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The Riddler has arrived
Its time to hit the jive
I know I'm awesome, but hey its me
Trumping in diamond, that shitz Ez!
Whadup dawg, you know this shitz real,
Not'as real as putting zergies to straight to the heel
Go PRO'Toss the one true way
Hell I studied this game like ballet
Whaddup HoSEY!
Some'oyou sayin, this nigga ain't rhymin'.
He's just rappin.
Shut up fool don't make me get to the slappin'
Proxy 2gate all the way.
Good for all those protoss that I slay!
Master league here I come
Think not? you just plain dumb..
I think Its time to end this.
Once and for all
Tired of drinking my own piss.
Lemme just say to yall
Your feedback I will miss......... hiss tiss.......
New rhyme, coming soon™
 
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That was the worst poem I've read in a long time.
Edit (three hours later) I spent like five minutes trying to find some way to be positive or encouraging but I got nothing. Go read poetry instead of improvising your own build orders.
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This is like some Juggalo Sc2 rhyme, not my scene.
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I think you might want to emphasize quality over quantity.
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I might as well begin by saying how much I like the title.
It gets me right away because I’m in a workshop now
so immediately the poem has my attention,
like the Ancient Mariner grabbing me by the sleeve.
And I like the first couple of stanzas,
the way they establish this mode of self-pointing
that runs through the whole poem
and tells us that words are food thrown down
on the ground for other words to eat.
I can almost taste the tail of the snake
in its own mouth,
if you know what I mean.
But what I’m not sure about is the voice,
which sounds in places very casual, very blue jeans,
but other times seems standoffish,
professorial in the worst sense of the word
like the poem is blowing pipe smoke in my face.
But maybe that’s just what it wants to do.
What I did find engaging were the middle stanzas,
especially the fourth one.
I like the image of clouds flying like lozenges
which gives me a very clear picture.
And I really like how this drawbridge operator
just appears out of the blue
with his feet up on the iron railing
and his fishing pole jigging—I like jigging—
a hook in the slow industrial canal below.
I love slow industrial canal below. All those l’s.
Maybe it’s just me,
but the next stanza is where I start to have a problem.
I mean how can the evening bump into the stars?
And what’s an obbligato of snow?
Also, I roam the decaffeinated streets.
At that point I’m lost. I need help.
The other thing that throws me off,
and maybe this is just me,
is the way the scene keeps shifting around.
First, we’re in this big aerodrome
and the speaker is inspecting a row of dirigibles,
which makes me think this could be a dream.
Then he takes us into his garden,
the part with the dahlias and the coiling hose,
though that’s nice, the coiling hose,
but then I’m not sure where we’re supposed to be.
The rain and the mint green light,
that makes it feel outdoors, but what about this wallpaper?
Or is it a kind of indoor cemetery?
There’s something about death going on here.
In fact, I start to wonder if what we have here
is really two poems, or three, or four,
or possibly none.
But then there’s that last stanza, my favorite.
This is where the poem wins me back,
especially the lines spoken in the voice of the mouse.
I mean we’ve all seen these images in cartoons before,
but I still love the details he uses
when he’s describing where he lives.
The perfect little arch of an entrance in the baseboard,
the bed made out of a curled-back sardine can,
the spool of thread for a table.
I start thinking about how hard the mouse had to work
night after night collecting all these things
while the people in the house were fast asleep,
and that gives me a very strong feeling,
a very powerful sense of something.
But I don’t know if anyone else was feeling that.
Maybe that was just me.
Maybe that’s just the way I read it.
- billy collins, workshop
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On August 18 2012 13:09 Probe1 wrote:
That was the worst poem I've read in a long time.
Edit (three hours later) I spent like five minutes trying to find some way to be positive or encouraging but I got nothing. Go read poetry instead of improvising your own build orders.
xD
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On August 18 2012 13:40 Roe wrote:
I think you might want to emphasize quality over quantity.
Well I ain't exacly pumping them out like activisions pumps out call of duty games. ^^
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On August 18 2012 13:15 farvacola wrote:
This is like some Juggalo Sc2 rhyme, not my scene.
Juggalo?
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EPT
