's and your advice sounded really counterintuitive.... If a person I don't know and keeps asking me for help I might just call him to fuck off especially if he's really bugging me as a freeloader. We have tons of people like that in Uni

Because the person asking you for help is not doing it right. He needs to make you feel appreciated and important to him in order to make it work.
JieXian
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Malaysia4677 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-11-13 15:42:59
November 13 2012 15:33 GMT
#9
On November 13 2012 04:43 CosmicSpiral wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 13 2012 04:15 JieXian wrote:
On November 12 2012 22:07 Pangpootata wrote:
There's something called the Ben Franklin effect, derived from one of his sayings. Making other people do stuff for you and thanking them a lot for it is better than doing stuff for them.


that story of ben frankin's and your advice sounded really counterintuitive.... If a person I don't know and keeps asking me for help I might just call him to fuck off especially if he's really bugging me as a freeloader. We have tons of people like that in Uni


It's the reciprocation aspect that makes the Ben Franklin effect true: the person who does the favor gains a feeling of satisfaction from exerting his power and being reminded of that exertion. Of course the feeling of satisfaction has to outweigh the possible inconvenience.


Just maybe ben franklin's " rival legislator" actually wanted to get to know him. Or he found out ben frankin wasn't he person he though he was, or he realised that he has something to gain. Or people who help others in general are more likely to be sincerlely helpful and nice people.


On November 13 2012 09:16 Pangpootata wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 13 2012 04:15 JieXian wrote:
On November 12 2012 22:07 Pangpootata wrote:
There's something called the Ben Franklin effect, derived from one of his sayings. Making other people do stuff for you and thanking them a lot for it is better than doing stuff for them.


that story of ben frankin's and your advice sounded really counterintuitive.... If a person I don't know and keeps asking me for help I might just call him to fuck off especially if he's really bugging me as a freeloader. We have tons of people like that in Uni

Because the person asking you for help is not doing it right. He needs to make you feel appreciated and important to him in order to make it work.


I'm really curious whether you're speaking from experience or from your psychology textbook because that sounds like how a lonely loser's brain would function like. I mean I can't imagine anything like it at all. I appreciate people who put in the effort in a relationship, no matter how small it may be.
Please send me a PM of any song you like that I most probably never heard of! I am looking for people to chat about writing and producing music | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noD-bsOcxuU |
meteorskunk
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada546 Posts
November 13 2012 16:01 GMT
#10
On November 14 2012 00:33 JieXian wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 13 2012 04:43 CosmicSpiral wrote:
On November 13 2012 04:15 JieXian wrote:
On November 12 2012 22:07 Pangpootata wrote:
There's something called the Ben Franklin effect, derived from one of his sayings. Making other people do stuff for you and thanking them a lot for it is better than doing stuff for them.


that story of ben frankin's and your advice sounded really counterintuitive.... If a person I don't know and keeps asking me for help I might just call him to fuck off especially if he's really bugging me as a freeloader. We have tons of people like that in Uni


It's the reciprocation aspect that makes the Ben Franklin effect true: the person who does the favor gains a feeling of satisfaction from exerting his power and being reminded of that exertion. Of course the feeling of satisfaction has to outweigh the possible inconvenience.


Just maybe ben franklin's " rival legislator" actually wanted to get to know him. Or he found out ben frankin wasn't he person he though he was, or he realised that he has something to gain. Or people who help others in general are more likely to be sincerlely helpful and nice people.


Show nested quote +
On November 13 2012 09:16 Pangpootata wrote:
On November 13 2012 04:15 JieXian wrote:
On November 12 2012 22:07 Pangpootata wrote:
There's something called the Ben Franklin effect, derived from one of his sayings. Making other people do stuff for you and thanking them a lot for it is better than doing stuff for them.


that story of ben frankin's and your advice sounded really counterintuitive.... If a person I don't know and keeps asking me for help I might just call him to fuck off especially if he's really bugging me as a freeloader. We have tons of people like that in Uni

Because the person asking you for help is not doing it right. He needs to make you feel appreciated and important to him in order to make it work.


I'm really curious whether you're speaking from experience or from your psychology textbook because that sounds like how a lonely loser's brain would function like. I mean I can't imagine anything like it at all. I appreciate people who put in the effort in a relationship, no matter how small it may be.


JieXian, I think you have not put the Ben Franklin effect in proper context. Have you not done something for another which resulted in feeling good about yourself? Was it not almost better than getting something for free?

So what if someone encouaged the good feeling by saying "wow, you really are such a good person!" It reassures. you that you are a good person. That feels good, doesn't it? It allows you to know that you've made a good impression on this person so you know you look good to them. That is a person you want to be around.

The guys who are freeloading off of you are doing it wrong because you are obviously not in the mood to help them when they are asking you for help. For example if they were doing it right they'd look at your score and say "wow, you're so smart. I worked for 13 hours and still didn't understand it. WHAT! you got question 13 right!? how the heck! i knew that the basal ganglia was reinterpretable on the frontal abx axis but damn! you took it to the next level. HOW" and whenthey say this you also happen to be kind of eating your sandwiche which tastes awesome and are in the mood to hepl people.
Girl Blog Credentials: Comfortable talking to some women. Tried the sex once
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