EPTAss Kick: My Turn Now - Page 2
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jamesr12
United States1549 Posts
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Spiffeh
United States830 Posts
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d3_crescentia
United States4053 Posts
Might be helpful to think of your paper in outline form. Here's what yours currently looks like: I. In this area, you generally want to define the grounds for which your argument applies, a little introduction, etc. So you've started out by answering the first question, which is good. a. Define responsible citizenship: being an individual whom understands and follows society's ethical and moral guidelines, both implicit and stated. Okay. As Chef pointed out responsible citizenship means something different than being a responsible member of society, but sometimes people will let you slide even if you've misread the prompt. But I suppose that we can pretend that responsible citizenship = being responsible at your job, since the crux of the matter is how you argue your thesis. b. Thesis: This is where you should answer the second question. Generally speaking the easiest kind of positions to write are as if you treat the prompt as a yes/no question, since it should be easy to generate support for both sides, and because you don't really have that much time to write a nuanced response. In our pretend-prompt, we have the question, "Should a university train students to be responsible members of the workforce, Y/N?" Kind of a no-brainer to answer yes, but again let's pretend... The role a university can play on this subject matter can be rather influential, especially since it is the place where young professionals are trained. Problem - your thesis is vague, and thus hard to defend. The question asks for what role SHOULD the university play, not what role it COULD play, though based on your following paragraphs it becomes more clear. II. Supporting arguments (paraphrased): a. Colleges can provide venues about learning the ethics of how to be a responsible professional so students can avoid being fired in the future. b. Colleges can provide experience for students to learn how work is done in the real world so it will be easier for them. Okay... colleges CAN do these things, but why should they? I mean it's pretty easy to infer some conclusions from your discussion, but it's your job as the author of the essay to lead them from point A to point B. Still, it's kind of bad that both your points aren't actually arguments for but examples of what colleges can do - they answer HOW not WHY, and when you really think about it they're the same thing, "colleges can encourage students to do X". This isn't a how-to-guide, it's an argumentative paper. III. Conclusion: Responsible citizenship is a trait that’s built up in an individual’s character since the moment he or she is born. The majority of our ethical values are learned as children through the elementary school system and our parental figures. A university’s role, however, is that of refining and clarifying those values to a point where we can genuinely understand their nature and essence, so that we may be the well-educated, ethical and responsible professionals of the future. Content of the first sentence was NEVER discussed in your paper. It feels like a new point in your argument/discussion, yet it isn't treated as such, so it feels very out-of-place. Moreover, if we wanted to get into debating over the content, you could really argue that it's the responsibility of the employers based on that single sentence. Again, since this is the conclusion, the reader should feel like you've discussed WHY you think your thesis is true, not HOW your thesis could be accomplished. Unfortunately, you don't accomplish this.+ Show Spoiler + If you really want to think about it, you can do some (lol) logic here. This is a bit more simplified than the prompt above, but it is essentially asking if you think universities should play a role in educating students about responsible citizenship. Prompt: What do you think about X? Do you think X is good/bad/somewhere in-between? I. I think X is good/bad, if by X you mean Y. II. X provides A, which is good/bad. It also does B and makes C, which are also good/bad. III. Since A, B, and C are all good/bad, and X provides A, B, C, then by transitivity X is good/bad. If you're having trouble you can think of dumb Y/N questions and arguing each viewpoint. Is there such a thing as too much pie? You tell me. | ||
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