Ok, i just wanted to rage about how my sc2 copy delivry failed, but it turned out i wrote more than that so it will be a blog
I CANT BELIEVE THIS! SC realted I was told my copy will arrive on 27th, it did not. I stayed home waiting the whole day, same situation today, but now i heard a friend of mine was called that he can pick up the copy at their warehouse. So i become excited and everything, i go with him, but my copy isnt there. I call them what`s up with the delay, i tell them my name, they check it, oh yeah, we screwed it up, we re sorry, you will recieve it tomorrow. So if they said 27th and it arrived on 28th for those who actually got it, i suppose it means 30th for me.
You know what s the funny thing? Another friend of mine just downloads the game, it will be down in a couple of hours, so he together with the other hundreds of thousands who will download an illegal copy he will play the game sooner then i will who paid for it.
Not just sc related It sucks doesnt it? I swear, in my entire life nothing went the way it should have. I always tried the fair way, and always ended up in a stupid situation. I mean it, everything which has the slightest possiblity to go wrong, goes wrong for me. And i cannot blame it on anything. It s not about who i am. Its not because i live in a fucked up country (Romania) others from the same site got it, the only fucked up order was mine, at least from my area. It s plain simply bad luck which is chasing me for years now.
If i miss 1 seminar in the entire year surely one out of 3 questions in the exam gonna be from that seminar.
My phones always worked well, one of them gone crazy, only once in my entire life, and it sent all my "Scatches" i had (and i had the habit to write down some of my personal thoughts and ideas because i m experimenting whit short-story writing and other stuff as scatches) to the only person in my entire list who shouldnt have got them, and at the worst time possible, you think i m making it sound dramatic, but i swear it s tue. OFC it could have sent it to any1 else, and i still would be annoyed, but this is just impossible to happen. If i were good at math i d calculate what the chances are that in several years on that day it goes crazy and from the possibly hundreds of numbers picks that one which it shouldnt. And these are just a couple, i have some shit like this every week, actually probably more often then that.
Some of my friends even joke about how i have a fail-aura, and I really think i have one. Everything i touch fails, i dont understand why i didnt commit suicide so far, i really should have. My life is in ruins.
I never was a harcore player, i always had realtively weak PCs, i played SC because i felt it takes skill and it could give me some sort of satisfaction, but i couldnt play too much, either i didnt have time for whatever reason or my internet connection or my PC or sg was failing me. The reason i ordered SC2 AND bought a new PC and got new internet (believe me those didnt go as planned either) was that i couldnt bare anymore how my life fucked me over whenever it was possible, and i wanted to get atached to something which doesnt hurt, i wanted to give myself an occupation which burns my time away, so when i get up every morning i shouldnt tell myself "The best part of my day just ended, what the fuck am i gonna do till tonight when i will struggle an hour or two to fall asleep again".
I dont know why i wrote all this, but i just felt i had to continue writing it, i expect no pity or anything, just putting it out there. I guess many of you think my life isnt that bad as i think. Some of you may say you should be greatful you have a place to live, a family, health, food to eat eveyday. Let me tell you this, food doesnt mean much when you hate eating, family doesnt worth much when there s no love, the fact that exists it s hardly something to feel happy about, being healty hardly helps if you feel like crap without being ill. One might say it could be a lot worse, i agree, it can always be worse, that s the most important thing i experienced, it always can get worse, and it gets worse. I m only 19, done with 1 year at university, so i dont have that large of a life experience as most people around here, but im already convinced this life isnt worth living. I seriously canot remember a single moment from the past 4 years i was really happy. And amny say this is the happiest period in men's life. Yes I laughed and felt good at times, but i never was satisfied for a single moment. Everything which happened to me, even good things, broughth a bitter taste with them for some reason.
For those who jump at the end of the texts: no reason to read it, just some thoughts about my life, no pictures as you can see, so it d probably bore you, dont bother reading. For the others, thanks for reading it
Believe that you are awesome and look at life from another angle.
The more you believe in the "fail-aura" nonsense, the more likely you will fail and continue to blame the non-existing aura for it. Don't let past failures get to you. Forget it. They are but obstacles preventing you from succeeding. Rid the mental burden of past failures and start life afresh with a "win-aura".
Minus the text message, everything else is pretty normal/insignificant. Maybe you should work on your family issues before diving into SC2... just a thought.
There are a gazillion teenagers/young men feeling just like you and they all think they're worse off than the majority. There's no such thing as "fail aura" and you know it, you're just a victim of "confirmation bias" (seriously, look it up on wikipedia, it's good).
Perfect happiness or whatever it is you think you're missing out on does not exist. Life is a jumbled mix of events and we just have to accept it as it comes and make the best of it. You need to slap yourself and start enjoying life.
i strongly recommend seeking professional help, getting medication (it beats the alternative, suicide).
try to eat better and exercise..
and lastly, try to retrain your negative thought processes into positive ones.
i know this is easier said than done, but depression and happiness are slow to develop( it takes a while for depression to come, and it takes a while for the depression to go away).
however, you need to take accountability for your life and your actions, then start making the correct decisions that will lead you to happiness
i wish you luck, and hey sc2 is still coming, better late than never :D
If you continue to think negatively, everything around you will eventually turn out negatively. If you keep positive/optimistic - things will seem a lot... livelier and better
yo man hungary is cool i been to budapest and its a pretty nice place
U SHOULD BE A PROUD MAGYAR YO!!!!
also i only emember like 2 words from my trip likt UTCA and GOULYASH or w/e with all the funny accents and stuff
^___^
chill out and enjoy life. you're in your first year of university, you have a long way ahead of you! (lol im only 21, 22 soon but i remember how i felt at 19. oh and time passes by so fucking quickly now WWTFFFFFFFFFF so sad T_T )
On July 29 2010 01:50 alffla wrote: yo man hungary is cool i been to budapest and its a pretty nice place
U SHOULD BE A PROUD MAGYAR YO!!!!
also i only emember like 2 words from my trip likt UTCA and GOULYASH or w/e with all the funny accents and stuff
^___^
chill out and enjoy life. you're in your first year of university, you have a long way ahead of you! (lol im only 21, 22 soon but i remember how i felt at 19. oh and time passes by so fucking quickly now WWTFFFFFFFFFF so sad T_T )
I m Hungarian, but im not living in Hungary, i m part of the minority in Romania. I just got tired of the Romanian meme going areound here so i changed my country in the profile.
Utca means street ""Golyash" is a specific Hungarian food, although some say it s actualy turkish, who knows
thanks really for the comments, i wasnt really expecting any
EPT
