This is a few paragraphs about my personal life and the problems that I have been dealing with for the past few years. I've been planning on writing this for a while now, feeling the need to share and maybe find some people who face similar problems.
You might want to listen to this while reading.
I don't really know what to do with my life since 7-8 years. I am 25 now and still a university student. I live with 3 other guys in an apartment that is owned by my parents. I only need to write my final thesis, defend it, take a final exam and I'm done. I have one month till the deadline and haven't written any significant yet, and I can't get myself to really start it and begin working hard on it. I sit in front of the computer all day, play BW @ iccup or some other game in single player, browse the net, jerk off, meet my girlfriend from time to time.
The past 7 years have passed in a similar fashion, like a dream. I should have finished university 2 years ago and should have got a job. My parents are worried. I lie to them often. Like "-what have you been doing all day? -nothing mom, just working on my final thesis." But in reality I've been playing UMS maps / watching some stupid movie / eating pizza all day.
Everything I do has a melancholic feeling to it. It's a mixture of shame, helplessness and emptiness. I would hate myself if I were another person. Why can't I do something useful? Cause I often feel that things are meaningless and everything I do has no aim or reason whatsoever. There is a sensation of fear also. Of being exposed: my lies, the way I live, being confronted.
I keep telling to myself, that tomorrow, I'm going to change. But the next day I still do nothing, it seems pointless every new day. Although in the morning I get some things done, usually the more insignificant things, not the real big challenges (like writing my thesis). Every time when I wake up and every time I go to bed, I tremble in fear inside. I think about what measures I will have to face and what will happen if i fail. In this case, if I fail the deadline. It messes with my stomach, too
I have minor successes from time to time. Sometimes when I am alone in the apartment, I speak out loudly to myself. "Why the hell aren't you doing it? Face your challenges!" It helps to gather some willpower and I start doing whatever needs to be done. I do it for half an hour, feel satisfied and return to gaming, wasting the rest of my day. Some days I accomplish quite a few things or manage to stay "computer free" for a few days. But in the coming weeks I make up for it and continue to waste my time even more.
I started running and it feels good. It gives the feeling of accomplishment and it gives power to continue working towards my goals. It also helps achieving discipline. Although most of the times its a small boost only, I can work only a short time after it, and then I fall back to my "doing nothing" routine, just like I mentioned above.
I want to change, but the goals that I have set for myself seem far and not very motivating. These are the following: having a job, preferably a well paid one, becoming financially independent of my parents, moving together with my girlfriend, travel a lot and later on have some kids. I mean, these goals are nice and I would be a satisfied man if I achieved all this. But life seems to be too figured out, every day is like another day in the treadmill, no new things, no excitement. I keep looking for the life that was meant to be for me, like the perfect job that I enjoy, the perfect challenges that motivate me, perfect view of the world / ideology that I can live for and die for.
I really liked this video with some wise words from Alan Watts. It pictures my view of the world and why I feel let down a lot.
If you read post, I would really appreciate some input or opinions. Have a good weekend, TL!
If you aren't even passionate about the love of your life, the things you chose to study or feel a unique bond between you and the friends you live with you might need to find another girlfriend, a more suitable career path and new friends.
Finding motivation at university can be pretty hard. I think it's a good idea to have a job at university as you have less less free time to waste and less debt when you come out of uni. Even if the jobs not much fun you start to realise why you have to study. So you don't have to work a job like that for the rest of your life. Perhaps a little bit late for you if you're pretty much finishing.
Don’t worry you’ll soon have to support you’re self and then you’ll have way less free time. The trick is to find a job you enjoy doing. Because the reality is you will spend a lot of time at work.
That sounds a little bit more negative than I intended. So let me add that I really enjoy my current job and I'm sure you can find something you like doing too.
well you've got a girlfriend, that's something to be happy about isnt it? what are you actually interested in? what do you find important to do in life?
I know EXACTLY what you mean because it happens to me from time to time. Fortunately enough I also know and look forward to my projects which not only will make me independent on my parents but on the classic employment as well - seriously, try thinking of becoming an entrepreneur or at least self-employed, being an employee is usually a dead end nowadays.
You should also sit down and talk to your girlfriend about your common goals, and then write them down and put them in a place where you can see them each morning when you open your eyes (helped me a lot). Aaaand of course, try to introduce the "30 min routine" - work 30 minutes, like on the thesis and than do 30 minutes whatever you want to - not only it makes you to take advantage of the time you have at your disposal, but it will also limit the rate at which you get bored.
On October 29 2011 21:25 mtwlinux wrote: Your life is awful.
It's not that it's awful, I just don't know what to do.
@Split.: thank you for your reply, I was expecting posts from people who can actually relate.
On October 29 2011 22:37 voy wrote: life isnt perfect, deal with it.
I'm trying. It's quite hard though, cause all this time during my school years I was waiting for life to really "begin", while it was going on already.
On October 29 2011 22:57 SnetteL wrote: If you aren't even passionate about the love of your life, the things you chose to study or feel a unique bond between you and the friends you live with you might need to find another girlfriend, a more suitable career path and new friends.
My girlfriend is probably the best thing in life that happened to me. I really like being with her, but nowadays I feel a little uncomfortable when we meet, because I feel ashamed I didn't do anything useful. Despite that, she is really sensitive towards me and wants to help. As for my friends, its hard to come around people with whom you form a very close bond. I think I'm open for new friendships, but don't want to ignore people who I am in friendly terms with now. About my career path... well, it's not decided yet. I will look for a job after I finished my thesis. Hopefully I can finish it in a month. Cheer for me...
On October 30 2011 00:20 Roe wrote: well you've got a girlfriend, that's something to be happy about isnt it? what are you actually interested in? what do you find important to do in life?
I'm really happy with her, it's just that I don't want to let her down by not making anything of myself and doing nothing with my life. I'm interested in everything and nothing, I have a really short attention span. It might have something to do with laziness: when a lot of work input is needed, I stop doing whatever I do and get unmotivated. I think that in the long run, things lose importance and a lot of our life is ruled by chance.
On October 30 2011 00:24 Vogin wrote: I know EXACTLY what you mean because it happens to me from time to time. Fortunately enough I also know and look forward to my projects which not only will make me independent on my parents but on the classic employment as well - seriously, try thinking of becoming an entrepreneur or at least self-employed, being an employee is usually a dead end nowadays.
You should also sit down and talk to your girlfriend about your common goals, and then write them down and put them in a place where you can see them each morning when you open your eyes (helped me a lot). Aaaand of course, try to introduce the "30 min routine" - work 30 minutes, like on the thesis and than do 30 minutes whatever you want to - not only it makes you to take advantage of the time you have at your disposal, but it will also limit the rate at which you get bored.
It looks like we think alike. I was also thinking about becoming an entrepreneur, cause I can't stand being ordered to do useless things. I will definitely try your 30 min routine.
On October 30 2011 01:05 Mothra wrote: It sounds a lot like what this guy talks about, might try read what he has to say:
Hey I'm in a very very similar situation. Haven't quite figured it out yet but at least be comforted that you aren't alone. I think a good tip is to understanding that doing the right thing is sometimes hard and if what you are doing is easy then you may very well be doing the wrong thing. You have to push yourself into uncomfortable situations. The worst thing about any experience is our fear of it, and not the actual doing of it. The fear of writing a thesis paper is a more sickening and intense feeling than the hardship of actually exerting the effort to complete it. And when a hardship is overcome is strengthens you.
Never tell yourself you will do something later. If something needs to be done, do it now. Don't think or make excuses. It needs to be done, so do it. Now.
lol, your midlife crisis isn't supposed to hit for another 10 years or so. Graduate, get a job, marry ur gf, and have children. Once you do all that you will be too busy with life to even have time to think about this kind of stuff anymore.
On October 30 2011 03:44 hai2u wrote: Once you do all that you will be too busy with life to even have time to think about this kind of stuff anymore.
And that's a very bad thing because man is supposed to have enough time to think instead of investing most of his time into endless labor under the threat of non-surviving.
On October 30 2011 03:44 hai2u wrote: Once you do all that you will be too busy with life to even have time to think about this kind of stuff anymore.
And that's a very bad thing because man is supposed to have enough time to think instead of investing most of his time into endless labor under the threat of non-surviving.
I agree with Vogin here. I don't want to bury and forget my problems and fears, I want to solve and overcome them. If I just ignore it, I might have to face them again and not know what to do. I sometimes think about what I will tell my children when they go through a similar phase and need counseling. Right now I don't think I can turn to my parents for advice and don't even want to. They just don't seem to get it.
Really the purpose of life is to survive and produce offspring while enjoying the many pleasures that life provides. You don't have to be working on a top secret government project or spearheading the latest technology or breakthrough in health/medicine to find purpose/meaning in life. Once you are married and have children you will realize that the motivation to take care of your family and watch them grow up and succeed is as important as any other.
But I understand where you're coming from, we're all idealistic from when we were small with huge dreams/goals and then at some point life just smacks us in the face and priorities take over.
This is a few paragraphs about my personal life and the problems that I have been dealing with for the past few years. I've been planning on writing this for a while now, feeling the need to share and maybe find some people who face similar problems.
I don't really know what to do with my life since 7-8 years. I am 25 now and still a university student. I live with 3 other guys in an apartment that is owned by my parents. I only need to write my final thesis, defend it, take a final exam and I'm done. I have one month till the deadline and haven't written any significant yet, and I can't get myself to really start it and begin working hard on it. I sit in front of the computer all day, play BW @ iccup or some other game in single player, browse the net, jerk off, meet my girlfriend from time to time.
The past 7 years have passed in a similar fashion, like a dream. I should have finished university 2 years ago and should have got a job. My parents are worried. I lie to them often. Like "-what have you been doing all day? -nothing mom, just working on my final thesis." But in reality I've been playing UMS maps / watching some stupid movie / eating pizza all day.
Everything I do has a melancholic feeling to it. It's a mixture of shame, helplessness and emptiness. I would hate myself if I were another person. Why can't I do something useful? Cause I often feel that things are meaningless and everything I do has no aim or reason whatsoever. There is a sensation of fear also. Of being exposed: my lies, the way I live, being confronted.
I keep telling to myself, that tomorrow, I'm going to change. But the next day I still do nothing, it seems pointless every new day. Although in the morning I get some things done, usually the more insignificant things, not the real big challenges (like writing my thesis). Every time when I wake up and every time I go to bed, I tremble in fear inside. I think about what measures I will have to face and what will happen if i fail. In this case, if I fail the deadline. It messes with my stomach, too
I have minor successes from time to time. Sometimes when I am alone in the apartment, I speak out loudly to myself. "Why the hell aren't you doing it? Face your challenges!" It helps to gather some willpower and I start doing whatever needs to be done. I do it for half an hour, feel satisfied and return to gaming, wasting the rest of my day. Some days I accomplish quite a few things or manage to stay "computer free" for a few days. But in the coming weeks I make up for it and continue to waste my time even more.
I started running and it feels good. It gives the feeling of accomplishment and it gives power to continue working towards my goals. It also helps achieving discipline. Although most of the times its a small boost only, I can work only a short time after it, and then I fall back to my "doing nothing" routine, just like I mentioned above.
I want to change, but the goals that I have set for myself seem far and not very motivating. These are the following: having a job, preferably a well paid one, becoming financially independent of my parents, moving together with my girlfriend, travel a lot and later on have some kids. I mean, these goals are nice and I would be a satisfied man if I achieved all this. But life seems to be too figured out, every day is like another day in the treadmill, no new things, no excitement. I keep looking for the life that was meant to be for me, like the perfect job that I enjoy, the perfect challenges that motivate me, perfect view of the world / ideology that I can live for and die for.
I really liked this video with some wise words from Alan Watts. It pictures my view of the world and why I feel let down a lot.
If you read post, I would really appreciate some input or opinions. Have a good weekend, TL!
I hope I'm not hurting your feelings writing this, but you're running away. By doing "nothing", you step back from the future, aka what you call "the life that was meant to be" for you. And why shouldn't you?
Having a job, preferably a well paid one, becoming financially independent of my parents, moving together with my girlfriend, travel a lot and later on have some kids.
Sounds like it's going to be an awful lot of work on all ends at the same time. Compared to that, maintaining the status quo and delaying the day the future's going to begin makes sense to me.
So you're running away. But you're doing something else too: you're denying that you are running. It's like this saying "It's time to run around and scream!" and you do it in your head only. You seem like someone who keeps his problems to himself and preferes adding them up instead of solving them step by step. To make it even more difficult, you also focus on what might go wrong in the future and get yourself wrapped up in those thoughts as well.
I keep telling to myself, that tomorrow, I'm going to change. But the next day I still do nothing, it seems pointless every new day. Although in the morning I get some things done, usually the more insignificant things, not the real big challenges (like writing my thesis). Every time when I wake up and every time I go to bed, I tremble in fear inside. I think about what measures I will have to face and what will happen if i fail. In this case, if I fail the deadline. It messes with my stomach, too
It's a normal stress reaction for you're trying to ignore your fear and to push it away. But now the fear attacks you and renders you powerless. But what is the actual purpose of fear? To protect you from danger. Try to accept that and the fear will lessen. You're currently not very good at caring for yourself, so your fear tries to do it for you. Stop fighting it, the poor fear only wants your best and is using inferior methods.
My parents are worried. I lie to them often. Like "-what have you been doing all day? -nothing mom, just working on my final thesis." But in reality I've been playing UMS maps / watching some stupid movie / eating pizza all day.
Stop worrying about others so much. Your parents are grown up, they can take more than what you're hiding from them.
To sum it up:
- Try and accept the fear. It wants to do you some good, not bad.
- Take a whole day off everything and clean up you're room. Get rid of anything that gets on your nerves and pulls you down.
- Tell your parents not to ask about what you've been doing until after the exam. It will remove pressure.
- Tell a person you confide in how you feel. Your gf maybe?
- Set a fixed time to get up and to go to bed. Structure is very important. Also plan for meals, hobbies and relaxation time in the evening!
- The future isn't only your still-to-get-job or your unborn child. It is the very next minute and you never know what happens then, but even though you don't, you can leave an imprint on that minute. Don't say this doesn't sound exciting!
I feel you man. I've fallen in and out of patterns of the same shit. I do SOME work, but mostly just do exactly what you said, same sort of shit.
I figured out that I really didn't give a shit about what I was studying. So this year I'm finishing university, getting my diploma and then doing something I care about. And I'm in the same boat as you 25, too late really to start over again, or just don't really want to. So I'm doing enough stuff to pass and get my degree, and doing my own shit that I'm really passionate about on the side.
I'm designing my own video game. I've got my own blog up, something I've tried to do for years and have never been able to do. I'm posting all my progress and I'm really throwing myself so deep into my game that I just can't NOT work on it. I've got to say, it feels really fucking good. I feel like a I have purpose, drive, motivation. I wanna kick the shit out of this thing and make something fucking amazing. I've never felt that before.
Beyond that I've got a whole bunch of other stuff that I'm keeping myself occupied with. I'm cooking everyday, looking for a job, making sure I'm taking care of my body, cleaning up my house. I play a few hours of starcraft and watch movies and porn and shit, but I limit myself on that shit because now, for some crazy reason, I just feel like doing shit.
I guess the best advice I can give you is to do something you really really want to do. Or make something. I think creating something, or having ownership and responsibility over something focuses more than you otherwise would be.
EPT
