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IMO the last thing you want in your life is a girl with no ambitions for the future.
I think the most interesting people are those who know where they're going or at least are trying really hard to find out.
I knew this girl who was 25, lived with her parents and had never had a job in her entire life; and to add some contrast, her younger sister already made 6 figures. That girl dated 2 guys at once and ended up dumping my friend (UPS employee) for a guy who was a coast guard and more importantly a sucker who was completely fine with providing for her.
It all went well until he decided to get her to move in. Two days in, he proposed to her. Every work day, he would leave and come back - she had been playing WoW all day. It didn't take very long for him to notice that feeding and housing a deadweight isn't a very viable lifestyle if you also plan to be happy.
Today she's 27. She lives with her mom who's got to be desperate by now. She tried working but she thinks she's worth more than the minimum salary at Wal-Mart, but even that is too difficult for her. She's got no education and doesn't move forward....
This is just to say, people don't change... Or at least they don't change that much. I personally can't respect someone without goals or ambitions. I can probably be with someone like that for a little while but it would get overwhelmingly bad. So yeah, absolutely break up.
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On June 25 2010 08:15 nosliw wrote:
This is the first time that I heard about how the guy talks way more than the girl. How do you call this a relationship when communication isn't both ways?
Actually, I talk a lot more than my girlfriend does/did. I'm extremely expressive, and she's the type to never ever say what's on her mind unless you practically hold a gun to her head. I remember being really frustrated at her, because she would never respond to anything I said, and she never seemed to have an opinion on .. well, anything. She never voluntarily shared anything, and when she did, she always skimped on the details and just rushed to give a general, almost robotic, account of what happened in the day.
It took several months of me cajoling her, assuring her that I cared about her opinion, and repeatedly confronting her about her passivity, before there was any real progress on her part. Even then, it took many more months to get to the point where I felt like we could truly communicate in a way that we both enjoyed.
Well, from what little I know about relationships, I've come to understand that the foundation to all of this was that I had to gain her trust that I selflessly cared about her, and she had to feel safe with me. This takes time, patience ... and love, selflessness ...
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Really hate what you're feeling? Get her to do the dumping, I know seems wrong and all, but seriously, you'll lose attachment and "responsibility" easier - cause it was her not you. 
Does she even want to be in a relationship? Doesn't look that she does from how she shys away from deep talks.
Whatever, I'm just a guy around your age giving random advice over the internets - take it or leave it. :D
(Lifes short, only stay if you want commitment/willing to commit)
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On June 25 2010 09:19 Happy.fairytail wrote:Show nested quote +On June 25 2010 08:15 nosliw wrote:
This is the first time that I heard about how the guy talks way more than the girl. How do you call this a relationship when communication isn't both ways? Actually, I talk a lot more than my girlfriend does/did. I'm extremely expressive, and she's the type to never ever say what's on her mind unless you practically hold a gun to her head. I remember being really frustrated at her, because she would never respond to anything I said, and she never seemed to have an opinion on .. well, anything. She never voluntarily shared anything, and when she did, she always skimped on the details and just rushed to give a general, almost robotic, account of what happened in the day. It took several months of me cajoling her, assuring her that I cared about her opinion, and repeatedly confronting her about her passivity, before there was any real progress on her part. Even then, it took many more months to get to the point where I felt like we could truly communicate in a way that we both enjoyed. Well, from what little I know about relationships, I've come to understand that the foundation to all of this was that I had to gain her trust that I selflessly cared about her, and she had to feel safe with me. This takes time, patience ... and love, selflessness ...
Hmm...
Well, as any good son does, I go to my parents for advice, well, my mom, because my dad is horrible with relationships. Her opinion was a lot more like this than just dumping her. I mean, I like this girl, a lot. It's just hard to be in a relationship and deal with life, especially with a girl who is hard to communicate with. And it isn't like she is fucking with me; her life growing up was just constant ridicule from her mother and sister. Granted, all she does is mope about it. I'd like to try to get her to be more confident in herself...
It's interesting to get both sides here. On one hand, people are telling me I have no good future with this girl.
On the other hand, I'm being told that I can also attempt to motivate her, instead of expecting her to only motivate me.
It's gotten a bit more complicated. But now it's up to me. Thanks for the opinions guys.
(Sometime I may actually post about Starcraft when I get past D-/D level.)
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Have you screwed her yet? If you guys don't have anything to talk about, just do it. Relations at your age should be exciting without as much of the drama
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On June 25 2010 07:50 RageOverdose wrote:
I think that I just can't handle a girlfriend with college and trying to get my life established
Stay in a relationship because you want to stay in a relationship, NOT because you think you should and NOT because you want to make things 'work'. A lot of guys I knew in high school wanted to maintain a relationship just for the sake of keeping it going, even when feelings had died down. Please don't fall into that trap. Believe me, when you start dating someone you really like those things come easier than you think.
College is a crazy time, but the process of 'getting your future in order' isn't black and white. I'm 23, just graduated, on my second internship, and about to go to grad school because I discovered what I wanted to do my senior year and that it takes a higher degree. Along the way I've dated twice. Both times my girlfriend was amazing to have around, especially this current one ^^. Once again, when you like a person enough making the relationship work isn't that hard.
Ask yourself:
Can I be myself around her?
Does she like me for who I am?
Do I like who she is?
Does spending time with her make me feel good (I'm talking emotionally)?
In my opinion, if you answered no to any of those you should just be friends.
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On June 25 2010 09:06 hellobye wrote:
instantly thought of
if you havin girl problems i feel bad for you son
i got 99 problems but a bitch aint one
I got 99 problems, and they all bitches
wish i was jigga man, care-free living...
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On June 25 2010 12:07 Servius_Fulvius wrote:Show nested quote +On June 25 2010 07:50 RageOverdose wrote:
I think that I just can't handle a girlfriend with college and trying to get my life established
Stay in a relationship because you want to stay in a relationship, NOT because you think you should and NOT because you want to make things 'work'. A lot of guys I knew in high school wanted to maintain a relationship just for the sake of keeping it going, even when feelings had died down. Please don't fall into that trap. Believe me, when you start dating someone you really like those things come easier than you think. College is a crazy time, but the process of 'getting your future in order' isn't black and white. I'm 23, just graduated, on my second internship, and about to go to grad school because I discovered what I wanted to do my senior year and that it takes a higher degree. Along the way I've dated twice. Both times my girlfriend was amazing to have around, especially this current one ^^. Once again, when you like a person enough making the relationship work isn't that hard. Ask yourself: Can I be myself around her? YesDoes she like me for who I am? YesDo I like who she is? YesDoes spending time with her make me feel good (I'm talking emotionally)? YesIn my opinion, if you answered no to any of those you should just be friends.
Yeah, some of the things I mentioned she does annoy or frustrate me...But it's more of a concern thing, where I don't want her to end up in a bad situation where her mom drives into a ditch drunk and she's left alone without a job.
So...
I could just be trying to get out of responsibility of a relationship...Ah...
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When you're with a girl with no ambitions you not only have the responsibility of a relationship but also the responsibility of carrying a girl through life because she doesn't have the will power to sustain herself.
My gf is about to be an architect, I don't feel that much pressure because she's not going to be overly dependent and so I won't need to babysit. It's an huge deal to me.
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On June 25 2010 08:10 kidd wrote:
I think it is pretty impossible to be in a healthy relationship at your age if you don't even drive unless you live within walking distance of your girlfriend. It probably is the source of why you are so bored with her, I mean what can you guys do without a car.
You are also under 21 so that rules out going out for drinks and general night life besides going to parties with friends (which you couldn't even drive to anyway). The obvious choice is to not be in a relationship until you are more on your feet so to speak. Go through school, get a decent job, buy a car and then you can make some time to meet some girls. It really sucks being under 21.
I can't drive and my girlfriend can't drive (we are both 20) and we have a very healthy relationship (2+ years)... We use bikes, trains and busses. If your relationship needs the "going out for drinks and general night life" then you have a serious problem imo.
If you are bored of her then you guys just don’t fit. Communication is VERY important in a good relationship. I can talk for hours with my girlfriend, and really about everything. Also ask yourself: is this the girl I want to spend my whole life with?
gl
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On June 25 2010 17:09 lew wrote:Show nested quote +On June 25 2010 08:10 kidd wrote:
I think it is pretty impossible to be in a healthy relationship at your age if you don't even drive unless you live within walking distance of your girlfriend. It probably is the source of why you are so bored with her, I mean what can you guys do without a car.
You are also under 21 so that rules out going out for drinks and general night life besides going to parties with friends (which you couldn't even drive to anyway). The obvious choice is to not be in a relationship until you are more on your feet so to speak. Go through school, get a decent job, buy a car and then you can make some time to meet some girls. It really sucks being under 21. I can't drive and my girlfriend can't drive (we are both 20) and we have a very healthy relationship (2+ years)... We use bikes, trains and busses. If your relationship needs the "going out for drinks and general night life" then you have a serious problem imo. If you are bored of her then you guys just don’t fit. Communication is VERY important in a good relationship. I can talk for hours with my girlfriend, and really about everything. Also ask yourself: is this the girl I want to spend my whole life with? gl
Well to answer your first point, there is a MAJOR difference between american-and 'the rest of the western world'-lifestyle regarding that. Basically everybody has a car once they turn at least 18, if not younger. I can only speak of San Diego, but this city is huge as fuck. You have nowhere to go, if you don't own a car. Also public transport is the worst (again judging by my experience). In Europe you usually don't own a car until you can actually buy one yourself (aka not financed by daddy). So while I agree with you, your example only stands true in Europe, which in itself is really small compared to the US. When you're living in the US and you don't have a car, you're screwed. In the Butthole. Furthermore you're screwed in the butthole again, when your not of legal drinking age, which basically leaves only private house parties as solutions, which you cannot just make happen, when you feel like it.
But you are right, regarding that if that is a center of a relationship and everything just evolves around it, something is really wrong. However going out might give a little spark to the relationship and then you'll take it from there.
Completely agree on your second paragraph.
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On June 25 2010 09:06 hellobye wrote:
instantly thought of
if you havin girl problems i feel bad for you son
i got 99 problems but a bitch aint one
In my case I got 99 problems and a bitch is the source of about 47 of them
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On June 25 2010 23:37 Woyn wrote:Show nested quote +On June 25 2010 09:06 hellobye wrote:
instantly thought of
if you havin girl problems i feel bad for you son
i got 99 problems but a bitch aint one In my case I got 99 problems and a bitch is the source of about 47 of them
Sounds like a conservative estimate.
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at least you don't have as many non-bitch-induced problems as Jay-Z.
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On June 25 2010 17:09 lew wrote:Show nested quote +On June 25 2010 08:10 kidd wrote:
I think it is pretty impossible to be in a healthy relationship at your age if you don't even drive unless you live within walking distance of your girlfriend. It probably is the source of why you are so bored with her, I mean what can you guys do without a car.
You are also under 21 so that rules out going out for drinks and general night life besides going to parties with friends (which you couldn't even drive to anyway). The obvious choice is to not be in a relationship until you are more on your feet so to speak. Go through school, get a decent job, buy a car and then you can make some time to meet some girls. It really sucks being under 21. I can't drive and my girlfriend can't drive (we are both 20) and we have a very healthy relationship (2+ years)... We use bikes, trains and busses. If your relationship needs the "going out for drinks and general night life" then you have a serious problem imo. If you are bored of her then you guys just don’t fit. Communication is VERY important in a good relationship. I can talk for hours with my girlfriend, and really about everything. Also ask yourself: is this the girl I want to spend my whole life with? gl
Yeah buddy, if you read my post you would see that I said that's hard unless you guys lived close together. Here is alot different than Europe where it very hard to do much of anything without a car. Esepcially if you live in a decent sized city getting around is meant to be done in cars. The going out to bars and stuff part is just an added way to get some sort of fun out of their boring and communication challenged relationship.
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I mean, I loathe the idea of even going to her house. It's so boring and being with her feels shallow. We don't talk about anything, because I got tired of just mouthing around while she just sat and listened. I get no emotional response from her ever. Only when her heart is about to be broken. She's also a freeloader; her sister and mom have a job, she's just sitting around during the summer borrowing money from her mother and trying to get everyone to take her everywhere. I tried to get her to get a job, but she just sort of didn't seem to care. I can't drive (something I'm working on) so I feel really helpless to help motivate her. I think she wants to get out and be more self-sufficient, but she has no regrets being a bum either. I can't read her because she never communicates with me. And whenever I do go over the edge a little and tell her these things, she just gets silent and tries to change the subject to cats
tell her this, this is why you dont want to be with her.
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On June 26 2010 02:50 vanskater wrote:Show nested quote +I mean, I loathe the idea of even going to her house. It's so boring and being with her feels shallow. We don't talk about anything, because I got tired of just mouthing around while she just sat and listened. I get no emotional response from her ever. Only when her heart is about to be broken. She's also a freeloader; her sister and mom have a job, she's just sitting around during the summer borrowing money from her mother and trying to get everyone to take her everywhere. I tried to get her to get a job, but she just sort of didn't seem to care. I can't drive (something I'm working on) so I feel really helpless to help motivate her. I think she wants to get out and be more self-sufficient, but she has no regrets being a bum either. I can't read her because she never communicates with me. And whenever I do go over the edge a little and tell her these things, she just gets silent and tries to change the subject to cats tell her this, this is why you dont want to be with her.
To put it bluntly she's garbage x_x
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On June 25 2010 07:50 RageOverdose wrote:
I mean, I loathe the idea of even going to her house. It's so boring and being with her feels shallow. We don't talk about anything, because I got tired of just mouthing around while she just sat and listened. I get no emotional response from her ever. Only when her heart is about to be broken. She's also a freeloader; her sister and mom have a job, she's just sitting around during the summer borrowing money from her mother and trying to get everyone to take her everywhere. I tried to get her to get a job, but she just sort of didn't seem to care. I can't drive (something I'm working on) so I feel really helpless to help motivate her. I think she wants to get out and be more self-sufficient, but she has no regrets being a bum either. I can't read her because she never communicates with me. And whenever I do go over the edge a little and tell her these things, she just gets silent and tries to change the subject to cats.
This just stuck out to me. I want to know more about this.
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If you aren't enjoying yourself get a new girlfriend. It's not a big deal.
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On June 25 2010 10:49 Tazza wrote:
Have you screwed her yet? If you guys don't have anything to talk about, just do it. Relations at your age should be exciting without as much of the drama
As sad or mean this might sound, that's what happened with me and my ex.
She was just like yours OP, exactly the same.
We did stuff sometimes however, but it was mostly screwing around all the time. We enjoyed it, it was a really light relation. We'd do stuff together, but never had much in common in activities. We went like that for 2 years, it was my first serious relation and I learned a lot through it.
At the end, we both knew we could rely on sex to keep our relation, so we decided to leave each other and go look for something else.
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EPT
