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Active: 1561 users

2CollegeEssay Which one for SC2, which for Touhou?

Blogs > Yoshi Kirishima
Post a Reply
Yoshi Kirishima
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States10347 Posts
September 22 2011 04:12 GMT
#1
Hey guys I know this may seem selfish and all but it would be so awesome if you could give me a little opinion regarding my college app essays

I have ideas what to write about, know what characteristics/personality i want to show the colleges, etc., i'm just debating about with WHICH prompt i should write which subject for. I definitely want to write about unique things. I need to write all 4 for University of Michigan, while the 3rd and 4th will be going to several other colleges i'm applying to.

Now, there's 2 essays (#1 and #3) but I'm not sure which one to use for what. About community, i can actually talk about asian culture / piano / music / touhou, and basically i can show that i know how to motivate myself to devote time to self improvement (piano), and am determined and positive, etc.

Or, I can talk about how intelligent a place Teamliquid or the esports scene is (and show how big starcraft is), mentioning strict posting guidelines and how it is a good place to share opinions on modern issues, etc., or just debating about anything including starcraft strategy. I can also show i have leadership by saying I lead the High School Starleague and it is now partnering with the Collegiate Starleague, mentioning many stats and facts to show how "legit" this stuff is. I could also mention possibly that I am a top player in the community (i can find out some way to make this work, perhaps not in TL but in HSL or CSL, etc.) and that i do unorthodox strategies (showing that i'm creative and open-minded and like to follow my own path in life).

Now for the other essay, it is describing an extracurricular experience, but I'm unsure of what they want when they say extracurricular. It doesn't mention it has to be academic, but perhaps it is implied? I could, instead, talk about how i love music (can talk about piano and/or marching band) and learned mental toughness, etc., all that. Or I can talk about how I created and learned and continue to lead the HSL, and how fast it is growing. And could consider myself a minor public figure, being able to communicate with progamers more commonly than others, and having worked with significant figures like moletrap/doa etc.


University of Michigan specific essays

Essay #1 (Required for all applicants. Approximately 250 words.)

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.


Essay #2 (Required for all applicants. 500 words maximum.)

Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests?


Essays for most of my colleges

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence. 250-500 words


+ Show Spoiler +
I have a draft for the character Tomoya Okazaki, and basically I try to relate him dealing with his family problems in the anime Clannad to myself and my own family problems. I was actually thinking about writing about SlayerS Boxer though, (i can pick the prompt for the this last essay). I think it's funny cus my friend suggested me this idea last year, to write about Tomoya for those who watched Clannad, but that it actually works xD


I think obviously mentioning starcraft and HSL shows ambition, open-mind, determination, etc., so I was thinking I should write about that for my #3 essay, since that goes to all my colleges. But the #3 essay is shorter than the #1 essay. So perhaps I should write about music for #3, and simply try to pick prompts for the other colleges (most of my colleges need essay #3 and #4 AND a couple of their own specific ones they give you) that I can fit starcraft into.

Thanks so much for any opinion ^-^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

*
Mid-master streaming MECH ONLY + commentary www.twitch.tv/yoshikirishima +++ "If all-in fails, all-in again."
Archas
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
United States6531 Posts
September 22 2011 04:18 GMT
#2
500 word essay on why Reisen would thrash the shit out of Flandre in a fair fight, imo.
The room is ripe with the stench of bitches!
Navillus
Profile Joined February 2011
United States1188 Posts
September 22 2011 04:37 GMT
#3
As honest advice, I would stay away from video games, unless you're an unbelievable writer and are positive you can make it work, you could very well just get unlucky with whoever reads your essays and get screwed.
"TL gives excellent advice 99% of the time. The problem is no one listens to it." -Plexa
Djagulingu
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Germany3605 Posts
September 22 2011 04:38 GMT
#4
250 word one for SC easy.
"windows bash is a steaming heap of shit" tofucake
Yoshi Kirishima
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States10347 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-09-22 04:45:08
September 22 2011 04:44 GMT
#5
On September 22 2011 13:37 Navillus wrote:
As honest advice, I would stay away from video games, unless you're an unbelievable writer and are positive you can make it work, you could very well just get unlucky with whoever reads your essays and get screwed.


kkkkk good point

thx for comments guys


On September 22 2011 13:18 Aeres wrote:
500 word essay on why Reisen would thrash the shit out of Flandre in a fair fight, imo.


Hard to say, but probably yes

Edit: She probably would. Lol the original post sounded like I was gonna write that didn't it.
Mid-master streaming MECH ONLY + commentary www.twitch.tv/yoshikirishima +++ "If all-in fails, all-in again."
Gummy
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States2180 Posts
September 22 2011 07:08 GMT
#6
As someone who tried this kind of shit and managed to get in anyway.... I highly recommend that you not try this shit.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't.
blah_blah
Profile Joined April 2011
346 Posts
September 22 2011 08:07 GMT
#7
Don't write about video games. Really don't write about anime. I think that that sums it up.
Mysticesper
Profile Joined January 2011
United States1183 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-09-22 13:02:40
September 22 2011 12:57 GMT
#8
I got away with writing about MMORPGs (world of warcraft being the notable one, as I played it at the semi-hardcore level at the time) for my freshman composition and public speaking classes. It made the classes actually enjoyable, and because it was enjoyable, they were fairly easy.

It does work, but you really have to be careful with it. Unfortunately, with limited words, it becomes hard to define terminology to write something coherent and understandable for the uneducated reader (for videogames). This is why these application essays need to be accessible for the average reader to understand, which is why people use family figures and such.


I never had to do college application essays though, so I have no idea how much weight is really put on them. Since it is a public university, I doubt (and I could be wrong) that creating unique topics is all that necessary because it's just a test to see that you can actually write. For places with more restricted enrollment, then 'standing out' becomes necessary, but you have to approach it correctly.

I mean, if you really want to do the Clannad example, you can really make it more 'accessible' by replacing Tomoyo with "friend" and talk about your "friend's" problems, and how their actions & situation influenced you to overcome your obstacles.
MoonBear
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Straight outta Johto18973 Posts
September 22 2011 13:38 GMT
#9
On September 22 2011 13:37 Navillus wrote:
As honest advice, I would stay away from video games, unless you're an unbelievable writer and are positive you can make it work, you could very well just get unlucky with whoever reads your essays and get screwed.

I will second this advice. While the image of gamers has improved, there are still people out there who think that gamers are people with no social life and live in their parents' basements and all those other stereotypes. I would not want to jeopardise my chance of getting into college based upon who happened to pick up my application. There is also the risk that your essay will be unfocused and haphazard and lack coherency. That is not something you want to do in an essay.

Of course, if you've done something amazing (co-ordinator at MLG? Ran tournaments?) then perhaps that might be different.

On September 22 2011 13:18 Aeres wrote:
500 word essay on why Reisen would thrash the shit out of Flandre in a fair fight, imo.

Udonge #1.
ModeratorA dream. Do you have one that has cursed you like that? Or maybe... a wish?
QuanticHawk
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United States32075 Posts
September 22 2011 14:02 GMT
#10
Don't write about games or anime. Come on, use your head. Write about something that screams 'I am ambitious and will take advantage of the opportunities in college' not 'I'm gonna get stoned as fuck all day, cut class and try to make Diamond!'

I mean shit, those two options for UM are there to categorize students based on the criteria above

Essays are really very minor in the app process, used more as a tiebreaker.... but suppose the reviewer comes across yours and someone with the exact same background and qualifications, but instead of writing about video games and obscure, dumb animes for manchildren, he chooses essay #2 about how excited he is for a specific program at the school, and a job he had that was actually relevant to that goal he has in mind. Or 4, talking about a classical and iconic character from a book. Any of those options would be better than the idea you've cooked up (which, btw, is impossible to explain to a total outsider in the word count you're given, even if your stuff was relevant)

Your app will end up right in the garbage when stacked against any other student who ranks similarly to you. Unless you happen to be someone like Day9 or something like that, where you will actually pop up on google's autocomplete for your work in the gaming universe, no one outside of the scene will care at all. More than likely, it will work against you.
PROFESSIONAL GAMER - SEND ME OFFERS TO JOIN YOUR TEAM - USA USA USA
Yoshi Kirishima
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States10347 Posts
September 25 2011 06:09 GMT
#11
Thank you so much all for the feedback and suggestions. Didn't consider the audience that well, I guess, though I thought most of them are college kids? Well that's what my bro told me anyway.

Really, thanks a lot <3 <3 <3

Probably saved me xD. Have some good ideas to replace them with. Thanks for the "friend" suggestion haha.

I was all worried thinking about something good to write about, then had this urge to write about esports since i imagined not many would talk about it. But if the essay is to show i'm not crazy and that i can write (and hence, think), and i write about video games and how big they are and how important they are to me, I can see me getting rejected really quick xD.
Mid-master streaming MECH ONLY + commentary www.twitch.tv/yoshikirishima +++ "If all-in fails, all-in again."
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