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Normally I wouldn't come to vent about my problems online, but I have asked all my friends on this issue and they are pretty divided.
I met this girl, and we've talked sparingly over the last 2 years, but lately (last 2 months) we've been talking a little more. EDIT: a LOT more. She admitted she liked me, and I admitted I liked her, but she told me that she couldn't date me unless I became more Christian.
Now I consider myself theist, but I don't affiliate myself with any specific religion. (My rational for the existence of God is that whatever force/energy/being created the stuff that's around today, in whatever form it exists in, should be given the name God).
So basically, I believe in God, and I think that should be enough for most christian girls, but she's really adamant about this. I think that she should back down and compromise her (in my opinion unfounded and close-minded) belief, at least until we actually GO OUT, and if we get really serious, I believe I would change for her.
So what does TL.net think?
Poll: Should I back down, or should she?Neither of you should date each other. (90) 83% She should back down, she is being blinded by unfounded religious belief. (17) 16% I should back down, I'm being silly and I should avoid conflict. (2) 2% 109 total votes Your vote: Should I back down, or should she? (Vote): I should back down, I'm being silly and I should avoid conflict.
(Vote): She should back down, she is being blinded by unfounded religious belief.
(Vote): Neither of you should date each other.
Advice?
 
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Imo you're getting yourself into a bad relationship.. She isn't willing to accept you for who you are, it's up to you to decide if she's hot enough for that to matter I guess.
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I think if you change yourself for another you lose grasp of yourself.
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Terrible terrible idea,
I promise you will save yourself a lot of trouble if you do not change yourself (drastically) to suit a girl, especially when we're talking about religion.
If a girl told me she couldn't date me for religious reasons, I would honestly be glad she was honest about it and move on.
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Bail dude. Just bail. She sounds really controlling already. If you were about to get married I'd understand but if she's demanding this just for dating imagine what she'll be like after 6 months.
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tbh though, if her stance is that she would totally date you as you are, except for calling yourself a Christian (since seriously, that's all she actually wants), she isn't very serious about it herself beyond as an identification label.
Honestly, unless she is like a Southern Bible Belt redneck "Born-again Evangelist" who holds hard to beliefs she can't actually verbalize because she merely claims to believe because she thinks that's what she's supposed to say, you probably could pressure her and eventually start dating and make huge concessions in what she is currently demanding/expecting.
Not that I endorse that at all, just wanted to let you know that because it's just a label to her, all you have to do is stamp that superficial label on yourself. Also because I wanted to make the point that Christians that actually have a firm conviction of their faith and beliefs would not do something so stupid as missionary dating.
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Been there, done that, and I agree with all the post before me.
Based on my own experience, it is really difficult to start a relationship without the same view and understanding.
Well, if you just want to have some fun then I can't see why not to. Although it's hard to imagine you'll really enjoy it considering your current situation 
Thus being said, I would say just enjoy your time and feeling  You're not getting those feeling everyday right?
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Are you willing to fake affiliation to a religion for a girl? Is she ok knowing the fact that you'll basically be faking it? Does she consider that having a boyfriend faking being religious is more acceptable than one being true about his beliefs?
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So she tells you that se likes you and to date her you must become someone else? How messed up is that?
If you are considering a relationship longer then it takes to take off your clothes i would say "forget about her". But love can sometimes make no sense so it's up to you.
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I think it's usually a bad idea to stay with someone who has issues like that. If she needs you to convert simply because she's being closed minded about her beliefs, that's likely a sign she'll be closed minded about plenty of other stuff (or at least much of what her faith teaches her, which generally covers damn near everything).
It's one thing to say your willing to go to church or something with her, but if she expects you to outright convert that's probably asking too much. If you have any doubts, drop that like a hot potato. Do not let someone else dictate what you should believe. If she can't accept that you don't believe the same thing as her, there's definitely a problem. Let her find some other brainwashed guy to be with.
But if you do decide not to pursue things, explain the situation to her. Tell her exactly how much of a concession you'd be willing to make (whether you'd be willing to go to church, etc.) and explain just how much you'd be willing to change, and let her make the decision, don't just say "it won't work out" or something. So many relationships/friendships/etc. end on bad terms simply because somebody didn't have the guts and/or brains to actually communicate with the other person.
Plus, if you can't communicate with her like that, it wouldn't likely last very long anyway.... Without proper communication, relationships generally don't last.
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If you love her go for it...don't change for her though in terms of your religion. Just fuck that bs, it's probably her parents pushing that onto her, and if not, then eh...you can try to have a relationship regardless, but there's gonna have to be a lot of trust, respect for each other's beliefs, and acceptance that you don't believe the same thing.
In the end tho, humans that don't get together because of difference in religion are pretty dumb. It's like me believing in willy wonka, and meh gf vehemently believing in the toothfairy...so we can't be together! lulz!
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On August 01 2011 15:46 H2OSno wrote:
Now I consider myself theist, but I don't affiliate myself with any specific religion. (My rational for the existence of God is that whatever force/energy/being created the stuff that's around today, in whatever form it exists in, should be given the name God).
That's not really a theist believe, you sound like a deist. Unless you actually think that 'force' listens to prayers and intervenes in our every day life. Then you are deluded :D.
Anyway, if she forces you this early to adopt her belief system, that relationship is doomed to fail, unless you are willing to give up your intellectual identity for her. Alternatively you can try convincing her that she is deluded and misguided by religion, but chances are you won't succeed in that.
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On August 01 2011 16:26 krndandaman wrote:
ok i am a christian so here's my 2cents.
she will probably never give up her belief that she can only date/marry christian guys.
you think her belief is close-minded and unfounded, but you say you believe in God. that's kind of a contradictory situation seeing how one of the Bible's teachings were to not marry (or in modern times, even date) non-believers.
so yeah, this probably isn't going to work out.
Basically this.
No matter what you do, sooner or later it will bite you.
You cannot force her to not be so religious and you will not be able to force yourself to be more religious, so if you decide to date her, it will result in a lot of bad arguments and very probably lots of tears.
Don't do it. Stay friends, but unless she is accepting you the way you are now (and even then i don't think it would work out), don't even think of more.
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So basically, I believe in God, and I think that should be enough for most christian girls, but she's really adamant about this. I think that she should back down and compromise her (in my opinion unfounded and close-minded) belief, at least until we actually GO OUT, and if we get really serious, I believe I would change for her.
from your last paragraph, i really think the both of you are not suited in any way for each other.
1) so what if you believe in A God/gods. many other religions have A God or gods. it does not equate to her religion. I'm surprised she's actually naive to ask you to be more Christian - its totally ridiculous. it doesnt even seem you are Christian... how do you become MORE.
2) you ask the girl to change for you now but u'd only change if you both get really serious. huge double standard. and changing religion for a person is imo 1 of the most unsustainable things ever -just a huge denial and lie.
3) you think that her religious beliefs are unfounded and close-minded. religion is a big issue and since you don't respect her in this aspect, it'd be hard for you to respect her as a person on the whole. this will lead her to not respect you too. just imagine if the roles were reversed and you met a girl that scoffed at any belief in a God. she think u're a loser for being theist. how would you feel?
pardon me but you seem not to be using your "upper" brain. though at a young age i guess we all think alot with the "lower" brain when it comes to girls. even if this girl relents, it wont work out well imo.
there are tonnes hot girls out there who will fit you better. stay friends with this girl, because hot girls have hot girlfriends. and girls like men that their girlfriends like.
all the best in finding your 1st :D
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On August 01 2011 16:46 krndandaman wrote:Show nested quote +On August 01 2011 16:31 h3r1n6 wrote:On August 01 2011 15:46 H2OSno wrote:
Now I consider myself theist, but I don't affiliate myself with any specific religion. (My rational for the existence of God is that whatever force/energy/being created the stuff that's around today, in whatever form it exists in, should be given the name God). Alternatively you can try convincing her that she is deluded and misguided by religion, but chances are you won't succeed in that. yeah... before you know it you will be kicked the curb in an instant. just think about it in any other way. girl says she likes jersey shore. you think its the most stupid and idiotic show. you should just keep it to yourself should you not? or just say you dont like it. trying to convince the girl that jersey shore sucks and is a terrible show probably won't make things better between you and the girl.
Your analogy doesn't really hold up. In his situation, the girl forces him to watch the jersey shore all day every day and to like it. If a girl would tell me that I would have to get more religious for her, I would literally tell her to fuck off without hesitating.
You can accept that she is religious, not really a problem, but if she doesn't accept that you are not as religious, that doesn't work.
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This religion thing will always be a problem in your "relationship" (If there will ever be one)
For example: In 2 years, when you go out, you will say "Oh my god..." and she will say "Stop saying that!" and you will have to explain it - for the 100th time.
Yea, you like each other, but you like many other people as well. No reason to go out with them.
What if she wants you to do crazy religion stuff you don't want to do every day/regularly? Will you just adjust your life to a girl?
Relationship broke because of even mroe stupid things, and you think you two can handle a religion-issue?
Won't happen, dude. Let her go.
You two are not made for each other!
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Roughly half of the planet is female. Out of more than 3 BILLION women, you ought to be able to find at least one that shares the same views as you do on something as fundamentally important and personal as religion and is dateable.
As others have said, this is a fruitless endeavor. Much like a couple with different desires about children (one person wants kids, the other doesn't, both enter the relationship thinking the other will change), religion (or lack thereof) is so fundamentally intertwined with one's conception of oneself that changing it to please another person is not only difficult, but probably unhealthy. Find someone who believes something roughly similar to you and date THEM instead. You'll be much happier, and Ms. Christian can be happy with someone who ACTUALLY shares her beliefs, rather than someone who pretends to.
On August 01 2011 16:59 h3r1n6 wrote:Show nested quote +On August 01 2011 16:46 krndandaman wrote:On August 01 2011 16:31 h3r1n6 wrote:On August 01 2011 15:46 H2OSno wrote:
Now I consider myself theist, but I don't affiliate myself with any specific religion. (My rational for the existence of God is that whatever force/energy/being created the stuff that's around today, in whatever form it exists in, should be given the name God). Alternatively you can try convincing her that she is deluded and misguided by religion, but chances are you won't succeed in that. yeah... before you know it you will be kicked the curb in an instant. just think about it in any other way. girl says she likes jersey shore. you think its the most stupid and idiotic show. you should just keep it to yourself should you not? or just say you dont like it. trying to convince the girl that jersey shore sucks and is a terrible show probably won't make things better between you and the girl. Your analogy doesn't really hold up. In his situation, the girl forces him to watch the jersey shore all day every day and to like it. If a girl would tell me that I would have to get more religious for her, I would literally tell her to fuck off without hesitating. You can accept that she is religious, not really a problem, but if she doesn't accept that you are not as religious, that doesn't work.
The problem with accepting differences in religion in a relationship is that eventually it's going to be an issue. Especially when kids show up. Most major religions sort of expect parents to raise their children according to their belief system, and to raise them Christian/Jewish/Muslim/Hindu/etc. When parents don't agree, there arises the issue of which parent's view matters more, and that's not healthy in a relationship.
Granted, the chances this relationship (or any relationship) gets to the "having kids" stage is slim, but if the relationship is doomed to fail at some point, why bother? If you know that you don't want it to get to that point, and just want some companionship for awhile, that's all well and good, but she needs to know that and want that, too.
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On August 01 2011 15:46 H2OSno wrote:Normally I wouldn't come to vent about my problems online, but I have asked all my friends on this issue and they are pretty divided. I met this girl, and we've talked sparingly over the last 2 years, but lately (last 2 months) we've been talking a little more. EDIT: a LOT more. She admitted she liked me, and I admitted I liked her, but she told me that she couldn't date me unless I became more Christian. Now I consider myself theist, but I don't affiliate myself with any specific religion. (My rational for the existence of God is that whatever force/energy/being created the stuff that's around today, in whatever form it exists in, should be given the name God). So basically, I believe in God, and I think that should be enough for most christian girls, but she's really adamant about this. I think that she should back down and compromise her (in my opinion unfounded and close-minded) belief, at least until we actually GO OUT, and if we get really serious, I believe I would change for her. So what does TL.net think? Poll: Should I back down, or should she?Neither of you should date each other. (90) 83% She should back down, she is being blinded by unfounded religious belief. (17) 16% I should back down, I'm being silly and I should avoid conflict. (2) 2% 109 total votes Your vote: Should I back down, or should she? (Vote): I should back down, I'm being silly and I should avoid conflict.
(Vote): She should back down, she is being blinded by unfounded religious belief.
(Vote): Neither of you should date each other.
Advice?
Drop.
That.
Shit.
Quick.
Seriously. Never date anyone who is going to force their religious beliefs on you. Absolutely terrible idea. It is NOT worth it. Religion is a pretty fundamental part of who you are, and if she can't accept that, then it's a horrible start for your relationship.
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EPT
