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I'm Anthonie Yinhao Goes, a 16 yr old dutch-taiwanese gamer that currently lives in Holland. My parents, despite my father being dutch, can very well fit into the stereotypical asian parents image. They have extremely high standards of me, their only son, and basically have my entire future planned: I'll study science at a university, then get a great job in the science industry. This entire plan will make it hard for me to achieve my dream, haha. My goal is to learn Hangul and move to Korea someday. My dream is to make a living off of e-sports, one I share with many others.
But the reason I'm writing this blog post is because there was a slight incident yesterday, where I did something that I didn't fully get the chance to explain. This blog post, I hope, will clarify why I did what I did.
So when I was young, around the age of 2, I was put in front of the computer. My parents had a very busy schedule with their work, and needed a way for me to entertain myself. To them, the PC seemed like the best possible solution. So they sat me behind this machine, telling me to figure it out, and buying me some educational games.
Later, from my 4th to my 8th, we moved to Taiwan for half a year, and then to Portugal for about 4 years. There, I attended a strict british school, which I had quite the trouble adjusting to. In the area we lived, we also had no access to the internet, so I lived off the games that my father (that stayed in Holland for his job) would bring when he came to visit. It was pretty peaceful, but at the end of 2004 (which is around when we moved back), my parents promised me high speed internet, so it was something I looked forward to.
So in winter 2004 we moved back to Holland, and settled in the city I still live in now. I finally got access to the internet, and left all the CD games behind me. This was because a new world opened up to me, a world where games weren't installed, but you could just run them anywhere, for free. I played a lot of flash/browser games then. Was pretty busy on Runescape a lot back then. I also discovered RPG Maker, a fun program to make games with.
Then I stumbled upon this flash card game, Maganic Wars. It was the first TCG game I played, so it piqued my interest, and at the end of the game, there was even a promise for an online version in future (which wasn't out a year ago, still haha). This promise led me to their semi-dead forums. When I say 'semi', I mean that the forums were dead, apart from a certain section. It was a fantasy roleplay section, named Darkness Incarnate, and I enjoyed the idea. Unfortunately, I was pretty young then and made a really bad name for myself, and wouldn't want to return there. Regardless, it was a fun small community.
In the footer of the forums of Maganic Wars, there was a link to their affiliate, the ORPG engine Eclipse. It let you easily make online games to play with others, just imagine it as an online version of the popular RPG Maker. I loved Eclipse, but I went to look for an alternative for a reason I can't recall. Then I stumbled upon an even simpled engine, XtremeWorlds, and I joined and visited the forums for quite a long time. Posted a lot, I believe I still have a lead in the most posts there, even after being gone for an extended number of months.
Through this community, I got to know a lot of people and their talents, JWall;Matthew, and his scripting, Elektrobear;Oli and his great music, etc, a few of which I still speak to today. Elektrobear/Oli introduced me to starcraft way back in the beta. He constantly spammed my MSN with messages about Void Ray rushes, and strange gibberish I didn't really understand. All I remembered about SC2 was that it was a high-skill competitive game.
This is when I got serious about gaming, and I mean pretty serious. I loved the idea of e-sports. I never really was interested in normal sports, but watching people play or commentate on games was just so extremely fun.
So in 2010, while working on my mailman job (which I still do today), I decided I wanted to play a high skill cap game, and bought SC2 right away, telling my closest friend at the time to get it too, so I didn't throw myself into the SC2 community alone. I immediately made mistakes many new players make, I picked Protoss because it seemed cool and was easy, and had a huge ladder anxiety. This anxiety had me only play 2v2 with that friend of mine. If there is anything you want to take away from this blog post; I never recommend anyone to play team games when you start. It may seem good to rely on your friends, but you will never improve, and never truly play starcraft.
So that apart, eventually we got bored of team games and customs, so we stopped played Starcraft 2. During this time (early 2010), my friend and I were mainly just making youtube video's now, and doing other things. Late 2010 we picked up Team Fortress 2. I was a pretty serious gamer at this point, so I looked up if there was a competitive scene for Team Fortress 2, there was, but my attempts to get into it were pretty bad, as the skill cap was really too high for me to get into.
So early 2011, I picked up SC2 again with that friend, and we ended up playing mainly Storm of the Imperial Sanctum, nowadays known as Aeon of Storms I think? We made some video's on that, but eventually were convinced to play League of Legends. My time on LoL was and is a very fun one. I met new people that played with me, and we played together on a Teamspeak. I spent a fair deal of money (240+ euro) on the game before I decided to stop. I had a blast of a time on LoL. During the release of the Korean LoL servers, with the new champion Ahri, I got in touch with K-Pop (through Ahri's in-game dance). K-Pop changed my life, and as of this blog post, I'm a huge fan of Girls Generation, haha. 
In March, I saw the MLG Winter Championship, and seeing Marineking play just completely made me want to play Starcraft again. I had trouble picking a race though. I considered the pros and cons of each race, but eventually just picked the race my idol had chosen, and stuck with it, Terran. I used the build [G] How to get out of bronze w/ macro, to help me get out of silver, and started browsing TL. I posted in the free coaching thread. This is how I met my current coach, I believe he is known on TL as blap, and he has helped me help myself, which eventually helped me get to plat, and still rising, haha . A huge thanks to blap/Miguel! :D
So what about this apology? As you see above, I became a pretty serious games, interested in playing competitively. Sadly, my friends weren't. We attempted to form a team for the Alienware Battlegrounds (my first real e-sports tournament), but won only one game of the five we played, and I left it shortly thereafter. I was hoping to form a real team, with member that improved themselves, and wanted to win. But what I got was a team of players only interested in playing normal games, and were extremely scared of playing ranked. They also shrugged every loss on the Battleground off as 'fun', and never looked back at how the lost, or what they could have improved.
I am also a serious SC2 player, I love the game, I love watching it. I want to improve myself and achieve my impossible dream. I want to at least try. I regret that all friends that I have, but two, which are the exact same friends I tried to form a LoL team with, will never play 1v1 ladder. But that was predictable I guess.
So yesterday I played a game against a gold random friend of mine, who had been gone from the entire gaming scene for 2 weeks, and was out of practice of SC2. He also doesn't take the game as seriously as I do, as far as I know. I lost the game due to my timings being off, and he getting a pretty lucky build order win. This was a huge shocker to me. I take SC2 pretty seriously, so losing to someone who doesn't take it as seriously hurts my pride in a way of "Did I really ladder as much as I did, only to lose to someone who doesn't play much, and hasn't played for a while?". I decided to stop going on Teamspeak without giving much of an explanation.
This means I need to work much harder. I will only play SC2, and some Guild Wars 2 during break times when it comes out. I also can't be on Teamspeak anymore, as it will distract me, and tempt me to play other games than 1v1 ladder. It's hard to concentrate on ladder when my friends are shouting "SS MID", "OH YEAH TRIPLE KILL", etc. But muting my speakers would be the same as not being on teamspeak.
So to those friends: Sorry but I won't be able to come on Teamspeak, at least for the remainder of this summer holiday. I want to focus on my SC2 play. I won't play LoL with you guys for this period, and won't play customs or team games. Mind me, I won't go into some Starcraft Monk state, where I only live and play. I'll be available on everything but Teamspeak, and I am more than willing to play practice 1v1 games with any of you. I'll also be on Skype, Steam, Twitter, just not on Teamspeak. I hope you understand.
To anyone mentioned in this post (member of any community, my coach, my friends): Thanks for helping me get to where I am today, 2 August 2012, thank you.
I'll be streaming every day at any time possible from now on, you can find me on http://www.twitch.tv/anthoniegoes. ^^
 
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I'll be watching you as much as possible and help out where it's needed. GL & HF 
~blap
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I am extremely proud of Anthonie to make this decision and I'm extremely happy to be his friend. Even though I am not the same gamer as he is, I think we had a fun time playing LoL, HoN, SC2, TF2 etc. together.
Great that you are not going into Starcraft Monk state, social life is also something important, just saying, haha.
Moved by your blogpost I want to say to you; ' Good luck, when you are in masters, tell me! You got the advantage, you' re an Asian, haha. '
However, DON' T FORGET ABOUT MTG!
~열심히 작동합니다 Use that as your motto and everything will be alright, TRG_
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In what league are you currently placed?
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On August 03 2012 00:36 VenomBRA wrote:
In what league are you currently placed?
Platinum right now.
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Best of luck to you, you seem nice and dedicated and I hope you'll achieve your goals, as hard as it seems at the moment (since you're platinum, there's a long road ahead of you).
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On August 03 2012 00:50 drsnuggles wrote:
Best of luck to you, you seem nice and dedicated and I hope you'll achieve your goals, as hard as it seems at the moment (since you're platinum, there's a long road ahead of you).
Thankyou ^^~
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if you truly want to become better at sc2, thn you need to stop believing that you lose based off of luck. luck is only a way of saying you dont know why you lost so you assert it as something being out of your control and knowledge, luck
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Man, you need to remember what the main goal of gaming is, don't drop friends and destroy your life over it. You have a lot of future ahead of you, and it wouldn't be wise to screw this up. You have to be at the ABSOLUTE top to make any sort of money off of esports, unless you are an incredible personality like artosis/tasteless. Fifteen years down the road where do you see yourself? I understand that esports is a lot of young peoples "dream." But just remember, you don't want to sacrifice everything, especially not friendship. The idea of not logging on teamspeak the entire summer in order to focus on gaming is utterly ridiculous. I've lost so many friends over the years simply due to spending most of my time gaming, if I could go back in time, I think I might choose to not ever pick up gaming in the first place.
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On August 03 2012 03:19 Rice wrote:
Man, you need to remember what the main goal of gaming is, don't drop friends and destroy your life over it. You have a lot of future ahead of you, and it wouldn't be wise to screw this up. You have to be at the ABSOLUTE top to make any sort of money off of esports, unless you are an incredible personality like artosis/tasteless. Fifteen years down the road where do you see yourself? I understand that esports is a lot of young peoples "dream." But just remember, you don't want to sacrifice everything, especially not friendship. The idea of not logging on teamspeak the entire summer in order to focus on gaming is utterly ridiculous. I've lost so many friends over the years simply due to spending most of my time gaming, if I could go back in time, I think I might choose to not ever pick up gaming in the first place.
this guy is right.
While I wouldn't say it's a bad idea to pick up gaming - don't sacrifice your life at this point in time. In all likelihood, if you can't achieve high master with a few hours of practice a day (maybe 3-4) you probably are hurting yourself and your life by playing so much for pretty much no return. You really can't decide to dedicate yourself as a progamer would before you're anywhere close to the level. You should play for fun at this point and because you enjoy the game.
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On August 03 2012 02:44 StateofReverie wrote:
if you truly want to become better at sc2, thn you need to stop believing that you lose based off of luck. luck is only a way of saying you dont know why you lost so you assert it as something being out of your control and knowledge, luck
I did slightly mess up the timings, but I do consider it lucky that someone who doesn't know of a certain style manages to pick it apart at two of it's weaknesses without scouting it prior.
EDIT: On a side note, not trying to sound mean to the guy or anything. I rarely ever believe I lose off luck, this was such a case though, in my opinion.
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On August 03 2012 03:23 Pokebunny wrote:Show nested quote +On August 03 2012 03:19 Rice wrote:
Man, you need to remember what the main goal of gaming is, don't drop friends and destroy your life over it. You have a lot of future ahead of you, and it wouldn't be wise to screw this up. You have to be at the ABSOLUTE top to make any sort of money off of esports, unless you are an incredible personality like artosis/tasteless. Fifteen years down the road where do you see yourself? I understand that esports is a lot of young peoples "dream." But just remember, you don't want to sacrifice everything, especially not friendship. The idea of not logging on teamspeak the entire summer in order to focus on gaming is utterly ridiculous. I've lost so many friends over the years simply due to spending most of my time gaming, if I could go back in time, I think I might choose to not ever pick up gaming in the first place. this guy is right. While I wouldn't say it's a bad idea to pick up gaming - don't sacrifice your life at this point in time. In all likelihood, if you can't achieve high master with a few hours of practice a day (maybe 3-4) you probably are hurting yourself and your life by playing so much for pretty much no return. You really can't decide to dedicate yourself as a progamer would before you're anywhere close to the level. You should play for fun at this point and because you enjoy the game.
Thank you for your concern ^^. I understand where you are coming from, but I am not dropping friends nor destroying my life. Allow me to explain. I'm taking a break from the teamspeak because I feel like my time is sort of wasted there playing custom games, team games, League of Legends normals and Heroes of Newerth games. Not going to say that it isn't fun to dick around with friends, but sometimes some stupid discussion happens and the mood is ruined.
I'm not really dropping them, I'm still talking with them through other social media, heck, I'm going to Gamescom 2012 with them in about 17 days. Not really dropping my life either, I hang out with friends when I hang out, I eat and sleep when I do. I just spend the time I'd normally spend loitering around on league of legends or so on ladder.
Notice how I named a 'goal' and a 'dream'. My goal is to study korean and move to korea someday. I love asian culture, far above western culture, so I'd like to be there one day. I believe that it's possible. My dream is to make money off e-sports. I hardly believe this is possible, with so many people shooting for the top, and the current cast of professional players. I'd still feel that my dream is wasted if I don't try for it though. And I'm not really trying for it if I spend myself playing LoL normals.
Once again, I totally understand what you mean, and I agree, one should not sacrifice everything for an unreachable goal, but I'd like to fight for it. ^^
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On August 03 2012 03:19 Rice wrote:
Man, you need to remember what the main goal of gaming is, don't drop friends and destroy your life over it. You have a lot of future ahead of you, and it wouldn't be wise to screw this up. You have to be at the ABSOLUTE top to make any sort of money off of esports, unless you are an incredible personality like artosis/tasteless. Fifteen years down the road where do you see yourself? I understand that esports is a lot of young peoples "dream." But just remember, you don't want to sacrifice everything, especially not friendship. The idea of not logging on teamspeak the entire summer in order to focus on gaming is utterly ridiculous. I've lost so many friends over the years simply due to spending most of my time gaming, if I could go back in time, I think I might choose to not ever pick up gaming in the first place.
This.
Gaming is for fun, thats all that matters. Even progamers (including korean progamers) do stuff like Monobattles, Teamgames, LoL and such with friends. Grinding games won't make you a progamer.
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On August 03 2012 03:34 Morfildur wrote:Show nested quote +On August 03 2012 03:19 Rice wrote:
Man, you need to remember what the main goal of gaming is, don't drop friends and destroy your life over it. You have a lot of future ahead of you, and it wouldn't be wise to screw this up. You have to be at the ABSOLUTE top to make any sort of money off of esports, unless you are an incredible personality like artosis/tasteless. Fifteen years down the road where do you see yourself? I understand that esports is a lot of young peoples "dream." But just remember, you don't want to sacrifice everything, especially not friendship. The idea of not logging on teamspeak the entire summer in order to focus on gaming is utterly ridiculous. I've lost so many friends over the years simply due to spending most of my time gaming, if I could go back in time, I think I might choose to not ever pick up gaming in the first place. This. Gaming is for fun, thats all that matters. Even progamers (including korean progamers) do stuff like Monobattles, Teamgames, LoL and such with friends. Grinding games won't make you a progamer.
I see, could you suggest a better method, perhaps? One where I do get my 4-5 hours of practice a day, without getting distracted by friends asking me to play other games? I have a slight idea myself, but I'll hold it back and see if I can read something better. ^^
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Hm I like your attitude and I hope you find at least some measure of success. If you need any more practice partners for TvT or TvP you can add me if you like (Clare.832). I'm not good though, i'm in plat, was diamond last few seasons but got demoted because I didnt play much and I suck lol.
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Hmm, I have spent some time thinking about what I wrote. I have also incorporated the opinions of my friends on the matter, my coach's opinion, and also the people who have posted here with their concerns. Out of all the opinions, I have decided to do a hybrid of what I used to do and what I have decided to do.
After dinner, which is when I usually spend my time grinding games out, I'll just ladder until it gets tiring, and afterwards get on teamspeak and do other things, including watching streams. I'll basically be playing more ladder without distractions without dropping social contacts on teamspeak.
I feel like this is the best solution and most of who I've spoken to have agreed. I guess I can be busy with starcraft without laddering by watching streams too. ^^
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Wow, that actually a nice read. You seem to be very dedicated! Good luck to you, follow your dreams and passions!
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EPT
