EPTNobody failed high school other than complete morons and criminals, that was what I was told over and over agian, and I wasn't a criminal. When I was 19 I finally got my own apartment and my family was slowly repairing itself, moving out was probably a life saving move for me. So with that in mind I set out to get into university, that was the only thing I cared about and from there that was the road I was. I hade 1 and a half year left before I could get grades that I could apply to uni with and I set out knowing that I wanted to do this properly. In the end I had a 19.2 out of 20 average, so most university courses were open to me and I got in. But at that moment something died. I had done what I set out to do, my life goal for the last 4 or 5 years had come true and it left a large void.
I tried to fill it with what I had always dreamed of doing before my life collapsed. I wanted to entertain people, I am happy when I am around happy, laughing people and if I could be part of the source that made people happy or at least entertained that would be amazing. So my 23rd year on this planet was spent comming to probably worse conclusion I've ever had to draw.
I am horrendously unfunny. I can't write texts to entertain, I can't make jokes, I can't be a driving force for entertainment, in short I'm unable to make others laugh or heck even smile. If I try to be funny I'm annoying, if I don't try I am boring. The best I can hope for is a ”Meh”. It might sound wierd but it was such a truth in my life, I fix the whole university thing and then move on to what I was supposed to do. It was engrained into my life since I was 5 years old that I was put on this planet to help others be happy. So moving towards my 24th birthday I have no idea what to do with my life, I no longer have any goals or any reason to move forward. I am sure that is the case for alot of people, but my life was put on hold for about 5 years so I guess everything happens 5 years later for me than they do for most people.
There is no real point to this blog other than to write down the disjointed things I think about and get them out of my head.
