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It just happened tonight, and was really sudden. Earlier today it sounded like he was having breathing problems, but we couldn't take him into the vet because it's the weekend. It seemed like he had eaten something poisonous or was choking somehow.
I feel completely awful for not showing any emotion to it. I loved him like a friend, but I can't seem to cry or anything. My mom and dad are in the other room crying right now. We're about to go take him to the vet, even though he's already dead. I feel very uncomfortable going in there because I'm not crying or feeling anything really. I know that a lot of people are that way when a loved one dies, but it still makes me feel awful inside. I feel like I should cry with them or something, but I can't, and it makes me feel so awkward and uncomfortable to even be in there because of it.
God I feel like an awful person.
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probably at certain ages its harder to cry then others. How old are you?
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Please don't worry about the crying. You'll cry when you're ready, or not at all.
Just feel what you feel, feel it naturally, and don't worry about it. You can't worry about grief, you can't worry about not feeling grief. Just feel what you feel.
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Sometimes shock can inhibit an emotional reaction to a situation. That's what this sounds like to me, but it could be any number of things. The real question is: does it matter? You know how you feel, and even if it isn't how you expect you should feel, there's still always something there. Doesn't really matter what other people think of you when it comes to mourning...its a personal experience. Hope things work out okay for you and sorry for your loss.
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Sorry for your loss 
I liked my cat a lot, but when he ran away/got lost, I didn't cry either. I mean, I still miss him and all, but he's still a cat and not a human. I'm pretty sure you couldn't have felt the same attachment for your dog as you do for your parents, close friends, etc. People just have different grasps on their emotions, and it's not something you can control or should feel bad about.
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On January 02 2011 14:36 puppykiller wrote:
probably at certain ages its harder to cry then others. How old are you?
24, visiting here for the holidays.
We decided we aren't going to take him to the vet until later tonight now to wait for my dad to calm down. He was really close with him and so he's taking it pretty hard.
@ the other person above, I don't think it's shock. Could be but I don't think so.
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I know how you feel, i'm not good at showing emotions at these kind of moments either, you're not a bad person, so don't feel like you are.
Everyone displays their emotions differently.
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You're feeling role strain. Role strain occurs when our emotions do not match what we perceive as appropriate emotions in a given social setting. It is possible to feel sad without crying, don't worry so much about your outward appearance. What you are feeling(or not feeling) at the moment is normal.
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I'm sorry to hear about your dog. That's terrible.
And as for the not crying, I wouldn't overthink it. People grieve in different ways, and that's fine. Grief is a complex thing and highly individual. Worrying about crying or not crying or crying too much or not crying enough--that's natural, too, and that's fine, but try not to let it make you feel like a shitty person. You're not a shitty person. You're just in a really shitty situation.
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On January 02 2011 14:39 Creek wrote:
I know how you feel, i'm not good at showing emotions at these kind of moments either, you're not a bad person, so don't feel like you are.
Everyone displays their emotions differently.
I don't think there is anything to do with not being able to show emotions.
I rarely show any kind of emotion around my familly, if not never, but when the cat I was living with and was very close to since I was 8 died, (I was 22 when it happened ), I just dropped my first tears in almost a decade and couldn't stop, kept crying the whole day till I was too exhausted to keep going and was pretty depressed for weeks, and took me months to finally stop thinking about it and dropping a few tears again every time I was going to my computer, to bed, to the kitchen or the bathroom (places she would always follow me to).
I'll be honest, and my guess is that you maybe weren't that close to him ? You probably simply weren't really attached to him, because if you really loved him and was part of your familly to your eyes, I highly doubt you wouldn't feel anything.
So yeah, there is no reason to feel bad about it, as long as you're supportive to your parents which you seem to be, that's how you feel and there is no reason to feel like an awful person for this, you were simply not as close to him as your parents were, the same way my father was far from being as affected by my cat's death than me, in fact he was mostly feeling really sorry for us.
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If you can take comfort in nothing else, at least realize that your dog could have spent his life completely uncared for in an animal shelter or on his own. I remember crying my head off in... fourth grade? when my first dumb Jack Russell got himself hit by a UPS truck  . We buried him in our back yard wrapped in some blankets. I was crestfallen. I put with him in the blankets a stick thing that I'd been awarded at a summer camp by my cabin counselor for being well-behaved. (Oh, how I've fallen!)
I spent about a month getting over it, and seven years later I think that's the last time I remember bawling my eyes out. I used to cry over everything, even in the face of very minor difficulty, probably because of my numerous insecurities. I recall one time in the first or second grade when my redneck (by his own admission) friend invited me over for a sleepover. I ended up getting driven home before the better part of the night had passed. I'd started crying because his dad had spoken harshly to the guy's little brother. When his mother asked me if it was because of this, I felt ashamed of myself and lied, but she probably saw through it because of my age.
Even in the eighth grade when I took preparation courses during the summer for the admissions test for a local magnet school, I remember crying when I found out that I was in the wrong rotation of a class and when the English teacher called me out on something.
Ironically, that's the last time I remember crying or even shedding a tear. For the past three years I've been pretty dry. I had a falling-out with a very close friend of mine a couple months ago. I felt the most gut-wrenching despair I'd ever endured in my life. (I do laugh at myself when I use such strong words like "despair"; a rich white kid in a magnet school really can't experience the depth of what that word describes, but emotional distress still hurts.) I felt like crying would help relieve the stress, and even tried to force myself to cry at points, but all in vain.
My point with all this long-winded story is that I don't think you have to shed tears in order to convey sadness. Just do what feels natural to you and don't take what others would think of you into account too heavily. I think most people should understand that your emotions get f***ed up when cataclysmic events like deaths, even of pets, come into play.
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We just got back from dropping him off at the emergency 24 hour vet. My dad was freaking out about it the entire way. It made me feel so uncomfortable.
During the drive I was thinking that the times when I don't show any kind of emotion when I should, are when other people are already being really upset about the situation. I think if everyone else was calm and collected then maybe I would have cried a little or something. But since my dad has been hysterical the entire time, I just can't bring myself to do anything but be calm about it and take the lead to get over to the vet and get everything done. I know everyone deals with these things differently, but my father has been completely freaking out about it for the past two hours and it makes me so incredibly uncomfortable.
Thanks for the nice words everyone.
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Netherlands4511 Posts
i didnt cry at first, then i cried 3 nights in a row
sry for ur loss~
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Sorry for your loss.
Don't worry about your reaction. Everyone grieves in their own way. When I had to put my cat down, I bawled and bawled and just couldn't stop. For a good week every little thing would set me off.
When each of my grandparents died, I felt nothing. At all. It was very odd. I wasn't that close to my grandfather, and his death was very unexpected, but for about a year I seemed to just accept it. Then one day, while reading his war journal, it "hit" me.
My grandmother's death was expected, and again, I felt very little. I just accepted it as I knew it was coming and just did my best to go on with my life. One night, I saw a picture of her on my cousin's Facebook and lost it.
No idea, dude; just don't worry about it. You know you cared about your dog, and I'm sure your dog knew as well. That's all that matters.
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Don't be sorry - some people don't show emotions much.
I haven't cried at a funeral yet. I rather remember people/pets by the happy days - you know?
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Sigh, my dog's getting old...
And to go with your topic, when my best friend died, I was devastated and yet I didn't cry. I had to force some tears out at his funeral and I felt weird about it just like you do now... As it turns out, I still think about him quite often and I realize that I'm not 100% psychopathic.
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One of my friends I knew for years died and everyone was crying and shit. I didn't really do or feel anything, I felt so shitty about it I didn't even go to his funeral or anything.
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People deal with losses in different ways. You shouldn't feel bad for not reacting the same way as other people, if you loved your pet then you probably feel just as bad as your parents and should not feel guilty for reacting in a your own way.
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EPT
