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Why Spiderman sucks

Blogs > Hungry Cerberus
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Hungry Cerberus
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Canada29 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-07-23 03:19:17
July 09 2012 02:11 GMT
#1
Ok, I'll admit, for about the first 45 minutes of the new Spiderman film I was charmed. The new Peter Parker had an edge to him that felt fresh when compared to the puffy and oh so hard to take seriously Tobby Maguire. The rest of the cast was wonderful and the initial set up about Peter's parents peaked my interest as to where the new Spiderman franchise was going to take the web slinger.

Then everything went wrong.

It is hard to pinpoint exactly why this movie is so bad because as a whole it seemed to have all the right pieces but the combination of them was painfully off. A good example is our new spidey. The fact that his parents have seemingly abandoned him is a good way to bring some emotional heat to Peter Parker. The film continues to build on the anger in Peter by having him dramatically condemn his father for abandoning him and soon after Uncle Ben's death begin a violent and reckless search for Ben's killer. The moment with Spiderman holding a Kurt Cobain style thug off a building, threatening to murder the guy if his arm is marked by a star tattoo, is shockingly intense. Spiderman contemplating murder is a far cry more serious than the blond highlight punching bag idiocy of the first franchise.

But just when you think the filmmakers might be trying to add a little darkness to a perpetually fun spirited character the storyline is abandoned. Granted a giant green lizard trying to destroy the city is a problem that probably warrants some attention but the film makes no attempt to wrap up this lose end. Spiderman's guilt at essentially being an accomplice to his Uncle's death is short lived. One quick bro hug from the school bully and a quick make out session with Gwen makes all the bad thoughts go away.

This might be forgivable if it weren't for the many other gaping plot holes. What the hell is the deal with Mr. Dark and Stylish, a middleman for Norman Osborne, who becomes the bad guy stand in until Doctor Connors decides to don his scales? He leaves a newly fired employee with complete access to all the company research that they have just decided to take away and takes a stroll on down to the veteran’s hospital (that even sounds ridiculous just writing it). There is a reason security usually escorts people to the door when they are let go dumbass. Then for reasons I will never understand the doctor injects himself, I guess hoping that success will spare the poor veterans. The idea that the doctor feels some urgency to find Mr. Middleman before he arrives at the veterans hospital suggests he was going to start madly injecting patients as soon as he arrived, despite not having a medical team, proper facilities, or even some of the stuff to actually inject people with. If he is only signing up volunteers then what the hell is the doctor so worried about? Surely the fancy suit, limo, and obvious power position in the Osborne company hierarchy would mean he isn't the one talking to potential test subjects. Am I the only one bothered by this?

Then when tall, green, and scaly rips open his limo, Spiderman saves the day and Mr. Evil disappears, ignored for the rest of the movie. Why in the hell is he even in the movie if that is the culmination of his role? Doesn't he want to maybe inquire how the good doctor is taking to his firing? Does he approve of the weeks paid vacation doctor Conners just gave everyone? Where the hell did he go???


The worst of the plot holes is Peter's parents. The film actually opens with dark menace, as a simple game of hide and seek threatens to turn into a home invasion. The late night escape of Peter's parents, and all the accompanying mystery, is left completely unresolved. I know you could argue that they are setting up a trilogy and that this information is being saved for a later movie, but it takes what is supposed to be a new and fresh take on the Spiderman mythos and leaves it feeling empty. Why is his father involved? Why does Peter start on a quest to find out who his father is and even give up his father's closely guarded secret to a complete stranger only to just stop caring. I don't give a shit if they plan to address these details later, the movie needs to stand on its own and without any resolution on this matter the film came off as if it had decided to give up on its first hour of plot development in favor of reaching an epic final fight scene.

The last half hour of this movie is perhaps what most condemns it for me. The hard-nosed Captain Stacy is hell bent on taking down Spiderman and as soon as he captures him a quick “I gotta go save the world” explanation somehow convinces him to let him go. Why does Stacy, who currently doesn’t believe the giant green monster is worth prioritizing over capturing Spiderman, let him go? Is it because he is his daughter’s boyfriend? Does Spiderman’s pensive stare win him over because it certainly can’t be because of a half second of dialogue can it? Then when Stacy shows up at the Osborne building to aide Spiderman he comes alone. ALONE!!! I guess the idea is that he doesn’t want to endanger Spiderman by bringing other cops who won’t understand their newfound relationship. Perhaps it is because all the good swat teams are now sporting scales and lying moaning in the street (hell of a biological agent that turns you green and does pretty much nothing else). You might think his fear over losing his daughter would make him bring in some additional support. Regardless, Stacy knows his daughter is in peril and yet he shows up alone with a shotgun to promptly get his ass killed. As he dies (in the wooden and hilarious way that only Denis Leary can) he warns Spiderman that he needs to scram before the cops show up, which should be soon as they should already be there, but why the hell should Spiderman be afraid? Cops and construction workers just organized a massive Spiderman highway (which honestly was about as fast as Spiderman cabing it, as Captain Stacy got their at pretty much the same time) so they seem to be ok with him. What’s the concern?

Then there is the villain. Doctor Connors is clearly a good soul and his decent into madness should have been emotionally compelling. The guy risks his life to save people by injecting the gene juice and even in monster form is attempting to do something that is essentially good by stopping Mr. Evil. Perhaps the hulk style monster, all rage on the outside and good intention on the inside, is played out, but no can tell me the Golem-esc talking to yourself madness is somehow more original. I would have loved to see Connors torn between a perceived good in his condition and the evil that is wrought when he loses control. Instead Connors is given one (ONE!) crazy voiceover that explains his desire to achieve perfection of the human race through monsterfying us all. Something about the Hollywood inclination to create audience investment by raising the stakes drives me crazy. Apparently the only way we will care about Peter defeating the lizard king is if he is going to turn an entire city into monsters. Drama exists in good characters and I didn't feel I understood Doctor Connors in the slightest. Had the injection driven him to madness or somewhere down there does he believe that turning everyone into lizards is a good thing? I can't help but reflect on the difference between this and an actually decent superhero film, The Dark Knight, where the culminating fight between Batman and the Joker is over blowing up a boatload of civilians. Truly small scale in Hollywood's eyes but the characters are what created emotional resonance.

Spiderman is full of half finished ideas, confusing editing, and characters that with another few minutes of development could have been worth caring about. I could easily go on and on about all the tiny things that really bugged me but the crux of the problem is this; when a movie jars you out of the experience with gaping plot holes, bad editing, and a lack of decent character development it makes each small problem seem bigger and bigger. I don’t expect superhero movies to be 100% plausible; in fact I enjoy the cheesy ridiculousness as much as I enjoy films that take themselves much more seriously. What ruins a film, particularly this film, is when a multitude of problems override your suspension of disbelief. I wanted to like this film, but the little things kept stealing the focus. I suspect this film started with good ideas that some idiot movie exec stomped all over but that doesn’t excuse anything. A movie needs to be jugged on its own terms, not on the situation surrounding it.

Spiderman unfortunately sucks. You might not agree, and that is fine, but I sadly lament yet another opportunity wasted to capture the thrill and fun of the amazing web slinger.


(Note: I actually don't hate the movie as much as I hate that people are so forgiving of MASSIVE flaws in a film just because it is their favourite super hero. This film had a great premise and could have been great if not for the multitude of flaws. Feel free to disagree but I don't think we should make excuses for films. We should demand something better.)


**
Deleted User 135096
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
3624 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-07-09 02:39:13
July 09 2012 02:35 GMT
#2
It is hard to pinpoint exactly why this movie is so bad because as a whole it seemed to have all the right pieces but the combination of them was painfully off
It's really not hard to pinpoint, the writing and attention to detail is utter ______. I liked how the main character was "less" cookie cutter this time around, but this was a clear example of "you have decent actors doing _____ roles".

Sorry that was a tad harsh, I had an annoyingly unproductive rehearsal today and I think it's wearing off.

Edit: I'm not a huge SM buff so if someone can chime in, but isn't the Lizard more of a dissociative identity thing rather than complete 180 in personality?
Administrator
fuzzy_panda
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
New Zealand1681 Posts
July 09 2012 02:44 GMT
#3
The doctor injects himself because he was fired and therefore all the serum became property of Oscorp. He still really wanted to get his arm since it was made abundantly clear that was one of his main goals, as well as helping other people. This was his last chance to get an arm so thats y he injects himself.
3FFA
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States3931 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-07-09 03:43:24
July 09 2012 03:42 GMT
#4
The last half hour of this movie is perhaps what most condemns it for me. The hard-nosed Captain Stacy is hell bent on taking down Spiderman and as soon as he captures him a quick “I gotta go save the world” explanation somehow convinces him to let him go. Why does Stacy, who currently doesn’t believe the giant green monster is worth prioritizing over capturing Spiderman, let him go? Is it because he is his daughter’s boyfriend? Does Spiderman’s pensive stare win him over because it certainly can’t be because of a half second of dialogue can it? Then when Stacy shows up at the Osborne building to aide Spiderman he comes alone. ALONE!!! I guess the idea is that he doesn’t want to endanger Spiderman by bringing other cops who won’t understand their newfound relationship. Perhaps it is because all the good swat teams are now sporting scales and lying moaning in the street (hell of a biological agent that turns you green and does pretty much nothing else). You might think his fear over losing his daughter would make him bring in some additional support. Regardless, Stacy knows his daughter is in peril and yet he shows up alone with a shotgun to promptly get his ass killed. As he dies (in the wooden and hilarious way that only Denis Leary can) he warns Spiderman that he needs to scram before the cops show up, which should be soon as they should already be there, but why the hell should Spiderman be afraid? Cops and construction workers just organized a massive Spiderman highway (which honestly was about as fast as Spiderman cabing it, as Captain Stacy got their at pretty much the same time) so they seem to be ok with him. What’s the concern?

What? I just watched this two days ago and half of what you said here is completely incorrect. He just sent his daughter into a cop car, he didn't warn Spiderman about cops, he had him make a promise to keep Gwen out of it. I stopped reading here. I found it to be a very well done Spiderman movie to be honest. I like cliff hangars. Also, I really enjoyed this movie and the only thing that was missing for me and my family was that they didn't include Dr.Connor's family. I also stopped reading at the end of this paragraph due to incorrect information.
"As long as it comes from a pure place and from a honest place, you know, you can write whatever you want."
TORTOISE
Profile Joined December 2010
United States515 Posts
July 09 2012 05:12 GMT
#5
Spiderman was a brilliant film. Im infinately sad that you could'nt find the wherewithal to appreciate of work of art of this magneton.
◕ ‿‿ ◕ ๑•́ ₃ •̀๑ ( ͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡°)
OptimusYale
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Korea (South)1005 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-07-09 06:42:14
July 09 2012 06:29 GMT
#6
I'll change what I wrote.....

Most of your gripes are just things that happen in most films. You cannot get the perfect spiderman movie, it's impossible. The character is too rich, you just have to take aspects of the web slinger and roll with that. I personally thought the movie was incredible. It's a comic book movie, most comic books have the 'all or nothing' attitude for their villans (especially marvel) where the villans want to attack the entire city.

Why did they leave the house? People break into your house where you have super sensitive research that could be used to create super powered people (with the right adaptations in the formula) and you can't see WHY he would escape the house and put the child into protective company? I don't know about others, but I got the feeling that peters dad didn't trust his partner, and that is why he tried to escape and keep the missing formula back.

Why did he trust the doctor? Peter is a naive character at the beginning. A little socially awkward and has found someone who had close links to his father. Actually found someone who worked with his father, and that dude is still looking for something that his father had found before his disappearance. I mean....come on you didn't understand WHY? It would be an honor to his fathers work if he helped his fathers colleague find something that his father knew years ago...and kids don't think of any consequence. (that's my take on it, but just think as to why they have motives)

Why did Stacy let spidey go? It's his fucking daughters boyfriend. Can you imagine the hate that would generate towards him if he was the one who killed spidey? Or the fact there was a giant green monster on the loose....even if you don't believe it you have a kid slinging webs around the place, with great abilities. You know who the kid is, you can arrest him later. Let him try and stop the giant green monster that has been seen clearly by people...including other officers.

He went alone because the police were busy evacuating the city. Maybe other SWAT teams were too far away. He wanted to help his daughters boyfriend finish the big nasty monster. Do you ask yourself everyday why you chose to do something alone even though its better and probably safer to do it with someone else? (hah just though of masturbation). No you don't.....Why do you have to act as though irrationality shouldn't exist in movies when irrationality exists everywhere in reality? Wasn't Gwen still inside the building too? A child in danger does crazy shit to a parent
surfinbird1
Profile Joined September 2009
Germany999 Posts
July 09 2012 07:39 GMT
#7
I think you should watch MovieBob's reviews of the film. He's quite the comic buff and goes in-depth why the new movie fails on so many levels and why the "cookie-cutter" Tobey Maguire was infinitely better.
life of lively to live to life of full life thx to shield battery
TerranosaurusWrecks
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
Canada187 Posts
July 09 2012 08:31 GMT
#8
Yeah the movie was bad, worse than the previous Toby trilogy. I am kidna shocked that this actually warrants any discussion, it is so clear to me why this movie was bad. Emotions were felt one moment then gone the next. Motives were unclear and character's reasoning was hard to follow. For a movie that was 2 and a half hours long it was felt rushed. Some scenes were actually so rediculously stupid ( the one where he slam dunks the bully in particular. ) and I feel like it set up for spiderman's character so poorly, in the Toby Mguire version it does it so well and you can really feel the progression. What you have in this film is a series of events that don't actually feel connected because the emotions within all the characters are almost ever changing.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "Like you can train a n00b, but they will just be a trained n00b."
Pandemona *
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Charlie Sheens House51485 Posts
July 09 2012 10:09 GMT
#9
The indian guy who is Osbournes assistant took a tube of green lizard crap with him when he left as he stated "i have the formula now, your not needed connors" and thats when he is kicked into touch.

I for one liked where that bit of the story was going, as they started to mention the Parker's and went to go into detail with that, but it stopped as soon as it started, thus as i found out there is a triology on the way and its may 2014 until we see the next one!

I also thought the way in which connors changed and went crazy was a bit lackluster and had holes in, but i still think it was ok and not too bad. I thought it might of changed quciker as doesn't connors become Spidys friend? And helps him improve his web shooters/cartridges?

I hope the King Pin is revealled in the next one as thats all that i lack now as the major missing peice to all my Spiderman adventures id like to see on the big screen. A nice 2 films of him being in would be cool.

I like the non mary jane version of Spiderman too, as Gwen in the series was this hot sexy sceintist and well thats much more appealing to me than Peter chasing a wannabe broadway dame xD

I gave this a 7/10 and i stand by that, its good and i would watch again, maybe not in the Cinema again but defo when its on DVD.
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Sc2Corpse
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
United States210 Posts
July 12 2012 09:25 GMT
#10
This is exactly why I decided to watch Ted instead of the new Spiderman. As bad as I wanted to see this new guy take on the spiderman role, I knew it would just be a half ass'd movie. And I do not regret my decision Ted was AMAZING.


And I also knew that it would not be a better Superhero movie then The Avengers (;
The Zombie Protoss <3
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