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Fear is one of the most basic human emotions. It exists so that we humans have a better chance at survival. I have three main fears that I feel are holding me back from achieving a fuller quality of life. I want to conqueror my fears but I'm not really sure the best way of going about it.
Fear #1: Heights
I get extremely nervous and uncomfortable when I am near a tall ledge. It has to be at least 3 stories high and it doesn't make a difference if there is some sort of railing even if it's 4 feet high. I'm not bothered if I am on a roller coaster or standing on one of those glass floors in a tall building. If there is something that I trust will keep me safe I'm okay.
I get paranoid that someone will sneak up behind me and grab my legs to flip me over the ledge. Or if the ledge has no railing (like a cliff on a mountain) I am afraid to get too close to the edge because I'm worried someone will push me off.
I don't know how to get over this. I have been in these situations plenty of times so just being exposed to it doesn't seem to help at all. I was considering bungee jumping or skydiving or something like that. That's the only thing I can think of that might help.
Fear #2: The idea of not existing in any way whatsoever after I die
My best way to deal with this one is to just not think about it. That's all I got.
Fear #3: Clowns
I think I watched too many horror movies as a young kid. I was dumb enough to watch things that scared the shit out of me and gave me nightmares for years. Killer Klowns From Outer Space was pretty bad but Stephen King's It really sealed the deal for me.
Now whenever I see a clown I just can't help but think how creepy they are. How is a clown supposed to make a kid happy? I think if I were ever approached by a scary looking clown (all of them) and I was by myself it would initiate my fight or flight response. Neither option is really anything to brag about. I don't know what would be worse - fighting a clown because he scared me or running away from one because he scared me. At least running would not get anyone hurt. Unless I ran into more clowns and went into a frenzy.
I was thinking about watching some scary clown movies, maybe going to a carnival or something and hanging out with some clowns. Maybe if I can see how not scary the movies are and see that clowns are just people dressed up it might help. It sounds logical but I know those movies are dumb and I know that clowns are normalish people so I'm not sure if that would actually help.
If anyone has any ideas for me let me know.
If anyone has any fears that were conquered or want to conquerer feel free to share that as well.
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I'm scared of heights too, but you just generally have do face the fears (I went cliff jumping, I'm also a lifeguard who's scared of open water (afraid of fish and shit)). I can handle it and all, but I would always fear being in situations I couldn't control. An example, when we used to drive up a mountain at the cottage, I was always freaking scared that the car would give out and roll backwards off a cliff. Another was being lost. Now its getting stuck with group projects, haha. I'm also still somewhat scared of the dark, and being completely alone. I need at least my german shepherd with me.
I also get wary of edges when around other people. I get especially nervous when at the train station right as the train is rolling in. I stay on guard so anyone who wants to push me on the tracks will get their ass thrown into the train. Fear is in place to keep you safe, but it's up to you to determine whether the fear is useful or irrational.
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there is no way to conquer fear. "facing" your fears doesnt work either. usually youll just end up feeling worse, because youll have set yourself up to fail.
you consciously know that your fear is irrational. so you understand that it is made up and all in your head. so when the kneejerk fear response comes up, it helps to know that it isnt real. you dont have to do anything, just in your mind recognize that it isnt real. then just be patient and trust yourself. be kind to yourself. if you need to get away, do it. there is no rush really.
at some point youll hit a tipping point, where there will be just this what the fuck moment. it could take a long time, or it could happen tomorrow. but just let it come, dont try too hard. nothing wrong with being afraid.
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Why do you have to face your fears? For the most part, they all have some sort of reason for existing. Fear of heights, for example, is a basic impulse - you don't want to fall off shit, because you don't want to die. The fact that your fear is reliant on others (whether they be people you trust or people you are afraid might push you) leads me to believe that your fear is actually of people and not the altitude.
Fear of clowns might be really an extended fear of the unknown, leading to fear of the eccentric. Imagine a crazy old man who lives in total darkness in an abandoned hotel. Scary shit. Who knows what he's up to. What he'll do.
Then again, this is probably all pure bullshit. I don't even have Wikipedia or anything up to point at.
Also, motherfucking spiders.
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Fear #2: The idea of not existing in any way whatsoever after I die
My best way to deal with this one is to just not think about it. That's all I got.
this is like by definition the exact opposite of facing this fear
On February 24 2011 17:49 eLiE wrote:
I'm scared of heights too, but you just generally have do face the fears (I went cliff jumping, I'm also a lifeguard who's scared of open water (afraid of fish and shit)). I can handle it and all, but I would always fear being in situations I couldn't control. An example, when we used to drive up a mountain at the cottage, I was always freaking scared that the car would give out and roll backwards off a cliff. Another was being lost. Now its getting stuck with group projects, haha. I'm also still somewhat scared of the dark, and being completely alone. I need at least my german shepherd with me.
I also get wary of edges when around other people. I get especially nervous when at the train station right as the train is rolling in. I stay on guard so anyone who wants to push me on the tracks will get their ass thrown into the train. Fear is in place to keep you safe, but it's up to you to determine whether the fear is useful or irrational.
someones gonna accidentally bump into you and get wtfmurdered
I fear the mods here.
how would i go about conquering this???
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On February 24 2011 18:11 Coagulation wrote:Show nested quote +On February 24 2011 17:49 eLiE wrote:
I'm scared of heights too, but you just generally have do face the fears (I went cliff jumping, I'm also a lifeguard who's scared of open water (afraid of fish and shit)). I can handle it and all, but I would always fear being in situations I couldn't control. An example, when we used to drive up a mountain at the cottage, I was always freaking scared that the car would give out and roll backwards off a cliff. Another was being lost. Now its getting stuck with group projects, haha. I'm also still somewhat scared of the dark, and being completely alone. I need at least my german shepherd with me.
I also get wary of edges when around other people. I get especially nervous when at the train station right as the train is rolling in. I stay on guard so anyone who wants to push me on the tracks will get their ass thrown into the train. Fear is in place to keep you safe, but it's up to you to determine whether the fear is useful or irrational. someones gonna accidentally bump into you and get wtfmurdered I fear the mods here. how would i go about conquering this???
by getting banned.
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On February 24 2011 18:11 Coagulation wrote:Show nested quote +On February 24 2011 17:49 eLiE wrote:
I'm scared of heights too, but you just generally have do face the fears (I went cliff jumping, I'm also a lifeguard who's scared of open water (afraid of fish and shit)). I can handle it and all, but I would always fear being in situations I couldn't control. An example, when we used to drive up a mountain at the cottage, I was always freaking scared that the car would give out and roll backwards off a cliff. Another was being lost. Now its getting stuck with group projects, haha. I'm also still somewhat scared of the dark, and being completely alone. I need at least my german shepherd with me.
I also get wary of edges when around other people. I get especially nervous when at the train station right as the train is rolling in. I stay on guard so anyone who wants to push me on the tracks will get their ass thrown into the train. Fear is in place to keep you safe, but it's up to you to determine whether the fear is useful or irrational. someones gonna accidentally bump into you and get wtfmurdered I fear the mods here. how would i go about conquering this???
Go to a TL meetup and chill with a mod IRL. Cool bunch.
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On February 24 2011 18:11 Coagulation wrote:Show nested quote +On February 24 2011 17:49 eLiE wrote:
I'm scared of heights too, but you just generally have do face the fears (I went cliff jumping, I'm also a lifeguard who's scared of open water (afraid of fish and shit)). I can handle it and all, but I would always fear being in situations I couldn't control. An example, when we used to drive up a mountain at the cottage, I was always freaking scared that the car would give out and roll backwards off a cliff. Another was being lost. Now its getting stuck with group projects, haha. I'm also still somewhat scared of the dark, and being completely alone. I need at least my german shepherd with me.
I also get wary of edges when around other people. I get especially nervous when at the train station right as the train is rolling in. I stay on guard so anyone who wants to push me on the tracks will get their ass thrown into the train. Fear is in place to keep you safe, but it's up to you to determine whether the fear is useful or irrational. someones gonna accidentally bump into you and get wtfmurdered I fear the mods here. how would i go about conquering this???
Face your fears. Next time you see a mod post, reply to him, and say, "Hey Mod, I'm not scared of you anymore, you can't hurt me!", and see what happens. If all goes well, nothing will happen, and your fear goes away, if all goes wrong you get perm banned and ridiculed, and we never hear from you again.
Edit: Go to TL headquarters and tell the admins you aren't scared of them anymore. Or throw a milkshake at a mod's car and run away.
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*waits for mod* *to post or drive by*
+ Show Spoiler +
User was warned for imitating mods' red text. Don't do this.
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On February 24 2011 18:11 Coagulation wrote:Show nested quote +Fear #2: The idea of not existing in any way whatsoever after I die
My best way to deal with this one is to just not think about it. That's all I got. this is like by definition the exact opposite of facing this fear Show nested quote +On February 24 2011 17:49 eLiE wrote:
I'm scared of heights too, but you just generally have do face the fears (I went cliff jumping, I'm also a lifeguard who's scared of open water (afraid of fish and shit)). I can handle it and all, but I would always fear being in situations I couldn't control. An example, when we used to drive up a mountain at the cottage, I was always freaking scared that the car would give out and roll backwards off a cliff. Another was being lost. Now its getting stuck with group projects, haha. I'm also still somewhat scared of the dark, and being completely alone. I need at least my german shepherd with me.
I also get wary of edges when around other people. I get especially nervous when at the train station right as the train is rolling in. I stay on guard so anyone who wants to push me on the tracks will get their ass thrown into the train. Fear is in place to keep you safe, but it's up to you to determine whether the fear is useful or irrational. someones gonna accidentally bump into you and get wtfmurdered I fear the mods here. how would i go about conquering this???
To be fair, I imagine the situation as defending myself from the ninja assassin who's been stalking me for the last few weeks waiting for his chance to strike. But don't worry, I've got good judgement; obviously the ninja assassin's gonna be disguised as a pregnant woman or an elderly person, so I keep a close watch.
@Coagulation: I'd like to think that the ninja assassin would have the decency not to disguise himself as an innocent child.
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you might wanna keep an eye on small children also.
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While I don't suffer from a fear of heights or clowns, the concept of nonexistence is, in my opinion, worse than the concept of hell. There are unfortunately few techniques that can be used to conquer fear, but here is how I handle pretty much any issue I can imagine:
Our feelings stem from the way we perceive our surroundings, not from reality. If you have an embarrassing experience, you are going to feel like shit while it's happening. Later, however, it is entirely possible to look back on the experience as something comical. What has changed? Nothing but your perception.
Here's a hypothetical. Let's say that you are having a terrible day. Although things seem to just keep getting worse and worse, at the end of the day you say to yourself, "Today was a good day." Who is to say that you didn't have a good day? You said you had a good day, and it doesn't matter what anyone else says because they are not you. Simply put, you can control your reality simply by choosing to believe what you say to yourself is true.
How does this apply to fear? It works in much the same way. Not having had experience with a fear of heights or clowns, I'll use an example from my own life. At night, as I am going to brush my teeth, I can see the long, dark hallway that I used to get to the bathroom. When I was younger, I had the nagging fear that when I turned back to look into the hallway/mirror, there would be a monster there. I was completely aware of how ridiculous this fear was and that there was no reason for me to believe in it. How did I conquer it? By telling myself that I wasn't afraid.
It is not simply enough to confront a fear and hope for the fear to go away. At some point you need a mental shift. This shift does not happen on it's own accord. You have to force yourself to believe that you are not afraid when you are doing something which makes you scared. This shift won't happen over night, but the more you tell yourself that you are not afraid and overcome the fear, eventually, the process of repeating the words in your head, "I am not afraid," will seem pointless and boring. This is how you know that you have won. You have taken something which you once feared and turned defeating it into a chore.
I hope that you find this technique of controlling your reality helpful. The last thing I would like to address is your second topic, fear of nonexistence/death. This has been an issue that I have been grappling with for almost two years now, and I would like to express my thoughts on the matter in hopes that it will help you.
Death is the biggest mystery of life. There is no way to see into it's clutches, and no-one who has died can tell us of their experiences. Historically, people have found many ways to cope with the nagging fear that someday they will die, but by far the most common tool is religion. It is my opinion that religion would not exist if people did not fear death. However, there is a downside. Religion requires that you take a leap of blind faith, and trust with little to know proof that its teachings are true. I will not go into detail about my beliefs on religion so as not derail the thread, but I am simply unable to accept religious teachings without proof.
As a human being, one is either able to accept religion on faith, or is unable to accept the religion due to their own suspicions as to its validity. If one is able to accept religion, then they should have no fear of death, as it provides them with evidence of a happy and peaceful afterlife. So why would one not want this belief? The answer is that you must sacrifice your desires to learn how the universe really works. The human quest for truth has been a never ending tale which has defined us as a species. Being unable to accept religion without fact forces you into a life that is plagued by the fear of death. While being able to accept religion as truth is a comforting and rewarding talent, it unfortunately stifles humans in its search for truth. This gives rise to the saying, "Ignorance is bliss." It is ones ability to ignore the lack of fact which lets one live a life of comfort.
So why have I gone on this tangent? It is simple: I am able to find comfort in the fact that I fear the unknowns of death, for it is my job as a human being to search for truth. People like us don't have the luxury of getting to live a life of satisfaction because we have an important job. We are the people who drive humanity forward. So long as we continue to search for the truth, we will never be able to feel the comfort of knowing what happens once our lives have ended. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, and that it is people like you who help drive humanity forward in its unending hunger for knowledge. This is what keeps me going. This is how I am able to feel satisfied.
To anyone whom I may have offended, please know that I do not view someone who believes whole-heartedly in a religion as dumb or inferior. Copernicus, Newton, and Galileo all were religious men whom I admire deeply for their profound influence in the fields of science. I am merely stating that it is the questioning mind which is what should be admired. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, and this is a philosophy which is central to the very fiber of who I am as a person.
Once again, I hope that this could help.
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On February 24 2011 18:18 Coagulation wrote:
*waits for mod* *to post or drive by*
You should try PMing one and asking him to confront you here.
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archmage, i really liked ur perspective on fear and living in general. since i'm afraid of heights as well, i'll be attempting to use ur method to alter my take on altitudes.
OP:
fears #1 and 2 i can understand, but clowns i can't seem to get. i think it lies mainly in our perceptions on them- u see them as creepy while i see them as just dudes donning makeup and abnormal attire. i think that if u continually make an effort to perceive them as such, u'll be able to rid urself of that fear.
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I used to be absolutely terrified of heights, but I just grew up and learned to face it. Just flat out force yourself to do exactly what you are afraid of. Afraid of ledges? WALK RIGHT UP TO THAT BITCH, STARE INTO THE ABYSS AND SAY "F YOU!!".
Skydiving helped me out too. Nothing like sitting on the edge of an airplane door at 13,000 feet and knowing the guy behind you is going to push you out in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,............I will NEVER forget that feeling I got as I got pushed out into nothingness. Soooo epic.
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On February 24 2011 19:04 Archmage wrote:...
sry but saying the concept of hell is worse than death is just stupid
people commit to crimes under torture they didn't do and they know they'll get the death penalty
also your fear of mirrors is completly irrational, fear of height is not. you just can't group everyhting together
also, you can't get rid of fear of height since there is a reason for it. you can lessen it by being very careful and conscious about everything you do in such situations.snowboarders that jump of huge cliffs didn't do that from one day to another they can do it with almost no fear because they know what they are capable of
edit: what i don't understand is your fear of nonexistence, if you aren't around anymore you can't fear anything? or is it that you might miss something?
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On February 24 2011 23:25 Qeet wrote:sry but saying the concept of hell is worse than death is just stupid people commit to crimes under torture they didn't do and they know they'll get the death penalty also your fear of mirrors is completly irrational, fear of height is not. you just can't group everyhting together also, you can't get rid of fear of height since there is a reason for it. you can lessen it by being very careful and conscious about everything you do in such situations.snowboarders that jump of huge cliffs didn't do that from one day to another they can do it with almost no fear because they know what they are capable of edit: what i don't understand is your fear of nonexistence, if you aren't around anymore you can't fear anything? or is it that you might miss something?
Hello, thank you for your critique! Looking back, I realize that it may help to clarify certain aspects of what I stated.
In response to your first comment, I was not trying to imply that hell is worse than death. It is actually quite the opposite. I propose that the certainty of hell is in itself somewhat comforting, whereas the concept of nothingness is what is truly terrifying. I will explain why further at the end of this, as it pertains to your final comment.
In response to rational vs irrational fears, the whole point of controlling your reality is that rationality has nothing to do with it. Here is an example from my own life: For the last ten years, I have been training at a karate studio. Part of our curriculum mandates that we spar. Needless to say, sparring can be an intimidating and frightening experience for someone who hasn't had much experience. Certainly the fear of getting punched in the face is a rational fear, but if you can repeat phrases like, "Pain is only temporary," "I will learn much more from losing a fight that I will from winning it," and "I can choose how I react to getting hit," you will be able to overcome your rational fear of getting hit.
Another great example of controlling one's reality through his/her beliefs is the practice of self immolation, practiced by Buddhist monks in the 1960s to protest the Vietnam War. Obviously the fear of burning to death is a rational fear, yet these monks were capable of committing suicide by lighting themselves on fire and not moving a muscle or making a sound the entire time. How do they do this? This isn't something one can simply practice. They did this by recognizing these two facts: Everyone dies, and pain is something which you can ignore. They felt themselves burning the same way you or I would, the difference is that they chose to simply ignore their bodies' reactions to the flames. Practicing the technique of controlling one's reality, a person can control almost any aspect of their life, even if it is intrinsic, human nature.
Now I would like to address your final comment. This is unfortunately something very difficult for me to describe to you without you putting the effort into trying to see this from my point of view. The best way I can express my thoughts on the subject is through a stream-of-conscious writing style, so I apologize if this seems disjointed or incoherent.
Try to imagine nothing. THERE! I did it! But wait... I am still thinking. There would be no next step. No being able to think or perceive after nothingness. How long would this last? FOREVER! Nothing! Ever! An eternity of imperceptibility. Would I care? No, I wouldn't know what 'caring' is. I wouldn't know what 'knowing' is. How long would this last? Forever! There is no next step! You are just done, incapable of ever experience anything future, present or past. Unending nothingness! How would one stay sane? That can't be known because 'one' doesn't exist. What is time? What is reality? Will I ever know anything? What is 'I'? Every second I last on earth is one second closer to this unending hell.
I must stop there because unfortunately, this never ends. These thoughts can be broken apart and analyzed, but you would simply need to keep breaking apart your analysis. Hell is definite. You know what pain is. But what is life when there is no consciousness? It is impossible to know.
I am sorry if my answer to your last question is grossly uninformative, but this is the best I can do. Whether or not you are troubled by thoughts such as these, it is important to recognize that there are those who do, and they feel very uncomfortable discussing them with others. If you understand what it is that I am trying to say, then I am happy to have helped. If not, then I am hoping for nothing more than acceptance that what I am saying is more than just nonsensical bullshit. People struggle with these issues, and while there is little that anyone can do to help them resolve their internal fears, they can at least take comfort knowing that you recognize the reality of their problem.
I hope I was able to clarify some of my views.
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systematic desensitization
you have a comfort zone (hopping down from a 3foot ledge), a terror zone which would spike the fear (getting thrown off a building and surviving by trampoline), and a stretch zone. spend some time in the stretch zone from time to time, and you'll extend your range
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On February 24 2011 19:04 Archmage wrote:...
Try to imagine nothing. THERE! I did it! But wait... I am still thinking. There would be no next step. No being able to think or perceive after nothingness. How long would this last? FOREVER! Nothing! Ever! An eternity of imperceptibility. Would I care? No, I wouldn't know what 'caring' is. I wouldn't know what 'knowing' is. How long would this last? Forever! There is no next step! You are just done, incapable of ever experience anything future, present or past. Unending nothingness! How would one stay sane? That can't be known because 'one' doesn't exist. What is time? What is reality? Will I ever know anything? What is 'I'? Every second I last on earth is one second closer to this unending hell.
That just gave me the shivers. Reminded me of a few horrible weeks I had at the age of 11 where I had the EXACT same thoughts. Worst part was I could not stop thinking about it - to the point of shaking, dizziness and being sick. To this day I don't know how else to cope with it, without simply forcing my mind not to think in that direction, such as OP. Is this unhealthy?
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the weirdest thing for me is that i am not afraid of heights in real life that much. but in dreams, i get freaked out so easily of heights. it's really weird..
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EPT
