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I used to loathe the idea of alcohol and drugs, and thought people who drank were disgusting and stupid. Then I tried alcohol myself and freaking L-O-V-E-D it. It made me unbelievably happy and relaxed and able to enjoy things 10x more than I would if I were sober. It makes you more emotional, which means a funny movie becomes even funnier. With "comedy" being my favourite thing of all, alcohol made me a very easily satisfied person.
From around age 17 I started drinking frequently. We had a little "mini house" attached to our house and I would have a friend or two over and we'd just listen to trance, chat and drink ourselves silly. If I didn't have any friends over I'd drink by myself.
When I went to university, with a whooole of government and parent's money, drinking became almost a daily thing. I finally had a proper interet connection, and discovered Family Guy, South Park, Austin Powers, Ali G...... I was so insanely happy just to sit in my room watching comedy and chatting online drunk out of my mind.
For days, weeks, months, years...
After failing university I switched to poker and continued to drink. Sometimes I would go out by myself, after getting drunk at home, and have been chucked out of countless clubs and bars, been attacked several times, stolen from, fallen asleep in the street, been ripped off by prostitutes, been in jail twice...
Most people who know me have said its a miracle I'm still alive.
But none of this phased me. Alcohol was my friend. Everytime the thought of getting drunk entered my mind I became overwhelmed with excitement and positive feelings. "I can't WAIT to get drunk and watch some Starcraft! I can't WAIT to get drunk and see what movies I have to catch up on!"
Then, one day, I woke up and had this intense feeling of fear. It was like having butterflies in your stomach, a searing feeling of irrational and chronic anxiety. It lasted all day, until I undoubtably got some more beers.
The next day the anxiety came back again. And then the next. I began to put two and two together. I figured it was occuring because I was getting so drunk that being unable to remember what I'd been up to the previous evening was causing me fear about what I'd been doing. What I'd been saying to people.
Poker didn't work out and eventually I got myself a job which I stayed at for several years. I managed to cut my drinking down to "off nights" when I had no work the next day. But now I had a serious, serious problem. The anxiety got worse.
This anxiety is a feeling of absolute fear, paranoia and confusion. I can't stress enough how fucking bad it makes you feel, and how dumb it makes you. I was completely cloudy-headed and felt ill constantly. I was in a high-pressure and very responsible job and it was freaking killing me and making people hate me left and right.
You've tried working a 12 hour shift with a hangover? It's fucking hell, isn't it. Amplify that several-fold, and repeat it several times a week to get an idea of what I was putting myself through. And unlike a hangover, it didn't ease off over the course of the day. It'd get worse, and would last days, and longer.
I KNEW it was the fucking booze but I just COULDN'T stop drinking. The intense excitement and lure I got every time I went home from work was overwhelming! I didn't care that I would be in complete physical and mental torture for days/weeks to come every time I put a bottle to my mouth. That every single moment after I woke up would be agony.
So fast-forward to today. Why am I writing this?
I just went 23 days without drinking and felt "normal" for the first time in a long long time. It took TWO WEEKS for the depression and anxiety to go down. It is absolutely mind-boggling how different I felt, how confident I became without this chronic paranoia.
Two nights ago I was chatting to a friend on Skype who was drinking some wine and without much thought I decided to "treat" myself to a bottle. I picked up 2 bottles instead, then later went to a bar, then to a club. My nervous system is completely FUCKED again, and I'm shaking, can't think straight to save my life, paranoid as fuck, depressed...and most of all fucking pissed off that I STILL didn't learn my motherfucking lesson: I can't drink ever again.
tldr: the lesser-known long-term effects of alcohol abuse are severe chronic anxiety and depression. you can PERMANENTLY fuck up your nervous system. just do a google search and you'll see that the reality isn't just some distant memory of liver disease.
 
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Get rid of all alcohol in your house now!!!
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I think most people know the effects of alcohol, but it's a social necessity to drink with friends what not that leads to lack of self control
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Odd, I had something similar to this when I started doing weed in grade 10. First I thought those potheads in my class were retarded, but one day I decided to try it with a friend and I also L-O-V-E-D it. After a while I began doing it almost every second day, often even during lunch hours. Grades dropped from high 80s low 90s first term to mid 60s second term because I was high almost all the time and I couldn't work, and for some reason I became extremely lazy. After a while though I also started to get paranoia and anxiety. I'd become REALLY scared and REALLY self conscious every time I was high, which, along with my deteriorating grades and worth ethic prompted me to stop. It's been 2 years now, and I really have no intention of doing shit like that again.
Congrats on having the self control to be able to stop, I think alcohol is a lot more addicting than weed.
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Ya, I can't really smoke weed anymore too. I just go completely psychotic now, slipping in and out of consciousness in a dreamlike state where I'm not sure what just happened a moment ago. Last time I smoked I had to go hide in my room because I was afraid of scaring my friend.
I also get similar blackouts sometimes when I drink in a public setting. The worst recent one was when me and a friend were in the courtyard of a bar. I'd only had 3-4 pints and suddenly I "woke up" and realised I'd just pissed against the wall in a crowded public place. It was really confusing and embarrassing. I was like "what the fuck just happened?". And that was the second blackout of the night - not long earlier I'd started shouting at random people to hurry up at the ATM. My friend confronted me about it and I hadn't even realised I'd done it.
Alcohol and mental health 
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I'm glad you've come to that realization on your own. Good luck to you. Stay strong.
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Hold true dude! If you ever need a brother to stare down mr booze, I'm here with ya ^^.
Believe me, it ain't worth the trouble. Learn to get your kicks from camellia sinensis, good juice and boutique softdrinks. Healthier, cheaper and infinitely easier to get up after. The hardest part is trying to keep well meaning drinkers off your back and sticking to your guns under peer pressure. With time, though, you'll find your inhibitions soften anyway .It's gotten to the point where I can go out and have a good time with a bunch of drinkers and stay sober all night, the advantages being they get hangovers and I don't, I remember them being idiots and they don't remember me being an idiot (despite the fact I regularly out-foolery them, it's tremendously liberating to be able to be a nutter in perfect understanding of what you're doing and have nobody look askance at you), and I don't have any inclination to do some of the more dangerous drunken escapades.
So stay strong! drinking is the easy way, not the good way. You can learn to feel just as good as you do drunk sober if you try.
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Ya, I turned to buying chocolate and cocacola (which I love) as a substitute sometimes 
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Best of luck fighting against the booze! And congrats for making a great decision to stop drinking.
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Good luck with the recovery, but I couldn't help but feel really upset and uncomfortable throughout the whole article. Not because of you in particular, but just that alcohol still takes people "by surprise". Like "I was drinking every day, but I never thought it was bad for me!" Comon, people have been going through this dance for hundreds of years. Humanity is slow to learn 
Also, TWO WEEKS of anxiety and depression sounds like an awfully small price for what was it, 5 years of alcohol abuse? I feel sorry for you man, but again, same old song and dance.
Good luck again friend.
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god i dont know how can someone drink i dont even understand how can someone drink every friday well GL man, fighting
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On September 18 2010 23:59 Lexpar wrote:Good luck with the recovery, but I couldn't help but feel really upset and uncomfortable throughout the whole article. Not because of you in particular, but just that alcohol still takes people "by surprise". Like "I was drinking every day, but I never thought it was bad for me!" Comon, people have been going through this dance for hundreds of years. Humanity is slow to learn Also, TWO WEEKS of anxiety and depression sounds like an awfully small price for what was it, 5 years of alcohol abuse? I feel sorry for you man, but again, same old song and dance. Good luck again friend.
Ya well such is life :/ Don't misunderstand, it was/is 4 years of anxiety, depression, occaisional breakdowns, seeing psychologists and doctors, pissing off a lot of people, losing friends and emotional trauma.. not 2 weeks.
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im in college and get drunk (and occassionally high) every monday and friday and usually tuesday/wednesday/thursday as well if im not busy, the trick is only drink when your buddies are around
i love wine or beer as much as any other guy but getting drunk by yourself is just sad, if you can't stay below 1 or 2 glasses by yourself don't buy alcohol
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what you are feeling is very normal for your situation. try not to beat yourself up.
look up the link between magnesium deficiency and alcoholism. its very serious. when you drink alcohol it raises blood levels of magnesium and then rapidly excretes it.
please read this link.
http://www.john-libbey-eurotext.fr/fr/revues/bio_rech/mrh/e-docs/00/04/3B/7E/article.phtml
i suggest a lifestyle change including a diet rich in fruits vegetables and nuts(all rich in magnesium).
sugar and stress also lower magnesium levels..
get educated!!
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Just keep working out hard. In doing so, you regularly associate yourself with discomfort for what you know is your own greater good. This trains you to be able to make better decisions with say, alcohol, for your own greater good.
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You know, I bought magnesium pills in the past but they were too large for me to swallow. I'll look into them again. I'm taking multivits, vit D, vit B6 and omega3 currently.
Thanks for the other link. I honestly didn't know there was something you could take to dampen the attraction to alcohol. You would have thought someone would have fucking mentioned it before now.
On September 19 2010 00:46 travis wrote:
Just keep working out hard. In doing so, you regularly associate yourself with discomfort for what you know is your own greater good. This trains you to be able to make better decisions with say, alcohol, for your own greater good.
Ya this is really sigificant thing to learn in life.
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Running daily seems to fix all my mental problems.
Trust me I know about anxiety, I've gotten countless panic attacks from smoking weed and a couple from drinking alcohol. I'm a high anxiety person to begin with anyway too. When I run everyday it goes away though and I can enjoy life and drugs.
If you have an addiction I've always found the best way is to go cold turkey and replace it with another, less harmful/time consuming addiction. I used to be extremely addicted to the internet and spend 8-10 hours on my comp everyday. Then I went cold turkey and replaced it with smoking weed.
I understand alcohol is also a physical addiction so maybe you can't go cold turkey but good luck.
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On September 18 2010 22:14 dcberkeley wrote:
I think most people know the effects of alcohol, but it's a social necessity to drink with friends what not that leads to lack of self control
That's what it became for me, but when it became every day for a 3 month binge, I had to cut it down to once a month or so. That's what starts it, and you can end up like this poor bastard.
I'd say toss every bit of alcohol in the house. Have you considered getting help like AA?
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This is why marijuana is amazing. Even with constant use there's never any bad effects over the long term.
Since you can't drink now, switch to weed.
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One word: alcopops! :3
edit: Wait. DONT DRINK!
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damn now i'm gonna feel guilty when i drink next time =(
but i guess that's a good thing...
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The way to hell is paved with good intentions. :D
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I don't recommend anyone get into dilatuted and fentanyl
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Meh reading this and heading for the pub with friends in 30 min : /
Thanks for keeping me refreshed of the dangers though.
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That sounds a lot like me and smoking tobacco. I quit too, and it was really really hard, but easily the best thing I've ever done for myself. Good on you man, keep up the good work and self-respect.
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On September 19 2010 01:52 ghermination wrote:
This is why marijuana is amazing. Even with constant use there's never any bad effects over the long term.
Since you can't drink now, switch to weed.
lol what?
apart from the obvious lung cancer risk there's memory loss and paranoia among others
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On September 19 2010 01:52 ghermination wrote:
This is why marijuana is amazing. Even with constant use there's never any bad effects over the long term.
Since you can't drink now, switch to weed.
Yeah weed has no side effects. I'm sure some of my buddies who can't get in to college and have been hanging out with the same 3 people for the last 5 years will readily agree with you.
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eh weed really isn't nearly as bad as alcohol but there are possible side effects
however i smoked it constantly for about 5 years, quit a few months ago, and had no bad effects
def couldn't do that with alcohol lol
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Just read the story, was linked here from another blog. I went through a similar experience, but in my case it was a combination of weed and alcohol. Weed can definitely fuck you up, don't listen to the idiots saying otherwise. I used to blaze 3-4 times a day for a few years, also drank at least a 6 pack before sleep, a pack of smokes a day too. Chewing tobacco, X, coke occasionally. Looking back now it seems like hell but sadly those were probably the best years of my life. Went out partying, drugs whenever I wanted, clubbing and living with no plans for the future or immediate regrets.
I can't smoke weed anymore, I get paranoid, best case scenario would be an anxiety attack with a following headache and depression. The phase that you describe when you talk about your work is exactly what I felt after my mind started playing tricks on me. I came to realize I'd suffered serious, probably permanent damage to my nervous system; most likely I would never be the same again.
This anxiety is a feeling of absolute fear, paranoia and confusion. I can't stress enough how fucking bad it makes you feel, and how dumb it makes you. I was completely cloudy-headed and felt ill constantly. I was in a high-pressure and very responsible job and it was freaking killing me and making people hate me left and right.
This is precisely how I felt and somewhat still feel nowadays. Your senses are impaired, you can't operate in high-pressure environments. I really know everything you are going through.
I haven't smoked one cig or a joint since 4 years ago. I can't do drugs anymore and I don't ever feel the urge to. I still drink but I know it's a bad habit, when I drink I don't usually stop unless I feel buzzed. Cutting down on beer is a must, working out is a must. Steady job helps too. At this point in life you need to sort things out and do everything "right" to try and rebuild yourself as much as you can. You shouldn't try to become what you used to be, this won't happen, your body chemistry is different already. Start from scratch and work you way out. Watch some motivational shit, even stupid things like Naruto and teary dramas used to help me get inspired.
It doesn't matter what you were, it only matters what you are now. If you climb out of this you will be hundred times stronger than anyone you know who hasn't been through this.
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thanks for that post. im trying to do this building stuff. lately ive been listening to david angelo or similar for 2 hours a day and trying to practice some of those skills (or at least be more aware of them in myself and others). ive taken up a bit of guitar too. and im trying to be a bit more selfish and in control of my happiness. i went to a standup comedy show the other day and it was fantastic, a real proper way to spend your money. better than sitting in cinema alone. (god i love Brighton)
it does blow when you're so shit at life that you're having to consciously train yourself to smile every day because you're not able to. i realised one of the reasons people dont really like me is because the anxiety causes you to have totally dead facial expressions, like you're terrified of everything. so im totally retraining myself. like you said, its kinda an interesting challenge and path to go through.
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On September 19 2010 03:13 Lexpar wrote:Show nested quote +On September 19 2010 01:52 ghermination wrote:
This is why marijuana is amazing. Even with constant use there's never any bad effects over the long term.
Since you can't drink now, switch to weed. Yeah weed has no side effects. I'm sure some of my buddies who can't get in to college and have been hanging out with the same 3 people for the last 5 years will readily agree with you.
I think the weed is more a side effect of your lazy friends then the other way around.
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EPT
