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Alcohol warning

Blogs > NickC
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NickC
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
233 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-18 13:03:41
September 18 2010 13:00 GMT
#1
I used to loathe the idea of alcohol and drugs, and thought people who drank were disgusting and stupid. Then I tried alcohol myself and freaking L-O-V-E-D it. It made me unbelievably happy and relaxed and able to enjoy things 10x more than I would if I were sober. It makes you more emotional, which means a funny movie becomes even funnier. With "comedy" being my favourite thing of all, alcohol made me a very easily satisfied person.

From around age 17 I started drinking frequently. We had a little "mini house" attached to our house and I would have a friend or two over and we'd just listen to trance, chat and drink ourselves silly. If I didn't have any friends over I'd drink by myself.

When I went to university, with a whooole of government and parent's money, drinking became almost a daily thing. I finally had a proper interet connection, and discovered Family Guy, South Park, Austin Powers, Ali G...... I was so insanely happy just to sit in my room watching comedy and chatting online drunk out of my mind.

For days, weeks, months, years...

After failing university I switched to poker and continued to drink. Sometimes I would go out by myself, after getting drunk at home, and have been chucked out of countless clubs and bars, been attacked several times, stolen from, fallen asleep in the street, been ripped off by prostitutes, been in jail twice...

Most people who know me have said its a miracle I'm still alive.

But none of this phased me. Alcohol was my friend. Everytime the thought of getting drunk entered my mind I became overwhelmed with excitement and positive feelings. "I can't WAIT to get drunk and watch some Starcraft! I can't WAIT to get drunk and see what movies I have to catch up on!"

Then, one day, I woke up and had this intense feeling of fear. It was like having butterflies in your stomach, a searing feeling of irrational and chronic anxiety. It lasted all day, until I undoubtably got some more beers.

The next day the anxiety came back again. And then the next. I began to put two and two together. I figured it was occuring because I was getting so drunk that being unable to remember what I'd been up to the previous evening was causing me fear about what I'd been doing. What I'd been saying to people.

Poker didn't work out and eventually I got myself a job which I stayed at for several years. I managed to cut my drinking down to "off nights" when I had no work the next day. But now I had a serious, serious problem. The anxiety got worse.

This anxiety is a feeling of absolute fear, paranoia and confusion. I can't stress enough how fucking bad it makes you feel, and how dumb it makes you. I was completely cloudy-headed and felt ill constantly. I was in a high-pressure and very responsible job and it was freaking killing me and making people hate me left and right.

You've tried working a 12 hour shift with a hangover? It's fucking hell, isn't it. Amplify that several-fold, and repeat it several times a week to get an idea of what I was putting myself through. And unlike a hangover, it didn't ease off over the course of the day. It'd get worse, and would last days, and longer.

I KNEW it was the fucking booze but I just COULDN'T stop drinking. The intense excitement and lure I got every time I went home from work was overwhelming! I didn't care that I would be in complete physical and mental torture for days/weeks to come every time I put a bottle to my mouth. That every single moment after I woke up would be agony.

So fast-forward to today. Why am I writing this?

I just went 23 days without drinking and felt "normal" for the first time in a long long time. It took TWO WEEKS for the depression and anxiety to go down. It is absolutely mind-boggling how different I felt, how confident I became without this chronic paranoia.

Two nights ago I was chatting to a friend on Skype who was drinking some wine and without much thought I decided to "treat" myself to a bottle. I picked up 2 bottles instead, then later went to a bar, then to a club. My nervous system is completely FUCKED again, and I'm shaking, can't think straight to save my life, paranoid as fuck, depressed...and most of all fucking pissed off that I STILL didn't learn my motherfucking lesson: I can't drink ever again.


tldr: the lesser-known long-term effects of alcohol abuse are severe chronic anxiety and depression. you can PERMANENTLY fuck up your nervous system. just do a google search and you'll see that the reality isn't just some distant memory of liver disease.

***
Terranlisk
Profile Blog Joined February 2007
Singapore1404 Posts
September 18 2010 13:03 GMT
#2
Get rid of all alcohol in your house now!!!
aka myheronoob
dcberkeley
Profile Joined July 2009
Canada844 Posts
September 18 2010 13:14 GMT
#3
I think most people know the effects of alcohol, but it's a social necessity to drink with friends what not that leads to lack of self control
Moktira is da bomb
SubtleArt
Profile Blog Joined January 2010
2710 Posts
September 18 2010 13:14 GMT
#4
Odd, I had something similar to this when I started doing weed in grade 10. First I thought those potheads in my class were retarded, but one day I decided to try it with a friend and I also L-O-V-E-D it. After a while I began doing it almost every second day, often even during lunch hours. Grades dropped from high 80s low 90s first term to mid 60s second term because I was high almost all the time and I couldn't work, and for some reason I became extremely lazy. After a while though I also started to get paranoia and anxiety. I'd become REALLY scared and REALLY self conscious every time I was high, which, along with my deteriorating grades and worth ethic prompted me to stop. It's been 2 years now, and I really have no intention of doing shit like that again.

Congrats on having the self control to be able to stop, I think alcohol is a lot more addicting than weed.
Morrow on ZvP: "I'm not very confident in general vs Protoss because of the imbalance (Yes its imbalanced, get over it)."
NickC
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
233 Posts
September 18 2010 13:27 GMT
#5
Ya, I can't really smoke weed anymore too. I just go completely psychotic now, slipping in and out of consciousness in a dreamlike state where I'm not sure what just happened a moment ago. Last time I smoked I had to go hide in my room because I was afraid of scaring my friend.

I also get similar blackouts sometimes when I drink in a public setting. The worst recent one was when me and a friend were in the courtyard of a bar. I'd only had 3-4 pints and suddenly I "woke up" and realised I'd just pissed against the wall in a crowded public place. It was really confusing and embarrassing. I was like "what the fuck just happened?". And that was the second blackout of the night - not long earlier I'd started shouting at random people to hurry up at the ATM. My friend confronted me about it and I hadn't even realised I'd done it.

Alcohol and mental health
GreyCone
Profile Joined April 2010
United States42 Posts
September 18 2010 13:30 GMT
#6
I'm glad you've come to that realization on your own. Good luck to you. Stay strong.
Thereisnosaurus
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Australia1822 Posts
September 18 2010 13:41 GMT
#7
Hold true dude! If you ever need a brother to stare down mr booze, I'm here with ya ^^.

Believe me, it ain't worth the trouble. Learn to get your kicks from camellia sinensis, good juice and boutique softdrinks. Healthier, cheaper and infinitely easier to get up after. The hardest part is trying to keep well meaning drinkers off your back and sticking to your guns under peer pressure. With time, though, you'll find your inhibitions soften anyway .It's gotten to the point where I can go out and have a good time with a bunch of drinkers and stay sober all night, the advantages being they get hangovers and I don't, I remember them being idiots and they don't remember me being an idiot (despite the fact I regularly out-foolery them, it's tremendously liberating to be able to be a nutter in perfect understanding of what you're doing and have nobody look askance at you), and I don't have any inclination to do some of the more dangerous drunken escapades.

So stay strong! drinking is the easy way, not the good way. You can learn to feel just as good as you do drunk sober if you try.
Poisonous Sheep counter Hydras
NickC
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
233 Posts
September 18 2010 13:52 GMT
#8
Ya, I turned to buying chocolate and cocacola (which I love) as a substitute sometimes
The_Pacifist
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States540 Posts
September 18 2010 14:18 GMT
#9
Best of luck fighting against the booze! And congrats for making a great decision to stop drinking.
Lexpar
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
1813 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-18 14:59:18
September 18 2010 14:59 GMT
#10
Good luck with the recovery, but I couldn't help but feel really upset and uncomfortable throughout the whole article. Not because of you in particular, but just that alcohol still takes people "by surprise". Like "I was drinking every day, but I never thought it was bad for me!" Comon, people have been going through this dance for hundreds of years. Humanity is slow to learn

Also, TWO WEEKS of anxiety and depression sounds like an awfully small price for what was it, 5 years of alcohol abuse? I feel sorry for you man, but again, same old song and dance.

Good luck again friend.
NIIINO
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Slovakia1320 Posts
September 18 2010 15:05 GMT
#11
god i dont know how can someone drink i dont even understand how can someone drink every friday well GL man, fighting
NickC
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
233 Posts
September 18 2010 15:09 GMT
#12
On September 18 2010 23:59 Lexpar wrote:
Good luck with the recovery, but I couldn't help but feel really upset and uncomfortable throughout the whole article. Not because of you in particular, but just that alcohol still takes people "by surprise". Like "I was drinking every day, but I never thought it was bad for me!" Comon, people have been going through this dance for hundreds of years. Humanity is slow to learn

Also, TWO WEEKS of anxiety and depression sounds like an awfully small price for what was it, 5 years of alcohol abuse? I feel sorry for you man, but again, same old song and dance.

Good luck again friend.


Ya well such is life :/ Don't misunderstand, it was/is 4 years of anxiety, depression, occaisional breakdowns, seeing psychologists and doctors, pissing off a lot of people, losing friends and emotional trauma.. not 2 weeks.
Frits
Profile Joined March 2003
11782 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-18 15:42:07
September 18 2010 15:39 GMT
#13
im in college and get drunk (and occassionally high) every monday and friday and usually tuesday/wednesday/thursday as well if im not busy, the trick is only drink when your buddies are around

i love wine or beer as much as any other guy but getting drunk by yourself is just sad, if you can't stay below 1 or 2 glasses by yourself don't buy alcohol
guN-viCe
Profile Joined March 2010
United States687 Posts
September 18 2010 15:43 GMT
#14
what you are feeling is very normal for your situation. try not to beat yourself up.

look up the link between magnesium deficiency and alcoholism. its very serious. when you drink alcohol it raises blood levels of magnesium and then rapidly excretes it.

please read this link.

http://www.john-libbey-eurotext.fr/fr/revues/bio_rech/mrh/e-docs/00/04/3B/7E/article.phtml

i suggest a lifestyle change including a diet rich in fruits vegetables and nuts(all rich in magnesium).

sugar and stress also lower magnesium levels..

get educated!!
Never give up, never surrender!!! ~~ Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence -Sagan
Deleted User 3420
Profile Blog Joined May 2003
24492 Posts
September 18 2010 15:46 GMT
#15
Just keep working out hard. In doing so, you regularly associate yourself with discomfort for what you know is your own greater good. This trains you to be able to make better decisions with say, alcohol, for your own greater good.
guN-viCe
Profile Joined March 2010
United States687 Posts
September 18 2010 15:50 GMT
#16
something like http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naltrexone will most likely help you if you are motivated enough to find a doctor
Never give up, never surrender!!! ~~ Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence -Sagan
NickC
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
233 Posts
September 18 2010 16:16 GMT
#17
You know, I bought magnesium pills in the past but they were too large for me to swallow. I'll look into them again. I'm taking multivits, vit D, vit B6 and omega3 currently.

Thanks for the other link. I honestly didn't know there was something you could take to dampen the attraction to alcohol. You would have thought someone would have fucking mentioned it before now.

On September 19 2010 00:46 travis wrote:
Just keep working out hard. In doing so, you regularly associate yourself with discomfort for what you know is your own greater good. This trains you to be able to make better decisions with say, alcohol, for your own greater good.


Ya this is really sigificant thing to learn in life.
JadeFist
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
United States1225 Posts
September 18 2010 16:41 GMT
#18
Running daily seems to fix all my mental problems.

Trust me I know about anxiety, I've gotten countless panic attacks from smoking weed and a couple from drinking alcohol. I'm a high anxiety person to begin with anyway too. When I run everyday it goes away though and I can enjoy life and drugs.

If you have an addiction I've always found the best way is to go cold turkey and replace it with another, less harmful/time consuming addiction. I used to be extremely addicted to the internet and spend 8-10 hours on my comp everyday. Then I went cold turkey and replaced it with smoking weed.

I understand alcohol is also a physical addiction so maybe you can't go cold turkey but good luck.
MutaDoom
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
Canada1163 Posts
September 18 2010 16:47 GMT
#19
On September 18 2010 22:14 dcberkeley wrote:
I think most people know the effects of alcohol, but it's a social necessity to drink with friends what not that leads to lack of self control

That's what it became for me, but when it became every day for a 3 month binge, I had to cut it down to once a month or so. That's what starts it, and you can end up like this poor bastard.

I'd say toss every bit of alcohol in the house. Have you considered getting help like AA?
ghermination
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
United States2851 Posts
September 18 2010 16:52 GMT
#20
This is why marijuana is amazing. Even with constant use there's never any bad effects over the long term.
Since you can't drink now, switch to weed.
U Gotta Skate.
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