[Q] Helping someone through a breakup

OMin

United States545 Posts

June 09 2011 23:43 GMT

Hello TL

A good friend of mine had a bad breakup recently, and I have been one of the main sources of support for them. I really do not want to go into detail about it for my friend's sake, but I would really appreciate it if people could give me some general advice in helping people through difficult breakups. Thanks a lot.

GoTuNk!

Chile4591 Posts

June 09 2011 23:58 GMT

booze and/or hit the gym

fatum

Spain83 Posts

June 10 2011 00:10 GMT

I know this sounds stupid, but I found a nice blog about this.

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up

I hope it helps.

Lysenko

Iceland2128 Posts

June 10 2011 00:16 GMT

Short version: Your friend is in pain over something you can't control and there's really not much you can do to help. Trying to keep your friend distracted will probably annoy him or her more than it helps. Just make clear to your friend that you're available if they want to talk or want someone to hang out with, and let them make their own choices about how to cope with it.

Edit: The only real way to get over a painful breakup is time.

dabom88

United States3483 Posts

June 10 2011 00:22 GMT

Is your friend a girl or boy? Because you handle both differently.

Lysenko

Iceland2128 Posts

June 10 2011 00:25 GMT

On June 10 2011 09:22 dabom88 wrote:
Is your friend a girl or boy? Because you handle both differently.

I'm not sure I agree. At least the comments I made apply equally to both.

OMin

United States545 Posts

June 10 2011 00:27 GMT

On June 10 2011 09:22 dabom88 wrote:
Is your friend a girl or boy? Because you handle both differently.

shes a girl

Versailles

Canada108 Posts

June 10 2011 00:33 GMT

It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken

It's a book written for females, and it's a bit on the feminine side. I'm a chick so that's why I've read it.

That being said, the advice is solid and applicable to anyone going through a break-up if you look past the superfox bits and the don't go straight for the icecream mantra. I've bought it for male friends of mine, and I highly recommend it.

Servius_Fulvius

United States947 Posts

June 10 2011 01:17 GMT

Treat them the way you'd normally treat them - the faster they can move on to normal life the better.

It's going to suck for her for a while (even longer if she was the dumpee); unfortunately there's nothing you can do to make that pain go away. If she needs to talk - listen. Otherwise hang out. Actually, if you could get her out and about she'll tend to focus more on what is going on and brood less. The more active the activity the better! Include more friends if she's comfortable.

As with anyone going through a breakup, I encourage them to break their old routine in more ways than the loss of significant other. Redecorate, get a drastic haircut (long to short, or short to growing it out), pick up a new hobby just for fun, etc. I also recommend boxing up the presents and things special to the relationship. She can get rid of it if she wants, but it's more of an "out of sight out of mind" exercise - it's better if she gives the box to someone and they can give it back when they feel she is ready. She should also limit contact with the person as much as possible, but I guess it's all up to her.

You're a good friend - keep it up! Lysenko was right - no matter what you do, time will ultimately bring the peace she's looking for!

Edit: There's a "How I Met Your Mother" episode (Season 2, Episode 1) that handles the ups and downs of a breakup pretty well (concluding with the time remarks - still, if you've got nothing better to do...)

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[Q] Helping someone through a breakup

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