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How to wake up for people who deserve more sleep:
Part One: The Wake Up Process
In this example, I'll assume you have to wake up at 6am.
Alarm 1: 5:45
Alarm 2: 5:50
Alarm 3: 5:55
Alarm 4: 6:00
If you still need more help waking up:
+ Show Spoiler +Hide the 3rd Alarm under your bed, and the 4th alarm where you need to go, such as the shower.
Advanced Tactics:
+ Show Spoiler +Have a glass of orange juice waiting at the location your third alarm, or have alarm one take you to the coffee pot.
Part Two: Time Efficiency
Under this example, lets have the 4th alarm be assumed to be in your bathroom, on top of a towel, clearly invoking you to take a shower. You should have your toothbrush ready to brush, and you should of pooped/shaved the day before(make it a habit), so only peeing is necessary. Thus, you go into the shower, peeing and brushing your teeth. Due to the fact that you are brushing your teeth, you will feel obligated to make the shower go faster, because no one likes to brush their teeth for extended periods. This saves large amounts of time.
Advanced Time Efficiency(Must have a decent APM irl for this one)
+ Show Spoiler + Problem with the guide?! + Show Spoiler + There are a few problems accompanying this guide. However, they can all be solved. Problem One: You brush your teeth before you eat! + Show Spoiler +Have Alarm Two have a glass of orange juice, and Alarm Three have a meal ready. I prefer to put Alarm Three(in breakfast form) inside of a drawer with smelling salts on top of it, to guarantee I eat. Problem Two: While showering, only one hand is free because of teeth brushing. + Show Spoiler + I, a fellow man, have learned to shower with only a bar of soap. Dove Soap. It can be used on your entire body, and the ladies who cuddle with me tell me I smell good. Problem Three: I can only take fast showers if the water is cold! + Show Spoiler + Find a brick, tape it to the shower wall so that you can't turn it hot. No, I'm not joking. Problem Four: I don't have more than one alarm! + Show Spoiler + You have to put your alarm in a ridiculously hard to turn off place. Or, a place that you'll feel bad it's there.
Good places include:
1. Inside of a birds cage.
2. Behind a sea of squeaky toys.
3. In your babies crib(yeah, I'm cruel, so is forcing me to wake up)
4. In a place where your neighbors will here it and complain. As White-Ra would say, Special Tactics: + Show Spoiler + Drying yourself off after a shower takes so much time! This can be rectified by having an unplugged power strip connected to many fans that turn on when powered. When you go into the shower, you just plug in the power strip before hand! Once you get it out, it is useful to have a remarkably absorbent towel and a deodorant ready.
IF, and only IF, you fucked up yourself pretty bad last night and you don't think you'll be able to go through the day productively, EmergenC! This miracle product should be in your cupboard at all times should the situation come up.
Setting your alarms to songs you enjoy very much will (hopefully) have the effect of you not wanting to turn them off.
If you have two pillows, and you often throw one on the floor, put an alarm in the one you throw on the floor.
If you are a neat freak, a good trick is to take a photo out of your picture albums and put it at one of your alarms. You aren't just going to leave it there, are you? This trick works with card collectors also.
If you are married, telling your wife that she has permission to cheat on you for the day if you don't call her before your last alarm is sure to knock you awake.
How This Guide Was Made:
+ Show Spoiler +I suck at waking up in the morning. However, once I get into the swing of things, I'm fine. These ridiculous antics provide me with some entertainment in the dreary life that is work/school.
 
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What if we have to wake up at 7am in the morning? Will drinking orange juice or coffee be better than just eating a bowl of cereal? Should we be constantly rushing like everybody is? What if we have to...
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Heh, pretty sick. That's one hell of a elaborate wake-up strat. Do you have a ton of trouble waking up?
Clarity edit: Trouble waking up if you didnt do all this fancy stuff.
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This is one of those blogs where I can't tell if the OP is being serious or joking.
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Psh. My alarms:
7:20
7:22
7:24
7:26
7:28
7:30
7:32
7:34
7:36
7:38
7:40
7:42
I'm usually up by 7:30.
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This will definitely help me as I'm a chronic non-waker-upper.. thank you
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Truly you are the master. I have only gone up to three alarms myself... I prefer to make the last alarm an annoying song in another room. Often I will get up at the first alarm just so I can go turn off the last alarm and avoid hearing the song.
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On July 29 2011 13:34 mizU wrote:
Psh. My alarms:
7:20
7:22
7:24
7:26
7:28
7:30
7:32
7:34
7:36
7:38
7:40
7:42
I'm usually up by 7:30.
Oh god, this reminded me of what used to happen when I had only one alarm. First, I had the alarm beside my bed, but I kept hitting the snooze button. Then I put the alarm at the end of the bed. I learned to throw my body to the end of the bed as soon as the alarm went off, hit the snooze button, and return to a sleeping posture in just a few seconds. So I put the alarm on the other side of the room. As soon as the alarm went off, I would throw myself out of bed, run across the room, hit the snooze button, run back to bed, and fall asleep. I gave up when I apparently did this every 5 minutes for two hours one morning.
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On July 29 2011 13:34 Bibbit wrote:
Heh, pretty sick. That's one hell of a elaborate wake-up strat. Do you have a ton of trouble waking up?
Clarity edit: Trouble waking up if you didnt do all this fancy stuff.
I am unable to hang out with my friend before 2PM reliably, ever.
Also, waking up is the biggest waste of time in our lives we have.
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On July 29 2011 13:33 Caller wrote:
What if we have to wake up at 7am in the morning? Will drinking orange juice or coffee be better than just eating a bowl of cereal? Should we be constantly rushing like everybody is? What if we have to...
Times are completely adjustable.
Orange Juice and Coffee are nearly impossible to go to sleep from after drinking. I am unable to. I also eventually added in breakfasts into the third alarm. Its all about legal substance that wakes you up abuse.
Yes, you should be rushing, if you rush, you can sleep longer!
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Funny guide, and even more awesome since it sounds like this is part of your actual routine.
I'm lucky not have this problem though. I usually just roll out of the bed into my shoes, and I'm out the door for my morning 5. I will say that I have had my share of those where I was still half asleep 20 minutes into the run though.
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When I wake up at more reasonable times I do this, but lately I've had a job where I need to wake up at 4AM. For some reason, for my entire life I just get all the way up with my first alarm if it's before 5AM, so it's nice to just wake up, throw some clothes on, and go vacuum some floors and clean some toilets for some cash.
I have my cell phone set to three different tones of alarms with different button combinations required to turn them off or snooze, so it works like multiple alarms 
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The simple guide to waking up is; get a regular sleep pattern and you'll naturally wake up at the same time without needing the alarm. Now for the technicalities such as having strenuous work and needing more sleep, the alarm will only then act as the waking mechanism, if you maintain a regular sleep schedule your body's circadian rhythm knows when to wake up without alarms. This is the healthiest way to wake up
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Orange juice that has been sitting there all night? Fuck.
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My alarm is in a package for a small electronic. I sometimes lock it up with a lock and key combo and then put the key in the bathroom.
Still... sleep is nice
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I like your speshul taktiks :D
I really wish I could do this, except it's summer for me so I'm just gonna sleep in <3
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Drinking a cup or two of water before going to bed helps me get up in the morning (bladders are pretty good at getting people out of bed imo)
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On July 29 2011 15:07 affinity wrote:
Drinking a cup or two of water before going to bed helps me get up in the morning (bladders are pretty good at getting people out of bed imo)
I've gotten so good at staying in bed I normally just wee myself there and then.
Jokes aside(not really)...I used to joke with my girlfriend I have an alarm clock which I've rigged the alarm into a shocker and hooked the probes up to my tender regions.
She didn't laugh.
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I have 2 alarms. One on my phone and one on my desktop. The one on my phone is at a high frequency so it hurts my ears the longer it stays on. The one on the desktop is the eye-opener one because I leave my speakers on full blast so that I will wake up no matter what.
Lately I've been sleep walking (???) and turning my off my alarm without even realizing it so what I've done is create an obstacle course of chairs and weights to get in my way or at least make me feel some pain for bumping into them.
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3 alarms:
5:28
5:30
5:32
I usually wake up on the 5:30 one. The 5:32 one is on my cellphone and the ringtone is the most annoying thing ever, so I never want to hear it. Ever. So I wake up to the 5:30 one and manually disable the 5:32 one. I put my cellphone away from the bed so that I can't reach it unless I actually get out of bed and walk a couple steps.
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On July 29 2011 13:34 mizU wrote:
Psh. My alarms:
7:20
7:22
7:24
7:26
7:28
7:30
7:32
7:34
7:36
7:38
7:40
7:42
I'm usually up by 7:30.
Shit man, my snooze is 10 mins. Can you ACTUALLY go back to sleep for 115 seconds each time? LOL!!!
My routine:
(Alarm set 12 minutes fast)
Set for 7:10
7:20
7:30
Girlfriend back from bathroom, angry I forgot to flush last night.
I, still half asleep, surmise that maybe the poo wasn't really there, that she "Hallpoocinated" it.
She doesn't buy it, I suggest maybe there is a homeless person living in our house. She doesn't buy it.
By now, I'm awake.
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I slept in today. Third time in two weeks. I called in sick today. I feel so lazy. I used my main alarm as my first alarm at 7:00, then I have a phone alarm at 7:25.
The 7:25 phone alarm sounds for three (quiet) rings and then turns off. Like I don't need to press a button and it just turns off. (It runs on a windows operating system).
I heard it this morning, but I kept just trying to turn off my main alarm thinking that it was causing my phone alarm. Big mistake. Also a hundred dollars I'll never see again since I called in sick.
I think I need a new configuration. I woke up naturally an hour later, and slept 7 hours so it wasn't lack of sleep.
The phone alarm is becoming my first alarm. If I don't hear it, w/e. I may even turn it off.
The second alarm will be my ipod touch alarm. It's purpose is just to wake me up if it catches me on a good circadian rhythm while well rested (I like to think I'll ever use this one).
The final alarm will be at 7:20 and it's purpose will still be to wake me at the latest possible time. I'm gonna put it in the lock and key combo, and place the key in the bathroom.
Theoretically, I could turn off the final alarm and go back to bed, but by then I'll know what I'm doing.
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On July 29 2011 23:10 obesechicken13 wrote:
I slept in today. Third time in two weeks. I called in sick today. I feel so lazy. I used my main alarm as my first alarm at 7:00, then I have a phone alarm at 7:25.
The 7:25 phone alarm sounds for three (quiet) rings and then turns off. Like I don't need to press a button and it just turns off. (It runs on a windows operating system).
I heard it this morning, but I kept just trying to turn off my main alarm thinking that it was causing my phone alarm. Big mistake. Also a hundred dollars I'll never see again since I called in sick.
I think I need a new configuration. I woke up naturally an hour later, and slept 7 hours so it wasn't lack of sleep.
The phone alarm is becoming my first alarm. If I don't hear it, w/e. I may even turn it off.
The second alarm will be my ipod touch alarm. It's purpose is just to wake me up if it catches me on a good circadian rhythm while well rested (I like to think I'll ever use this one).
The final alarm will be at 7:20 and it's purpose will still be to wake me at the latest possible time. I'm gonna put it in the lock and key combo, and place the key in the bathroom.
Theoretically, I could turn off the final alarm and go back to bed, but by then I'll know what I'm doing.
I live near churches that play bells, and my alarm for the first time was church bells. I woke up periodically, and then after a few hours, i realized bells should not be under my bed. Gotta have a good alarm sound
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On July 29 2011 21:53 Zorkmid wrote:Show nested quote +On July 29 2011 13:34 mizU wrote:
Psh. My alarms:
7:20
7:22
7:24
7:26
7:28
7:30
7:32
7:34
7:36
7:38
7:40
7:42
I'm usually up by 7:30. Shit man, my snooze is 10 mins. Can you ACTUALLY go back to sleep for 115 seconds each time? LOL!!! My routine: (Alarm set 12 minutes fast) Set for 7:10 7:20 7:30 Girlfriend back from bathroom, angry I forgot to flush last night. I, still half asleep, surmise that maybe the poo wasn't really there, that she "Hallpoocinated" it. She doesn't buy it, I suggest maybe there is a homeless person living in our house. She doesn't buy it. By now, I'm awake.
Oh no, I can set that many alarms on my phone. Haha.
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hahaha, I have the same problem. My phone alarm is pretty annoying and won't stop so I'm forced to get up and at least press snooze. Then 10 mins later it interrupts my sleep... :p
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This is amazing, I'm going to use some of these ideas myself. I have a terrible time waking up in the morning, even if I had plenty of sleep.
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I actually downloaded a Korean android app called Early Bird Alarm. Basically, it let's you save a QR code to scan and to stop the alarm, you need to scan the code. Put the printed code in the bathroom and you can stop the alarm and since you are in the bathroom anyway, you can just jump in the shower .
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foo_scheduler paired with your favorite music.
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Blazinghand
United States25550 Posts
I can't tell is this post is joking or real, especially the part with the pre-prepared meal. Still, I give 5/5 instead of abstaining, because waking up early is always good training.
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On July 30 2011 03:52 nullmind wrote:I actually downloaded a Korean android app called Early Bird Alarm. Basically, it let's you save a QR code to scan and to stop the alarm, you need to scan the code. Put the printed code in the bathroom and you can stop the alarm and since you are in the bathroom anyway, you can just jump in the shower .
Does anyone know of any similar apple apps?
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okay here's the master tip for waking up:
- get a at least 60 watts light bulb. + Show Spoiler [example] +
- put a lamp at the head end of your bed with the bulb in it, directed right at where your head is supposed to be + Show Spoiler [example] +
- get a programmable time switch and set it to your usual alarm time for each day. + Show Spoiler [example] +
- switch the lamp to ON and plug it into the programmable time switch
- sleep
- instantly wake up right on time because a fucking bright light flashes right into your face. works everytime.
i used this technique when i was like 14yo to get up at 4 in the morning to play roller coaster tycoon before my parents got up and kicked my but for playing too much computer games ... -.-
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Television screen that beeps loudly to startle you into consciousness then flashes a random picture from /r/nosleep in your face to discourage laziness?
Chairman is pleased.
i'll have to see about getting a ceiling-mounted television for that.
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