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So there's this girl (yeah, another one of these blogs, sue me  ).
I've known her since 7th grade. I always thought she was a cutie, but I never intended to be
in a relationship with her. I guess I had my sights on other girls throughout high school, but it
ended up being that we were going out eventually. It all started on her sister's 18th birthday party, and one
of her sister's friends had the idea to hook us up.
Not how I want to get into a relationship. I felt uncomfortable and awkward, but I kinda liked it too.
I never really knew how to take off from that day. I never realized that she had a thing for me,
so I was always scared that if I made a move with a kiss or some romantic whispers, I would push too far
and upset her, or put her in a situation she didn't want to be in.
So I was a dick in a certain way. I just tried to put it behind me. I was also an idiot for
doing so. My high school mistakes have been realized, however.
After graduation, we never saw each other. We never got in contact. It was kind of sad, and
I felt evil. I even tried to call her to set things straight, but I never got an answer, so I gave up. (Come to find out, she was just on vacation when I called...)
Well, after running into her sister and her boyfriend while I was conversing in my yard, I think they relayed some talk about me to this girl, and it got her to call my house, and we talked. She confessed how she regretted never doing anything, and I followed. Basically, I was too scared to do what she finally did.
So we decided to start anew. We formed a more typical relationship.
Well, then I broke up with her. I don't know why. Frankly, whatever reasons I gave her were bullshit.
I think I just didn't want a girlfriend. But I couldn't tell at the time what I wanted, because I got the
urge after breaking up to try and get back together. I wasn't the best boyfriend, in fact, by my
standards I was terrible. I would constantly deny wanting to go over to her house, and I never really
tried to get us together that much. So I wanted to change that, rationalizing that I broke up with her
because my own mentality was telling me that we weren't compatible.
Frankly, I don't even know if we are or not. Compatibility is hard to define for me, but that's beside the point.
But needless to say, I got her to go out with me again. But I still had doubts. And here I am, again,
wanting to break up. But now I'm sure of why.
I don't think I want a girlfriend now. The issue is, I don't want to put her through that a second time.
Especially since I poured my heart out to her about how I wanted to try and improve things.
I mean, I loathe the idea of even going to her house. It's so boring and being with her feels shallow. We don't talk about anything, because I got tired of just mouthing around while she just sat and listened. I get no emotional response from her ever. Only when her heart is about to be broken. She's also a freeloader; her sister and mom have a job, she's just sitting around during the summer borrowing money from her mother and trying to get everyone to take her everywhere. I tried to get her to get a job, but she just sort of didn't seem to care. I can't drive (something I'm working on) so I feel really helpless to help motivate her. I think she wants to get out and be more self-sufficient, but she has no regrets being a bum either. I can't read her because she never communicates with me. And whenever I do go over the edge a little and tell her these things, she just gets silent and tries to change the subject to cats.
I guess I want to help, but can't, because my own life is a bit messy too. And it's frustrating when she has no motivation.
So I don't know what I should do. I want to break up and deal with relationships in the future, but it feels odd to do it. I'm not sure if it's
the right thing to do. Am I wrong for wanting to break up? I'm not doing it to meet another girl, I think
that I just can't handle a girlfriend with college and trying to get my life established, especially one
who just wants me to sit around with her all day, every day.
I feel like the answer is obvious, but I always enjoy the opinions of others.
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Need your general info such as age, plans for future and how long you've been together.
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On June 25 2010 07:57 kidd wrote:
Need your general info such as age, plans for future and how long you've been together.
Oh, yeah yeah...
I'm 19, going to be a junior in college working on a Computer Science bachelor's, and my plans for the future are to get into some internships my junior and senior year for software engineering jobs. If those don't pan out, I may do IT for awhile.
We've been together for about...oh, 2 months now, since we got back together. Before it was about 8. I don't count the high school years of awkwardness. She's only a year older than I, with absolutely no plans that I'm aware of, only that she's working for an art degree. I've asked her what her goal was, and I got some pretty general answers like concept art or graphic novels.
On June 25 2010 07:59 Flaccid wrote:
Go read a vampire novel.
Any good ones? Ones that don't involve guys staring at girls while they sleep?
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Did you ask her what she thinks about your relationship?
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On June 25 2010 08:04 Lucumo wrote:
Did you ask her what she thinks about your relationship?
I was planning on asking her that question tonight, as we had planned to do a little chat, but I want it to be more of an actual talk about us than a chat on what we did.
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On June 25 2010 07:50 RageOverdose wrote:
I think that I just can't handle a girlfriend with college and trying to get my life established, especially one who just wants me to sit around with her all day, every day.
Take care of yourself first and foremost. By the sounds of things, you're in a position that you don't want to be in. You may have to totally screw things up emotionally for her since if you break up, it'll be the second time. But your well being is more important than hers.
I know you mentioned she tries to change the subject to cats or whatever when stuff happens, but try to be honest with her? Let her know that you've got too much on your plate right now to handle a relationship. Tell her that you need to break up or take a break for the time being while you get your stuff in order. If she's a reasonable person (and hopefully you're aiming for that in a girlfriend) she'll understand that you're trying to take care of yourself.
Best of luck.
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I think it is pretty impossible to be in a healthy relationship at your age if you don't even drive unless you live within walking distance of your girlfriend. It probably is the source of why you are so bored with her, I mean what can you guys do without a car.
You are also under 21 so that rules out going out for drinks and general night life besides going to parties with friends (which you couldn't even drive to anyway). The obvious choice is to not be in a relationship until you are more on your feet so to speak. Go through school, get a decent job, buy a car and then you can make some time to meet some girls. It really sucks being under 21.
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This is the first time that I heard about how the guy talks way more than the girl. How do you call this a relationship when communication isn't both ways? If she cares so little, you shouldn't care too much either. You wouldn't feel as bad focusing on you own life and your college; however, the end result will likely be you guys breaking up. Another way would be, hammer down what her issues are (I'm assuming there will be lots), then you can decide if you can live with them. But remember, you can't change/help someone who doesn't want to change/be helped.
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On June 25 2010 08:10 kidd wrote:
I think it is pretty impossible to be in a healthy relationship at your age if you don't even drive unless you live within walking distance of your girlfriend. It probably is the source of why you are so bored with her, I mean what can you guys do without a car.
You are also under 21 so that rules out going out for drinks and general night life besides going to parties with friends (which you couldn't even drive to anyway). The obvious choice is to not be in a relationship until you are more on your feet so to speak. Go through school, get a decent job, buy a car and then you can make some time to meet some girls. It really sucks being under 21.
I just still feel bad. I hate hurting people, but I know I have to sometimes.
I mean, part of this is my fault too, why I'm bored and all, but breaking up with her feels like I'm saying there's something wrong with her. And yeah, she's not perfect, but it's not that it's her as much as it is that it just doesn't work in my life to be in a relationship, and that there's not much she has going on with her that's going to motivate me to stay.
That's probably all I need then, eh?
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Why don't you tell her that you feel that you're getting no emotional response from her? Maybe she'll change. You know, girls are easier to change then guys are, Not true for every instance but on average, it's true.
Edit: In addition, you should always talk to your girlfriend when your having doubts about your relationship. That way,no one gets left in the dark.
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That means you're not really "in love"
You have no emotional attachment to her of any sort...
+ Show Spoiler +Half joking though: maybe you're gay?
Anyways, break up before you take it further and hurt her more
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its sounds like your poetically trying to explain that she's not putting out and then trying to explain even MORE euphemistically why you broke up with her solely for that reason
really your blog is a whole lot of empty words with no real info on what's goin on, so I don't know what kind of help ur expecting to get with an op that vague.
stop forcing drama on yourself, you're a teenager. go to parties, make out with random girls, play video games. you're trying to give your life some kind of flavor with this meaningless petty drama.
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classic hit it and quit it scenario.
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It's pretty obvious that you're just not that into her... there's no point in continuing in this relationship if you're not interested, it just becomes a burden to you. Don't try and work her up into getting an "emotional response" by breaking up with her and getting back together, that's not going to ever improve your situation. Try and talk things out with her if you want to stay with her, but otherwise become FWBs (Friends With Benefits) or just break up for good.
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Boring people are boring I heard.
19 isn't an age to settle down and if you find someone as soul crushingly boring as you've made out, I doubt it's a bad idea to break up with them.
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maybe u guys should fine common interest (BW maybe)
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If you're not into it, then get the hell out, because the longer you stay in a relationship you're not even interested in, the opportunities you'll be passing up. You don't need some "valid" reason to end a relationship, regardless of what some women think: you're not into it, and that's the bottom line. You'd be doing both of you guys a favor in the long run. Don't be that guy that drags this shit out. Also, you're 19. It's a good thing you're not into seriousness hoo-hah.
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I think you're pretty mean for hurting this girl haha, and it looks like you might do it again... it also seems like she's a total waste of time. I'd say either keep trying to help out her and maybe she'll get her shit straighten out, but if not, then just break up with her and tell her that you have tried and tried to help her but she just refused to receive it.
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instantly thought of
if you havin girl problems i feel bad for you son
i got 99 problems but a bitch aint one
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EPT
