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Some whining

Blogs > JeanBob
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JeanBob
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Canada295 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-08-08 06:23:50
August 08 2011 06:12 GMT
#1
Hello to anyone reading this. I would first like to apologize for my poor english. I also am sorry for the loss of time you might get for reading this. I don't know if it is appropriate on TeamLiquid, but I need to share a few things that have been upsetting me for a long while. In fact, I am gonna tell you a story that happened to me. For the sake of privacy, all of the names will be false.

It was in the beginning of my 4th year in highschool. I noticed a girl (let's call her Dana) in some of my classes who seemed interesting; I'm into symphonic metal, and she would always wear black, stay quiet, almost never smile, sometimes wearing metal shirts. She added me on FB wihout even havinv talked to me before, and I then added her on msn. That evening, we talked about metal music for hours. I found out we had really similar tastes, and within the next few weeks I would often go and talk to her, more commonly about music.

She was some kind of freak tho, and one night she tried to make me believe she had no emotions. I didn't really play the game, instead I quoted things shr said that proved otherwise. And she then told me that she had to make efforts, because she didn't want to take the... pills that counter depression... don't know how they're called in english. I didn't care much about that, because it seemed really natural from her tell me, and because many doctors give them to everyone who feels sad.

But a few days later, I talked about that to her again, because I saw she was not feeling okay. And she told me that she told only three persons about that, and that the two others didn't talk to her anymore. I promised her that I would never tell anyone and, during the following months, I would always try to help her see the bright side of things, to cheer her up. And slowly, she would start telling me about her past life and what brought her down. She often would remain really unclear, but after a while I could guess really more than what she would say. I gathered the fact that her father made her 17 year old mother pregnant and then leave her with no job, no money and no more studies than just highschool. She said that her father had changes, but I hardly did believe. She also talked to me about the only person she ever loved. It was really painful, because I came to love that girl more than everything else in my life. More than music.

But that person moved to another country a long while ago, and she never heard about her love again. So I tried reason with her a little, telling her she should move on, but she didn't listen to me. One night she was unclear about what was making her sad, so I asked if it was about that boy who moved, and she answered "Well... I guess we can say it like that." And that's when I understood something really important. that person was in fact a girl.

At this point I basically lost all hope for a relationship, but I still felt like I had to do something for her.And as time passed she gained more and more trust in me, and she would sometimes tell me that I made her cry, just because nobody had ever been that nice with her. So I kept talking to her, and everything, and one night, we were bored so she offered something. We would ask each other a question turn by turn and we would be forced to answer perfectly honestly and perfectly CLEARLY. I knew where it would lead, but there were important things I needed to know about her, and I was willing to tell the risk. Obviously I had to tell her I loved her. But I also learnt that the girl she loved was basically a bad person, who would force Dana to take drugs, and stuff like that. (She never took drugs after that girl moved). I felt really sorry for her, for the hard life she had, and she was such a good person, I needed to do something to help her.

The next few days, we didn't talk much. As Tony Kakko wrote: "Love denied meant the friendship would die." But the fiendship didn't really end. She would still come and see me, telling me that I was the only one who would really listen to what she has to say. One time she even told me "I feel really sad for you. I don't understand. You're exactly the person I always wanted to meet but I just can't fall in love with you." I did understand for her, tho. She was a lesbian. And I still tried to make her move on. Finding someone else. And she told me she had found. She told me she loved Tessa, now. Tessa is one of the best friend I ever had, and probably my only friend who also really likes maths, so it really made me panick. And she knew me enough to notice. So she said she thought it would be better for me if we stopped talking to each other. At this point I thought she was right, so we stopped seeing each other.

And it was Hell. Always seeing her at school, but nor having the "right" to talk to her... wondering how she feels, if she found someone to talk to, if she still needed to talk, or if she was feeling better. And one day she finally talked to me, telling me life was boring without me. And slowly our relationship rebuilt to become as strong as before. We didn't want any secret between us, so she knew I still loved her, but things worked relatively well.

Until one night when she told me she was bisexual. That I realised the reason she didn't love me was not because she couldn't, but simply because she didn't. I don't know if you get my point there. But it made me cry. And she said she didn't want our "story" to repeat itself always. So that this time, we would never talk to each other again. A whole year has passed since then. We didn't get to talk to each other. I know I made a difference in her life. She smiles more often, she got better friends... And I guess I should be happy, proud of that. But instead, it might sound egoist (and it is), but I feel like everything I did, I did it for nothing. I miss her so much. Now matter how hard I try, I can't stop loving her, I can't love another girl.

Well, that's it. Thanks for taking the time to read. And I'm aware of how pathetic I am, in the end.

*****
"Teach the ones below you something you have learnt and learn from the ones above you." -Sonata Arctica
Empyrean
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
16986 Posts
August 08 2011 06:14 GMT
#2
Your English is fine, but could you please use paragraph breaks?
Moderator
JeanBob
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Canada295 Posts
August 08 2011 06:16 GMT
#3
Gonna see what I can do.
"Teach the ones below you something you have learnt and learn from the ones above you." -Sonata Arctica
Empyrean
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
16986 Posts
August 08 2011 06:23 GMT
#4
Wonderful
Moderator
JeanBob
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Canada295 Posts
August 08 2011 06:24 GMT
#5
Should be better, might verify that tomorrow when I'm on a real computer.
"Teach the ones below you something you have learnt and learn from the ones above you." -Sonata Arctica
Empyrean
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
16986 Posts
August 08 2011 06:27 GMT
#6
It is! And for the record, there are plenty of girls out there.
Moderator
bkrow
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Australia8532 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-08-08 06:37:26
August 08 2011 06:34 GMT
#7
So the first thing i want to say is that you shouldn't refer to yourself as pathetic. Love is powerful drug and you pretty much opened yourself up to someone who didn't reciprocate. Unfortunately this isn't uncommon and you are not the first to experience this. If you cannot look past your feelings and recognise the amazing good that you have done for this person, and try to be there for her in the future, then maybe distancing yourself from her is the correct move.

There are many lame quotes that can be used -- "There are other fish in the sea" comes to mind. How old are you? This will not be the last person you meet that has similar interests as you. I know it may seem like all hope is lost but you really need to stay positive.

E.g. when i was younger i thought i was in love; the girl dumped me after 6 months without any logical explanation (it basically came down to boredom) - i thought it was over, that i'd be single forever and noone besides her could ever understand me etc. 2 months later i met someone else, i didn't want a relationship after the first one but we chatted away regardless.

We are to be married in a few months.

Always be hopeful and always believe!

Edit: Lol - the "how old are you?" part wasn't meant as an attack, but as a "you have plenty time to find the one you love" haha, sorry if it came across differently
In The Rear With The Gear .. *giggle* /////////// cobra-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!!!!
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
August 08 2011 06:55 GMT
#8
I know I shouldn't be writing this when I have the Protestant ethic and the spirit of capitalism wanting to be summarized for a class in oh... 5 hours.

But let's have a go:

1. Est-ce que tu parles francais?

2. Wow, compelling story. This is something I could never believe if I heard it from a friend. It sounds more like you care for her than loving her. What do you love about her? The same taste in music? The hard life or the fact that she was being open to you and making you feel important, reliable and needed.

The idea of tending to someone or mending their feelings is often a concept we enjoy more than the person herself. I'm on a limb here, so correct me, but throughout your whole passage, you didn't mention much of her qualities, but more of the fact that although she had no feelings for you, you had this pride and sense to still care for her.

My best suggestion? To just realize that although there was no ultimate outcome of the two of you being together, realize that the future is better and brighter thanks to you. A similar story happened to me back in high-school where I was really attracted to this girl, she was perfect and beautiful and cheerful as always. However, she could never get mad and she was very sexually active since she lost weight coming into the 9th grade. Because of her urges, many guys took advantage of her by lifting her skirt, being perverse or simply trying to get close to have a sexual relation with her and she would fall for it every time. She enjoyed the attention, but didn't like the social stigma or the overall demeaning feeling that she got when guys would get a bit aggressive.

Over the next two years, she relied on me to parent her and to control her sexual activities. I was still infatuated with her for the first year, but as time grew, I realized that I enjoyed shaping her into someone highly-respected and intelligent, but still sexually active as a female (if you can believe such a thing could be maintained in high-school. Essentially, I helped her establish strong relationships with her boyfriends and help her be able to judge a person and their intentions or actual sentiments towards her).

bla bla long-story short. She's a much better person now and no longer talks to me (I changed schools, we grew apart, etc.).

Bottom-line, think of the good you achieved and think of the future women you will encounter in your life that will appreciate and love you and your qualities.
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
Darclite
Profile Joined January 2011
United States1021 Posts
August 08 2011 07:29 GMT
#9
What about that makes you pathetic?

Reading that made me feel sympathy and made me think you were a good person. You improved her life without resenting her, which is impressive and reflects on your good character.

Like bkrow and Torte said, it's hard to give advice that doesn't sound cliche, but, well, your relationship with one person won't dictate everything in your entire life no matter how powerful it may be. It'll go away.
They're fools. You should eat them.
Yanami
Profile Joined July 2011
Germany49 Posts
August 08 2011 07:43 GMT
#10
On August 08 2011 15:12 JeanBob wrote:
And I guess I should be happy, proud of that. But instead, it might sound egoist (and it is), but I feel like everything I did, I did it for nothing.


May I quote that?
In my opinion you are kind of proud, and also of what you did, but you want something in reward for what you did, too hard.
Thta's why you feel as if you did it for nithing. (Just my opinion, just what I'm guessing, I don't claim this to be true.)
I can understand that though.
It's hard if you "invest your time" in a certain person.

Imagine, how would you have acted?
Different?
Or in the end, would you have acted similar?
Just don't answer that within a minute, take some time and think about it.

I think that she is very grateful for what you did.
And in the end she cares about you. Because she likes you very much and doesn't want to hurt you, cause she knew that she would.

(Man, it's kind of early for those deep thoughts..)
JeanBob
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Canada295 Posts
August 08 2011 16:16 GMT
#11
On August 08 2011 15:34 bkrow wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
So the first thing i want to say is that you shouldn't refer to yourself as pathetic. Love is powerful drug and you pretty much opened yourself up to someone who didn't reciprocate. Unfortunately this isn't uncommon and you are not the first to experience this. If you cannot look past your feelings and recognise the amazing good that you have done for this person, and try to be there for her in the future, then maybe distancing yourself from her is the correct move.

There are many lame quotes that can be used -- "There are other fish in the sea" comes to mind. How old are you? This will not be the last person you meet that has similar interests as you. I know it may seem like all hope is lost but you really need to stay positive.

E.g. when i was younger i thought i was in love; the girl dumped me after 6 months without any logical explanation (it basically came down to boredom) - i thought it was over, that i'd be single forever and noone besides her could ever understand me etc. 2 months later i met someone else, i didn't want a relationship after the first one but we chatted away regardless.

We are to be married in a few months.

Always be hopeful and always believe!

Edit: Lol - the "how old are you?" part wasn't meant as an attack, but as a "you have plenty time to find the one you love" haha, sorry if it came across differently


Thanks a lot for this answer, and I assure you I didn't take the "How old are you?" as a personal attack as I'm 17 and know there's a lot more to come in my life, especially when I will start studying at the University. I am aware what I'm gonna get to meet a lot of people. I didn't really lose hope for the future, I just feel sad about it for the time being.

On August 08 2011 15:55 Torte de Lini wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
I know I shouldn't be writing this when I have the Protestant ethic and the spirit of capitalism wanting to be summarized for a class in oh... 5 hours.

But let's have a go:

1. Est-ce que tu parles francais?

2. Wow, compelling story. This is something I could never believe if I heard it from a friend. It sounds more like you care for her than loving her. What do you love about her? The same taste in music? The hard life or the fact that she was being open to you and making you feel important, reliable and needed.

The idea of tending to someone or mending their feelings is often a concept we enjoy more than the person herself. I'm on a limb here, so correct me, but throughout your whole passage, you didn't mention much of her qualities, but more of the fact that although she had no feelings for you, you had this pride and sense to still care for her.

My best suggestion? To just realize that although there was no ultimate outcome of the two of you being together, realize that the future is better and brighter thanks to you. A similar story happened to me back in high-school where I was really attracted to this girl, she was perfect and beautiful and cheerful as always. However, she could never get mad and she was very sexually active since she lost weight coming into the 9th grade. Because of her urges, many guys took advantage of her by lifting her skirt, being perverse or simply trying to get close to have a sexual relation with her and she would fall for it every time. She enjoyed the attention, but didn't like the social stigma or the overall demeaning feeling that she got when guys would get a bit aggressive.

Over the next two years, she relied on me to parent her and to control her sexual activities. I was still infatuated with her for the first year, but as time grew, I realized that I enjoyed shaping her into someone highly-respected and intelligent, but still sexually active as a female (if you can believe such a thing could be maintained in high-school. Essentially, I helped her establish strong relationships with her boyfriends and help her be able to judge a person and their intentions or actual sentiments towards her).

bla bla long-story short. She's a much better person now and no longer talks to me (I changed schools, we grew apart, etc.).

Bottom-line, think of the good you achieved and think of the future women you will encounter in your life that will appreciate and love you and your qualities.


Hééé oui, je parle français. Mon nom me dénonce tout le temps! Anyways, thanks a lot for taking the time to answer this and sorry to make you lose some sleep before your course. You may be right on the fact that I care for her more than I love her, but it's kinda hard to tell. Psychology is not one of my strenghts.

To answer your question about why I love her, I think it's first of all because of how I felt responsible for her, being her only confident. I value intelligence a lot, and she is really smart. I liked how she would always have a good opinion of people even if they never bothered to talk to her. I admired that, because I must admit I have a lot of prejudices. I also liked how simple of a person she could sometimes be, and how complicated, how puzzling she could become when she wants to. AS I stated, we share music tastes, as well as in movies and... in girls.

I also admire you for what you did to that girl, as I know it must not have been easy most of the time, and want to thank you for sharing it. It's somehow eye-opening.

On August 08 2011 16:29 Darclite wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
What about that makes you pathetic?

Reading that made me feel sympathy and made me think you were a good person. You improved her life without resenting her, which is impressive and reflects on your good character.

Like bkrow and Torte said, it's hard to give advice that doesn't sound cliche, but, well, your relationship with one person won't dictate everything in your entire life no matter how powerful it may be. It'll go away.


I first want to thank you for taking the time to read this and answer, and I think I responded pretty much to the majority of what you said in responding to Torte and Bkrow, so I'm not gonna elaborate much, but don't get me wrong, I was glad to see your answer as well.

I feel pathetic because from the little I know of psychology, I believe that one can force himself to think something/feel something. I was not able to perform that on myself. I'm not quite sure I explained myself right, but I'm pretty sure you get my point.

On August 08 2011 16:43 Yanami wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
On August 08 2011 15:12 JeanBob wrote:
And I guess I should be happy, proud of that. But instead, it might sound egoist (and it is), but I feel like everything I did, I did it for nothing.


May I quote that?
In my opinion you are kind of proud, and also of what you did, but you want something in reward for what you did, too hard.
Thta's why you feel as if you did it for nithing. (Just my opinion, just what I'm guessing, I don't claim this to be true.)
I can understand that though.
It's hard if you "invest your time" in a certain person.

Imagine, how would you have acted?
Different?
Or in the end, would you have acted similar?
Just don't answer that within a minute, take some time and think about it.

I think that she is very grateful for what you did.
And in the end she cares about you. Because she likes you very much and doesn't want to hurt you, cause she knew that she would.

(Man, it's kind of early for those deep thoughts..)


In your first paragraph, you pretty much guessed it right. But I don't get what you mean when you ask me "Imagine, how would you have acted?". How would I have acted if what exactly?
"Teach the ones below you something you have learnt and learn from the ones above you." -Sonata Arctica
OpticalShot
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Canada6330 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-08-08 16:27:35
August 08 2011 16:27 GMT
#12
Beautiful story by the way, it's not easy making a positive impact on someone else's life because we're often too busy living our own.
*edit: 5/5
[TLMS] REBOOT
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-08-08 17:55:52
August 08 2011 17:55 GMT
#13
On August 09 2011 01:16 JeanBob wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 08 2011 15:34 bkrow wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
So the first thing i want to say is that you shouldn't refer to yourself as pathetic. Love is powerful drug and you pretty much opened yourself up to someone who didn't reciprocate. Unfortunately this isn't uncommon and you are not the first to experience this. If you cannot look past your feelings and recognise the amazing good that you have done for this person, and try to be there for her in the future, then maybe distancing yourself from her is the correct move.

There are many lame quotes that can be used -- "There are other fish in the sea" comes to mind. How old are you? This will not be the last person you meet that has similar interests as you. I know it may seem like all hope is lost but you really need to stay positive.

E.g. when i was younger i thought i was in love; the girl dumped me after 6 months without any logical explanation (it basically came down to boredom) - i thought it was over, that i'd be single forever and noone besides her could ever understand me etc. 2 months later i met someone else, i didn't want a relationship after the first one but we chatted away regardless.

We are to be married in a few months.

Always be hopeful and always believe!

Edit: Lol - the "how old are you?" part wasn't meant as an attack, but as a "you have plenty time to find the one you love" haha, sorry if it came across differently


Thanks a lot for this answer, and I assure you I didn't take the "How old are you?" as a personal attack as I'm 17 and know there's a lot more to come in my life, especially when I will start studying at the University. I am aware what I'm gonna get to meet a lot of people. I didn't really lose hope for the future, I just feel sad about it for the time being.

Show nested quote +
On August 08 2011 15:55 Torte de Lini wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
I know I shouldn't be writing this when I have the Protestant ethic and the spirit of capitalism wanting to be summarized for a class in oh... 5 hours.

But let's have a go:

1. Est-ce que tu parles francais?

2. Wow, compelling story. This is something I could never believe if I heard it from a friend. It sounds more like you care for her than loving her. What do you love about her? The same taste in music? The hard life or the fact that she was being open to you and making you feel important, reliable and needed.

The idea of tending to someone or mending their feelings is often a concept we enjoy more than the person herself. I'm on a limb here, so correct me, but throughout your whole passage, you didn't mention much of her qualities, but more of the fact that although she had no feelings for you, you had this pride and sense to still care for her.

My best suggestion? To just realize that although there was no ultimate outcome of the two of you being together, realize that the future is better and brighter thanks to you. A similar story happened to me back in high-school where I was really attracted to this girl, she was perfect and beautiful and cheerful as always. However, she could never get mad and she was very sexually active since she lost weight coming into the 9th grade. Because of her urges, many guys took advantage of her by lifting her skirt, being perverse or simply trying to get close to have a sexual relation with her and she would fall for it every time. She enjoyed the attention, but didn't like the social stigma or the overall demeaning feeling that she got when guys would get a bit aggressive.

Over the next two years, she relied on me to parent her and to control her sexual activities. I was still infatuated with her for the first year, but as time grew, I realized that I enjoyed shaping her into someone highly-respected and intelligent, but still sexually active as a female (if you can believe such a thing could be maintained in high-school. Essentially, I helped her establish strong relationships with her boyfriends and help her be able to judge a person and their intentions or actual sentiments towards her).

bla bla long-story short. She's a much better person now and no longer talks to me (I changed schools, we grew apart, etc.).

Bottom-line, think of the good you achieved and think of the future women you will encounter in your life that will appreciate and love you and your qualities.


Hééé oui, je parle français. Mon nom me dénonce tout le temps! Anyways, thanks a lot for taking the time to answer this and sorry to make you lose some sleep before your course. You may be right on the fact that I care for her more than I love her, but it's kinda hard to tell. Psychology is not one of my strenghts.

To answer your question about why I love her, I think it's first of all because of how I felt responsible for her, being her only confident. I value intelligence a lot, and she is really smart. I liked how she would always have a good opinion of people even if they never bothered to talk to her. I admired that, because I must admit I have a lot of prejudices. I also liked how simple of a person she could sometimes be, and how complicated, how puzzling she could become when she wants to. AS I stated, we share music tastes, as well as in movies and... in girls.

I also admire you for what you did to that girl, as I know it must not have been easy most of the time, and want to thank you for sharing it. It's somehow eye-opening.

Show nested quote +
On August 08 2011 16:29 Darclite wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
What about that makes you pathetic?

Reading that made me feel sympathy and made me think you were a good person. You improved her life without resenting her, which is impressive and reflects on your good character.

Like bkrow and Torte said, it's hard to give advice that doesn't sound cliche, but, well, your relationship with one person won't dictate everything in your entire life no matter how powerful it may be. It'll go away.


I first want to thank you for taking the time to read this and answer, and I think I responded pretty much to the majority of what you said in responding to Torte and Bkrow, so I'm not gonna elaborate much, but don't get me wrong, I was glad to see your answer as well.

I feel pathetic because from the little I know of psychology, I believe that one can force himself to think something/feel something. I was not able to perform that on myself. I'm not quite sure I explained myself right, but I'm pretty sure you get my point.

Show nested quote +
On August 08 2011 16:43 Yanami wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
On August 08 2011 15:12 JeanBob wrote:
And I guess I should be happy, proud of that. But instead, it might sound egoist (and it is), but I feel like everything I did, I did it for nothing.


May I quote that?
In my opinion you are kind of proud, and also of what you did, but you want something in reward for what you did, too hard.
Thta's why you feel as if you did it for nithing. (Just my opinion, just what I'm guessing, I don't claim this to be true.)
I can understand that though.
It's hard if you "invest your time" in a certain person.

Imagine, how would you have acted?
Different?
Or in the end, would you have acted similar?
Just don't answer that within a minute, take some time and think about it.

I think that she is very grateful for what you did.
And in the end she cares about you. Because she likes you very much and doesn't want to hurt you, cause she knew that she would.

(Man, it's kind of early for those deep thoughts..)


In your first paragraph, you pretty much guessed it right. But I don't get what you mean when you ask me "Imagine, how would you have acted?". How would I have acted if what exactly?


Canada and your "I don't speak very good english", ca dit assez merci :B
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
JeanBob
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Canada295 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-08-08 18:32:50
August 08 2011 18:22 GMT
#14
On August 09 2011 02:55 Torte de Lini wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 09 2011 01:16 JeanBob wrote:
On August 08 2011 15:34 bkrow wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
So the first thing i want to say is that you shouldn't refer to yourself as pathetic. Love is powerful drug and you pretty much opened yourself up to someone who didn't reciprocate. Unfortunately this isn't uncommon and you are not the first to experience this. If you cannot look past your feelings and recognise the amazing good that you have done for this person, and try to be there for her in the future, then maybe distancing yourself from her is the correct move.

There are many lame quotes that can be used -- "There are other fish in the sea" comes to mind. How old are you? This will not be the last person you meet that has similar interests as you. I know it may seem like all hope is lost but you really need to stay positive.

E.g. when i was younger i thought i was in love; the girl dumped me after 6 months without any logical explanation (it basically came down to boredom) - i thought it was over, that i'd be single forever and noone besides her could ever understand me etc. 2 months later i met someone else, i didn't want a relationship after the first one but we chatted away regardless.

We are to be married in a few months.

Always be hopeful and always believe!

Edit: Lol - the "how old are you?" part wasn't meant as an attack, but as a "you have plenty time to find the one you love" haha, sorry if it came across differently


Thanks a lot for this answer, and I assure you I didn't take the "How old are you?" as a personal attack as I'm 17 and know there's a lot more to come in my life, especially when I will start studying at the University. I am aware what I'm gonna get to meet a lot of people. I didn't really lose hope for the future, I just feel sad about it for the time being.

On August 08 2011 15:55 Torte de Lini wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
I know I shouldn't be writing this when I have the Protestant ethic and the spirit of capitalism wanting to be summarized for a class in oh... 5 hours.

But let's have a go:

1. Est-ce que tu parles francais?

2. Wow, compelling story. This is something I could never believe if I heard it from a friend. It sounds more like you care for her than loving her. What do you love about her? The same taste in music? The hard life or the fact that she was being open to you and making you feel important, reliable and needed.

The idea of tending to someone or mending their feelings is often a concept we enjoy more than the person herself. I'm on a limb here, so correct me, but throughout your whole passage, you didn't mention much of her qualities, but more of the fact that although she had no feelings for you, you had this pride and sense to still care for her.

My best suggestion? To just realize that although there was no ultimate outcome of the two of you being together, realize that the future is better and brighter thanks to you. A similar story happened to me back in high-school where I was really attracted to this girl, she was perfect and beautiful and cheerful as always. However, she could never get mad and she was very sexually active since she lost weight coming into the 9th grade. Because of her urges, many guys took advantage of her by lifting her skirt, being perverse or simply trying to get close to have a sexual relation with her and she would fall for it every time. She enjoyed the attention, but didn't like the social stigma or the overall demeaning feeling that she got when guys would get a bit aggressive.

Over the next two years, she relied on me to parent her and to control her sexual activities. I was still infatuated with her for the first year, but as time grew, I realized that I enjoyed shaping her into someone highly-respected and intelligent, but still sexually active as a female (if you can believe such a thing could be maintained in high-school. Essentially, I helped her establish strong relationships with her boyfriends and help her be able to judge a person and their intentions or actual sentiments towards her).

bla bla long-story short. She's a much better person now and no longer talks to me (I changed schools, we grew apart, etc.).

Bottom-line, think of the good you achieved and think of the future women you will encounter in your life that will appreciate and love you and your qualities.


Hééé oui, je parle français. Mon nom me dénonce tout le temps! Anyways, thanks a lot for taking the time to answer this and sorry to make you lose some sleep before your course. You may be right on the fact that I care for her more than I love her, but it's kinda hard to tell. Psychology is not one of my strenghts.

To answer your question about why I love her, I think it's first of all because of how I felt responsible for her, being her only confident. I value intelligence a lot, and she is really smart. I liked how she would always have a good opinion of people even if they never bothered to talk to her. I admired that, because I must admit I have a lot of prejudices. I also liked how simple of a person she could sometimes be, and how complicated, how puzzling she could become when she wants to. AS I stated, we share music tastes, as well as in movies and... in girls.

I also admire you for what you did to that girl, as I know it must not have been easy most of the time, and want to thank you for sharing it. It's somehow eye-opening.

On August 08 2011 16:29 Darclite wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
What about that makes you pathetic?

Reading that made me feel sympathy and made me think you were a good person. You improved her life without resenting her, which is impressive and reflects on your good character.

Like bkrow and Torte said, it's hard to give advice that doesn't sound cliche, but, well, your relationship with one person won't dictate everything in your entire life no matter how powerful it may be. It'll go away.


I first want to thank you for taking the time to read this and answer, and I think I responded pretty much to the majority of what you said in responding to Torte and Bkrow, so I'm not gonna elaborate much, but don't get me wrong, I was glad to see your answer as well.

I feel pathetic because from the little I know of psychology, I believe that one can force himself to think something/feel something. I was not able to perform that on myself. I'm not quite sure I explained myself right, but I'm pretty sure you get my point.

On August 08 2011 16:43 Yanami wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
On August 08 2011 15:12 JeanBob wrote:
And I guess I should be happy, proud of that. But instead, it might sound egoist (and it is), but I feel like everything I did, I did it for nothing.


May I quote that?
In my opinion you are kind of proud, and also of what you did, but you want something in reward for what you did, too hard.
Thta's why you feel as if you did it for nithing. (Just my opinion, just what I'm guessing, I don't claim this to be true.)
I can understand that though.
It's hard if you "invest your time" in a certain person.

Imagine, how would you have acted?
Different?
Or in the end, would you have acted similar?
Just don't answer that within a minute, take some time and think about it.

I think that she is very grateful for what you did.
And in the end she cares about you. Because she likes you very much and doesn't want to hurt you, cause she knew that she would.

(Man, it's kind of early for those deep thoughts..)


In your first paragraph, you pretty much guessed it right. But I don't get what you mean when you ask me "Imagine, how would you have acted?". How would I have acted if what exactly?


Canada and your "I don't speak very good english", ca dit assez merci :B


J'avais oublié qu'on y voyait le pays d'origine du posteur :/. Vous êtes trop rusé pour moi!

EDIT: I forgot we could see where the poster comes from. Edited to have some english =)
"Teach the ones below you something you have learnt and learn from the ones above you." -Sonata Arctica
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-08-08 18:23:50
August 08 2011 18:23 GMT
#15
Tu viens d'ou?
Where are you from?

(C'est ecrit dans les regle qu'on parle en anglais and pas just en francais seulement, sinon on est dans le trouble :x )

English :B

https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
JeanBob
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Canada295 Posts
August 08 2011 18:33 GMT
#16
On August 09 2011 03:23 Torte de Lini wrote:
Tu viens d'ou?
Where are you from?

(C'est ecrit dans les regle qu'on parle en anglais and pas just en francais seulement, sinon on est dans le trouble :x )

English :B



Je come from Charlevoix, dans une petite ville assez perdu. Most people don't know about it. What about you?
"Teach the ones below you something you have learnt and learn from the ones above you." -Sonata Arctica
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
August 08 2011 18:34 GMT
#17
MONTREAL BABY!

A little of a "trou perdu" eh?

Je niase :B
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
JeanBob
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Canada295 Posts
August 08 2011 18:36 GMT
#18
J'espère ben tu niaises! Montreal is like 4 hours from here. Went twice à cause de la Ronde. I love roller coasters.
"Teach the ones below you something you have learnt and learn from the ones above you." -Sonata Arctica
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