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Chargelot: A biographical introduction of myself

Blogs > Chargelot
Post a Reply
Chargelot
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
2275 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-08-30 01:31:39
August 30 2011 01:18 GMT
#1
[image loading]


I've been wanting to do this for some time now. Maybe I want to introduce myself, maybe I want people to know me, maybe I just wanted to write this all down. I'm not even sure if I'll release this once it's finished. This will contain a lot of personal details, things most people don't know about me, not even the people involved. I ask that if you do read this, you look upon me kindly and remember that all of these things have, for better or worse, shaped me into the person that I am today.

I guess I'll start at the beginning.

[image loading]

I'm the one laying on the couch. I was in Texas, and the air conditioner broke.


My name is Jesse Spillane. I attend the University of Delaware. I was born in January of '92, and I'm a twin. I have an older brother, he's 23 or 24 (I feel bad because I can never remember his date of birth). I'm only 19, so I live at home with my mother. I was born in northern New Jersey, and I resided in Middlesex County from birth until I was 11. For reference, that's about a 40 minute drive to Time Square, NY.

My hometown was a great place, not particularly amazing considering it was a poorer section of town, but it didn't have much crime. There were people of all races, ethnicities, religions, backgrounds, and origins. Living there was a lesson in tolerance and acceptance. I went to "School #23", which would haunt me for the rest of my life after the release of the film "The Number 23".

Since, I have lived in multiple areas of New Castle County, Delaware. It's a lot more clean in Delaware. The air is breathable, the trees have leaves, and our rivers aren't filled with trash from New York City. My current place of residence reminds me a lot of my hometown, except it's 99% white and black, in about equal proportions. It's not the best place in the world, but its home now, and its a lot better than most places I could have ended up in.

[image loading]


My Myer-Briggs Type Indicator is INTJ. Wikipedia says:
+ Show Spoiler [INTJ Explanation] +

INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake ... INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play ... Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel ... This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals ... Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense.

INTJs are analytical. Like INTPs, they are most comfortable working alone and tend to be less sociable than other types. Nevertheless, INTJs are prepared to lead if no one else seems up to the task, or if they see a major weakness in the current leadership. They tend to be pragmatic, logical, and creative. They have a low tolerance for spin or rampant emotionalism. They are not generally susceptible to catchphrases and do not recognize authority based on tradition, rank, or title.

INTJs are strong individualists who seek new angles or novel ways of looking at things. They enjoy coming to new understandings. They tend to be insightful and mentally quick; however, this mental quickness may not always be outwardly apparent to others since they keep a great deal to themselves. They are very determined people who trust their vision of the possibilities, regardless of what others think. They may even be considered the most independent of all of the sixteen personality types. INTJs are at their best in quietly and firmly developing their ideas, theories, and principles.

Hallmarks of the INTJ include independence of thought and a desire for efficiency. They work best when given autonomy and creative freedom. They harbor an innate desire to express themselves by conceptualizing their own intellectual designs. They have a talent for analyzing and formulating complex theories. INTJs are generally well-suited for occupations within academia, research, consulting, management, science, engineering, and law. They are often acutely aware of their own knowledge and abilities—as well as their limitations and what they don't know (a quality that tends to distinguish them from INTPs). INTJs thus develop a strong confidence in their ability and talents, making them natural leaders.

In forming relationships, INTJs tend to seek out others with similar character traits and ideologies. Agreement on theoretical concepts is an important aspect of their relationships. By nature INTJs can be demanding in their expectations, and approach relationships in a rational manner. As a result, INTJs may not always respond to a spontaneous infatuation but wait for a mate who better fits their set criteria. They tend to be stable, reliable, and dedicated. Harmony in relationships and home life tends to be extremely important to them. They generally withhold strong emotion and do not like to waste time with what they consider irrational social rituals. This may cause non-INTJs to perceive them as distant and reserved; nevertheless, INTJs are usually very loyal partners who are prepared to commit substantial energy and time into a relationship to make it work.

As mates, INTJs want harmony and order in the home and in relationships. The most independent of all types, INTJs trust their intuition when choosing friends and mates—even in spite of contradictory evidence or pressure from others. The emotions of an INTJ are hard to read, and neither male nor female INTJs are apt to express emotional reactions. At times, INTJs seem cold, reserved, and unresponsive, while in fact they are almost hypersensitive to signals of rejection from those they care for. In social situations, INTJs may also be unresponsive and may neglect small rituals designed to put others at ease. For example, INTJs may communicate that idle dialogue such as small talk is a waste of time. This may create the impression that the INTJ is in a hurry—an impression that is not always intended. In their interpersonal relationships, INTJs are usually better in a working situation than in a recreational situation.


I feel like this explains me. When I read it, it was like I was reading observation notes of subject Jesse. To be honest, it's not always spectacular. I have very few acquaintances, and even fewer friends. I have a very hard time imagining myself in a real relationship, insofar as being alone for the rest of my life seems like a better, more acceptable alternative.

In the late '90s I fell from a height of about 12-15 feet at a playground and fractured my First Lumbar Vertebra. It wasn't very serious, I even went to school the next day. This, however, was the precursor to a much more serious injury.

The story of how I broke that bone again is kind of silly. I was going to school on the morning of January 27th 2009. There was a thin layer of snow which concealed a thick layer of ice, which rested at the top of a hill that laid between me and my bus stop. I would have just gone around the hill, and taken the sidewalk path, but this was faster, and I was excited to get to school that day. The night before I had just hit level 80 on World of Warcraft, and I wanted to talk to my nerd friends about it. Also, the girl I liked had missed a substantial amount of school that year due to numerous and serious illnesses, and she had recently returned to school, and that day was going to be the day I finally talked to her. I think I said that to myself everyday, but I probably meant it that day. I would never find out, as I fell from the top of the hill, and went not down the hill, but across it at a 45 degree angle, significantly increasing the fall distance, I hit the ground 12-15 feet (again) later, and broke the same bone.

I knew what happened immediately. I had thought I was all alone, but another kid was at the bus stop already. He and my brother arrived at the same time, from opposite directions. They laughed, but I don't think they knew how serious it was. I went to the Emergency Center, not to be confused with an Emergency Room in a hospital, who told me I had a broken spine and they shipped me off to the actual hospital. 7 hours in a bed sitting in the hallway later, I was finally given a room, and the rest is history.

I am lucky that I am not paralyzed. But for more than two years I lived in agony. Between being in constant pain and being an INTJ, a lot of my friends independently compared me to Dr. Gregory House from the popular TV show House. You could imagine that it isn't too much of a good thing to be compared to him. I guess the comparison was a fair one, I was in pain, I was on narcotics for a year and a half, and between the pain and my own natural introversion I was a serious jerk. I'm happy to say that today it is better than it ever has been. It's still a problem for me, but I believe it will get better as time goes on.

During this time I made a single friend, and I lost most of the ones I had. I'm very thankful for the friends who stuck with me, but I don't blame the friends I lost, I was quite insufferable. I didn't like me much then either, I had even been contemplating suicide. The friend I made happened to be the girl I liked, the same one from earlier. Our friendship started when I told her that I liked her, so it was a pretty awkward friendship for a pretty long time. This happened in January 2010, a year after I was supposed to tell her. She may or may not know this, but she saved my life on more than one occasion. The last thing a suicidal person thinks before he attempts to kill himself is that he is alone. Being the scientist-at-heart that I am, I couldn't just say this to myself. I needed to prove it. Time and time again she disproved this. Just having her to talk to about the little things -- anything really -- meant a lot to me. It was a lot more than anyone else would do for me.

I'm glad I moved out of that phase. I must admit, if I'm seriously injured again I don't think I would accept the use of narcotics as a treatment. In the end I was just trading agony for misery, and you simply can't come out on top with that sort of exchange. My bone will heal, my pain will fade, but I'll never have those friends again. Although, the friend I made I wouldn't trade for the world. Yeah, it wasn't exactly the kind of relationship I wanted with her, but realistically I never stood a chance anyways.

[image loading]


Changing gears a little bit, I'm a Christian, but I suppose you could say I believe differently than most do. I don't regard the Bible as an entirely accurate account of the history of the world and religion. I don't believe that every little thing that goes right is because God helped me. I don't believe that God goes around causing earthquakes to spite the non-believers. I don't believe that Islam is my enemy. I believe in the concept of divine intervention, but I don't believe in divine-micromanagement. The idea that God would answer every -- or any -- little prayer is ludicrous when one considers the implications of the Chaos Theory on prayer. If God changed even one little thing, it would have a large effect over ten years, and an infinitely larger effect over ten-thousand years. I think he would know better than to do that.

It's just as absurd to believe that nothing which was infinitely hot and infinitely dense exploded for no reason and suddenly everything existed. I don't claim to know that God exists or that he created the universe, I just claim that I have faith in the existence of God, a being that is greater than humans.

Being a future human biological researcher, I understand the principles of evolution. However, if you asked me "did we start as single amino-acids in a random no-longer-existant pool of water" I would say "no, I don't believe so". In reality, we all believe we know how we started, or we can't decide on what to believe. But no one has an accurate and precise knowledge of the beginning of the universe, the Earth, and human life, since none of us were there and it was completely unrecorded.

It's hard for me to explain how the scientist part of me and how the Christian part of me work together. I suppose I accept major parts of each, but deny some, most, or all of the smaller parts of each. At the end of the day I know two things are true:

Everything a preacher says isn't necessarily true.
Everything a scientist says isn't necessarily true.

You need to carve your own path, pick your own beliefs, your own ideals, and make it a personal matter. Don't ever let someone convince you that what you believe -- be it only science or only religion or some mixture -- is wrong, because no one has hardcore, irrefutable, documented evidence of anything related to the matter. Only theories and faith (both of which can be found on both sides).

[image loading]


I suppose you could say I'm new here. I found StarCraft 2 through a friend, who told me about Blizzard's newest project. I had played the campaigns of SC1/BW many years ago, but that was it. It was a few months before release when he got beta, and I didn't get the game until about a month after release. I believe I watched every MLG that had StarCraft 2 in it. I was a Protoss player back then, and my heroes were KiWiKaKi and White-Ra, because that's when they would make Motherships and Carriers and do crazy one-base 5 gate blink stalker plays. I forget at what event it happened, and I forget who the players involved were, but I remember during a game on Lost Temple a Zerg player made a proxy hatchery inside a Protoss player's main, and produced roaches out of that base. He moved in from the ramp and the inside of the base at once, and crushed the Protoss player.

That was the moment I fell in love with StarCraft.

I had begun to watch the Day[9] daily, and I really liked what I saw. Because of this, I watched DreamHack Winter 2010. The grand-finals between Naama and Mana was amazing.

That was the moment I fell in love with E-Sports.

Since the start of summer 2011 I have been trying to get involved in E-Sports. I started a blog series in which I would write up a little about the player/person in question, then follow it up with an interview. This had two major problems:

  • The movie StarNation was, in theory, completely invalidating my project.
  • The players/casters/managers/etc were just too busy to talk to little insignificant me.


I did get the immense honor of interviewing Day[9] and EG.iNcontroL. Even objectively I believe they were good interviews. I hope to get more interviews with people like them in the future, but the project just couldn't be a success on any scale.

My second, newly created and immediately extinguished project was to mathematically breakdown the benefits of every spell of every spell caster, and to discuss the maximum potential of each spell caster in a dignified and meaningful way. You can probably tell how this went wrong. So.. much.. balance whining. So, R.I.P. spell caster project, we hardly knew you.

I'm not letting this keep me down. I know I will find something that works, and I am willing to put the time and effort into it, whatever it may be. You can ask iNcontroL, I even asked him for a week before the interview so I could do research on him (Don't actually go ask him en masse, I'm sure that would get annoying). The article portion of my blog on Day[9] took about a week of research also. I know that I can't make something out of myself if I don't invest myself in it, as a player or a caster or a media-side professional (people like JP and Anna Prosser), and I am willing to invest myself in it. It's not something I'll do forever, in the sense of doing it as a long-term means of subsistence, but I am passionate about it. I'd love to be involved in a meaningful way.

Which ties right into what I do want to do for the rest of my life. As I've said, I'm working towards being a human biological researcher. I want to cure cancer, and/or other big named afflictions. I already have some basic ideas, and there have been a few proof of concept tests used to treat other illnesses utilizing my ideas (I had no idea these tests were going on when I formulated my hypotheses). It's not statistically likely that I'll be any more successful than anyone else who has tried, but I will give it my all some day, and I hope that I can actually cure anything which harms people, but especially cancer.

[image loading]


My father wasn't ever much of a father. He was addicted to heroin, he was hardly ever around, and a few months after I moved to Delaware he died. Not much else to say on the topic.

My mother played the hand she was dealt. She did an amazing job considering the pocket 2-9 offsuit she was dealt. She raised me and my two brothers to the best of her ability almost entirely by herself. I still have memories of my childhood when we would go to GameStop and purchase a few $10 or cheaper PS1/N64/GBA games. She would always sacrifice herself to get us things we liked. It was because of her that I became a gamer. She cauddled my gaming from an early age, and even when we really couldn't afford it. She used to say "it's better than drugs" when I would play a violent game like Metal Gear Solid 1 back when I was just a young boy. I guess she didn't think highly of gaming, but I still run to her every time there's an event like MLG and brag about my favorite pros winning a game. I plan to watch the StarNation movie, when it's released, with her, so she can see the kind of thing she raised me with an interest in come to fruition.

I don't really have much to share about my brothers. We're brothers, we argue, we fight, we compete, and we're all extremely different people. I guess the same can be said for most brothers.

I suppose that's most of my story.
The parts that matter anyways.

I guess now that you and I are acquainted, good reader, I'll let you know some of the little things:

Favorite song: Broken Mirrors by Rise Against
Favorite color: Blue. (EG blue, ironically I always liked this color)
Favorite caster combination: Day[9] and Dignitas.Apollo
Favorite game of all time: Final Fantasy 7
Political opinion: everyone is crazy, so I'm somewhere in the middle of the left and right wings. Both have good ideas, both have horrible ideas.
Favorite StarCraft 2 unit: Zealots with Charge upgraded. Hence my handle.
Favorite StarCraft 2 pro: EG.iNcontroL, I'd rather watch him lose than watch Boxer win.

If you actually read all that, you are awesome, and you probably need a life.

Hi, I'm Jesse. It's nice to meet you.



***
if (post == "stupid") { document.getElementById('post').style.display = 'none'; }
NobledBlood
Profile Joined January 2011
United States125 Posts
August 30 2011 01:47 GMT
#2
Very nice read. I always enjoy reading these and learning about other people interested in E-sports. Glad to meet you, I'm Brennan.
Chargelot
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
2275 Posts
August 30 2011 01:51 GMT
#3
On August 30 2011 10:47 NobledBlood wrote:
Very nice read. I always enjoy reading these and learning about other people interested in E-sports. Glad to meet you, I'm Brennan.


I guess I also watch too much of the stuff on USA, because when you said your name was Brennan I pictured this:

[image loading]

From Burn Notice.
if (post == "stupid") { document.getElementById('post').style.display = 'none'; }
MrDonkeyBong
Profile Blog Joined April 2011
Canada103 Posts
August 30 2011 04:28 GMT
#4
I get some odd joy from reading the life stories of people who have the same interests as me

A good read.

Btw, hi, I'm Mark. Its nice to meet you as well
"If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe." -- Carl Sagan
wherebugsgo
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Japan10647 Posts
August 30 2011 05:51 GMT
#5
nice read.

+ Show Spoiler +
fuck I have no life
acrimoneyius
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States983 Posts
August 30 2011 08:49 GMT
#6
Well I already knew I had no life, but thanks for reconfirming!

Good read.
RogerX
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
New Zealand3180 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-08-30 08:54:31
August 30 2011 08:52 GMT
#7
Your views on religion is inspiring.

I feel like im moving towards more into this view.

Im sorry about your father. I wish he could've been better for you.
Stick it up. take it up. step aside and see the world
Sotamursu
Profile Joined June 2010
Finland612 Posts
August 30 2011 10:36 GMT
#8
Oh man, I don't think I've ever seen this much trollbait in a thread before. I'll just say that I disagree with a lot of your views, but arguing them will be pointless and will quite likely get this thread closed and people banned.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forer_effect give this a read.
mizU
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States12125 Posts
August 30 2011 13:28 GMT
#9
Wut. You'd rather watch Incontrol lose than watch Boxer win? How does that work exactly?
if happy ever afters did exist <3 @watamizu_
Chargelot
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
2275 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-08-30 17:49:34
August 30 2011 17:42 GMT
#10
On August 30 2011 19:36 Sotamursu wrote:
Oh man, I don't think I've ever seen this much trollbait in a thread before. I'll just say that I disagree with a lot of your views, but arguing them will be pointless and will quite likely get this thread closed and people banned.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forer_effect give this a read.


I'm quite aware of the Forer effect. It's important to note that I don't go around thinking "I'm an INTJ! That means I'm this and this and this." I am simply me, and if it helps others to understand by using an objective (or mostly objective) system of categorization like the MBTI, than it is best to use that.

Another important thing to note:
the subject believes that the analysis applies only to him or her
the subject believes in the authority of the evaluator
the analysis lists mainly positive traits


My assessment of the accuracy isn't based on any of the above.

On August 30 2011 22:28 mizU wrote:
Wut. You'd rather watch Incontrol lose than watch Boxer win? How does that work exactly?


Being new to StarCraft and E-Sports, Boxer isn't this huge bonjwa. He's the guy who got to third place in GSL2 and MLG Anaheim. That's a comprehensive list of his StarCraft 2 achievements. iNcontroL's achievement list isn't much better, but the difference is that I am a fan of iNcontroL. I am a fan of Boxer, but no more than any other random Korean. I'm not lured into watching Boxer play by his former glory because I wasn't around for the days when he was still extremely good.

On August 30 2011 14:51 wherebugsgo wrote:
nice read.

+ Show Spoiler +
fuck I have no life


On August 30 2011 17:49 acrimoneyius wrote:
Well I already knew I had no life, but thanks for reconfirming!

Good read.


I honestly thought the first 12 replies would be "TL;DR". :D

On August 30 2011 17:52 SEA_GenesiS wrote:
Im sorry about your father. I wish he could've been better for you.


Life goes on.
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NobledBlood
Profile Joined January 2011
United States125 Posts
August 30 2011 20:46 GMT
#11
On August 30 2011 10:51 Chargelot wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 30 2011 10:47 NobledBlood wrote:
Very nice read. I always enjoy reading these and learning about other people interested in E-sports. Glad to meet you, I'm Brennan.


I guess I also watch too much of the stuff on USA, because when you said your name was Brennan I pictured this:

[image loading]

From Burn Notice.


Perhaps that is me my good sir! Mwahaha!
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