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Well. This is different for me to say the least. I have never posted on a forum with anything to this extent but i think it could help me......maybe. Alot of people have said writing out your problems helps you deal with them so here goes.
Its 2006. Im 18. Im in and apprentice scheme with my local council. Its horrible. I hate nearly every aspect of the job. The money is ok, and i have a car for independance for once. There is literally one thing i do with my spare time. Warcraft. Now i know alot of people will be like "omglol wow sux" but it was the one way i could entertain myself for hours. I wasnt happy in life obviously, but i was coping in a odd way. Then the biggest change in my life happened. I met a girl, irronically through WoW. Now, there is a complicated back story behind her life then which i think is relevent, so ill cover if briefly.
She played WoW. But more because her current BF did. They were also in an open relationship. They had been together for nearly 4 years, and were to say the least, the complete opposite of what i am. They drank, partied every weekend, did drugs, not just weed. But to me this didn't matter. I was hooked, Totally in love. We talked for a few weeks, and we seemed to get along well. I even went to her BF's house at 4am on a Sunday morning because she was still "coming down" and couldnt sleep. We went for a drive for nearly 2 hours just around the countryside, all the time she slept on my lap. Let me tell you driving a manual(Stick shift) car with someone on your legs isnt easy. Anyway, we didnt spend much time alone together, until she felt she knew i was ok, as in not a total mental(well. More on this later). One day, i asked her to come fishing with me. I had fished for nearly 15 years, and i enjoyed the solitude. She agreed to come. I was ecstatic. Alas the weather didnt play its part. Rain. My god did it rain. So we ended sitting in my tent for pretty much the whole day. She had some vodka, i dont drink. She sat on my lap and started to doze. It was magical. The end of the day came to soon, and we went back to mine. I was still living at home, so we went to my room so i could change and freshen up. Things took a tuen for the sordid, and we ended up doing stuff(enable emagination) Not sex though. I was still a virgin. I took her back to her BF's house and the 3 of us watced Bladerunner. Talk about awkward. Anyway.
Few weeks passed. We would go out on the weekend, me going out with her and her BF and thier friends. It was ok. Very different though. Then we went to a house party. All her school friends were there. We talked and stuff, and eneded up kissing in the kitchen. I stayed till around 12am, then decided to leave. I had a call at 12.30am from her, asking to pick her up. So i did. She came back to mine and well, did the nasty. My frist time. It wasnt good. But she didnt mind.
Things got fast from there on. Within 2 months she broke up with her BF, got with me, finished school, as in graduated or w/e, and practically lived with me. During this time i had a serious accident at work, Basically i destroyed my knee thanks to some ducktape and a wooden floor. So we spent all day together for 4 months, EVERY DAY. It was so different for me. I had always been quite shy and kept to myself. But it was nice.
Anyway. She was 18 now. And looking to go to University. She eneded up going to one around 400miles from where we lived, and i decided to go with her. It was all a secret. Noone could know. I quit/got fired from my job, got a loan and packed my stuff and left. 3 years we spent living together. During this time i wasn't always great. I had anger issues, which were somtimes violent. I never hit her but pushed her and such. I always regretted this. Oh. during these 3 years i never once worked. I had no money. At one point we were living off nothing. Hoping something would happen. Thankfully her family is quite well off. They support her, but not if i was around. They never accepted me at the start. I decided to go to university to. I enrolled on an access course as i didnt finish college, but i am, so im told very intelligent. This got me out of the house and doing something stimulating, and some money to boot. WOOT.
Finished the course. Passed. Where/what/why next. Move again. OK!
So we moved again. 300 miles away again. Got a flat. Not great, but it was ok. She had planned to do a masters in the new city, but that didnt work out. So she got a job. I managed to get onto a degree, which meant i was finally achieving something. I couldnt have done any of this without her. She was litterally changing my life. She had a job for about 8 months, got bored and wanted more hours/pay. Got a new job fairly easily. She is very intelligent and has impecable presentation skills. She stayed there for 8 months, but wanted to move up. So she applied and got a job in IT. More money! She was happy. She didnt have an IT background but god can she learn. She can learn to do most things, its a little weird.
Now. Im starting to loose you probably, but there is a point. 3 days ago we broke up. 5 years together. Our anniversary is in 3 weeks. She had gone home to see her parents alone, something she has done maybe 4 times in 5 years. She came back and i immeadietly knew something was up. In short, she said she wasnt happy. No real specifics, just she didnt find me attractive anymore, and wanted to be alone. Does she love me? Does she have any feelings still foe me? I don't know. She won't really say. I think maybe she does, or maybe i hope she does. Either way, its difficult. She has never been alone, being in relationships since she was 13. This i good totally understand, going from a young girl to a woman, never having your life the way SHE wanted it. Firstly parents and then me partially dictating it. It must have been difficult. What hurt me the most is a combo attack.FLAWLESS.
I have exams in 3 weeks. Important ones. They dictate wether i go into my final year. The house where we lived was in her name. Everything was, so i had to leave, ala day9 skyrim style. YOU NEED TO LEAVE!!
WOW. Shocked isnt a word. I had to ring my parents, who are not the best to come get me. They'd be 4 hours!! Well great. So. I sat there, confused and just stunned. She packed all my stuff for me. I just sat. 4 hours is a long time. Eventually my father came. I didnt know what to do. I didnt want to leave but i couldnt stay. She was upset. Very upset. I had said some bad things that day, and i didnt even mean them. I was in shock. It took maybe 1 hour more for me to even manage to get into the car. I was leaving what i knew as my life behind. Back home i had to go. At first i wasnt alowed to be left alone, as they feared i may do something to myself. Would i? Who knows. I couldnt think straight.
I cried. Alot. I burst the cappilaries in my eyes, so now i was crying and i looked like diablo. GREAT. I couldnt eat, i still can't. 4 days have gone and i have eat a fork full of chicken, and a celmentine. The chicken decided it didnt want to stay in me. That was a nice 30mins this morning.
I have had some liquid drink, not alcohol, but not alot. Not enough really. My parents are trying, but they don't understand. My father is a drug addict of sorts, he has smoked weed for 40 years. My mother is um. I dont know. Part acloholic part man eater. She like the men. I can talk to her, and it has helped abit but my father, god no. I went there yesterday and he did the gardening..... WHTF!!!
I dont hold any bad feelings towards her. I just can't. I still love her. I don't think i ever will stop, she was my first everything. Kiss, GF, sex, best friend. Everything.
Now this i getting well long. I need to get to the kicker. I have no ability to think rationally. I cant focus. I cant eat, sleep, or even talk sometimes. I can go from being relativly ok with the situation, to being aboslutely devastated, and just want to cry. But i dont cry. I try and talk in my head to stop it and it works. But it happens again and again. Its the wierdest thing. I have decided to take on what she said. She said im unnatractive to her now. Right that i can change. I think when we got togther i maybe weighed 15-16 stone, idk what that is in lbs. 224 apprently. so maybe 100 kgs. I used to play alot of rugby, so i had some fat but alot of muscle. I used to do weights and could bench alot. I have a massive chest and huge torso. Im very bulky, a little like inControl, but not to the extent he is, maybe more machine size. Now, after 5 years i weight 22 stone, or 150 kg or 330lbs. Yea, im big. Not fat as people see fat, but compared to how i was, yea im different. I think this is a major influence on her decisions. I look unpresentable. I cant get clothes to fit. It was awful for both of us. I also have tattoos. Lost of them. Two arms covered, my back, and the back of my hand. A pentagram. GREAT SUCCESS!! No, not really, stupidity at its greatest maybe. I can wear long sleeves to cover the fine but my hand, NOPE. What must i look like :S
So. Trying to combat the massive feelings i have going on is hard. I have decided to embrace the involuntary starvation and diet. Diet hard. I am forunate to be studyinh nutrition at the moment. I know how the body works very well. I used to eat alot of bad foods. Pasta loaded with cheese, chicken with cheese, beans with cheese, trend somewhere?? According to BMI and other things, i have a bmi of 47, and need 3000cals just to keep going. i.e Basal rate. 50% higher than what is normal. So now i am on something of a massive mission. In 4 days i have eaten ~500 calories. I dont know the maths but thats alot less than to ~9000 i used to. I dont snack. I still wont drink alcohol. My snacks will now consis of tomato, carrot and cucmber. My meals will be baked chicken, white rice. Im not sure of what else, so some adive here would be amazing. Im also going to excercise. Alot. I have been exercise free for 6 years, so it can only increase my weight loss aim. GSl code s is 3-4 hours long. I have an empty house all day(btw this probably doesnt help) Im am aiming to ride the exercise bike for the whole thing, pushing harder druing commercials. I used to do semi pro bikeing so im very comfortable and aware of when im about to black out :D I will be continueing the extreme diet and exercise when i go back. Daily 30m-1 hour walks. 3 days a week extensive weight training for 3 hours. Loose the belly. Loose the man boobs. Tone up and get my muscles back. I used to have huge biceps. Like huge. I miss the old me now. I am going to get there. My aims now are to loose ~2 stone in a few weeks. Its easily doable. I want to be down to maybe 16-17 stone in a few months, in the long term getting down to 14-15 stones. Its only 6 stone to lose. People have done it in 6 months. I am aiming for that.
Wow, 1 hour writing. Different. Basically i will be moving back to where we lived in 2 months, as she is moving out. I havent decided wether to sit my exams now or if i can defer them till august. One of my main issues now is nothing is familiar. I have nothing how i need or like it. I have someone telling me to do this and that. Its not what i need, but i have no choice. Once i am back home, i think i will be alot better. Again, not having anything to distract me now means i sti thinking of her all day. Its not healthy for me, but what can i do.
To end it all,a little talk about depression. I'm not sure if i am depressed but it would explain a hell of alot. I think i have had it for years, like 10+. All the things i have read about symptoms i have had or am having now. Are they due to the break up? Maybe. Either way i think i need to look into ways of combating this. It isnt healty for me or people around me.
In all, i dont know what i will do without her. I know i can move on, but right now i don't want to. But i need to. Even writing this sentance i am choking up. Silly. Silly SIlly. I like being single, thats all i knew before, but now all i know is being with her. And its all gone. WIll i find someone new? I doubt it. Do i want to? This is a problem. I jsut dont know. Time is a great healer they say. Well come on time. Come at me Bro!
  
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Well my ex wants to get back with me, and I'm equally confused man.
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Get yourself in check before you talk to her again. Cause you do need to talk to her again. Start eating healthy again, start exercising, get your 8 hours of sleep a day, finish up that degree of yours and focus on being happy.
Once you feel like your back to your old self give her a call, find out every single question you have been wondering. Get answers, even if she doesn't want to give them to you. Ask if she still has any feelings for you, or if there is a possibility of you ever getting back together. If not continue focusing on your happiness and improving yourself that you can just be happy with yourself, how you feel how you look, for you own confidence. Stop depending on other people. Support yourself, do yourself proud.
Then find a new lady, with more in common. I can't imagine my girlfriend being sober while I like to drink. Do it man. It sucks now, but everyone goes through something similar.
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Forgetting a live you have had for 5 years doesn't go away in a few months. All you can try to do is keep yourself busy and count yourself lucky you have a life after this..
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You idiot! You fool! Stop whining at TL and man up! Get red roses and run to her with tears in your eyes and tell this to her, not to us, strangers on the Internet! You love her, and she has spent years with you... Perhaps this is a test, perhaps all she needs is to see that you are willing to do everything for her. Don't ever let go of what you love. Ask her, talk to her, discuss with her everything. Get every fucking detail! Tell her you are willing to change. Be the man she needs and the man she wants. Start crying and shouting and tear down them motherfucking mountains and kill bears with your own hand. Await her with all that was good in your relationship. All that binds you two together. Remind her of those things. Fucking talk to her. Fucking do everything in your power and stop being a WoW wash-up if you truly love her. Once you are able to do this, once you are able to talk to her parents and say: People, you better fucking accept me, because no matter what, I am the man that will love your daughter, they will start to look up to you.
Man the fuck up! Fix what is broken.
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1) Don't do the above.
2) I'm sending you a PM.
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On April 10 2012 21:26 fazek42 wrote:
You idiot! You fool! Stop whining at TL and man up! Get red roses and run to her with tears in your eyes and tell this to her, not to us, strangers on the Internet! You love her, and she has spent years with you... Perhaps this is a test, perhaps all she needs is to see that you are willing to do everything for her. Don't ever let go of what you love. Ask her, talk to her, discuss with her everything. Get every fucking detail! Tell her you are willing to change. Be the man she needs and the man she wants. Start crying and shouting and tear down them motherfucking mountains and kill bears with your own hand. Await her with all that was good in your relationship. All that binds you two together. Remind her of those things. Fucking talk to her. Fucking do everything in your power and stop being a WoW wash-up if you truly love her. Once you are able to do this, once you are able to talk to her parents and say: People, you better fucking accept me, because no matter what, I am the man that will love your daughter, they will start to look up to you.
Man the fuck up! Fix what is broken.
I think this is some really bad advice. At least for now. If this shit is meant to be then maybe it'll happen later, but don't count on it.
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Defer your exams for sure man. Don't do anything rash. Keep studying and exercising. Have a good routine. It takes ~3 months to form a really good habit for the long term.
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I have some similiar problems (or maybe had). I was together with someone for five years (and note, I'm 17). She was literally my whole teenage life and the only thing I've ever really been thinking about.
I've never screamed at her. I usually never scream at anyone - I'm a very calm guy by nature. But after the break-up, I realised I couldn't just stand there and do nothing. I screamed at her. Oh how much I screamed. I've had problems eating, I'm sleepdeprived (pro-English, thank you man), and I very often find myself being unable to sleep for many many hours.
The point is really, that however hard something is, and I know it's disgusting to hear, but... Time will solve things. No matter how hard they are. If you're not to affected mentally that you're going waaaaaaay over mad, I'd suggest to just give it time. That's what you need man. Time. I still haven't gotten over my EX after over a year almost, now. That doesn't mean I won't get iver it. Fight with your hearts content and remember that you WILL forget her EVENTUALLY. And even when she's still in your mind, even if you never really lose your feelings, you should know that you will find others. People that you are "worthy of having", so to say. Believe me.
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Wow. I didnt expect this many replies so soon. It's quite touching. I know some people say man up and go back but she won't do that now. She isn't the easiest to talk to atm, and if i bring up something like " what is it about me you find xxx" she just says dont start. We do talk, sort of. She has said we will still be friends. I hope she means it. Even if we aren't together, having someone i feel comfortable around in a place where otherwise i have very few friends is nice, atleast until i know where i am going.
i think a large part of my feelings is guilt for taking alot of her money and savings. Though i am looking at trying to make things up by selling my Warhammer collection. I can't use it now, as i am car deprived  , but i have atleast £500 of stuff i can shift. It will be a good gesture and i think will make her happy. Not relationship happy but atleast that i am willing to change. That was one of her points. People CAN'T change. Well i am going to, if not for her then myself. I need to lose the weight, i need to excercise and eat healthy. There are no down sides to getting fit. It can only be good.
I have to ring the Uni tomorrow to talk to someone about exams and the such. I may ring a doctor about depression and see what is happening there. Once i know where i stand with exams, ie. if i have to do them now i will have to try my best. If i can get them on hold i think it will give me 2 months to sort my head out, move back to where i was and get back into normality, of sorts.
I havent been so bad today oddly. I played 4 hours of BF3, im tempted to try and ladder, and i have a good friend coming over, who btw i have got hooked so badly on sc2 its not funny. He came over on sunday, saw IPL4 and watched it all. Till 6am lol. Madness. He even watched the US rerun of Iron Squid at 2am, bearing in mind he works all day lol. I think ill teach him how to play as a distraction.
It's the days that are hard, filling them with things to do. Ah well. Ill keep "blogging" if people keep helping. It's quite odd seeing people you don't know take an interest in my life. This is what E-Sports should be about. Not the "man up and get on with it, noob", but the "It's ok to feel like this, things will get better". Who would have thought a game would create a community that can bring people together like this. It's quite amazing.
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On April 10 2012 20:58 SFXStrobe wrote:
No real specifics, just she didnt find me attractive anymore, and wanted to be alone. Does she love me? Does she have any feelings still foe me? I don't know. She won't really say. I think maybe she does, or maybe i hope she does. Either way, its difficult.
Chances are she's been thinking about leaving for a while and finally got the courage to do it. It's not easy to break someone's heart, especially someone you've been with a long time.
You probably won't have answers to those questions. It sounds as though she made a clean break and in that case there's really nothing more to say. You need to start living your life without her.
She probably has lingering feelings for you, but that tends to make the breakup more difficult. I've been dumped before where the girl still loved me, but left me anyway because she felt it was the best thing for her.
For now, you need to work towards accepting the breakup and start moving on. The best thing you can do is pick up a new hobby or one you have neglected for a while. You mentioned working out, and that's a good start, but you should be doing it for yourself, not for her. Contact her as little as possible because that slows down your progress immensely. If she isn't contacting you then she probably doesn't want to talk/hang out with you. Let her be, it's time to focus on YOU. Finally, I would recommend against moving into the place you both shared because you probably associate the place with her. It's a lot harder to move on when even the walls remind you of her.
That's about all I can say. It's going to be rough for a while, so make sure you have people to contact and places you can go. You'll be fine, but it's going to take a while.
On April 10 2012 22:37 SFXStrobe wrote:
It's the days that are hard, filling them with things to do. Ah well. Ill keep "blogging" if people keep helping. It's quite odd seeing people you don't know take an interest in my life. This is what E-Sports should be about. Not the "man up and get on with it, noob", but the "It's ok to feel like this, things will get better". Who would have thought a game would create a community that can bring people together like this. It's quite amazing.
You're welcome! TL takes special interest in girl blogs for some reason, but most cries for help are met with cries for help. It may be a game community, but at the end of the day it's a bunch of people who care when bad things happen to other people. If spending 10 minutes typing a response will help you out then it sounds like a sound investment 
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I have decided to embrace the involuntary starvation and diet. Diet hard. I am forunate to be studyinh nutrition at the moment. I know how the body works very well. I used to eat alot of bad foods. Pasta loaded with cheese, chicken with cheese, beans with cheese, trend somewhere?? According to BMI and other things, i have a bmi of 47, and need 3000cals just to keep going. i.e Basal rate. 50% higher than what is normal. So now i am on something of a massive mission. In 4 days i have eaten ~500 calories. I dont know the maths but thats alot less than to ~9000 i used to. I dont snack. I still wont drink alcohol. My snacks will now consis of tomato, carrot and cucmber. My meals will be baked chicken, white rice.
Come on, man. You said you were taking nutrition and such. You have to know this is a TERRIBLE approach to diet. 500 calories over 4 days? That's just not smart.
There is no way in hell you could keep that up. Even if you had some unreal level of determination to continue at that rate indefinitely they is no way on earth you will be able to get all the vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients you need without supplementing like crazy.
Moreover, certainly at that absurdly low of a caloric restriction you basically will be starving. Aside from feeling weak, massively fatigued, and exhausted your body will start slowing down to protect itself and you will actually burn LESS calories that you would normally.
Additionally, you say your planning on doing what I would consider a respectable amount of biking during this. That's awesome! However...you try to do biking during this kind of moronic caloric restriction and your going to just run yourself in the ground. You probably won't even be able to keep up the biking for a week or two, and without the calories to repair your body from the biking I wouldn't be surprised if you actually REGRESSED in fitness.
In short what I am trying to say is be SMART about your dieting. Set yourself up for success. Shoot for a 1-2 pound per week (500-1000 kcal less per day than what you burn) sustainable weight loss. Anything more is getting unhealthy, especially combined with intending to do a solid amount of training. Eat too little and the training won't help, and probably will actually hurt, you.
As far as what to eat it's reasonable straightforward. Avoid the heavily processed foods. Have some fruit and vegetables with just about every meal. Meat is good in reasonable amounts (something like a paleo approach probably isn't as good here because your going to want decent carbohydrate amounts because of your intended endurance training).
Alot. I have been exercise free for 6 years, so it can only increase my weight loss aim. GSl code s is 3-4 hours long. I have an empty house all day(btw this probably doesnt help) Im am aiming to ride the exercise bike for the whole thing, pushing harder druing commercials. I used to do semi pro bikeing so im very comfortable and aware of when im about to black out :D I will be continueing the extreme diet and exercise when i go back. Daily 30m-1 hour walks. 3 days a week extensive weight training for 3 hours.
Nothing wrong here. 3-4 hrs/day of biking is some good riding as 45-125 miles a day is nothing to balk at. Obviously just be intelligent about it, and listen to your body to make sure you don't start going into overtraining. But you say you were semi-pro at biking so I'll just assume you know what the fuck your doing there. ^^
3 hours seems like some awfully long weight sessions, but maybe you have stuff planned that is fairly ancillary to the main lifting. 3 hours of straight lifiting is probably going to be inefficient thought with you either needed to stand around tons to get recovered enough for your next set or just straight up be too much. It's possible you'll get better results out of focused, well-planned 60-90 minute training sessions.
Just don't be an idiot with your diet. Shoot for healthy weight loss (1-2 pounds per week max). If you go at it (the diet aspect) in the way you were talking about in your post you will fail, and you will also lose alot of muscle mass in the process. Aim for smart effective weight loss, not some terrible, irresponsible, emotion inspired starvation crap. Set yourself up for success, not failure!
Best of luck man!
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The way your story sounds is that this girl was everything to you. That part is obvious. The problem with the relationship, at least what we have from the OP is that it seems one-sided. She has the money, the brains, the looks, and the determination. What has she been doing with you all this time?
This is not to kick you while you're down or anything but just try and help you kick some ass in making yourself something that she wants to be with. as Servius mentioned above, she has probably been thinking about this for a while, and that is why she's giving you the answers you're getting. In her opinion, its not worth explaining everything to you, as its not going to help anyway.
Keep doing your exercise routine firstly. The body was made to move, so getting out and doing a hard workout can be the best thing for you, especially when you're feeling overcome by your depression. Just rip every fiber in your body off the bed and go for a jog. When your mood is better, think about how you can fix your diet. It's ok if you break your diet, the goal is to eat better, not perfect. Just make sure you get back on it when you can.
This is probably the hardest part: don't talk to her for a few months. You need to recover and calling her up every day is just ripping open a fresh wound all over again. Everything you do from here needs to be for YOU, not her.
Make yourself a better person because that's what you want to do, not because that's what she wants. If all goes well, it sounds like she still wants you, but don't wait up for her. If she wants to ride that train, she better keep up.
Good luck bro.
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I have some advice for you. I'll start with the psychological
1. You need her, or don't you? Basically you said that you have anger issues, that you are a BIG guy, that is scary, especially for a girl on drugs. You need to get that worked out immidiately, chances are that you looking overweight isn't the issue, its the fact that you are scary when angry.
2. Your parents aren't what you want? YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME? Your dad being less of a stoner than your GF and your mom being a whore, which one do you talk to about your issues? BOTH OF THEM! They have info for you. Get to it buddy, especially your dad, he will help a lot if you can just sit down and ask him if he has ever felt the way you do now.
3. Get your head in the game! You have finals soon, put off the work out until the exams are over, once they are yeah go hard. Your depression most likely isn't depression but a depressed episode from your gf and past poor experiences.
4. Your GF left you? No she probably did what she did with BF #1 except this lasted longer, find a better girl, or get yours back, either way you have to look at the fact that you were cheating on her BF with her, and therefore she is flighty and prone to do the same thing all over again. That type of girl is not a keeper, whether or not you love(d) her.
Physical. This is less important, but so you don't kill yourself
1. Drink lots of water! I know you aren't thirsty, but that kind of starvation diet will kill your muscle mass. You foremost need to drink a ton of water, more than a litre a day for someone of your girth.
2. Food is necessary! Go to a mediterranean restaraunt, get a tabbouleh, or get a babaganoush, they are basically dips and aren't expensive, and very nutritious. I find that mediterranean food helps when I don't feel like eating. Also if you have a little ethiopia or little africa, go there, there food is very earthy and will help release endorphins.
3.Work out routines! You said you were a strong guy, I'm lanky and short,but I did used to work out some. What you want to do is set up a workable routine that will get you results that are acceptable in a time window of about 4 months. That will give yourself time to eat well, and get back to being healthy before you destroy your muscles. The key is that when you destroy them, there is something to build them back up with.
Just to echo what others have said about your workout idea
YOU WILL FAIL IF YOU DON'T EAT WELL. PERIOD. NO IF, ANDS, OR BUTS YOU NEED TO SHOOT FOR HEALTHY WEIGHT LOSS, NOT STARVATION OR YOU WILL FAIL
GLGL you will need it.
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I think i need to address some points raised, as i may have said some things wrong/they were taken wrong.
1) Im not not eating per se. It's more the fact that because i had so much adreneline in my system, when it went, i felt sick. I eat last night and shat it out this morning. Believe me i know i need to eat, keeping it down is another issue. I have had a bowl of casserole/stew tonight, which was leek, onion,suede and carrot, with one skinless mini sausage. Was quite nice and a good start. 300 calories! I have planned the next 3 meals aswell. Chicken in bbq sauce tomorrow. Salmon on Thursday, and Pork with rice Friday. Each day has ~1000 calories.
2) She isnt on drugs now. I made her stop them before we got together.
3)My parents are ok to talk to. My father however isnt very good. He doesnt say alot. My mum is quite helpfull, if a little clingy and anooying. But thats her way.
4)The anger issues are in the past. I didn't even get angry on the day i left. I was upset but never once felt angry. I haven'nt got angry with violence involved in 3 years. I think i can say that has gone totally.
5) In keeping with improving how i look, i am looking into Tattoo removal. If anyone has any info or experience i'd love to know. My arms are fine. None offensive and spread out. Skin show. My hand has got to go. I can;t even cover it. It is fucking stupid.
As for communication with her, i am not going to contact her until Sunday, as she is viewing houses on Sat and i need to know how it goes. I am contemplating writing an email or letter, containing everything I need to say. That way atleast she knows. People say try and get her back, some don't. I'm not aiming for getting her back. If i change my way, shape, fittness etc and she doesn't want to get back, then there will bound to be women who will want me.
I do see some good sides to being single though. I want to make an effort to play SC2 properly. Tournaments, dailies and the such. Anyone offer free coaching? ::D:D:D:D
Will post more when i find out more about exams/finals!
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1) Im not not eating per se. It's more the fact that because i had so much adreneline in my system, when it went, i felt sick. I eat last night and shat it out this morning. Believe me i know i need to eat, keeping it down is another issue. I have had a bowl of casserole/stew tonight, which was leek, onion,suede and carrot, with one skinless mini sausage. Was quite nice and a good start. 300 calories! I have planned the next 3 meals aswell. Chicken in bbq sauce tomorrow. Salmon on Thursday, and Pork with rice Friday. Each day has ~1000 calories.
Ah, okay. Not as crazy as you made it sound. If you keep eating like that, especially with good meals with lots of fruits/vegetables and not tons of processed stuff you'll be looking good in no time.
I'd personally say even more calories, especially on the days your biking. If your serious about the intended time I imagine that's going to be 45+ miles every GSL day. Even if that's on a stationary (weight doesn't add resistance there so for you stationary calories << biking outside calorie expenditure) your still looking at like a minimum of 1,500 calories burned per ride. That gives a daily total of like 3,500 to maybe as high as 5,000, especially at a large weight and muscle like yours, depending on what you burn at rest. I'd look to eat a minimum of 2,500 calories on the days your doing your biking and at least consider eating 1,500-2,000 on more sedentary days.
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Update.
I rang the Uni. I had them to ring me back later that day, but they didnt  SO tomorrow i will talk to them about my exams.
Today was the first day of proper eating and exercise. During the GSL i did 2 hours on a bike, ~47km. I ride at quite a fast pace, ~35kph. I probably could have done alot more but the seat has made my arse so sore. I did 37k straight off, then because of the soreness could only do 8-10k stints with a 2 min break. I was soaked in sweat. It felt good. As foor food, i tried some porridge, but i couldnt eat it at all. After the bike i had 2 eggs scrambled, and for tea i have had 1 chicken breast in BBQ sauce, with 2 baby potatoes and some tomato/cucmber. I think roughly that meal was about 400cal, if that. I have had my daily protein allowed, and have had 1/5th of my carbohydrates. All in all a solid start. Back on the bike tomorrow, aiming to do 5k more.
I might not post tomorrow unless i get some news about my exams. Friday i will update on the diet and exercise!
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I usually don't respond to things like this but
I'm kind of sad and disgusted that people are talking about your diet and shit and glossing over the fact that you abused your girlfriend. This may have something to do with her suddenly mysteriously leaving you. Hint hint.
Best wishes to her in the future, and I really hope you can unfuck yourself as well.
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Damn that's rough man...
Take care of yourself, and I wish you the best :/ <3
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EPT
