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On February 04 2011 15:12 Kurr wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2011 14:17 lastmotion wrote:On February 04 2011 02:45 Haemonculus wrote:
Turn it around then. If your girlfriend was fucking other guys behind your back, wouldn't you want to know about it? Especially so if you were seriously attached to her? you can't turn it around. he's specifically friends with the boyfriend, not friends with the girlfriend. everyone wants to know the truth, but it wasn't the OP's place to tell it. If the OP was best friends with the girl INSTEAD, it's definitely justified. But that's not the case. it's definately not OP's business to tell the girl about what his friend does bros before hoes rule always apply no matter what yes its bad for him to do it, but I think it's just as bad for the OP to rat out on his friend you need to talk to your roommate and have a good talk about things, not hold it up inside he might not be employed, but he might be unlucky. It can happen to anyone. Shouldn't you rather feel sorry for the guy rather than looking at him negatively? I'm sure he would rather have a job too, its just an unfortunate circumstance OP, you're being an major asshole here, instead of wanting to support your friend during his unemployed days (which can happen to anyone), you label him as a slacker and use that as another reason to dislike him. Hell, you don't even know why he got fired and u just assumed he skipped too much. How does it affect you that he lost his job? As long as he pays his bills, why is it something you should dislike him for? I would NOT want to live with a guy like OP Let me get this straight. OP is being an asshole because someone is pretty clearly (in my opinion) taking advantage of his generous nature. He already answered all your points : he isn't paying bills (although the OP agreed to that so it's hard to hold that against him at this point), he did have talks with him which amounted to nothing, and he's hanging out with a bad crowd which is why he's assuming the worst for his layoff and the possibilities for the future. I have a friend who JUST got out of a similar roommate situation. Didn't pay the bills, didn't hold a steady job, a pain to be around. He promised him he would pay everything back despite always being late on rent and all the services. My friend got into some decent debt (nothing major but a setback for a few months for sure) until he had enough and canceled all his services, contracts and moved elsewhere. He's never going to see a cent that is owed to him, because some people are just that terrible. This feels like a pretty similar situation to me, and I get that feeling because that's what the OP himself wrote. Clearly, since he's the one living this situation, he knows best how it's going to end. It doesn't take a genius to figure out when someone is using you. Still, props to the TL community. Most forums are usually 100% "cheating is OK" posts in these type of discussions so it's nice to see an actual debate where only half of the people are on that side of the subject for a change (which is about the % of people that cheat anyway). Where else could you find people with normal morals on the cesspool of crap known as the internet.
No one is taking advantage of the OP. He happens to have a roommate with bad habits. Those bad habits can be compromised or maybe fixed, but we need time to find out. Maybe the guy doesn't have bad habits but according to OP's living standards he does, so its all relative.
The core reason why I said OP was being an asshole here was because he ratted out his friend over a serious matter like cheating AND he labeled his roommate as a slacker just because he lost his job, and assumes he lost his job over skipping when he doesn't even know. The roommate IS paying the bills, the OP clearly said that he will get the courage to kick him out IF the roommate cannot pay the bills. No one is using anybody, why would you even think that? His roommate just happens to have bad living habits and lost his job due to unfortunate circumstance.
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Baltimore, USA22256 Posts
On February 03 2011 15:45 Kurr wrote:
My only problem now is neighbours. I can't wait to have my own HOUSE instead of an apartment. Seriously, the guy who lives upstairs talks so loudly I can hear him through my earplugs or through my computer headphones with music blasting when I'm not sleeping at 1 AM... when he's on the PHONE! When people are there it's even louder. I really hate not having my own quiet place.
Roommates are always worse than neighbours too so yeah, I really don't want another roommate even if having my own apartment costs a ton. If I was forced to have a roommate for financial reasons, I would just declare bankruptcy or something because I can't live like that again.
Amen to that.
I just recently (3 months ago) purchased my first house and got away from all that renting garbage. I couldn't be fucking happier. Especially since we (me + wife) moved to a very rural area where it's very peaceful and quiet, even on weekends.
I love it and don't think I could ever go back.
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Okay lets get this all straight. He isn't paying bills but that is my fault as I said he didn't have to worry about it because he was telling me he had another job lined up so it was going to be a 1-2 month wait not a 4 month. However he got involved in the wrong crowd which ultimately prevented him from getting that job. He has a job now but is using his money elsewhere after saying he could start paying again when I asked; so that is my main reason for kicking him out. I charge him $500/m utilities included, which is pretty generous to begin with; if he can't pay that something is seriously wrong.
To the debate if I should or shouldn't of told on him, it's not like it happened one time and i instantly ratted him out. I stumbled in on it twice; he had a choice after the first time to move out if he was going to be that type of guy. I won't give my friends some sort of special treatment just because they are my friends. However when I gave him the warning he asked for a few days as he wanted to wait till after Halloween, he said he would tell her; instead he used those four days to convince her I was going to lie about it so she wouldn't believe me. However, the trust was gone and she found out on her own after that. If you are going to make a mistake, you have to own up to it; especially if it doesn't have any "serious" side effects (jail).
But as I have stated before I treat other people how I'd like to be treated. If I was in a relationship and someone was cheating on me for a long period of time; I wish someone would bite the bullet and just tell me. It is much easier for people on the outside to see when people cheat as the person isn't trying to hide it from them and of course love blinds.
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On February 04 2011 15:12 Kurr wrote:
Still, props to the TL community. Most forums are usually 100% "cheating is OK" posts in these type of discussions so it's nice to see an actual debate where only half of the people are on that side of the subject for a change (which is about the % of people that cheat anyway). Where else could you find people with normal morals on the cesspool of crap known as the internet.
Yeah. I couldn't agree more with what you and lpp have said in this thread. I find it disappointing that torte de lini and helios.star seem to be very superficial thinkers, but it's not like I had respect (or disrespect) for them as posters before anyway. I love how choosing to step in and try and save someone some heartache is seen as a logical fallacy. Very close minded and one dimensional of you to say, torte de retard. Honestly.
On February 04 2011 07:53 Helios.Star wrote:
You are seriously comparing physical violence against women to being unfaithful to your partner? There is a HUGE difference, and its pretty sad you cant see it. Do you not see a difference between rape and cheating also?
There's a difference because people tell you there's a difference. You don't know how each thing effects people individually. I've seen people who got cheated on and they were DEVASTATED. To not acknowledge emotional pain is to be completely ignorant. It's like if your partner is in love with someone else, saying all their inner feelings to this other person sharing their thoughts etc. Technically it's not cheating but for me that'd be alot worse than my partner hooking up with a person randomly one night. Just because there's no phyiscal interaction does not mean it's not as horrible.
Well said and quoted for the insight that helios desperately needs. I think you really failed to grasp the deeper meaning of this thread, and just posted with how you see things on the surface. It's nice knowing that there is people out there on this board that don't suffer from the dumb. You can choose to step in or step back, but don't call it a logical fallacy because you fail to understand it and some others do. That in itself is a logical fallacy, rofl.
Edited for below post: No doubt it is unorthodox, but look who I'm trying to make understand... not exactly the sharpest tools in the shed these ones. We've already had someone say it was a fantastic point, so your factitious point that it's stupid is your opinion. Grab a seat next to beavis and butthead here.
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no sorry, cheating sucks but that is one goddamn stupid analogy
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Comparing cheating with physical abuse is absurd. Deliberate emotional abuse, maybe. Cheating sucks, and having been cheated on in the past, I can tell you how absolutely crushing it is when you're really attached to or invested in the guy. But saying it's anything like physical abuse is ridiculous. I honestly don't think many men really understand the concept of what it's like to be intimidated/hurt by someone *that* much stronger than you.
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I feel you man, this year my roomate is awful, never empties the trash, never does the dishes, his room is a complete mess. He never does anything voluntarily, you have to ask him to do something. He basically lived his whole life having people doing everything for him so his he barely has any life skills.
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On February 04 2011 19:49 Ipp wrote:
To the debate if I should or shouldn't of told on him, it's not like it happened one time and i instantly ratted him out. I stumbled in on it twice; he had a choice after the first time to move out if he was going to be that type of guy. I won't give my friends some sort of special treatment just because they are my friends. However when I gave him the warning he asked for a few days as he wanted to wait till after Halloween, he said he would tell her; instead he used those four days to convince her I was going to lie about it so she wouldn't believe me. However, the trust was gone and she found out on her own after that. If you are going to make a mistake, you have to own up to it; especially if it doesn't have any "serious" side effects (jail).
But as I have stated before I treat other people how I'd like to be treated. If I was in a relationship and someone was cheating on me for a long period of time; I wish someone would bite the bullet and just tell me. It is much easier for people on the outside to see when people cheat as the person isn't trying to hide it from them and of course love blinds.
Thank fucking you.
Now everyone can shut up about this.
This is exactly what I would have done.
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