It's raining again. The weather has been hit and miss recently and thus my mood is starting to swing with the poor rythym. Yesterday was a day of renewal. For the past two weeks, I have been away from my classes and living out the days within my home. No painting, no cooking, just gazing at the outdoors, wanting to jump from the 18th floor, but emotionally secluded within the balcony. I wanted to see what surrounded my address and discover. But I couldn't emotionally bring myself out. I couldn't be bothered dressing, eating something more substantial and tasteful than whatever junk still wreaked by cupboard. Physically, I was young, capable of still doing anything I wanted. Money wasn't an issue nor lack of time (even with what I'm involved in right now), so why couldn't I leave? Why couldn't I step into the outdoors of a city I consistenly admire with all my heart and curiosity? I felt old, I felt surrendered to whatever bullshit of an issue I had. I couldn't quite pinpoint it and yet it strung me across the bedroom, unwilling to relent.
With intolerance of my pathetic situation, a first-world problem whine about nothing in particular but my own laziness wrapped in this blanket of pretentious lamenting, I took the intiative and asked a few of my buddies to try a new restaurant with me. Maison Magnan was the place, I went to it for my brother's birthday and I remember trying their boeuf bourguignon. Something I've missed in awhile, genuinely enjoying a meal and good conversation. I went to one a few weeks ago with friends to a French restaurant and the food was good to average (good escargot risotto, not so good duck), but it didn't quite hit the mark, good thing the walk back was great compensation and so were the people.
When I first stepped outdoors, it was raining, a light drizzle that pricked my forehead and left me frowning with a slight headache to turn back, give it all up and just eat some canned food and watch another movie. As I trudged forward deeper into the city, the rain let up, the sky kept gray and floor was still damp. As we arrived at our metro stopped, we walked and just... talked. We talked about nothing, nothing serious, just pseduo-psychological/philisophical banter in regards to anger, telling someone off, the anonymity of the internet and scenarios of how one would act in regards to the subjects above. They always end up heated between my two friends, often pretty sure of what they're saying, knowing full well they could never convince the other of a different point of view. It was fun for them, for me; I just felt more wild outside. More alive, the air was damp, humid a bit, but chilled like new ice into a drink left too long out in the sun. Difficult to describe, but everything felt real, alive and refreshed thanks to the weather.
Arriving at the place, we found out the prices were beyond what our appetite and decided to continue walking. We've already walked a great deal, so new industrial buildings and questioned their use, pecularities and worth. We walked more, starving but happy about what we were seeing. We passed so many things that most people wouldn't take a second glance at, but for me; it was the new, the interest of what could be going on, what goes on there, what is this place, etc. I have this gift/vice of being ignorant of what I know or can categorize. I knew where we were, I've been here with my father who is a true tourist of this city and yet... I feel like its my first time, I feel like I've never seen it before and what it shows is just simple and yet internally spectacular.
Though you can't see very well, what lies ahead of this man-made canal is downtown Montreal, a world of excitement, interest and youth. Its light invites you to check it out, see what it boasts and what it can draw you in by curiosity and intrigue.
What lies across from this bridge; we both know very well and the idea of it just being "the other side" becomes something more to me. Off to the side we see the water reflective of the above, a mirror world ready to be interrupted by the pitter-patter of the weather I once dread and yet; it feels so still - so quiet and calm.
A terrible photo, I know. My friend's phone is better than mine believe or not; but it still feels like a quiet night, a symetry between the bustling of life and the its liquid imitation.
We would walk and walk and walk. I hated this as a kid, even when I got to visit Switzerland, Lucerne, the "origin" according to my Swiss passport. I hated walking mountains, climbing them, seeing new cities. I hated it all and just wanted to play games as my father continued to drag us along despite our cursing and bad-mouthing of anything vastly more mature than my pre-adolscent self. Now, I am him, without him and it pains me to know I wasted his years being to young to enjoy what he saw and what I now realize and constantly write about.
What I love the most about this city and makes me feel right at home. The arrival of civilization, the tint and incertainity of color bouncing off the ground and lighting the world beyond my eyes. The road above was downtown, the two men beside me, gazing what I captured are two of my friends. Perched on the soaked sidewalk corner, ready to cross. Ready to go, just waiting for me to take it all in; to enjoy what they perceived as normal
I'm still a child, pretending to be one, grasping for the little things as world wonders. I've known for awhile, but continue to just write about it, as if I'm proclaiming something branded as incredible, insightful and glorious. It's the opposite, but to me; it's just the truth, a personal one without shame nor weakness besides perhaps just innocent naivety. I can't be hurt, but I can lose this trait, good or bad.
We ended up eating somewhere called Green Spot. A regular fast-food joint that was oddly situated, literally, right across from Mcdonald's. I wanted to try it because I wondered what it had to offer that somehow kept it afloat when there was a consistent fast-food joint in terms of quality (mediocre) right next to it. The place had a homely feel to it. Everything aged like a movie-set diner, almost cliche. The waitress was very good at what she did. She checked up on us twice, plainly explained everything we wondered about the menu, joshed and teased with us in a way that wasn't overly-flirtatious, but neither odd nor as if she was a stranger. She knew her place as a waittress, but also as someone who wanted to know we could eat and finish our meals more than the end of the bargain: the tip. I tipped extra because I loved their establishment and how the waittress came across: she wasn't someone from TGIF, Chile's or Applebee's (American family-oriented restaurant), but mindful of the small details that I'm very keen about: bills flipped downward so we don't see. Takes tip after we've left the establishment and accepting of small crticisms about the food (the poutine had no sauce and my burger was definitely a bit... sloppy with brown sauce -- was okay, good fries though; crunchy on the outisde, but maintained a rather soft potato taste within, caged wtih major heat!).
Walking outside, we let one of our friends head home. With my other friend, we talked about light subjects; mainly superhero movies. I found that although the recipe of action-packed movies are generally the same, the action itself seems to be redundant. He hated Transformers and Tron: Legacy, two films I enjoyed not for their depth (obviously), but for their unique action and settings. We enjoyed Watchmen which I found to be amazing as well. I just saw Thor today and it was dreadful, just terribly boring and didn't invoke much of anything towards me.
The problem with most superhero movies right now is that they don't really make it seem that big. Everything is concluded within the day and all destruction happens within the city, state, country even. When I think of that terrible 2000 movie Godzilla, all I can think about is how this giant monster ripped and tore through a major city and the army had to come in and try and seal it down. When I watched Thor, there was just this government agency called S.H.I.E.L.D that did absolutely nothing and when Thor was breaking into their establishment, it felt like all the guys were giant pussies despite how much credibility the big agent guy claimed them to be. There's no build-up, no catastrophic dependency for the superhero to save the day.
Even the new Nolan Batman series lacks that: "This-is-huge" personality, but you know how it compensates? By rebooting the series and adding layers and complexity to it. It builds off a cliche and typical social situation and expands. It gets gritty, dirty, mean and twisted. You can't believe what's going on and you can't understand these villains at all.
Consider the Harvey Dent, Rachel Dawes and Bruce scenario with the explosives (where Rachel Dawes dies). There's this love-triangle where Bruce loves Rachel and relies on Harvey to get him out of his duties as being the superhero. Rachel wasn't going to marry Dent, but now she is and Bruce doesn't know that.
A bit of a typical love-triangle of where one chases the other and that one is devoted to another. It gets cliche when Bruce has to make a decision between saving the girl he loves (something he already did during the party) or saving the man who will let Bruce become "normal" (but ultimately, can't be with the girl who he thinks is waiting for on the other side). Already, it's getting layered by technicalities. Rachel dies, Bruce lives on and the person he saves becomes the new villain, a spawn of Joker. Bruce can't destroy him because he is the key to Bruce's way out and he is also the face that will be a legitimate form of justice. But it's also frustrating to know you let go of your one love to know the one who let you live a life you can love, no longer becomes the exit you want, but another reason to be stuck with where you are at.
...and so on and so forth.
One last shot as the night ended and I walked home. The street lights bursting through a tree peering below the side-walk as the shadows and light were scattered across the floor. So quiet...
The day ended and I went back home. Another blip of life in me to get me through the times. Diablo III is coming out and so I'm ready. I bought some vegetables and I might cook corn. Call my father and see how he is, etc. One step at a time and life will resume its routine.