Thanks for the post, it hit home for me.

In the most important time of our life, our youth, we are too immature to make the right decisions. I found like you, I let society influence me in the wrong direction, that direction took me away from my dream. Although different my dream was something that required complete support, confidence, and dedication. As you were, i was too scared to stand up, to break the mold of my surroundings and chase my dream bravely and confidently. I was too sacred to announce my dream so I told no one about it, as I feared being judged and told to be realistic.

Still I worked alone towards this goal, with no support I still pushed myself, foolishly, and as i grew older and i needed others to help me reach new levels but I had no one. So then i slowly started to follow what others supported, and became normal like everyone else because i was too weak to call out for help for my own dream. Before i knew it high school was over and everyone went their own way, and i was left with nothing.

Since then I've struggled, constantly unhappy with myself and my achievements, however I have learned from my mistakes. I now have knowledge and strength about myself which allows me to live regret free. i have learned the hard way that i should always be me, I should fear nothing, and I should never hesitate to follow my desires. I have learned honesty and integrity. But most of all i have learned how important support is from family, friends, or anybody. It was my dream that made me special but it was my cowardliness that made me ordinary.

Thank you for reminding me how important this lesson is

Slardar

Canada7593 Posts

August 23 2012 13:35 GMT

#44

Thanks for sharing this Pubbanana, I'm sure it feels a bit better to let it out. Perhaps it didn't feel right to tell anyone because of society norms, or it was a secret passion but you should tell your sister and others. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

BoggieMan

520 Posts

August 23 2012 13:47 GMT

#45

i simply don't know what to write other than you remind me of myself, and thanks alot for sharing this.

Plexa

Aotearoa39261 Posts

August 23 2012 14:11 GMT

#46

You always had a way with words.

Thanks for the blog at this dark time, it is very much appreciated.

OpticalShot

Canada6330 Posts

August 23 2012 14:23 GMT

#47

Great read.

Nos-

Canada12016 Posts

August 23 2012 14:52 GMT

#48

A great read after the news of Violet passing away.

Boonbag

France3318 Posts

August 23 2012 14:58 GMT

#49

You can still be sc2 pro ! Zergbong is like 29

Striding Strider

United Kingdom787 Posts

August 23 2012 15:06 GMT

#50

On August 23 2012 22:47 BoggieMan wrote:
i simply don't know what to write other than you remind me of myself, and thanks alot for sharing this.

Same here, except for wanting to be a progamer. Thanks for the read.

Ultrablue

Finland31 Posts

August 23 2012 15:20 GMT

#51

Thank you for writing this.

Wikt

Poland226 Posts

August 23 2012 15:24 GMT

#52

5 stars. Incredibly well written and touching.

Xax

475 Posts

August 23 2012 15:35 GMT

#53

This absolutely reminds me of myself, and I am going to tell you why you should not be a bit miserable about this at all.

You did not abandon your dream. You grew out of it. I used to dream about being in the scene, not as a progamer but somewhere behind the scenes. I actually even led the biggest German Broodwar League back in the days for a bit (BWCL if anyone cares), but then, I, too, have evolved. Then I left my computer and discovered the real life, I wanted more than just virtual acknowledgement.

When everything changed I saw how much there actually is in the real world, that's also great. There is art, travel, food, other people, life! It doesn't have to happen alone in front of the computer! That's why in recent years I've only been watching SC2 when there were real people. When they showed the casters, the venues, the players, the emotions, the fans. Then it was real for me, then it made sense. Casting from replays? Not interested.

I moved on from SC2, I still watch occasionally (just a few big games here and there), but much much less than even a year ago. I discovered different passions and people that take so much time and that I love so much, that I just don't have time and access to broadband all the time anymore to be able to follow the vast amount of tournaments going on!

You, too, should have a new passion now. You can't tell me that girls, smoking and alcohol are your new passion. If that's it, please get back into becoming a progamer. If you haven't found your new passion yet, LOOK FOR IT. GET OUT THERE INTO THE WORLD. Travel, volunteer, get a job, work a different job every year, friends, music, films, photography, painting, cook, eat, fuck, live, live, live.

And when you found your passion you will be able to make a living out of it after working hard for a bit. Then, when you have enough money to take a holiday to Seoul, Korea, you can go when there's a GSL final. Bring your sister. And then, you can tell her that this was your dream. You won't be frustrated.

You'll be happy.

ArhK

France287 Posts

August 23 2012 15:38 GMT

#54

Amazing blog post. Thanks for sharing this.

Teoodorh

Sweden12 Posts

August 23 2012 15:39 GMT

#55

Feels like I wrote this in 5years... Kinda feel the same way about the game, the korean culture around it and so on. Makes me wonder, should I just give it up. Tbh, I am incredibly afraid to become what you have (no offense), and deep inside I know that I dont have what it takes to make it. I get too frustrated, constantly losing motivation and rarely have those moments when I realise why I love it... It is truly a sports for the rough and not the weak minded. It is truly amazing!

Kerotan

England2109 Posts

August 23 2012 15:42 GMT

#56

As I sit here with my hands resting upon my knees trying to think of something to write, it occurs to me that this is all I really can do.
I'm reaching for long explanatory sentences when in actuality, one word will do:
Beautiful.
I guess two more words:
Thank you.