EPTWhere do you live? You can consider moving to a more well-received community.
Have you talked to Mora? He's the coolest gay person on this forum (imho)
Stuck in the Closet (and never coming out) - Page 2
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evanthebouncy!
United States12816 Posts
Where do you live? You can consider moving to a more well-received community. Have you talked to Mora? He's the coolest gay person on this forum (imho) | ||
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forsooth
United States3648 Posts
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Kerotan
England2111 Posts
You have to come out, some how and some way. Being in the closet is horrible, everyday happy day is overhung with dread, guilt, shame, etc, and the thing is, you know this. Its how you feel right fucking now, and I know how I felt, you learn to love hating yourself, because that's the only way you can cope. I remember what being in the closet felt like, I felt ashamed, I felt like I had committed murder, and imagine you feel similarly. So re Shaetan and Plexa, what is stopping you coming to terms with being gay? | ||
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chingchong99
Nauru64 Posts
Edit: Heres a song that helped me when i was feeling down: | ||
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psychopat
Canada417 Posts
The guys from the tv show 1girl5gays also have all run "It gets better" campaigns. They're all in Toronto but they highly recommend being who you are and they keep pushing the fact that it does get better. They're all on youtube and some of them are pretty powerful. That said, regardless of gay or straight, I do think that it gets better after high school. Literally everyone that I've discussed it with kind of agrees with that statement, except for 2 guys that were the stereotypical popular dumb jock who are now stuck in dead end jobs with the realization that the people around them grew up and no longer think their their typical immature behaviour is cool. You get to hang out with cool people who are in your circle of friends because you want them to be; you're not limited to people just in your school just because that's the vast majority of people you know/meet. You get to do what you want to do. You get to take control and be responsible of your own life instead of just being a reed, swaying in the wind. It does get better. | ||
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ClysmiC
United States2192 Posts
Also, if you truly feel like you're heading towards delirium and suicide, please--for all of us here that care about you and most importantly, for yourself--try and find a counselor or psychiatrist that you can talk to. | ||
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ampson
United States2355 Posts
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Ilvy
Germany2445 Posts
On November 24 2011 20:38 evanthebouncy! wrote: Listen to "more than a feeling" 20 more times until you feel better man. Where do you live? You can consider moving to a more well-received community. Have you talked to Mora? He's the coolest gay person on this forum (imho) This is very true, when i was a teenager one of my best friends where a couple of gays. As i girl i loved their good understanding for girls, their humor, their honesty without a thought of sex in their mind :D. Send Mora a PM, he is the most handsome and cool gay person here, it least what i know. | ||
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zalz
Netherlands3704 Posts
Marcus Aurelius. | ||
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Minus`
United States174 Posts
I don't mean that you can't fake being straight for a while, or forever. That's possible, and possibly-but-not-probably even the path of least resistance. Were you so inclined, you might be able to stay in the closet for the rest of your life. Maybe you could go to straight bars, meet straight people, marry a straight woman, make some straight-or-not babies, and die as a straight man after a (hopefully) long, straight life. Maybe you'd (straight) fool everyone until the day you died. It's possible, at least. Unfortunately, it's also certainly possible that you could decide to come out and discover that everything goes exactly as wrong as you'd planned. Maybe worse, even. As tempted as I am to tell you that only good things can come from coming out -- as dude above put it, "It isn't the 60s anymore," -- I won't, because that actually could turn out to be a big helping of bullshit, for you. It left me dazed and confused when a friend told me years back that he'd been -actually- disowned by his parents for being gay about a year earlier; honestly, I can't even come close to imagining how he felt (/feels) about it. That said, and admittedly for the sake of reassurance, it's also possible that coming out could number among the happiest days of your life. As far as I can tell, though, it's generally such a non-event for most people nowadays that it's actually disappointing. Unexpectedly, there aren't any fireworks or gunshots (usually), nobody cries but you (or not), and a few conversations later you're promoted to "my gay friend/son/coworker," or…just Roe. The way I figure it, for every <large number> of folks that come out to their friends and family, one or two at best will run into something unpleasant. And, I've yet to meet anyone who said they regretted coming out -- including the few people who had awful times at it. "Awful" is an amazing understatement, by the way. It's sure possible that you'll feel this way for a long time, too. It could be a very long time, and maybe it won't get better on its own. Seeing the OP here at all suggests to me that you're feeling out of options, and that you trust TL for some good ol' fashioned internet guidance. So, trust me when I say that, however open my post leaves your other options, you absolutely need to tell someone about how you feel. This is not negotiable; you need to talk to someone about how you feel, ASAP. Even if you aren't going to tell someone all the reasons why you feel so unhappy -- remember, it's your choice if you want to pretend to be straight, -- tell them that you feel this way. If you need to, invent a whole new self who's unhappy because of a bad breakup with his basically-a-model rich girlfriend with great teeth. Then, bring her up with "Can I talk to you for a second?" to a coworker, teacher, acquaintance, or anybody who isn't a completely random stranger. You might be amazed to find out who's willing to listen and make suggestions. In the worst-case scenario you'll learn that the person you talked to who won't be worth your time later on...and that's bound to be worth the time to figure out early. Early on in your OP you said you wanted to have a different life, that you wanted to start it over from the beginning again. Unfortunately, -- and I signed in and paced around for over an hour to remind you, not to mention time spent writing, -- that IS impossible. I don't know if you're the religious type or not, but, start-to-finish, this "living" thing is a one-shot deal, as far as anyone's got me convinced. There aren't any extras to spare, so don't sit around waiting for another; instead, you should go live YOUR life, and do your damnedest to make it into something special. Just for a few minutes, imagine life as a book where you're the protagonist, alright? It might not be a best-seller, but it's somebody's baby -- it's got to have other characters, conflict to develop those characters, and maybe some kind of overarching theme or eventual great accomplishment...but, then again, maybe not. It might be a series of loosely-connected vignettes leaving critics with all kinds of "wtf???"s after reading. (…Hey, I said it might not be a best-seller. =D) Now, do you really want to end your book at one chapter, leaving all the readers depressed and probably hungry for more? I get the feeling that you don't, call me crazy. I'm not exactly sold on how great it was, but people wouldn't -still- be talking about LotR if it'd been a short story about a guy who gets sent on a quest to do something great and then hangs himself instead, end of story. Regarding your last question asking whether or not life ever gets better...well, dude, there's only one way to find out. So...get to it! Get out there and write your novel, not a freaking short story. Be awesome, be an idiot, make mistakes for a change, get things right for a change! Live something more epic than Wheel of Time plus the Bible glued together and taped to a T-Rex fighting velociraptors with nunchucks! And, for fuck's sake, don't you DARE jump after asking for advice on Team Liquid! Also, I didn't peruse your post history for long enough to determine your gender, so if you're a girl just substitute with equivalent awesome girl'ness as needed. Good luck being awesome! | ||
MoonBear
Straight outta Johto18973 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + http://www.itgetsbetter.org/ http://www.youtube.com/user/itgetsbetterproject | ||
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OpticalShot
Canada6330 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + Toronto, Canada | ||
ZeromuS
Canada13430 Posts
A lot of people can understand going through highschool and staying in the closet since high school is bad enough when you are straight (what with all the assholes) and I can only imagine it being worse if you are gay. But you know what for your own sake you should get some help. I'm going through some depression, nothing suicidal but I am getting help and I feel just a little bit better everyday. Its a different source from what you have but do know that therapy helps. I think its important you know that and work with it. Also, come out to the people close to you. One can only hope your parents care enough for you that they will accept you and help you. You don't need to tell everyone when you come out but you should tell someone. Also, why the fuck is it called being in the closet? Fuck that noise. A friend of mine told me that being in or out is bullshit. In the end you are who you are and you choose to tell who you choose to tell. The whole concept of the closet is negative and makes it harder for people to come to grips with their sexuality especially at a young age. The whole concept of having to be in before coming out is wrong. People should be themselves and one can only hope that with time everyone comes to accept it. If you tell everyone will you be ostracized by some? Sure. But then again people are ostracized for having a lazy eye or an amputated arm or even poor skill in sports. So fuck the assholes who hate you for something as unimportant in the grand scheme of life as being gay or straight or tall or short. If its truly who you are then its ok. And remember that with time it does get better. The older you get the more mature your peers are and the more likely they are to accept you regardless of sexual orientation. Its only people who aren't worth your time that will hate that you are gay. If they think they can catch or you would hit on them (even though they are straight) then they don't need to be your friends and you don't need to talk to them. The only real suggestion I can give truly is to get some therapy. There are many types. I would avoid psychotherapy but move towards cognitive therapy to be honest. Psychotherapy is based in some poor and outdated research. You don't need a psychiatrist right away, they just like to give out medicine so start with a therapist and if they feel you have serious depression requiring medication they will give you a referral for a appointment with a psychiatrist who will determine your medical needs and prescribe something. They will make follow up appointments to check on you as well. If you are in university the schools often offer fairly generous coverage for mental health with little co-pay (mine is 10 bucks a visit and 75% off meds if i need them). If your parents have health care the coverage on mental health is usually also quite good. If you are in high school there are often subsidies and ways the school can get you some help with little cost to you. Again therapy is a lot cheaper and it seems it will help you deal with what you are struggling with here in this blog. I have a degree in psychology so you can trust that my recommendations for help are reasonable and worth your time and effort to at least attempt. Most therapists are understanding of cost needs and will set up a schedule that works best for you (i go every 2 weeks because even with the copay it is expensive with regard to my personal budget for example). Letting your loved ones and people close to you know about therapy is also really good idea if you get help because you can often work with them to alleviate some of the everyday stresses so you can focus on your feelings and getting better. Good luck in dealing with your personal problems and I hope you feel happy again in life soon my friend. | ||
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Misanthrope
United States924 Posts
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Xiron
Germany1233 Posts
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Kojak21
Canada1104 Posts
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zJayy962
1363 Posts
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bonifaceviii
Canada2890 Posts
All your OP is about is how you feel by being there, but not any explanation as to why. | ||
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Sapphire.lux
Romania2620 Posts
You feel depressed and suicidal, take a look at any of these. See what people in pain really look like. And for what? Coz they were born in the wrong place at the wrong time? Everybody has his/ her demons to fight. Fucking fight them coz you are most likely better of then one billion people to begin with. To be happy you have to be strong. To be strong, you have to learn to appreciate what you do have (people from Canada with more then 2000 posts on an internet forum tend to have a lot). Grow up! You are never worth dieing for. Your loved ones, maybe. | ||
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MountainDewJunkie
United States10348 Posts
On November 24 2011 19:27 Plexa wrote: This is probably the question that most needs answering. Indeed. I don't think I feel very bad for you. Why does being gay matter? Are you Christian? Would your daddy disown you? Are you actually married with children? | ||
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