EPTWith half the mall watching.
She's a cachier, and I was helping mom with the shopping.
I got nervous the moment I saw her, because I swear that girl and I have a soul connection or something weird. We went to the same school, but opposite timings (when I went in the afternoon, she went in the morning and vice-versa).
Occasionally, when I attended my non-mandatory german classes, I would go to school in her timing. You know that feeling when you lock eyes with a special person? Well, we had that for 15 years. It started at church at a young age, I would look up, she was on some balcony, and both of us would immediately get a ear-to-ear smile and look away soon. During the pauses in my german, similar stuff would happen.
Years later, I go to get a haircut, she's working there. (but not cutting hair). Immediate chemistry again, but I didn't recognize her right away, and she probably didn't recognize me either.
Then I saw her at that mall once, but didn't end up going to her cash register.
This time, my mom goes there, and I notice her as we approach. I'm thinking "wtf it's her, wtf", we lock eyes, but no childish grinning this time as adults control it even if they get the urge. As we get each of our supplies scanned, I'm thinking "What the fuck am I supposed to do, my mom is here, and there's a hundred people all around, but she's THAT girl, the one I've always dreamed about talking to and hopefully starting something". I can't do anything, I'm not the guy who does something in these circumstances.
Mom pays for stuff and we put them in bags. We walk away.
My mom and I are walking towards the car, and I'm draggin my feet, and I'm going brutal on myself "how can you walk away?! You know she's special and unlike anything you've experienced in life!". With every meter I walked, I felt like I was throwing my life away more. The walk lasted about 3-4 minutes, but it felt like 20.
We arrive to the car, get ready to go, and as my thoughts settle I realize - I gotta go back. I say to my mom "I need to go back to get something. I'll be right back"
I go back, I'm pumped up, and I'm already loving myself for turning the ship and not giving in to inertia. I feel like a movie hero. I go back to her register, she's scanning products for an older couple, and I lean in and say "Hey, can you come over after you finish this, I'd like to talk to you briefly?" She mumbles something, but I figure she's agreed. The couple is done, and the next one comes in. She starts to do their stuff. I'm kind of annoyed. Another customer comes in. I'm positively angry now. This is not going right. I go in her cashier line, take 3-4 of those cusomer separators plastic things, and put them on the cashier track. I'm next in line. The women before me is done, and leaves. I face the girl I like. She's kind of shocked and I realize this probably isn't gonna be easy as I expected. I thought she's gonna be delighted, pull out that childish grin again and start chatting.
I ask her something like "Hey, do you know who I am?" -"Ummm, sorry.. not really." fuck, my heart sinks, but I transition into a normal person conversation. "Well, I'm from *my place* and you're from *her place* and I've noticed you many times but we never had the chance to talk." She's still really taken aback by everything. I'm then saying something else (forgot what) and as I'm talking I soak up the atmosphere quickly, the woman from the nearby cachier has her attention on us, and looks at me in a way that I know I'm doing something great. 3-4 other people seem to watch, but not as much as I feared would, and I realize this isn't scary at all. I'm fighting for what I want, they can only learn from my example.
"So, would you like to go grab some coffee one day?" -"Uhmmm" and she put's the appologetic face on, brings her hand up and shows me the ring. FUCK. She's obviously married or engaged, but in that frentic moment I say "Oh, you have a boyfriend." She's like "yeah". I'm like "oh". "Well anyway, I'm *name*". "I'm Marija" "It was nice to meet you Marija, see you around". She's still sitting there and I walk away. I exit the mall, and it hits me "YOU'RE THE BOSS, YOU'RE THE BOSS, THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT". Fuck, I didn't expect the rejection of my supposed 'soulmate' to not feel painful, sad or anything similar. I just went on, and felt only positive about this. She's just a special girl, but no more than that. And I'm the boss.
I get back to the car. I don't say anything. My mom doesn't ask, visibly aware that it was odd of me to go back like that, but since I'm not sharing the story, she figures I don't wanna talk. I'm glad she doesn't coz I don't talk to my mom about girl stuff, and I don't wanna make something up. We spend the next minute in silence, and then continue talking about regular stuff.
Turns out, I AM the guy who does stuff 'like that'.
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I don't know if I'm being a dick by posting this in a blog, when the general thread provoked me to write this. But somehow I feel this story is more special. And it kinda does belong to blogs.
This happened about a year ago.
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