|
So, interesting title for some I will assume. I guess the reason i'm blogging this is because it's a part of my life i'm not particularly proud of but have never really trusted anyone else to tell about because after growing up and actually getting into real dating it seems like a mistake and almost funny that I went through so much for some girl half way across the country. Lame. Also I'm very curious if anyone else has done this, although I knew several people who had done it and I know it happens A LOT on WoW (never played I'm not that pathetic ;]) I was just curious if the hardcore melee players of TeamLiquid have been lonely enough to date on a video game. Ugh, that looks pathetic reading it in a line.
I'll just say, I've been through a lot from skin cancer at an early age, being brought up in a horrible family, and a few disorders, and of course being bullied all through at school caused me to feel lonely and I had a need to find friendship. I found starcraft instead and through the vast starcraft community I made an immense amount of friends I had never had before. It was pwnage. Also, I had nothing better to do and I played more then most of them and being better at people even if its just a video game is a great self-esteem booster.
I played for about 4 years and this whole time I had been friends with a girl, she soon became my best friend because like me she was harassed in school and didn't have a very good social life outside of the Starcraft community. That was ok we found each other and realized that friendship outside of 'real life' was just as good if not better. We played every night for 4-8 hours with each other which at the time seemed pretty sweet to me and obviously as a lonely boy I began to belive that she was perfect and I needed her. She felt the same and thus we tried to figure out how to build a relationship out of a starcraft friendship. Keep in mind at this time she was a freshman in college and I was a senior in high school. We texted, called, played A LOT of starcraft and honestly I felt stronger for her then I had for anyone else at the time. We started sending each other gifts, mail, anything just to make each other smile and keep in touch. Around this time i was in a band that was starting to get pretty successful, we did a Texas tour that summer and we were planning on going out farther then that in the fall which would mean we could meet. Everything seemed like it was going great. (Just to be clear we had already exchanged pictures and were very aware of what the other person looked like, and this isn't about how she ended up being a guy pretending to be a girl story so if your waiting for that plot twist stop reading.)
That summer was great, I toured Texas, made a crazy good deal of money and we talked on the phone every night. I felt great but as soon as I got back home and to the reality of my family things started to fall apart. You see, my family relationships have always been poor at best. My mom, although an incredibly nice woman, is extremely easy to manipulate and a high school drop out. And my dad.. is abusive. Enough said. The only reason I had put up with his behavior and not gotten police involved is because he has an incredibly high paying job and he promised to pay for college. I believed him. Long story short he lied. And with the economy the way it was recently lost all his money in stocks. He became drunk and even angrier. I couldn't deal with it, sold my guitar and all my other musical equipment. Got an apartment with a friend and started working two jobs. I could hardly find time for this girl anymore, but she was still there for me. She was perfect and really helped me through this time. I still played some sc with her at nights because although i didn't describe in great detail just how bad my family life was, it had left me extremely depressed and I had developed insomnia at this time. I felt horrible nearly all the time and I was working to much to go to school not to mention most of my money was spent on bills and food.
I had always hoped things would get better but then I learned.. Life is a bitch :D (see I can laugh about my past now). I started using some of my excess money towards therapy because I was just extremely unhappy and I only had one person to vent to and I felt it wasn't enough. After 3 sessions I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder from the ordeals with my father, and manic depressive disorder. All of which made me feel lonely and excluded from society and made me NEED someone to help me with it. Of course, since I had told this girl everything up to this point I found no reason to hide this but boy was that a mistake. I should've known not to. What kind of girl want's to date someone who's Bi-Polar am I right? Needless to say it was ended a few days later because.. she couldn't stand the distance. Which is bullshit. She knew I would be spending most of the summer up there with money I had been saving up. (Just to give you a sense of time it was now Decemberish and She was a sophomore in college.) She couldn't deal with my diagnosis. Pathetic. She had gone through a lot too in her life like I had, and I had always been supportive and helpful.
The next few weeks were very hard for me because I was very dependent on this girl and thought I was in love at the time. Not to mention every few weeks she would be calling me or texting me and saying that she's sorry and she still has feelings for me and hoped that we could work it out and then always change her mind. It began to feel more and more like she was just playing games with me for fun. However after being diagnosed with manic depression I was immediately put on medication and around this time I was finally starting to have some clarity in my world. I could think and feel things like regular people and I was starting to be able to put this whole ordeal in perspective. I eventually blocked her from my phone and ceased talking to her because I realized I didn't NEED that kind of abuse in my life anymore and I was finally able to break out of my social shell that had enclosed me into my seclusive nature. I began making friends, joined a flag football team which was incredibly fun, and eventually dated again, but this time knowing that I don't NEED anyone and I can rely on myself to be happy.
That's basically my long story summarized. And I guess i'm curious if anyone else has any stories like this to discuss or if the inevitable trolling and flaming is about to ensue because yes I dated a girl online.
 
|
wow...your life was horrible (not the girl part, but family part)  I'm glad that you managed to turn everything around for the best! :D
5*!
|
I think you mistake TL for other, non-amazing forums when you expect to be flamed for a blog like this. (Although trolled... maybe)
I haven't had any experiences specifically similar to the one you're sharing, but I think most guys here will have gone through the process of being infatuated with some girl and realizing that it wasn't worth it at all. And you were able to break out of that shell despite your overall introverted lifestyle up until that point, so it's definitely a move in the right direction. Congrats man, the internets are cool but real life can be the shit too  .
|
5* definitely. Well written and you were very down to earth and honest with your writing. I enjoyed the story a lot.
Also, no matter what people say, I think you're a great person. Because despite everything that happened to you, all the things you couldn't control, you never gave up. You got help for yourself and worked your way out of a horrible situation.
|
dang what a twist in the end! hope u life gets better for you =)
|
any dating through whatever media you can find outthere is just great!!  As long as its not a criminal activity you are dating through. Its just ... only few girls are playing starcraft, so consider yourself lucky on that part 
|
Hey man. It takes a lot of balls to post a story like this, it really does. Even online where anonymity is rampant and people don't care what they say, stuff like this still hits home. Sorry about everything you've had to deal with, there are definitely other fish in the sea like I'm sure you've figured out by now .
I'd just like to mention as a musician myself, I always want to push all my friends with like interests to keep pursuing music man. I know the story isn't centered around the music, but if you love it keep going!
I have a pretty similiar story when I was WAY younger like 10 or 11 lol...but it would just be a giant wall of text for this blog
|
To me your resentment towards her seem slightly misplaced. Of the people in your life, she did not seem to be the one causing your problems, rather being someone of great value to you for an extended period of time. I get that it must have been disappointing when she failed the "my boyfriend suddenly gets diagnosed with a mental disorder and I am supposed to cope with it just fine" relationship test, but not everyone is able to handle things like that. Insert stereotypical suggestion about cherishing the good parts (Starcraft), instead of focusing on the negative (Afraid of mental disorders).
|
Netherlands4519 Posts
Good read, I actually went through something similar with a girl online (it actually went on for about 3 years, we called each other multiple times a day, and met a lot of times), and the feeling you have when you lose someone that is halfway across the world is very real...but only because you have made yourself believe you are in love, like you said. I will never start anything 'serious' with anyone I can't see more than once every 3-4 months, ever again. You don't need anyone but yourself to feel good, and you especially do not need someone that you barely ever met face to face.
It took a while but I got over her and ended up feeling much better and revitalized my social life completly. Real friends/relationships are the only ones that really count. Online relationships/friendships can be great but they can end any second the other person decides you are not worth their time anymore or visa verca, whatever the reasons might be. Not worth investing into emotionally.
|
I had the complete opposite story in life and I'll post it if you want me to. I just don't want to come off as elitist or anything. I know I'm just lucky and I thank the random number generator for that every day.
|
I'm a new poster so.. I don't know how to do the fancy respond to posts and quoting but, to Grend, from my point of view it was extremely upsetting. I felt like all my problems weren't exactly my faults and I truly felt that through therapy and help I would become a much stronger person and be much more normal and that our relationship would be exponentially stronger and I was so excited, but she wasn't. I just feel like she gave up and although I probably shouldn't have expected it to be that way I did and it was extremely painful at the time.
And to ret, although long distance dating is extremely tough, I still found certain aspects of it so remarkable and I wouldn't put it out of the question again because I feel like being forced to talk so long on the phone really makes you open up and learn more about someone and gives you a reason to keep it up.
Also thanks to everyone who responded. I absolutely love the TL community you guys are incredible :D
|
FREEAGLELAND26782 Posts
Very good read, I'm glad of the positive path the ending took. May you be successful in all your future endeavors, female-related or not.
5/5
|
Nice read my man. I definitely see some similarities in my past in there (the long distance dating being the main thing) but i'm very glad it all worked out in the end. I can only hope life gets better for you. 5/5
|
I can relate to a lot in your post. Family issues that originate from the father, trying to deal with everyday life and help the family out while talking a lot with some girl online. It's hard to admit to yourself that this person who you think you share a lot with isn't being sincere. I spent several months at a time not talking to her because I couldn't really wrap my head around what the hell she was after. I honestly still don't know. I've changed my number and ended all contact with her. Though I have relapsed before and called her up, it's now been eight months since we last talked.
I think the girl in your story really shouldn't dismiss you based on your condition. It's your history and you shouldn't have to be ashamed of it, no matter what she thinks. Sounds like she doesn't know much about the world. Perhaps when she matures she'll come around. Best of luck to you and your family.
|
|
|
Good job for staying in there, sparkyrabbit. I had slowly worsening clinical depression for like 8 months before I got on medication. For like half of that I'd cry myself to sleep. I'm glad that I don't remember how it feels, because I remember that it felt just so terrible that no one could relate but those in a similar situation at the same time. Thankfully I have recovered, although it has been a bit of journey in itself to relearn social skills and reflect on who I am and what I want to do.
|
I especially got traumatized when this girl wanted to talk to me on vent and her voice turned out incredibly manly... needless to say I said lets keep it to chatcraft lol.
LOL that post made me laugh.
Perhaps when she matures she'll come around. Best of luck to you and your family.
I hope she does mature, but I couldn't ever see myself with her again. I've gained to much perspective.
And I've severed ties with most of my family. Sadly it was for the best.
Oh and I figured out quotes. And I definitely I feel quite a bit better to have written all of that down.
|
I had slowly worsening clinical depression for like 8 months before I got on medication. For like half of that I'd cry myself to sleep.
I remember that feeling and I'm sorry you went through that too, but i'm glad you recovered 
|
Good read...
made me sad to think the things you had to go through though D:
|
I hope she does mature, but I couldn't ever see myself with her again. I've gained to much perspective.
Once you have self-confidence you'll notice there are a LOT of women in the world. I think this choice is for the best
|
wow this was an awesome blog lol5/5
|
good read, happy to see you took the wheel after so much shit
5/5 and i hope the best for you
|
I've actually dated 2 girls through SC. Still talk to both to this very day. I'm inspired by your blog and may actually talk about it now. good read!
|
I'm glad to have read your post, and I think that there isn't anything shameful about what you have done. To cope with our environments we must always seek a solution that works for us, and if that is internet friendships I see no fault. I'm glad that when it stopped working for you, and she was no longer being a good friend you ended it. You need to be strong with your own decisions, and live for yourself, so I think you've done this.
Personally, I have never dated anyone online, but I have been friends with people who did. One of these friends in particular was dating someone I knew was a dickhead and a dirtbag who was taking advantage of her loneliness and abusive home, and was absolutely not good for her. She needed to set goals for herself in her physical world, but she kept running from responsibilities and he kept her from living good life for a long time. He abused her feelings to make her feel like she owed him a lot. It was very stressful for myself, because she was someone I talked to a lot and I didn't want her to waste her life. After awhile I decided that I wasn't helping her by being someone for her to complain to, and that if she had issues, she needed to go to the source. She was being so consumed and controlled by this guy anyway, that she didn't act like a friend should. I'm not one to give up on people frivolously, so it hurt a lot when I didn't know if I was just throwing her to the mercy of evil or not. The way it turned out, she eventually found out, some 6 months later, that this guy was dating several different girls over the internet at once. Thankfully that was the end for her. They called each other on the cell every day. I actually talked to another person who was dating him, and still had feelings for him even though she knew she was part of a group of people he was using. That girl was a stranger though, so I didnt trust her or have much sympathy to give her. She seemed to hint at wanting to date me, but an internet girlfriend is something I can never do. Not a hard decision anyway, when the premesis of a relationship is to save someone from an asshole... just be single for awhile =/
Anyway, I don't think that was a very interesting story. But the girl I talked to finally started getting herself together... she'd dropped out of high school and had basically wasted too much time dicking around on the internet to get a GED, but at least now she has a job and is meeting people in person. I think it's good for her, even if it's obvious she's paying the consequences of her naive youth. I'm hardly in touch with her, partly because of her being too poor for internet, and partly because of betrayals in our past. Bygones, and forgiven... but not a part of each other's lives anymore.
For myself though, I still need someone to express my life to, so I have what basically amounts to a pen pal. Regular emails about whatever's going on, which helps to keep me sane since the friends I have are generally too popular for their own good, meaning I have company only once in awhile.
I want to say again, I'm proud of you for getting away from this girl. Loyalty is something I really value, but it has to go both ways. Don't waste your time with people who aren't prepared to be by your side in a sad time.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
