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This is just a simple girl blog but since I never faced this problem before...
So, this girl dated a friend of mine (no close friends thou) and she is the cousin of another girl who is gf of one of my best friends. The thing is, since that girl broke with my friend, she just keep hanging out with her cousin and my friends and i started to like her.
So now, wtf I do? I know i can go out with her but i know too that my friend still likes her (at point of crying).
More Details:
Friend A started dating girl A, who didn't take part in our friend circle.
Girl B is cousin of girl A.
Friend B started dating girl B.
Now here the shit begins. Couple A started doing double dates with Couple B and since both Friend A and Friend B hangs with me and my other friends, both girls were introduced to our friend circle. Time passes (like six months or so) and girl B kick friend B's ass (literally) - this happened three months ago - and keep hanging with her cousin and sometimes with us.
Friend B tells to everyone that he still loves girl B, and I've seen him cry many times when someone tells that girl B is doing fine, going out with another guys... moving on.
So, since a month or something ago, girl B started to get close with me, we share insterests, have the same kind of humor and play the same games... heck, we even share our taste for coca cola over any other drinks. I am pretty confident that I can get that girl if I want but I'm afraid of how my friend B will react.
Any help appreciated and sorry for my poor english.
  
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It depends on how close you are, but since you mentioned you are not close to him you should go for her. I think in all these "bros before hoes" blogs, people will comment "dude that's messed up, he/she is your friend" because its easier to side with the victim rather than the person who has the opportunity.
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"Bros b4 hoes" applies obviously to those friends you'd sacrifice something for, not just someone you party with because it is convenient. Give us more details and some of us may have a more decisive answer I'd guess.
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Okay, updating OP with more details (also posting here for those who read just the initial OP)
Friend A started dating girl A, who didn't take part in our friend circle.
Girl B is cousin of girl A.
Friend B started dating girl B.
Now here the shit begins. Couple A started doing double dates with Couple B and since both Friend A and Friend B hangs with me and my other friends, both girls were introduced to our friend circle. Time passes (like six months or so) and girl B kick friend B's ass (literally) - this happened three months ago - and keep hanging with her cousin and sometimes with us.
Friend B tells to everyone that he still loves girl B, and I've seen him cry many times when someone tells that girl B is doing fine, going out with another guys... moving on.
So, since a month or something ago, girl B started to get close with me, we share insterests, have the same kind of humor and play the same games... heck, we even share our taste for coca cola over any other drinks. I am pretty confident that I can get that girl if I want but I'm afraid of how my friend B will react.
Hope that everyone can understand haha.
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There are two types of friends in this world. Those you are willing to give a kidney to and those you won't.
Ask yourself,"Would I give my friend my kidney?".
If the answer is yes. Then, yeah don't date the girl.
But if the answer is no. Then go for the girl.
Also note, that if your in High School or prior, and met your friend during this time. Then realize that you will most likely not be friends after you start college. Realize that.
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On May 31 2012 03:16 GinDo wrote:
There are two types of friends in this world. Those you are willing to give a kidney to and those you won't.
Ask yourself,"Would I give my friend my kidney?".
If the answer is yes. Then, yeah don't date the girl.
But if the answer is no. Then go for the girl.
Also note, that if your in High School or prior, and met your friend during this time. Then realize that you will most likely not be friends after you start college. Realize that.
I'm pretty sure that the guy will have at least some kind of contact for some years since we work together on some projects (we're kind of events organizer of gamers/otakus around here)
I guess what i'm really afraid isn't losing my friend but ruining our friend circle since some guys might be bothered when i start dating someone who "broke the heart of our friend" or something like that and others might don't give a fuck at all.
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Tell your friend how things are, and how you feel about her. If he says go for it, you are home free, if he says no, you can decide yourself if you wanna remain friends or not
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If it's not a close friend, I don't see why you'd back off.
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Your friend can't call dibs on her for all eternity just because hes still a bit sad about it. If you actually like this girl then go for it, and your friend should be able to respect that. Otherwise hes not much of a friend imo.
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as sava90 said, talk with your friend first, then decide.
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United States10450 Posts
lol i think a kidney is pushing it a bit.
if this friend of urs is really close, and you'd do shit for him and with him, then dont go for her. otherwise, good pickings!
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I dunno, they dated for 6 months you say? That's a reasonable amount of time. In my opinion it isn't right for friends to date other friends ex girlfriends if they had something serious/emotional. It's kind of a pointless debate though. All it comes down to is which is more important to you: your friendship with the guy, or a possible chance at a relationship at the girl. Choice is yours of course.
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Probably hard to keep both given the circumstances, but if you do decide to go for the girl, make sure to tell your friend beforehand. Much better to notify in advance than to be caught in a messy situation later.
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Guess I'm going to talk with my friend... maybe after some beers he can cope and maybe understand that he need to move on just like the girl did, and if its fine I'll try my luck with her.
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If you don't want love, that's up to you. If you would pass down love just to not hurt a friend... Maybe you love your friend!
So, since a month or something ago, girl B started to get close with me, we share insterests, have the same kind of humor and play the same games... heck, we even share our taste for coca cola over any other drinks. I am pretty confident that I can get that girl if I want but I'm afraid of how my friend B will react.
But the whole, "we have the same taste for coca cola" think is very stupid to base attraction on. You guys will probably end up being friends, as that's how it already seems like. Maybe if you guys challeneged each other, you would be able to grow a love for one another, but if you just agree with each other...
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I don't know why you would want to date her now that your friend already has. Everytime you kiss her, it's like kissing him. I mean, everyone has exes, but it's cool as long as you don't know the exes personally. Do you really want to be in a relationship where after having sex with her, you can go home and compare notes with your friend? Blech, do what you want, but that would just feel nasty to me.
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On May 31 2012 04:47 DigiGnar wrote:If you don't want love, that's up to you. If you would pass down love just to not hurt a friend... Maybe you love your friend! Show nested quote +So, since a month or something ago, girl B started to get close with me, we share insterests, have the same kind of humor and play the same games... heck, we even share our taste for coca cola over any other drinks. I am pretty confident that I can get that girl if I want but I'm afraid of how my friend B will react. But the whole, "we have the same taste for coca cola" think is very stupid to base attraction on. You guys will probably end up being friends, as that's how it already seems like. Maybe if you guys challeneged each other, you would be able to grow a love for one another, but if you just agree with each other...
It may be stupid but its true. Not that i am attracted by her just by the things we share... even thou i admit it plays a bigger part than usual. It's more the way she talks with me, the look she gives to me, everything she does makes me want her. It's true that maybe we will end up as justs friends, but for now i'm sure "friendship" is what I want.
On May 31 2012 04:52 Fumanchu wrote:
I don't know why you would want to date her now that your friend already has. Everytime you kiss her, it's like kissing him. I mean, everyone has exes, but it's cool as long as you don't know the exes personally. Do you really want to be in a relationship where after having sex with her, you can go home and compare notes with your friend? Blech, do what you want, but that would just feel nasty to me.
Let's see.. everytime shes around me i think "oh man i gotta get this girl". I don't know yet if I want to date her but I'm sure as heck that I want go out with her. If we end up dating its fine, even if my friend dated her, I don't mind that. Shes hot, I want her.
And c'mon, if we trade notes i can troll him saying 'she said I was better' kkk
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Simple, you obviously care about your Friend so that is your answer. You'll either lose a friend or lose a potential girlfriend. Your choice will show what kind of person you are, which is good to know.
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Calgary25998 Posts
On May 31 2012 05:20 SomniGiggles wrote:
Simple, you obviously care about your Friend so that is your answer. You'll either lose a friend or lose a potential girlfriend. Your choice will show what kind of person you are, which is good to know.
Correct. Don't chase her. Your friend has already made it clear he has feelings for her still.
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Depends how important this bro is to you
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she kicked his ass? lol
i mean, that's sad and no one should ever be assaulted, and underestimating women is a bad idea, but still...
dude got beat up by a girl.
and now his friend is gonna go out with that girl?
harsh, man, harsh.
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On May 31 2012 06:14 Chill wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2012 05:20 SomniGiggles wrote:
Simple, you obviously care about your Friend so that is your answer. You'll either lose a friend or lose a potential girlfriend. Your choice will show what kind of person you are, which is good to know. Correct. Don't chase her. Your friend has already made it clear he has feelings for her still.
Instead of victimizing the friend look at him in this way - the girl doesn't want him anymore. If he truly wishes her happiness then he should respect her choices. That's what I did when once I was in the friend's shoes.
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Calgary25998 Posts
On May 31 2012 09:23 beetlelisk wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2012 06:14 Chill wrote:On May 31 2012 05:20 SomniGiggles wrote:
Simple, you obviously care about your Friend so that is your answer. You'll either lose a friend or lose a potential girlfriend. Your choice will show what kind of person you are, which is good to know. Correct. Don't chase her. Your friend has already made it clear he has feelings for her still. Instead of victimizing the friend look at him in this way - the girl doesn't want him anymore. If he truly wishes her happiness then he should respect her choices. That's what I did when once I was in the friend's shoes.
He's said explicitely that he still wants her and still loves her, not that he wishes for her happiness and respects her choices. What she wants is irrelevent in this situation.
You're a better man than most and better than I would be. If the OP considers this guy a friend at all he should forget about this girl considering there are likely 100 just like her he can easily get.
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On May 31 2012 09:59 Chill wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2012 09:23 beetlelisk wrote:On May 31 2012 06:14 Chill wrote:On May 31 2012 05:20 SomniGiggles wrote:
Simple, you obviously care about your Friend so that is your answer. You'll either lose a friend or lose a potential girlfriend. Your choice will show what kind of person you are, which is good to know. Correct. Don't chase her. Your friend has already made it clear he has feelings for her still. Instead of victimizing the friend look at him in this way - the girl doesn't want him anymore. If he truly wishes her happiness then he should respect her choices. That's what I did when once I was in the friend's shoes. He's said explicitely that he still wants her and still loves her, not that he wishes for her happiness and respects her choices. What she wants is irrelevent in this situation. You're a better man than most and better than I would be. If the OP considers this guy a friend at all he should forget about this girl considering there are likely 100 just like her he can easily get.
I know that it wasn't stated that he wishes for her happiness etc, I'm saying that's what he should do if she is unwilling to cooperate. How what she wants is irrelevant? This friend is supposed to take her by force if she doesn't want to be with him?
Besides, we don't even know the details behind their break up, so we can't judge the girl really and just say "ignore her". Maybe the friend was boring her or maybe he was an asshole to her. If the reason for the break up was the latter or something of that sort then, I think, he has no grounds to try to hold anyone back. Maybe OP will tell us more details so we can get better stance on the situation.
OP definitely should talk with the friend before getting involved with the girl more and IMO this conversation should shed some light on what is OK to do. I think I'm coming from a position of someone who is relationship - starved and that's why I don't wish for OP to just forget about his girl. He didn't say if he really has so many other opportunities and character, and self-confidence among other things, that make it easy for him to get girls.
This may be more complicated than it seems.
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Talking with his friend might not be the best idea, as the OP stated his friend isnt over the girl at all, which means the friend wants to get back with the girl, he's not gonna let give up the tiny chance (that HE thinks he has left with her). He clearly wont be reasonable when u talk to him. I can tell u now, he wont agree from what u've told us about how he feels with her.
Its up to u, whether u want this guy as ur friend or if u want this girl, in this case u cant have both because he isnt over her. Plus if this guy is someone ur going to spend a lot of time with, if u end up choosing the girl that friendship is basically over and IF u break up with the girl sometime later, u'll have neither. Its up to you.
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EPT
