In short, she said she wasnt happy. No real specifics, just she didnt find me attractive anymore, and wanted to be alone. Does she love me? Does she have any feelings still foe me? I don't know. She won't really say. I think maybe she does, or maybe i hope she does. Either way, its difficult. She has never been alone, being in relationships since she was 13. This i good totally understand, going from a young girl to a woman, never having your life the way SHE wanted it.

your analysis is lacking. try harder.

maybe:

During this time i wasn't always great. I had anger issues, which were somtimes violent. I never hit her but pushed her and such.

but you regretted it, you say?

It's good that someone in your ex-gf's life managed to see through the empty words and realized what was actually going on.

Riedell VII

United States12 Posts

April 12 2012 06:05 GMT

#23

I had anger issues, which were somtimes violent. I never hit her but pushed her and such. I always regretted this.

You physically abused her but you didn't physically abuse her that bad and you felt just awful about it afterwards each time. Such restraint! Surely you should be given a cookie.

A++, would feel sick to my stomach again. If you find yourself sympathyzing with the OP, I suggest you take a serious look at yourself and at the kinds of behaviors you consider to be acceptable with regard to relationships with other human beings. ("Oh no, but wait, Riedell," I hear you saying. "It's okay. He loves her." Nope. You don't physically abuse or intimidate people you love. Think on that one for a while.)

Glad she got out. Many women aren't so lucky.

I'll put these here in case one of you shitheels realizes that you have a friend who may be on the other side of a similar situation:

http://www.womeninlondon.org.uk/
http://refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/
http://www.rainn.org/get-help/ ("International Resources" will be helpful to those outside the UK & US)

SFXStrobe

United Kingdom36 Posts

April 12 2012 08:41 GMT

#24

Any violence that did exist in our relationship was a two way thing. She has openly said that when I did get angry, she would push me more to get a bigger reaction as she found it slightly amusing. The times when i got angry were during times of great stress, not to add 3-4 years ago. If i am bad as some people seem to have ASSUMED, then she would have left me long ago. There was no fear from her into if she did leave me, would i hurt her.

As for psychotic Ex, explain how. We talk normally to each other, are friends and each day i am moving on and am now able to see that now i am out of the relationship, things were not right, but i was never in the place to make a difference as as i have said, i was reliant on her a hell of alot more than she was on me. I couldnt end it putting myself on the streets with no money.

And the internet is always a great source of comments, both good and bad. I do take all of them into account, but im quite aware of my faults, and having people assume they know them and pass judgment on me is quite funny. Im sure no-one is perfect.

SomniGiggles

United Kingdom214 Posts

April 12 2012 09:38 GMT

#25

Lots of people said what needed to be said but, even though your story is somewhat, er, "far out dudeeeeeee" (sorry that's what came to me), so many people will have experienced the same sort of thing. Love sucks, I know.

I went through a really bad breakup just before my final exams, about 2 weeks before like you. I ended up only going to half because I was so despondent to the world and naturally I failed them all. I am someone who can proudly say I never regret anything in my life, but that is a lie. Those 2 weeks I regret consistently. Please just pass your exams and then pick yourself up afterwards because it will make you happier in the long run.

As for her, people handle it differently and it is up to you to figure out how you wish to handle it. Personally for me (it's been years) I never talked about it, to anyone and never will. It took a long time but you get over it to an extent, you become, contempt with things.

I wish I could tell you that time heals all wounds, but we both know the more time you have, the longer the list of wounds grow ~ superman

Stratos

Czech Republic6104 Posts

April 12 2012 10:51 GMT

#26

Yeah don't forget to eat and drink, that's a good advice imo. Dunno about the rest..

Riedell VII

United States12 Posts

April 12 2012 11:32 GMT

#27

This is called rationalizing. "What I did is normally wrong, but in this instance it's okay because..." Stress and being pushed back, physically or metaphorically, do not make your initial action okay. Even if it was three years ago.

If i am bad as some people seem to have ASSUMED, then she would have left me long ago. There was no fear from her into if she did leave me, would i hurt her.

Yes, because women always leave abusive relationships at the first sign of trouble. What world are you living in?

zalz

Netherlands3704 Posts

April 12 2012 11:41 GMT

#28

Interesting to see how someone tells himself all the reasons why it was oke for him to physically abuse his girlfriend.

Kind of like all the sadomasochists that tell themselves why their parents beating them was a sign of love, but from the other perspective.

I didn't beat her! I just pushed her.
She was asking for it!
It was a long time ago!

Why not knock a few teeth out next time? Pretty sure you can find a reason why it is oke, after the fact.

You justified your behaviour, so despite what you tell yourself or everyone else, in your mind, what you did is considered a justified action. The question isn't if you are going to repeat it, just a matter of when.

DefMatrixUltra

Canada1992 Posts

April 12 2012 15:40 GMT

#29

On April 12 2012 17:41 SFXStrobe wrote:
Any violence that did exist in our relationship was a two way thing. She has openly said that when I did get angry, she would push me more to get a bigger reaction as she found it slightly amusing. The times when i got angry were during times of great stress, not to add 3-4 years ago. If i am bad as some people seem to have ASSUMED, then she would have left me long ago. There was no fear from her into if she did leave me, would i hurt her.

And the internet is always a great source of comments, both good and bad. I do take all of them into account, but im quite aware of my faults, and having people assume they know them and pass judgment on me is quite funny. Im sure no-one is perfect.

Listen to yourself!

First it's "oh and I was violent (but only pushing, not hitting [oh and I felt bad about it])." Do you even realize that's a sort of reverse euphemism used to make fun of the kind of logic you are spewing? As my friend said: "Let me introduce you to the "Bitch said I hit her but I just pushed her around" support group. It's not only for pimps."

Now it's "oh it's actually just fair game because like I mean she did it too amirite guys." And you go on even further and say everything apart from explicitly stating that "she thought it was OK" (which I hope you realize somewhere in the back of your mind, even if that were true, it's still not OK).

Yeah, you were stressed out, yeah it was a long time ago. OK. Keep piling on the blatant self-apologetic rationalizations. To be honest, at this point I find it hard to believe anything you said in the entire post wasn't rationalized or played down in the same way.

In all of this there's no realization that what you did was terrible or that the effect it had on your relationship was equally terrible. The one thing you've admitted that I honestly truly believe is that you don't understand her motivation for leaving you.

But it's OK, dude. No one is perfect - that rationalizes pretty much everything you could ever have possibly done.

Sarcasm aside, please seek your vindication that everything you did was OK elsewhere.

Bigtony

United States1606 Posts

April 13 2012 15:40 GMT

#30

I think you have to let go of this girl (and all romantic relationships) for a while and evaluate where you are. The posts before this one tend to the extreme but are not off base.