EPTI think I spoke about this in one of my first entries, to be honest, I write too much and thus going back to read it makes it very anxious and uncomfortable for me. I never like peering in my own thoughts, they never seem my own and looking back, they seem to make only sense during that time and never again for a very long time.
Let's hope that's true for a lot of recent entries...
In any case, on with the show.
I've always been in a tug-of-war with the world. Either hating its people, myself included, or simply being bedazzled and left bewildered at how such things could be produced. It never became something worth noting until I saw something written from Liquid'Drone who really summed it up in a way I wish I could concisely express:
On June 07 2011 00:25 Liquid`Drone wrote:
[...] think about how wonderful it is to think about that what you just saw was created by another human's imagination. think about how wonderful it is that you are a human - and an intelligent human capable of creating stuff other humans will enjoy. think about the fact that the perceptions others have of you do not even matter, because you create your own reality.
[...] think about how wonderful it is to think about that what you just saw was created by another human's imagination. think about how wonderful it is that you are a human - and an intelligent human capable of creating stuff other humans will enjoy. think about the fact that the perceptions others have of you do not even matter, because you create your own reality.
In a sense, I guess I am cowardly extending his own words, but yesterday I felt once again in the rut. Completely perplexed as to why I can't get along with other people no matter through what form of communication. It was easier for me to hate, give up and despise those people than to admit my own shortcomings and possible fallacies. As a teenager, I hated everyone and condemned them as superficial socialistic creatures, incapable of seeing qualities that aren't hormonally developing or just physical: an excuse to and stubborn attempt to dissolve any anti-social behavior and problems I had with myself. I see that now, but trying to change that is hard, I'm working on it.
In any case, it was Liquid'Drone's post that made me wonder of this vast world and come to this statement that people can do crazy, ugly and disgusting things. Things we never though could be possible, that no man, with the civilized morals we come to just assume is taught and accepted by all, could achieve a level of repulsiveness and anger. When I read some of these topics in the General section (often sensational and meant to urge an emotion from you), there's always an imprint of my right-hand covering my mouth in surprise. I utter an "Oh my God" in surprise to such cruelties, imbalances of justice and disproportionate levels of condition. I'm not going to give examples, but I assure you that the things that have had light shown upon it are probably not even the darkest of depths this humanity has become estranged with (am I using that word right)?
I cowered to my computer, trying to erase these impending thoughts. I peered over my computer screen to look outside and just felt a calm come over me. An appreciation for the world as it whirled in front of me:
![[image loading]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v713/Xeroxer/PB070008.jpg)
I saw my outside like this again
Looking up, the clouds rolled in, racing like schoolkids around the courtyard. I peered down below to gaze at people just walking. They're all going someplace, somewhere with different intends, but take the same paths at one point or another. The world was moving forward despite the horrid it has endured and I was here on the 18th floor, watching it go for another rollercoaster ride.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/o5M1f.jpg)
A rare shot from my 18th window, I didn't notice it until now
Okay, looks like this won't be short. Sorry folks.
It's amazing how a person can hate another or everyone, but can still enjoy, appreciate and accept their creations. Man, as itself, is an ugly thing yet what it can make it just purely splendid, only to be appreciated by other ugly things. Even now I'm squinting at trying to grasp that. Am I being contradictory here? An ugly thing's creation is appreciated by other ugly things. A relationship is made between two beings by a beauty that surpasses them both. I guess it is actually kind of poetic that an ugly creates something that surpasses his/her own beauty.or maybe I'm trying too hard (a very likely scenario).
Okay fuck it, let's just get to the fucking point. The point being, I want others to list shit that makes them come to tolerate this world, that through all the horrid and terrible events that we read, experience or feel, I want to see a form of (wo)man's achievements that truly makes you bliss.
It can be in the form of anything. No size or worth are equivalent of possible to compare because they invoke a non-general satisfaction us all. For a moment, we're just left with this feeling of acceptance. It's not long and it probably goes unnoticed until we've left it, but just for a moment, I can lean back, take another sip and bask in a time never to be interacted with again with anyone or myself...
Here are my three, I stopped at three because I don't want to go on all day as I've already done so...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7ahIGLNNwo
- Watching this movie just left me with a mouth ajar. How did someone think of this? In a sense, it has an Alice in Wonderland feel to it, a surreal notion that something's amiss, but when I first saw this movie, I couldn't grasp it all. The story can easily be summed, but the amount of depth and ideas, themes and statements made in this film had me pining for more daytime as I slipped into bed, unrested and uneased with so many thoughts and need to appreciate. I highly suggest this movie and it will be one of the many movies I feel people can be proud of (if there was ever a time for it).http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf8C_fkEXqQ
- Ignore the movie if you have seen it. Well... don't, because the movie is truly superb. But ignore it for once, consider song of its own independence, free will and life. Can you name how many emotions this movie goes through? How many sentiments it transitions like one's own day and interactions? Can you feel it step onto a new flight of stairs with each past 30 to 40 seconds as new instruments get introduced, scream and yell for us with life and joy? I get almost get a jouissance from this song (obviously exaggerating) and right at its pinnacle, it starts again (2:30-2:34 about) and resolves itself, as if crawling until its own bed with a loud, beautiful yawn.
It's too endearing...![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/8zXdL.jpg)
- Perhaps you don't see the beauty of the above and that's okay. You're not less or more of a person and to be honest, I might just be exaggerating, stunned at anything new in discovery like a toddler. The last thing I chose is this bottle (and the drink inside, which I absolutely adore). I don't know why I like it, I'm hoping because it's a connotation of an earlier time (simpler times?) or some bullshit like that. I love the taste though, the additional cane sugar gives it an odd aftertaste, but truly adds a layer of sweetness to an already sweetened drink. The bottle is oversized with an unusual/unique neck and a much rounder top. I like it. I like the weight, the feel and the size. I wrote to them with my appreciation, something I've never done before. It's a product hard to find here in Quebec, so I guess that adds to it, the feeling of finding a hidden treasure that only few can enjoy (or the illusioned few).
That's it for today. I apologize if this came off as pretentious or just utterly stupid. It wasn't my intention, just feeling alone right now.
