These totally fits the category of a spoilt brat like me. Maybe it's insanity for repeating the same thing and again and expecting something to change . Hoping and wishing that you don't need to put your self out there in the real world . There is a great quote in essence that says that if you don't push yourself to go beyond what you are capable you will never be able to reach heights you will never imagine you can reach in your life and I think I have totally done nothing to do so .
As a spoilt brat, I grown comfortable living a life of "self delusional" act of being a pro gamer and yet when I thought that I am done with this bull shit I usually do my self . I screwed things up again and I am pretty sure I am the one to be blame for most of the things that I have done . Bad news is you can't get lucky and in life all the time and you are running out of borrowed time . Watching my friends graduate and have what they call "social life" which is getting drunk and nailing girls in the pub is fun for them . Well maybe yeah and I think despite me being such a screw up in my life .
I have finally realized that if you do lose focus on things that you are suppose to do so .It's the most terrible things that could happen to you given from my experience that when you prioritize gaming over your education and such you probably need to see a psych as fast as you could . Because no one would have done that unless he is a freaking pro gamer . Previously before this I thought I could do well in the course that I choose and I finally got over my first year law programme and I was able to do well in a few subjects although public law has been killing me and I am not sure what else can I do to be better at it .
There's no freaking assignment to help you besides the freaking final paper and depending on whether you are a person who is pretty much great at the skill or allocating great thoughts and structured argument at a very short time the chances of you impressing the examiners and passing the papers are pretty much really slim and so here I am done with my business degree,law which both I gave it up half way on the particular basis that I couldn't do it and part of it is the screws up I have done in my life .
Here I am wishing to be given one last final chance to make things straight and go back to where I should have totally put my self in to from the beginning that is taking a I.T course after all I totally believed that if it's a IT subject I can nail it and I think you will probably thinking why should I be given a chance to study any more when I am just a failure at life ? . Well let's put it this way I am sick of being a totally dependent adult on my parents and I believe I can do really well in this degree and I am willing to put my soul in to it .
I like the fact that I know I am not the brightest bunch of bulbs around the world and I need to put extra effort in to my research if I ever going to get the job done even that is enough for me to keep trying to push my self that I can do better than the things I can already produces. I am at the point of my life I should have been a salary man having a desk and a cubicle for my self working on my laptop checking emails but that isn't the reality today because of my own stupidity and I know the only one can right this wrong is only my self .
On the bright side I have never missed "real" college life for many years like the one I am experiencing right now and compared to the law external programme where tutors literally feed you past year answers hopefully that one of them would come out and you will get a pass . I am really freaking glad to see that I could rely on assignments and final papers to help you out and taking I.T is still one of my favourite area where I don't mind spending lots of my time studying in it . Living in a real college campus is definitely a refreshing thing to look around compared to my previous experience where it's literally a mini college where people just stop by to study and me being an introvert and having lack of control over what I am doing . This is basically is the making of my own demise I have got no one else to be blame beside my self .
I recall nuke's word on about being focus about things and literally speaking I shouldn't be advising anyone at all basing on my records of failure but in the end I think if I can direct my resources and my time all on this course my chances of graduating is actually beyond 70% and I know I am being optimistic because I want to really want to turn things around.There is whole lot of regrets and things I could have done and they haunt me every night for not even trying to do those things that could help my daily life like having a basic focus and control over your life and a time table .
I guess no one is going to read my poor rant and poorly worded account of my failures although I did this for my self and I hope no one will ever fall in to a pit hole that they couldn't climb out from like me although I am not giving up my self and I am really want to shape my self to be a better person.