EPTI was one of those. But then, I got old.
The worst part of getting old is you lose your passion. Is that key ingredient that makes you enjoy life, even when you are losing. But once the passion is gone, man, that's when life starts to ask for its payment and that bitch wants every fucking penny she can get. Imagine a divorce with a blonde bitch and then multiply it by 100 times that. Losing passion is worst than losing erections (you will find out later in life young-lings).
You can't remember when your erections are starting to go soft but you can remember always when is the day you lost your passion: My day was the 26th of october. That day was the day I didn't had enough money to pay gas for hot showers and to pay the internet bill. Something was about to be cut. And for god sakes, that day I decided to pay the gas for hot showers was freezing like if I were in the artic pole.
So I payed the bill... was it the right one at that time. You bet. Now I am starting to think it was the biggest mistake of my life. You see, in order to get my internet back again took me several days, well, 8 weeks if you want to be exact. In those weeks I had no porn, no series, no internet, no nothing. I even started to see those kind of things you download for some "rainy day" that you never would watch if you had internet.
in the month of october before the internet went down, I would look for so many topics on TL. I would fall asleep watching replays from anyone, or watching streams like Slayer Dragon (when he did that epic game of nuking his enemy until he resigned) Watching Idra playing with that damn mathematic style he possess or watching destiny playing at the highest resolution. Those were the days...
But after having no internet I was only able to satisfy my craving for starcraft 2 playing the campaign. Of course it was in the easiest mode - such a scrub that I was - but even after that I found that if the game does not connect in certain amount of time, it will go from full player mode, to guest mode and then to nothing mode. That was hard to face.
So, no internet, no starcraft, no replays. The fix that I daily needed started to fade away. And when the day came, you know, the day when I finally gathered the money to get my internet back. I decided not to play. It took me like 4 or 5 days to start a game with some friends. Just a little after the new season started: But I was afraid, afraid like a junkie who had no drugs in the system for 2 months and someone suddenly offers you the first after so long of not being in touch with that old friend.
I decided that I would play with my friends but I WOULD NOT CARE if I win or if I lose. Worst mistake ever.
From that day on, I stopped caring of even playing. I stopped feeling mad or happy or even feeling that I was alive. Because you see, when you get old you want to experiment once again that rush of adrenaline just to remember the old times. Sometimes you need that fix by losing, you even want to lose on purpose so you can feel alive. But once you stop caring for that feeling, you see how gloomy its life if you don't even care for a simple game.
I read once in this place that many people were worried to be raging in starcraft 2. They even tried to do push ups in order to deal with the frustration and the anger contained in the body. At that time, when I read that there were others who, like me, were having problems dealing with that frustration that I also did the push ups. I decided to do 5 push ups everytime I would lose a game.
One day I did 70 push ups. Me, a person who never excercise. It felt great...until the next day.
I was able to be that guy, a guy In control with a hope to be a better person. But the moment the internet went down, that was the moment I stopped doing push ups... and suddenly I had no rage, but I also had no motivation to do push ups.
It's getting long. I must stop. Another thing I left inconcluse. But hey, if it wasn't like this, it wouldn't be me.
