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Gummy

United States2180 Posts

July 04 2012 20:14 GMT

I just moved to Bellevue earlier this week. I don't know many people on the eastside, but I would like to make friends outside of just my company (where I am much younger than most of the workforce). What is a good way to do this?

I'm thinking of the following list:

1.) Go to bars.
2.) Knock on neighbor's doors.
3.) Play annoyingly loud music on my guitar while singing in hopes that somebody will knock on my door to tell me to shut up.
4.) Pay for friends' plane tickets to come visit me.

Any other suggestions?

Megaliskuu

United States5123 Posts

July 04 2012 20:26 GMT

Post an ad on craiglist saying you're looking for friends.

What could go wrong?

Chef

10810 Posts

July 04 2012 20:30 GMT

I have never used it myself, but there are sites like meetup.com which allow you to meet people with similar interests at a public place (usually something like a coffee shop) on a regular basis. People usually suggest it to me when they think I am too reclusive.

Gummy

United States2180 Posts

July 04 2012 20:36 GMT

Thanks!
What are good interests to have? I feel like I have a lot of interests, but my depth of expertise on any given subject is very shallow

Chef

10810 Posts

July 04 2012 21:56 GMT

...

Typically expertise is not really necessary. There are clubs for people interested in photography, in languages, in other cultures etc. Probably a bunch of StarCraft or games in general too. The people who go to these things are not going because they want everyone to be super well informed, they are going to meet new people just like you. A topic of mutual interest serves simply as an icebreaker.

I would guess most of the people there are not particularly well informed. Things like this usually say 'beginners welcome' etc. You will most likely meet a bunch of very humble people and maybe do some activities related to the interest, such as look at other people's boring photos or listening to someone describe their silver league strategy ;0 No reason to be intimidated.

bigwig123

163 Posts

July 04 2012 22:06 GMT

3 sounds like your best bet imo

sob3k

United States7572 Posts

July 04 2012 22:28 GMT

On July 05 2012 05:36 Gummy wrote:
What are good interests to have?

I think we may have identified the problem

docvoc

United States5491 Posts

July 04 2012 23:44 GMT

On July 05 2012 07:28 sob3k wrote:

Show nested quote +

I think we may have identified the problem

I think Sob3k is right here. The way to make friends is to be outgoing and extraverted. Being charismatic and snarky are options or you can just be the nicest person you have ever met before. The way to meet people is to pick something you enjoy, pursue it and not be a dick, then you make friends.

PleasureImWallace

Canada45 Posts

July 05 2012 02:14 GMT

Concerts. Specifically ones where people smoke a lot of dope. People are always willing to smoke with strangers, you can meet a lot of new people

Disregard

China10252 Posts

July 05 2012 02:42 GMT

#10

Being a generalist for social interaction, shouldn't force yourself to pick up a specific hobby or interest just for that reason.

VenomBRA

Netherlands168 Posts

July 05 2012 08:53 GMT

#11

I assume you didn't know anybody there before moving, right? I understand you want to make friends outside of the workplace, specially because of the age difference, but maybe it can work getting to know your colleagues better first. Back when I moved to Amsterdam, I made a lot of friends from my workplace and got to know some of my colleague's friends as well. But pretty much everyone in my company is around the same age as me, so it's much easy.

GL anyways, I know moving to a new city is tough!

Smancer

United States379 Posts

July 05 2012 18:04 GMT

#12

This is actually a really tought thing for a lot of people. You are not alone in finding it difficult to meet people. What a lot of people don't realize is that once you are out of School, and moved somewhere away from your family it is very tough to meet people and build friendships.

First, a word of caution about going to bars. It is very difficult to just strike up a conversation with someone. And the chances of you having common interests are slim. Going to a bar alone is not a great feeling either. If there is no place to sit at the bar, then standing around by yourself can be awkward. I know it can be done, and plenty of people find friends this way, but it simply didn't work for me.

I have two ways that I think can help you or anyone in your position. The first is to use a dating site. Something like match.com or okcupid. Emailing and asking people out in this type of forum is great. It is what they are designed for, meeting people who interest you. Also there is virtually no feeling of rejection when you don't get an email back. I know people who treat it as searching for a job, they send out mass emails to lots of people and see what they get.

The reason find a girlfriend or boyfriend is good, is because hopefully they have a friend network that they can introduce you into.

The second way you can meet people is to find a class or group in your area. If you are into chess, look for a chess club. If like cooking, there might be a class that you can take nearby. If you like hiking or being outdoors, I am sure there are lots of group hikes, runs, bike rides etc. It is easier here to strike up a conversation with someone than a bar because you have similiar interests. You can talk about the thing you are doing!

Good luck meeting people.

Gummy

United States2180 Posts

July 09 2012 06:13 GMT

#13

Thanks! There's a lot of advice in here that I think is really great. My concern with going through a dating site is that it seems a little disingenuous for me to do something like that at this point, since I'm really not looking for a serious relationship. It may be a misevaluation, but I feel like many of the people on these websites are, thus my being there would in and of itself be a subtle misrepresentation. I tried looking for the sites that chef mentioned, but typically those interests groups are very demographically or geographically exclusive (40-something lesbians, etc...). The remaining 30-40% of those groups just seemed a little too hardcore for my level, since I've only ever dabbled (though the breadth of my dabbling is probably quite impressive to most).

Are there sites, such as okcupid that you mentioned, where the implicit objective isn't to meet "the one" and instead is just to make friends?

don_kyuhote

3006 Posts

July 09 2012 07:22 GMT

#14

Is this the same Bellevue that iNcontroL talked about in itmejp's Real Talk?

PassionFruit

294 Posts

July 09 2012 07:36 GMT

#15

Dunno, go with your hobbies. There are clubs in your area that will cover whatever interest you have. If you don't have a hobby other than sc2, you can try to learn a new hobby.

But you don't really go looking for friends. They just sort of "happen" if you go through the motions of life. Just stay active in a community through clubs, volunteering, work, etc... So long as you're not an uber introvert or a total douchebag, you'll eventually end up hanging out with people.

Smancer

United States379 Posts

July 09 2012 13:08 GMT

#16

On July 09 2012 15:13 Gummy wrote:
...

Are there sites, such as okcupid that you mentioned, where the implicit objective isn't to meet "the one" and instead is just to make friends?

Honestly Gummy, I wouldn't worry about it. I know girls that have used match.com because they want to eat a good meal and they know guys will take them out.

You can be straight up in your profile and just say you are looking to meet people and you are new to the city.

Not everyone on dating sites are looking to find a girl to marry. There are plenty that are just looking for a date.

Gummy

United States2180 Posts

July 10 2012 06:48 GMT

#17

On July 09 2012 16:22 don_kyuhote wrote:
Is this the same Bellevue that iNcontroL talked about in itmejp's Real Talk?

I don't know of any other bellevue.

On July 09 2012 16:36 PassionFruit wrote:
Dunno, go with your hobbies. There are clubs in your area that will cover whatever interest you have. If you don't have a hobby other than sc2, you can try to learn a new hobby.

But you don't really go looking for friends. They just sort of "happen" if you go through the motions of life. Just stay active in a community through clubs, volunteering, work, etc... So long as you're not an uber introvert or a total douchebag, you'll eventually end up hanging out with people.

Lol@sc2.

On July 09 2012 22:08 Smancer wrote:

Show nested quote +

Nice. Time to get poor-er. lol

zOula...

United States898 Posts

July 10 2012 08:05 GMT

#18

come on over to seattle. There are (or were?) lots of barcraft events multiple times a week...I think the place that used to host them closed down, not sure if they've found a new place or not. Or you could check out /r/seattle, they have lots of meetups and get-togethers. I'm sure you could find something fun, there are alot of opportunities

Gummy

United States2180 Posts

July 10 2012 09:36 GMT

#19

/r/seattle seems like a good starting point, since those meetups seem pretty cute

Just tried okcupid. What a trainwreck, lol. It really really seems like less than 30% of the people who use that site are what I would call "normal" in the everyday sense, and they seem to get flooded with messages. The remaining girls give me weird vibes of complicated emotional issues, are obese, excessively exhibitionist, have dicks, or advertise their love of buttsecks.

Also, if I put my status as single, it only shows me girls, which is cool I guess.

This seems like fun

http://threeimaginarygirls.com/calendar.asp

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