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Hey guys ; this isn't a depressing story or anything. It's more of me asking for suggestions on how to approach a situation that is in front of me.
I have a summer job that ends right before August does. I'm enjoying it but 2 weeks ago a new girl from Ireland just joined the company. She's here with some friends on a work visa, they're just travelling and making money to spend while they're here.
To get to the point; I'm just so drawn to her, physically and her personality is so alluring. I'm not in love or anything, not at all. But I know that she would be the type of girl I would go for.
Two big problems; 1- she has a boyfriend but they sorta are together and not together, and 2- she's lives across the Atlantic ocean. And moving back home at the end of august
I obviously know it can't work but I am kinda falling for her, and we get on really well. I wont go into a lot of detail but assuming she thinks I'm awesome too..
Do I just not tell her that I'd definitely ask her out if it werent for the circumstances or do I just tell her casually that I do think shes cute ..?
So far everyone Ive talked to has told me to tell her in one way or another but its the timing that they dont know about. I dont wanna just throw all of this at her right before she leaves because apparently girls dont like getting surprised with info like that, (ive had another girl tell me she had a huge crush on me once out of the blue and that was weird for me too)
But if i tell her too early, and she takes it too seriously or something then it will be awkward at work and she probably wont be as receptive to us hanging out after work (she has been so far though)
 
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The simple solution, ask her to go do something. Dinner, drinks, movie, who really gives a shit, something.
It's only awkward if you make it awkward.
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Just walk up to her and say this: "Hey! What about.. You..Me...My sofa...This weekend...Titanic 2...Popcorn...Something to drink, okidoki?"
-- Works everytime
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It's only awkward if you make it awkward.
^^one of my personal favorite quotes. also, "Just do it"
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Tell her and enjoy the 2.5 months together while you can.
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Making money to spend while shes there? I assume she's going out at night/on weekends then, so meet up with her sometime. She's irish so try not to let her out drink you/fall in love with her accent. See how things go and don't friend zone yourself if you haven't already ~~
TL:DR it's only awkward if you make it.
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On June 19 2012 09:17 jjun212 wrote:
Two big problems; 1- she has a boyfriend but they sorta are together and not together, and 2- she's lives across the Atlantic ocean. And moving back home at the end of august
I obviously know it can't work but I am kinda falling for her, and we get on really well. I wont go into a lot of detail but assuming she thinks I'm awesome too..
Do I just not tell her that I'd definitely ask her out if it werent for the circumstances or do I just tell her casually that I do think shes cute ..?
First of all, she has a boyfriend. It doesn't matter if it's a good relationship or not, it's a boundary that deserves to be respected. My current girlfriend was in a relationship when she started falling for me. Even though I didn't make a move until they were on break (two weeks before breaking up entirely), I STILL felt like a total scumbag. You can rationalize it however you want, but if you go for it and she reciprocates you may feel bad about it.
You should definitely tell her, but not in a way that expects anything. Tell it like it is: "I really like you and would love do date you; too bad you're taken AND leaving the country." In the very least she can affirm that nothing would ever happen and you can move on a lot faster. If she says she likes you and would like to court for the summer then that's also great. I personally wouldn't go for it if she wouldn't break up with her boyfriend, but that's also your prerogative.
It's to your advantage to tell her; this way you won't have to worry about the whole "what would have happened if I went for it" fiasco.
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First rule for chicks at work - if short term work, go for it, but if long term, don't cross the line.
Well, which one applies here?
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On June 19 2012 10:02 Servius_Fulvius wrote:Show nested quote +On June 19 2012 09:17 jjun212 wrote:
Two big problems; 1- she has a boyfriend but they sorta are together and not together, and 2- she's lives across the Atlantic ocean. And moving back home at the end of august
I obviously know it can't work but I am kinda falling for her, and we get on really well. I wont go into a lot of detail but assuming she thinks I'm awesome too..
Do I just not tell her that I'd definitely ask her out if it werent for the circumstances or do I just tell her casually that I do think shes cute ..? First of all, she has a boyfriend. It doesn't matter if it's a good relationship or not, it's a boundary that deserves to be respected. My current girlfriend was in a relationship when she started falling for me. Even though I didn't make a move until they were on break (two weeks before breaking up entirely), I STILL felt like a total scumbag. You can rationalize it however you want, but if you go for it and she reciprocates you may feel bad about it. You should definitely tell her, but not in a way that expects anything. Tell it like it is: "I really like you and would love do date you; too bad you're taken AND leaving the country." In the very least she can affirm that nothing would ever happen and you can move on a lot faster. If she says she likes you and would like to court for the summer then that's also great. I personally wouldn't go for it if she wouldn't break up with her boyfriend, but that's also your prerogative. It's to your advantage to tell her; this way you won't have to worry about the whole "what would have happened if I went for it" fiasco.
How is this insanity punctuated so nicely. Fuck boundaries. She's only still with her boyfriend who's a million miles away because it makes her more secure than if she didn't. Just ask her out, screw her boyfriend, if he was so important he'd be traveling with her.
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cut off your ear, wrap it in a newspaper and give it to a prostitute. trust me bitches go wild
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United States996 Posts
ok ive read OP 5 times and im going crazy. what the hell does "vvelling" mean
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On June 19 2012 10:16 Sinensis wrote:Show nested quote +On June 19 2012 10:02 Servius_Fulvius wrote:On June 19 2012 09:17 jjun212 wrote:
Two big problems; 1- she has a boyfriend but they sorta are together and not together, and 2- she's lives across the Atlantic ocean. And moving back home at the end of august
I obviously know it can't work but I am kinda falling for her, and we get on really well. I wont go into a lot of detail but assuming she thinks I'm awesome too..
Do I just not tell her that I'd definitely ask her out if it werent for the circumstances or do I just tell her casually that I do think shes cute ..? First of all, she has a boyfriend. It doesn't matter if it's a good relationship or not, it's a boundary that deserves to be respected. My current girlfriend was in a relationship when she started falling for me. Even though I didn't make a move until they were on break (two weeks before breaking up entirely), I STILL felt like a total scumbag. You can rationalize it however you want, but if you go for it and she reciprocates you may feel bad about it. You should definitely tell her, but not in a way that expects anything. Tell it like it is: "I really like you and would love do date you; too bad you're taken AND leaving the country." In the very least she can affirm that nothing would ever happen and you can move on a lot faster. If she says she likes you and would like to court for the summer then that's also great. I personally wouldn't go for it if she wouldn't break up with her boyfriend, but that's also your prerogative. It's to your advantage to tell her; this way you won't have to worry about the whole "what would have happened if I went for it" fiasco. How is this insanity punctuated so nicely. Fuck boundaries. She's only still with her boyfriend who's a million miles away because it makes her more secure than if she didn't. Just ask her out, screw her boyfriend, if he was so important he'd be traveling with her.
Douchebag, that's all I can say.
She has a boyfriend, tell her you like her if you want to, then let her decide what to do, if she breaks it up, then go for it, if she doesn't, well screw her, there's more women around
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On June 19 2012 10:35 Probe1 wrote:
cut off your ear, wrap it in a newspaper and give it to a prostitute. trust me bitches go wild
dafuq did i just read? o.o
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Falling for her? After 2 weeks? Interesting. You know she just traveled for work/fun? Do go on.
Sounds like you just want to bone her. You don't owe it to some guy overseas to not go for it, but if you're interested in a girl who would step on her man and don't find that telling about her character, it seems to indicate that you don't care because you just want to bone her. Hence why the "falling for her" line strikes me as dishonest. You mean you want to bone her.
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Where's her boyfriend currently? (I'm Irish so I can probably shed some light).
EDIT: I also live in Canada :>
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It's none of your business whether she is in a relationship or not. It's her job to worry about that, not yours.
Taking that out of the equation the rest is rather simple if you want to persue it:
Go out with her, escalate physically, enjoy each other. If she blocks because of "butbut my bf..!" it's your job to decide whether you want to keep pushing it or not. If you want to: As long as she sticks around voluntarily, you can go further.
Considering you a) know each other from work, b) you don't come off as the most confident person in the world and c) you seem to have fallen for her quicker than it's healthy for yourself most likely I'd recommend skipping that thing and learning to enjoy your time with women on your own - away from work and girls in "relationships".
Edit:
Sounds like you just want to bone her. You don't owe it to some guy overseas to not go for it, but if you're interested in a girl who would step on her man and don't find that telling about her character, it seems to indicate that you don't care because you just want to bone her. Hence why the "falling for her" line strikes me as dishonest. You mean you want to bone her.
He doesn't, that's the problem. He wants to cherish her divine presence and imagine her as the mother for his future children. Yes, that's a bit over the top but he's definitely putting her on a pedestal already which is the main problem in situations like this. If he'd trust his dear Roger Willy a bit more he wouldn't have posted this blog. =P
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take your penis out. it works 2/3 times. dont ask why 2/3.
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As a girl I'd say just ask her to hang out with you. There is no awkwardness if you don't call it a date and you can see how it goes from there. You either get an awesome international friend or a awesome international lover. Win-win.
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Not much in the way of advice here, but "it's only awkward of you make it so" is the completely the truth. You probably have experienced it personally too--something only becomes awkward when you yourself feel awkward and make the situation awkward. Otherwise it really shouldn't be awkward, barring some massively embarrassing event. fwiw I think you just start by asking her to do something with you so you guys can just hang out.
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hi she has a bf O_O, you've known her for 2 weeks
you're a scumbag if you go after her, she's a scumbag if she accepts imo
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On June 19 2012 13:31 askTeivospy wrote:
hi she has a bf O_O, you've known her for 2 weeks
you're a scumbag if you go after her, she's a scumbag if she accepts imo
i have nothing more to add. this whole go for it winning stuff is only relevant if she's available. you're a douche if you try to fuck that up. especially when she's only going to be there for a teeny while.
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On June 19 2012 14:58 Angel_ wrote:Show nested quote +On June 19 2012 13:31 askTeivospy wrote:
hi she has a bf O_O, you've known her for 2 weeks
you're a scumbag if you go after her, she's a scumbag if she accepts imo i have nothing more to add. this whole go for it winning stuff is only relevant if she's available. you're a douche if you try to fuck that up. especially when she's only going to be there for a teeny while.
When they have sex, she's available. When they don't, she isn't. Being all high and mighty isn't always the way to go.
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I'm surprised so many are going for the "just go for it" and "ask her out" advice. That makes sense in most situation when Guy A likes Girl B, but this is a different situation, since Guy A KNOWS Girl B is in a relationship with Guy X. How would it NOT be akward to ask someone in a relationship on a date, no matter how you personally feel about it?
Let her know you like her, then it's up to her to make a move. You're a douche if you can't respect that she's in a relationship.
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While I agree that it is her job to worry about her BF, I still think it's a dick move to do. If you wouldn't want it to happen to you ( your GF fucking other guys), then you probably shouldn't fuck other guys' girlfriends either. There's probably thousands of pretty girls in your area who are actually available. Go out and meet those instead, imho.
But to answer your question. Just do it, don't worry too much. Consequences are never nearly as bad as people like to think. You'll most likely still get along well, even if she rejects you. But at least you can stop getting your hopes up afterwards :D
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If she decides to have sex with the OP instead of being "faithful" (stupid word) to her bf, then apparently her relationship didn't matter all that much to her and apparently she was more attracted to the OP than to her bf.
There's no point blaming or condemning anyone there, that's just how evolution works. =P
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I don't think it's rigt to go after a girl who has a boyfriend, especially since you basically just met her. If you do want to go after her better do it fast, and in a pretty straight-forward way.
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On June 19 2012 21:03 r.Evo wrote:
If she decides to have sex with the OP instead of being "faithful" (stupid word) to her bf, then apparently her relationship didn't matter all that much to her and apparently she was more attracted to the OP than to her bf.
There's no point blaming or condemning anyone there, that's just how evolution works. =P
I can see you have read into some pick up theory stuff. And while you are right, it does lead situations which all 3 parties may end up being hurt. Just stick to girls who are available. There's more than enough of them. Don't try to justify your actions when you know it's only going to lead to drama one way or another.
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Also, your evolution reasoning is wrong 
Moral standards, including Monogamy, aren't an invention of the curch, but a product of evolution.
Couples who took care and protected each other and their offspring had better chances of survival than those who abandoned each other :D
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chloroform is the answer to the OPs problems
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On June 19 2012 21:27 lefix wrote:Show nested quote +On June 19 2012 21:03 r.Evo wrote:
If she decides to have sex with the OP instead of being "faithful" (stupid word) to her bf, then apparently her relationship didn't matter all that much to her and apparently she was more attracted to the OP than to her bf.
There's no point blaming or condemning anyone there, that's just how evolution works. =P I can see you have read into some pick up theory stuff. And while you are right, it does lead situations which all 3 parties may end up being hurt. Just stick to girls who are available. There's more than enough of them. Don't try to justify your actions when you know it's only going to lead to drama one way or another.
In case you didn't notice I recommended for him not to go for it based on how he comes off in his decisionmaking. However, "lol ur a dick if you go for someone elses girl!!!11" just isn't appropriate.
If you're more attractive in every way than her "boyfriend" (hell, we don't even know what that is exactly that she has with him) then getting together is completely fine.
Edit:
Also, your evolution reasoning is wrong
Moral standards, including Monogamy, aren't an invention of the curch, but a product of evolution.
Couples who took care and protected each other and their offspring had better chances of survival than those who abandoned each other :D
Please cite sources on that. The entire issue is highly debatable and you can turn it pretty much any way you want, I'm just choosing the point of view which actually makes sense in your daily life.
e.g. in your case where a couple cares and protects each other, you know who has the best chance of survival? The guy who impregnates the woman in said couple without her "husband" noticing.
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Well, you simply are a dick if you go for someone else's girl. And a massive one.
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On June 19 2012 22:04 Arcanefrost wrote:
Well, you simply are a dick if you go for someone else's girl. And a massive one.
If I start hanging out with a friend of yours and that friend decides I'm cooler than you and stops hanging out with you so that he can hang out more with me... am I a dick, too?
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On June 19 2012 22:07 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On June 19 2012 22:04 Arcanefrost wrote:
Well, you simply are a dick if you go for someone else's girl. And a massive one. If I start hanging out with a friend of yours and that friend decides I'm cooler than you and stops hanging out with you so that he can hang out more with me... am I a dick, too?
No, you're not because she's just a friend. If I would start hanging out with your girlfriend, have sex with her and then proceed to never talk to her again, would you consider me a dick?
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On June 19 2012 22:51 Arcanefrost wrote:Show nested quote +On June 19 2012 22:07 r.Evo wrote:On June 19 2012 22:04 Arcanefrost wrote:
Well, you simply are a dick if you go for someone else's girl. And a massive one. If I start hanging out with a friend of yours and that friend decides I'm cooler than you and stops hanging out with you so that he can hang out more with me... am I a dick, too? No, you're not because she's just a friend. If I would start hanging out with your girlfriend, have sex with her and then proceed to never talk to her again, would you consider me a dick?
No. In that spot I would have fucked up and you just ceased your chance. How can I blame her when I'm less attractive than some other dude?
Edit: Also how can I blame you in that situation and be mad? I'd do the same. The real question is: Why would my gf want to sex with some other random guy when she's happy with me?
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Because usually, when your girlfriend fucks your friend, you get hurt. And your friend and girlfriend, who know this, do it anyway, which makes it wrong.
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On June 19 2012 23:36 lefix wrote:
Because usually, when your girlfriend fucks your friend, you get hurt. And your friend and girlfriend, who know this, do it anyway, which makes it wrong.
Satisfied, attracted girlfriends who are happy in their relationship rarely fuck random other guys. >_>
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relationships have their ups and downs, there are times when a girl maybe be emotionally vulnerable, for example when she has been in a fight with her bf, or an ocean between them.
but she may as well return home eventually and end up getting married and having children with that guy, if you don't fuck it up.
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On June 20 2012 00:04 lefix wrote:
relationships have their ups and downs, there are times when a girl maybe be emotionally vulnerable, for example when she has been in a fight with her bf, or an ocean between them.
but she may as well return home eventually and end up getting married and having children with that guy, if you don't fuck it up.
Only if the world doesn't end in a fiery apocalypse of biblical proportions first.
The reality is, if she's open to screwing around while she's gone, it's first come first served. And if the relationship is that fragile, what are the odds he's not cheating too?
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On June 19 2012 23:07 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On June 19 2012 22:51 Arcanefrost wrote:On June 19 2012 22:07 r.Evo wrote:On June 19 2012 22:04 Arcanefrost wrote:
Well, you simply are a dick if you go for someone else's girl. And a massive one. If I start hanging out with a friend of yours and that friend decides I'm cooler than you and stops hanging out with you so that he can hang out more with me... am I a dick, too? No, you're not because she's just a friend. If I would start hanging out with your girlfriend, have sex with her and then proceed to never talk to her again, would you consider me a dick? No. In that spot I would have fucked up and you just ceased your chance. How can I blame her when I'm less attractive than some other dude? Edit: Also how can I blame you in that situation and be mad? I'd do the same. The real question is: Why would my gf want to sex with some other random guy when she's happy with me?
Are you in a relationship? All relationships have ups and downs, how can you just be ok with some guy stealing her during a down/ vulnerable moment/... I just don't get it. If you you love the girl you should want to murder that guy, not go all "Hey, nice job taking my gf dude. I'm totally fine because you're so attractive." I really do not get this.
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On June 19 2012 23:46 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On June 19 2012 23:36 lefix wrote:
Because usually, when your girlfriend fucks your friend, you get hurt. And your friend and girlfriend, who know this, do it anyway, which makes it wrong. Satisfied, attracted girlfriends who are happy in their relationship rarely fuck random other guys. >_>
Yes, they definitely do hahah. Going for someone else's girlfriend is a dick move. Don't be that guy
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On June 20 2012 03:09 Arcanefrost wrote:Show nested quote +On June 19 2012 23:07 r.Evo wrote:On June 19 2012 22:51 Arcanefrost wrote:On June 19 2012 22:07 r.Evo wrote:On June 19 2012 22:04 Arcanefrost wrote:
Well, you simply are a dick if you go for someone else's girl. And a massive one. If I start hanging out with a friend of yours and that friend decides I'm cooler than you and stops hanging out with you so that he can hang out more with me... am I a dick, too? No, you're not because she's just a friend. If I would start hanging out with your girlfriend, have sex with her and then proceed to never talk to her again, would you consider me a dick? No. In that spot I would have fucked up and you just ceased your chance. How can I blame her when I'm less attractive than some other dude? Edit: Also how can I blame you in that situation and be mad? I'd do the same. The real question is: Why would my gf want to sex with some other random guy when she's happy with me? Are you in a relationship? All relationships have ups and downs, how can you just be ok with some guy stealing her during a down/ vulnerable moment/... I just don't get it. If you you love the girl you should want to murder that guy, not go all "Hey, nice job taking my gf dude. I'm totally fine because you're so attractive." I really do not get this.
Yes I am. If during those "downs" (which I actually haven't experienced yet in the almost two years we're together) one decides to have sex with someone else the relationship wasn't meant to be in the first place. That's kind of my stance on the issue.
If you "cheat" you don't value your relationship enough to not do it. If you see it that way having sex with a girl who is "kind of" in a relationship is just helping her rationalize that she doesn't want to be with that other guy anyway. =P
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On June 19 2012 09:23 MetaCry wrote:
Just walk up to her and say this: "Hey! What about.. You..Me...My sofa...This weekend...Titanic 2...Popcorn...Something to drink, okidoki?"
-- Works everytime
You... me... bar... beers... buzzed... wings... shots... drunk... waitresses hot... football Cornell/Hosfstra... slaughter... then quick nap at my place... and then we hit the tizzown
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as a fyi, I remember r.Evo being a prominent poster from the pickup artist thread (said thread is both appalling and intriguing as a peek into a certain kind of thinking). So, caveat emptor with regard to his advice on this topic.
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On June 20 2012 03:54 Ryalnos wrote:
as a fyi, I remember r.Evo being a prominent poster from the pickup artist thread (said thread is both appalling and intriguing as a peek into a certain kind of thinking). So, caveat emptor with regard to his advice on this topic.
If you also remember I was probably most prominent for calling out the "PUAs" for whenever they spewed crap. If you disagree with my thoughtprocesses when I recommend things to someone, feel free to say so and correct me.
Just waltzing in and saying "lol this guy knows about pua stuff don't listen!!!1" isn't exactly a point in your favor.
Edit: Wait. Did I just get called out that my advice has to be taken with caution because I actually put work into improving at that subject? The irony. >_>
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OP needs to explain his situation wrong.
I'm not sure if he implied that the BF&GF relationship is 'not there' because he's overseas and can't reach her physically, or that they've actually gone downhill for a while now?
If the girl told you that they've been going downhill, then that's one sign that implies her interest in you and that you can perhaps slowly make moves to getting with her. However, I would not 'date' her while their relationship still stands because that's not healthy for her, even if we ignore your own coincience. it's a dick move to push her into cheating with her boyfriend no matter what. Break up first.
If she only said that her boyfriend is far away and they're cool or w/e, then don't go for it. I would hate nothing more than have my gf cheat on me, even if it's with a random dude from overseas. While you are not going to rape her and it's 'her choice', you would feel like shit if you even had to fear guys hitting on your gf constantly.
In short, if she implies that they may be breaking up soon, then go for it, but not too aggressively. If she has implied no such thing, you're a massive dick if you do it and I would never want anything to do with you. Besides, if you think of her as marriage material, how can you ever trust her if she cheats on her current BF for you? Who's to say it's not going to happen again.
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If she's the type to cheat on her boyfriend with you, she's probably the type to cheat on you too. Why would you be different? It's not a "screwed if you do, screwed if you don't" situation. You'll be perfectly fine even if you go for someone else instead. It's oddly amusing how pissed off guys get when their girlfriends cheat, but at the same time are perfectly willing to cheat themselves.
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On June 20 2012 08:50 Funnytoss wrote:
If she's the type to cheat on her boyfriend with you, she's probably the type to cheat on you too. Why would you be different? It's not a "screwed if you do, screwed if you don't" situation. You'll be perfectly fine even if you go for someone else instead. It's oddly amusing how pissed off guys get when their girlfriends cheat, but at the same time are perfectly willing to cheat themselves.
She's only there for a couple months who cares if she cheats on him imo.
If someone banged my gf yeah i'd fucking hate the guy but i dont think i could honestly say i blame him
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EPT
