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Improving Writing

Blogs > Cr4zyH0r5e
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Cr4zyH0r5e
Profile Blog Joined November 2007
Peru1308 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-08-10 21:14:06
August 10 2010 20:06 GMT
#1
Well almost 3 years on TL and I finally get my 100th post. I've been a lurker for way too long.

As I have achieved another milestone in one of my main areas of interest I believe there are still many other things to be improved. One of these things is my writing skills.

I'm a philosophy major at UCSC (just transfered from community college) and I will be taking classes next month. I've been thinking hard about the necessity of improving my writing, given that philosophy is a major that will require it a lot, as well as my future plans of going into law school. So I have decided to publish the last paper I wrote for a class while in community college, and I ask for the community to review it/ criticize it, as well as provide me with new ideas I could write about. I might do a research paper on a topic you guys give me, if I find it interesting enough, for the sake of you judging my improvement.

Note: The following text is a research paper analazing the legislative branch of the republic of venezuela. This paper was not given back, so I have no way of knowing what my Political Science instructor thought of it.

+ Show Spoiler +
The Unstable Republic of Venezuela: The Legislative Branch


Declared independent on July 5, 1811, the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela is one of South America’s most interesting governments. The following historic summary is based on information available on the website venezuelatuya.com originally in Spanish. The first declared independency of Venezuela was denied by the royalists in a war that would last little over a year. The government of Venezuela could not fight the war alone, and joined the Gran Colombia in agreement with Simon Bolivar’s ideology of a unificated South America. The Gran Colombia declared itself independent from Spanish rule in 1819, and shortly after in 1821 consolidated their independence by winning the war against the Spaniards. Shortly after in 1830, after Bolivar’s death, Venezuela would secede from the Gran Colombia. Shortly after, between 1859 and 1853 La Guerra Federal began in Venezuela, between the Conservatives and the Federalists. After a Federalist victory, the country entered a period of dictatorships that ended in 1935, after the death of Juan Vicente Gomez. However democracy was not consolidated until the arrival of President Rómulo Betancourt, elected in 1959.
The country has recently undergone a series of changes that include the re-naming of the country; as well as an update of their constitution, which had been recently altered in 1961 and revised in 1983. These recent events have changed the legislative process and the influence and responsibilities of the legislature. Perhaps the most important changes regarding Venezuela’s government were: (1) The separation of powers which are now divided among 5 branches; in addition to the Executive, Legislative and Judicial were added: The Electoral Branch, that deals with matters of elections and political participation and finances; and The Citizen’s Branch which is lead by three members in charge of over viewing any violations to the constitutional rights of the people. (2)The Legislative Branch in the most recent constitution is the transition from a bicameral to a unicameral congress.
The Legislative Branch of Venezuela is then, as of the constitution of 1999 is a unicameral legislature, called the National Assembly. It seats 167 deputies with three seats reserved for indigenous representatives. The constitution of 1999 states in article 186 that: “La Asamblea Nacional estará integrada por diputados y diputadas elegidos o elegidas en cada entidad federal por votación universal, directa, personalizada y secreta con representación proporcional, […]. Cada entidad federal elegirá, además, tres diputados o diputadas. [The National Assembly is integrated by deputies elected in each federal entity in a fashion that is universal, direct, personalized and secret with proportional representation. […] Each entity will select, as well, three deputies]” This is to say that the National assembly of Venezuela does not hold Single Member District elections. The Venezuelan government is a Federal Republic that practices democracy and proportional representation according to their constitution.
The Organization of the Venezuelan government is stated in articles 193 through 196 of the Venezuelan constitution. The National assembly elects one President; two Vice-presidents; one secretary, and one sub secretary. The National assembly will also name permanent commissions, conformed by no more than 15 members; they will only create or eliminate permanent commissions with the approval of two thirds of its body. It is also stated that during the recess of the National Assembly, the body known as Comisión Delegada, conformed by the President and Vice presidents of the National Assembly, in addition to the Presidents of each permanent commission, will meet to further discuss topics of interest for the National Assembly.
The Formation of laws, discussed in Section 4, Titulo V of the Venezuelan constitution states that legislature can be started in eight different ways; the ones concerning the Legislative branch are: Started by the Permanent commissions, or by the Comisión Delegada; Co-signed by at least 3 members of the National Assembly; By the States’ Legislative Council when the law concerns the states’. The process in which a bill becomes a law is the following: All projects will be discussed in two occasions. In the first event, the project will be read, explained and analyzed to the National Assembly. It will be then sent to the corresponding Permanent commission; if it concerns more than one, then a mixed commission will be formed for the discussion of said project. The commission will then present its report to the National Assembly that will then further discuss its approval. If any modifications need to be made for the law to pass, it will be sent back to the commission whom will have no more than 15 days. It will then be presented to the commission that will ratify whether the discrepancy was resolved or not by either approving it by majority or discarding the project. In the case the President decided a law to be unconstitutional it will be sent to the Judicial tribunal, that will review the law and provide a response within 15 days; if the law is not found unconstitutional or the tribunal does not provide a response the President will promulgate the law within 5 days after the 15 day period is expired. This is an example of check and balances within their federal system.
Article 187 of the Venezuelan Constitution deals with the powers and responsibilities concerning to the Legislative branch; among the most important are: The ability to amend the constitution; Discussion and approval of the National budget; Approval of the army’s missions outside of the national territory; Authorize the president to dispose of private property according to law. And although it is a power granted to the executive, they also intervene in the process of Cabinet appointment. While most of these powers are normally granted to most democratic nations, the Venezuelan legislature exercises the power of enabling the president to alienate private property more often than usual. With quotes like these on the New York Times “On Monday, in addition to the telecommunications and electricity nationalizations, Chávez also appeared to signal that he wanted control over four multibillion-dollar oil projects in the Orinoco River basin, which he said should become "state property."”(Romero, January 9, 2007) it is no surprise that Venezuela has been getting so much attention from the mass media lately. While the president is disposing of their property legally; statements like these: “Chávez omitted from his remarks whether Venezuela would compensate foreign investors for their holdings or expropriate them outright.” (Romero, January 9, 2007) leave a lot of room for speculation and concern for his actions.
It is a major concern to read news like: “Venezuela’s National Assembly passed a so-called “enabling law” today, which will allow President Chavez to pass laws by decree in eleven different areas for a period of 18 months.”(Wilpret, 2007) And even more concerning when the article on the website venezuelanalysis.com also reads: “This is the third time Chavez has received such authorization during his presidency”(Wilpret, 2007) A nation that allows his president to rule by decree in that many areas of their political field of action loses their credibility as a democratic nation. It is because of these kinds of political actions that lead me to believe that the Legislative Branch of Venezuela has failed to portray itself as a successful institution. They have allowed their president to take over their functions on some of the most important areas, three times, and for no less than 18 month periods. The BBC news reported on the same issue by stating that: “Mr. Chavez approved 49 laws by decree during the first year of his previous term, after the assembly passed a similar "Enabling Law" in November 2000.” (2007).
However, the possible reasons for the National Assembly to allow President Chavez to run a referendum and rule by decree may include: The fact that they do not have the constitutional power to impeach him, as it is not granted to them as stated in Item 10 of Article 187 of their constitution. There are also the economic implications of Chavez’s actions that may have a positive outcome on the economic sector of Venezuela. Gregory Mahler writes in his book Comparative Politics: An Institutional and Cross-National Approach: “In most developing countries, in fact, state owned enterprises, such as utilities, transportation companies, or major industries, are common.” (p.65, 2008) This is to say that Venezuela is breaking the trend and given the slow economic progress that other developing countries are subject to, it may be a positive thing to try. This however may also have negative implications as it has already been noted that Chavez is not liked very much by foreign investors and his political relationship with capitalist nations, such as the U.S. is not the best.
In general the Venezuelan legislature is well organized, and possesses most traits of a Federal Democratic Republic. Their legislative branch controls most of the process regarding law making as it should be in their political system, with the exception of their current president’s, sometimes deliberate, actions. Their legislature seems to be able to work well, but this is, in my opinion, yet to be confirmed; Chavez has abused the system as much as possible, and I am yet to see the National Assembly of Venezuela function the way they are intended to.




Works Cited:
Constitution of Venezuela. (n.d.). Retrieved May 21, 2010, from Political Database of the Americas,
Georgetown University website: http://pdba.georgetown.edu/Constitutions/Venezuela/ven1999.html

La Democracia. (n.d.). Venezuela Tuya [History of Venezuela]. Retrieved May 20, 2010, from
http://www.venezuelatuya.com/historia/democracia.htm

Mahler, G. S. (2008). Political and Economic Development: Industry and Employment. In Comparative
Politics An Institutional and Cross-National Approach (5th ed., p. 65). London: Pearson Education

Romero, S. (2007, January 9). Venezuela plans to nationalize two industries - Americas -
International Herald Tribune. The New York Times.

Rule by decree passed for Chavez. (2007, January 19). BBC News. Retrieved May 20, 2010, from
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6277379.stm

Wilpret, G. (2007, January 31). Venezuelan Legislature Allows President to Pass Laws by Decree for
18 Months. Venezuela Analysis. Retrieved from http://venezuelanalysis.com/news/2204


Thank you again for your time TL ^^

Ninja Edit: LOL didn't realize this was my 101st post ㅠ_ㅠ

*****
Diamond 4 Jungle/Support - http://www.twitch.tv/cr4zyh0r5e/c/3051057 Zyra support 101
cz
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
United States3249 Posts
August 10 2010 21:19 GMT
#2
You definitely need to work on your writing style, but your knowledge of basic sentence structure and correct grammatical forms is also a problem.
cz
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
United States3249 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-08-10 21:29:07
August 10 2010 21:28 GMT
#3
A very basic rule to follow when writing essays that aren't "In your opinion..." based: always use the third person. You did that for most of the essay, but reverted to "in my opinion" at the end. Don't do that. You want to always write from the third person, and make your conclusions seem as though they are true from your arguments.

For example:

"Their legislature seems to be able to work well, but this is, in my opinion, yet to be confirmed; Chavez has abused the system as much as possible, and I am yet to see the National Assembly of Venezuela function the way they are intended to."

Actually I tried to rewrite this and the ideas within the paragraph are confusing and contradictory: "legislature seems to be able to work well" is followed by " yet to see the National Assembly of Venezuela function the way they are intended to". This seems contradictory: on the surface it appears to work well, but from your point of view it does not? How does your point of view give you this knowledge?


You need a lot of work on the basics of writing well, sentence structure and grammatical rules. I suggest reading some good novels: the best way to learn to write is to read other writing.
yourfaceisaclock
Profile Joined May 2010
Korea (South)12 Posts
August 10 2010 22:26 GMT
#4
Hello there :3
I've only read/commented on the first page, and I hope to get to the rest later, but here is what I have so far. I know this isn't supposed to be a grammar lesson or anything, so my apologies in advance because I am going to note the stylistic/grammar points first:


The first sentence, in my opinion, is a little bland, and stylistically, you usually don't want to precede something by saying "here I am going to present to you this information," since you could just get into the information straight away without introducing where it is from. In regards to this point, I would not embed the citation within the actual body of your writing but instead use parenthetical citations. Even if you don't directly quote the source, you can paraphrase and then use a parenthetical citation at the end to reference where you got the information from.Passive voice should be avoided where possible [haha, the irony, I know]. I don't know if it's from my own stylistic preference or some kind of general rule of thumb, but try to avoid starting sentences with "however"; however, if you must, set it off with a comma and/or use in conjunction with a semi-colon.

Speaking of which, the semi-colon usage in your second paragraph is incorrect; semi-colons conjoin two independent clauses. Also, you switch from the present tense to the past tense, and in that same sentence that starts with "Perhaps the most important changes...", the list could be better organized. I would suggest either breaking up the list into more sentences or listing them briefly in that sentence and then star a new sentence/sentences to elaborate.
왕초보... D:
gmsts
Profile Joined January 2010
England61 Posts
August 10 2010 22:57 GMT
#5
I can tell English is not your first language as you make the common mistake most Spanish speakers make when writing in English which is structuring sentences the same way you would in Spanish.

For example: "The first declared independency of Venezuela was denied..." may sound fine in Spanish, "La primera declaracion de independencia de Venezuela fue rechazada" but in English it just sounds weird. It would be better to write: "Venezuela's first attempt at independence was denied by the royalist..."

I am not an English teacher so I would not know how to explain all your grammar and incorrect sentence structure mistakes but like someone previously stated good writers are first good readers so I would suggest if you want to improve your writing start reading more. Reading more novels, more newspapers, anything with good editors will help improve both your written and oral English.
Revolt
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
United States288 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-08-11 00:11:06
August 11 2010 00:10 GMT
#6
On August 11 2010 07:57 gmsts wrote:
I can tell English is not your first language as you make the common mistake most Spanish speakers make when writing in English which is structuring sentences the same way you would in Spanish.

For example: "The first declared independency of Venezuela was denied..." may sound fine in Spanish, "La primera declaracion de independencia de Venezuela fue rechazada" but in English it just sounds weird. It would be better to write: "Venezuela's first attempt at independence was denied by the royalist..."

I am not an English teacher so I would not know how to explain all your grammar and incorrect sentence structure mistakes but like someone previously stated good writers are first good readers so I would suggest if you want to improve your writing start reading more. Reading more novels, more newspapers, anything with good editors will help improve both your written and oral English.

"The first declared of independency of Venezuela was denied..." is correct, but it's an unusual structure of a sentence, a little more extraordinary ( unusual in writing style, but this is good style and correct).
i agree with gmsts to conform to a more common writing style to connect to the readers, and create elegance.
A depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity.
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