I think you should relax and not see further than the moment. I have that sort of problem too, getting to talk to girls can be quite difficult but it's often because you think of her (obviously) as a potential girlfriend.
My experience is for that most of the girls I dated (if not all), I wasn't really looking forward to dating them. I was just talking and having fun until I realized something could be going on and it really helps with the pressure. Also I guess girls want to feel they have work to do to attract you. If you come to them all sweaty and tensed, they won't bother at all.
Also as previously said, don't be afraid to fail because getting used to try and fail also will make you feel more comfortable talking to girls until it really works.
edit: Also, feels good to type and read that cause that's something I really should do more.
1. Traditional dating is no longer traditional. People no longer introduce themselves, ask women out on dates, etc. It now relies a lot on "connections" friends of friends meeting with these women friends at parties, etc and then they establish outings and not really dates. Don't believe the media, people date, it's just never labeled or stated as a date or "hanging out" or some other bullshit. I've never went on an actual "date", but rather a less pressured romantic evening that didn't have any bullshit media nuances.
2. Online dating is anything but shameful. It's traditional. The stigma of online dating is by traditionalists and functionalists (sociology) that believe that you should find someone in your area, but that just deters and sweeps away the use of your resources, if you don't like anyone here, why not find someone somewhere else.
The internet allows you to do that, there is no shame in doing it.
On September 20 2011 22:26 caruso wrote: My hobbies don't exactly make me a pussy-magnet either. I like books, I play a couple of instruments and I play Starcraft. Also I move to another town every year or so, so friends are hard to come by.
I'm of the opinion that your hobbies are your best bet.
The way I see it, you practice your hobbies, but since you aren't meeting women you're either sticking with one group too much or going solo. If that's the case then you need to put yourself in a lot of rooms.
What does this mean? You like books, so see if a local bookstore has a discussion group, a book club, or some other random social endeavor that brings people together (and maybe it's just me, but I think men would be in the minority for activities like this). You play instruments, so why not see if there's a local public band or orchestra. Play Starcraft? Participate in LANs if they're available (this is probably the biggest stretch). The idea behind all this is that the more rooms you put yourself in the more people you meet. Meeting more people means you're meating more women. Meeting more women means you could meet someone who shares a genuine interest. I've found that going on dates comes naturally when you have something in common you both enjoy. It's a great way to build confidence since you're already confident in your hobby. Meeting datable women is a numbers game so it's no surprise you're not dating anyone if you're not meeting anyone.
Since you're moving around a lot it IS a little more difficult to find something consistent. Then again, if you're in a totally dry area you'll be in a new area soon. Who knows, maybe you'll find a place you really like in the process!
Edit: Feel free to try internet dating. You WILL meet new people that way too.
On September 20 2011 22:37 Hawk wrote: forget finding you a date, i'd like to hear more about how you had a live in gf for five years and didn't spend a mother fuckin' dime on taking her to dinner once. You turned the game on it's ear and fucked the shit out of it for free. The fuck?
"Once I walked in a brothel, but I was doubtful as to the hygiene of the prostitutes, so I left without purchasing anything." caruso (Girl Blog)
Without "purchasing" anything .. legendary My advice to you .. go to a college with a nice campus and lots of opportunity to get practical, like medicine. You pretty much have to get to know the girls you are studying with and chances are good that you'll be invited to a dorm party where you grab a couple of beers and hunt down a chick with some nice bootie eventually. Forget dating.. you can do that when you're 30 and have lots of facebook friends gathered up from college to impress. The classic one liner is just stupid and outdated. If you gather up enough momentum you could try a sincere .. "hey`o, i'm sorry if i maybe offend you but, i find you to be very beautiful (try to avoid making a stupid facial expression), and i'd love to have your phone number so i could ask you to a date sometime." You can do this at a clothing store where you can tell she doesn't have anything important to do. Theoretically it should work 1 out of 20 times and the 19 times it doesn't she'll be flattered and will politely decline.
On September 21 2011 00:13 Flaccid wrote: What attracts a woman to a man when she's in high school will change drastically by the time she's in her 20s. So please keep in mind that the OP is 24 years old. In high school, it's as much about the ratifying opinions of her friends as anything else ("this guy gets attention from other girls therefore I suppose I should want to date him") whereas a girl in her 20s has a chance of actually knowing what she wants, having been through relationships and learned along the way. She may be less concerned about justifying her choice based on the confirmation of others but rather on what she has learned actually makes her happy. Which, of course, can be anything.
I wonder how many people giving advice have actually dated women as opposed to just girls. It's a very different experience. And being in his mid-20s, the OP has a pretty good chance of encountering women on his travels.
tl;dr: He's not going to learn the guitar and go hang around high school band rooms. WTF.
On September 20 2011 22:37 Hawk wrote: forget finding you a date, i'd like to hear more about how you had a live in gf for five years and didn't spend a mother fuckin' dime on taking her to dinner once. You turned the game on it's ear and fucked the shit out of it for free. The fuck?
Those girls are usually ones with daddy issues. The best is when you have them sneaking into your house after your parents go to bed and them leaving shortly after a movie and a good time. After you get that it is hard to actually spend money and take a girl out for dinner.
Well of course, that's college =p
like flaccid said, he's was with her for 5+, he's clearly an adult that would be hanging around women brah, these shennanigans do not work there
Well, if you don't have a lot of chumps who bring their chumpettes that you could get to know/hit onto hang out every now and then, you have to initiate contact with stranger women, which is always hard, even if you have selfconfidence and it seems like you don't. i'd suggest that you ask a fellow girl for help about your looks first, girls usually know a lot better what you could change to be more attractive (haircut/clothing etc). Start working out, eating healthy etc- these make small changes in your looks but maybe you can move up 1-2 points on your scale.
The next step would be creating the contact. Keep in mind that 80% of women decide about you in the first minute, so looks/good conversation starter is the most important here. Most women love it if you're funny, make a clever joke or something. But then these women are usually shallow, the more sensible type usually looks through the cover. But those are rare. Hot ones are even more rare. So you have to get used to being repelled and humiliated if you want to eventually date one, and that's not easy- but the "law of big numbers" works, i have a soldier mate who's not too good looking but he hits on like 20 girls a night and sometimes he succeeds. you need a special mindset for this though
The thing is, if you just want to score, the best bet is pretending to be something you're not, rich/succesful/confident etc., but that's a whole set of skills to master to sell yourself as barney stinson (all this if you're not already a rich rockstar, which is unlikely)- all this to make the best first impression in a shallow situation. If you want something serious, chances are you won't find it for years, which will make you desperate
which brings to online dating, a "desperate" method- people lie their asses off on dating sites, repelling is like 100 times easier to accept, hitting on someone is also 100 times easier, and you can hit on multiple women with no real consequences to your pride. Also the women on the sites are most likely also desperate and have lower expectations than the hottie in the gym or in the bar.
Overall i'd suggest you try some dating site, i know like 10 people who have happy relationships out of an online chitchat on some site, also a few more who just fuck around girls they found at one of these, it just seems the easiest and most efficient way because you said you're "socially retarded". Also it's starting to be widely accepted so it's not so awkward. But then it's not really likely that you'll get to date the hottest girl on earth through online methods.
Overall i'd suggest you try some dating site, i know like 10 people who have happy relationships out of an online chitchat on some site, also a few more who just fuck around girls they found at one of these, it just seems the easiest and most efficient way because you said you're "socially retarded". Also it's starting to be widely accepted so it's not so awkward. But then it's not really likely that you'll get to date the hottest girl on earth through online methods.
It's really not about finding the "hottest" girl.
Most girls are pretty in my eyes, but they have to have their own personality and be clever. Spuditiy is such a turnoff.
I'd consider this online dating, but it doesn't seem like there are any sites to do it on in Germany that don't have ridiculous prices.
Overall i'd suggest you try some dating site, i know like 10 people who have happy relationships out of an online chitchat on some site, also a few more who just fuck around girls they found at one of these, it just seems the easiest and most efficient way because you said you're "socially retarded". Also it's starting to be widely accepted so it's not so awkward. But then it's not really likely that you'll get to date the hottest girl on earth through online methods.
It's really not about finding the "hottest" girl.
Most girls are pretty in my eyes, but they have to have their own personality and be clever. Spuditiy is such a turnoff.
I'd consider this online dating, but it doesn't seem like there are any sites to do it on in Germany that don't have ridiculous prices.
hmm strange we have alot of free ones here in hungary
still i think it'd be good for you because you can cross a lot of barriers through online chat that may seem impossible in real life, and you can also browse through girls without any embarassment, chat with one, eventually arrange a date, etc
i once dated a girl who started to talk to me in an irc channel because she liked my name, and she was smart and also pretty, so it's not impossible at all. too bad she lived far away from me
Overall i'd suggest you try some dating site, i know like 10 people who have happy relationships out of an online chitchat on some site, also a few more who just fuck around girls they found at one of these, it just seems the easiest and most efficient way because you said you're "socially retarded". Also it's starting to be widely accepted so it's not so awkward. But then it's not really likely that you'll get to date the hottest girl on earth through online methods.
It's really not about finding the "hottest" girl.
Most girls are pretty in my eyes, but they have to have their own personality and be clever. Spuditiy is such a turnoff.
I'd consider this online dating, but it doesn't seem like there are any sites to do it on in Germany that don't have ridiculous prices.
Forget online dating. I worked for a company that had online dating sites and for all of the sites, 80% of the profiles are fake and the remaining 20% are desperate men messaging every fake profile they can find.
Sure, there is the occasional lucky match, but such sites aren't worth it in 95% of the cases.
This doesn't mean online dating isn't worth it, but don't even try dating sites. Facebook, etc. are good enough by themselves, just search for women from your area, look for people that share the same interests, etc. and send them a nice message.
Hell, my ex found her last 2 boyfriends in WoW, so as long as you are active in anything, you should be fine.
Just try to find someone before you become a grumpy, old, burnt out wreck like me :p
For your situation I think online dating is your best bet. It sounds like you're more of an "inside" guy as opposed to "outside" (correct me if I'm wrong), so stuff like bookclubs/open mics might not work for you. If you already have problems approaching women, its going to be even more difficult to do it in public situations where you're trying to do something else at the same time.
And because you move so often, you don't have time to build up a large social network of friends who can hook you up. I think that's how most non-clubbers hook up nowadays, friends-of-friends setting up others with their coworkers/other friends.
5-10 years ago I would've advised against online dating because it was full of creeps and stalkers. But now online dating has become much more mainstream. There's a lot of people out there like you who don't want to go clubbing and don't have much time to waste just looking for relationships.
You might consider yourself a 3.5/10 but who knows, maybe you're being too hard on yourself. The fact is that most dating sites are filled with 3.5s anyway so that's not really much of a problem as long as you keep your expectations low.
On September 21 2011 04:06 RoboBob wrote: For your situation I think online dating is your best bet. It sounds like you're more of an "inside" guy as opposed to "outside" (correct me if I'm wrong), so stuff like bookclubs/open mics might not work for you. If you already have problems approaching women, its going to be even more difficult to do it in public situations where you're trying to do something else at the same time.
And because you move so often, you don't have time to build up a large social network of friends who can hook you up. I think that's how most non-clubbers hook up nowadays, friends-of-friends setting up others with their coworkers/other friends.
5-10 years ago I would've advised against online dating because it was full of creeps and stalkers. But now online dating has become much more mainstream. There's a lot of people out there like you who don't want to go clubbing and don't have much time to waste just looking for relationships.
You might consider yourself a 3.5/10 but who knows, maybe you're being too hard on yourself. The fact is that most dating sites are filled with 3.5s anyway so that's not really much of a problem as long as you keep your expectations low.
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