EPT+ Show Spoiler +
![[image loading]](http://www.iccup.com/upload/images/gallery/10884/n97633.jpg)
Okay, okay. I get where this is going. Eywa, you've finally realized how amazing and brilliant I am, and I must say... I'm flattered. So I've accepted your challenge. "If I'm up to it." Pfft, you think I'm not? I was born NAKED, and I didn't even care. So, please. PLEASE. So, without further ado, I hereby present to you:
TEAM EYWA VS TEAM ALL-KILL KINGS
Once every great while, there is a battle so fierce that it rocks humanity to it's very core.
![[image loading]](http://www.iccup.com/upload/images/gallery/10884/n97632.jpg)
Yes, as you all know, the classic rivalry between Eywa and TAKK has been brewing for quite some time. You've all read the back-and-forth diss haikus all over the forums, and people have been asking for quite some time, "Will Eywa and TAKK teams have a grudgematch?" and I was like "What? I dunno.", but finally, someone said something that pushed everything over the edge. I don't know what it was, but it must've been pretty goddamn inflammatory. After that, people were in an uproar and many ceiling fans were hit with shit. My friends were messaging me on Skype going "Did you catch the SKT vs KT finals? It was epic." and I was all like "Who gives a fuck about that shit, fucking Eywa vs TAKK is going down." and they were like "OH SHI-" and couldn't even finish their sentence.
Per the request of Eywa, an old friend of mine turned egotistical maniac, I am supposed to speak ill of both teams involved. The reason *I* am supposed to do this eludes me. Perhaps it's because I rock? Yeah, that must be it. Screw the Kruger Effect, I'm the best, man... I did it.
Diss of Team Eywa:
Your team is dumb. Most of your players are below-average in oral hygiene, and have questionable television program choices. If your team were any animal, it would be an armadillo, and I would throw a barrel filled with TNT at you like in Donkey Kong Country. You are the reason Czech and Slovakia got divorced. You're the reason Swiss cheese has holes. In this series, you have no chance of winning because all of your players spend all their time playing Strip Idra.
Diss of Team TAKK:
Listen. You poopy-head, smelly-sock, motherloving group of court jesters. You're like the Three Musketeers, but there's 10 of you, your muskets are shorter, and you have no musketballs. You don't even have colorful petti-coats, knee-high socks, or powdered wigs. I heard you guys like to watch documentaries. How boring. *YAWN* Your team members will rarely get laid because they smell like bubble gum for some inexplicable reason, and also you guys need to stay the fuck away from my back yard, cuz we already have enough DOG DOO on the ground.
The final battle
We all know that BroodWar is going to be assimilated into the borg soon, so this is probably going to be the last epic battle in BroodWar history. And I can't imagine a better send-off; this is THE dream grudgematch the true fans have been waiting for. Forget NoisE vs Telecom. Forget Game vs Joekim. Forget Chill vs Combat-EX 2. None of those are even going to happen, and even if they did, there is no way in the name of Valhalla they could ever even hope to come close to the magnitude of this gloriously heroic war for the hand in marriage of Helen of Troy.
The format will be a best of 11, with an "ace" match coming last. There is no word yet on who the aces might be, but you can bet your BUTT that they are going to probably be ex-progamers, or even possibly, current progamers... OR... even more possibly... progamers FROM THE FUTURE.
Map pool:
Eywa team 1 <Desert Outpost> TAKK team 1
Eywa team 2 <Plasma> TAKK team 2
Eywa team 3 <River Runs Through It> TAKK team 3
wait wait wait, I think they just pick their own maps. Nevermind this.
What's at stake: Everything.
Time/Date: I don't know.
Stream: I don't know.
Location: Probably Fish, but who really knows for sure.
Rules:
+ Show Spoiler +
1. You do not talk about Fight Club.
2. You do NOT talk about Fight Club.
3. Excessive bm is required from each player. At least 5 insults must be typed by each player during each match, or the player will be disqualified. The bm must be vicious and personal, and preferably, involve the other players' mother/sexual preferences/genitalia dimensions/play ability being compared to fecal matter.
4. No "gg" is allowed at the end of each match. If you lose, you must leave without typing "gg". The only thing you may type is "Lucky noob". Anything else will result in disqualification.
5. Get off my plane.
6. Thou shall not kill.
7. If a player lags, it is his or her responsibility to blame it on the other player, and insist with his or her full conviction that it is not them, but the other party.
8. If you do not show up for a match, or your spot is left unoccupied, then you automatically lose, and it will be posted on the forums that you are a dodger and a coward, even if you were dealing with a major life emergency, like your baby daughter was dying.
9. If a player wins a game, their replay should immediately be scanned by several parties for hacks. If evidence of hax is found, the player will be disqualified immediately. If no evidence of hax is found, then they probably were just hiding it.
10. Before playing, everyone must stand, salute, and sing the Equestrian National Anthem.
![[image loading]](http://www.iccup.com/upload/images/gallery/10884/n97631.jpg)
This is the only equivalent picture that can accurately portray the level of conflict at hand.
Alright, let's get it on.
Well, I guess if he wants to lose to my team... :/
